Grey

NFBC Main Event Recap: Donkey And I Dressed Up Like Twins And Drafted None

April 6, 2022 | Our Leagues | 251 Comments

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Cougs saw a picture of Donkey Teeth and I at the Vegas NFBC Main Event and said, “You look like the movie Twins.” I smiled, then, after thinking about it for 20 minutes realized something, and texted my wife back, “Are you saying I’m Danny DeVito?” Then I saw the elipsis that she was texting, but those dots disappeared, and I never heard from her again. She now lives with Donkey Teeth.

So, had a great time in Vegas drafting this team, even if it was slightly uncomfortable having Donkey’s hand up my butt moving my mouth. More like Ventriloquist Teeth! For those not in the know about the NFBC Main Event. It’s a 15-team, 30-round mixed league draft. No IL spots, and weekly waivers. It’s a snake draft with a weekly FAAB. It also costs $1700 to enter, but the winner gets, like, $170,000 or something. Honestly, wasn’t doing it for the money. I was doing it so Donkey’s hand would be up my butt. Anyway, here’s our Main Event NFBC draft and recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Jay

2022 Razzball Fantasy Baseball Staff Picks

April 5, 2022 | 2022 Fantasy Baseball | 8 Comments

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Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball! Now with less social distancing! Maybe. Hey hey, you’re too close man, too close! So, despite the pandemic, here we are with another year of staff picks because staff picks and pandemics go together amazingly well. I mean, have you seen the roll we’ve been on the last few years? Covid and us are like this man. And talking about rolling… it’s how residents in Indiana get down a hill, or so I’ve heard. Technically I’ve never been there since I only like visiting places that have paved roads and not Duke. Another fun fact! Did you know that despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended take on every single player in the MLB? I mean, what would you have us do, write more? Crazy! And so we have this quick-and-easy presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community, a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we all feel about the upcoming season.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2022 Razzball Picks! (Be sure to share yours in the comments section!) And be sure to add exclamation marks, we have a quota to fill people!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Mariners Jam A Pearl Into Their OF With J-Rod

April 5, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 306 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”984077″ player=”13959″ title=”RZBL%20BSH%20Week1″ duration=”174″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2022-04-01″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/984077_th_1648779641.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/984077.mp4″]

Julio Rodriguez has made the Mariners’ Opening Day roster and I’m giving the longest “yeah boi” in history. Due to the longest “yeah boi” in history, I’m feeling lightheaded. Oh my God, I’m floating like Charlie and Grandpa Joe after they had too much fizzy, lifting drink. Is Cougs pumping my office full of helium? I’ve never felt happiness like this before. Not without dreaming of wearing a costume to make me look like a dumbbell and have Giancarlo curl me. This is…happiness, isn’t it? Have I broken free from reality? This is real, right? I’ve checked fifteen different sources, and it’s really real. I think. So, already gave you a Julio Rodriguez fantasy but listen to what Grey “Dumb B*tch” Albright said there, “Kelenic was up mid-May and that seems as good a bet as any. So, the M’s make a serious push to have all three of them (Kelenic, Haniger and Jul-Rod) in the outfield by May 15th. That feels aggressive, but no one calls him July — it’s Juli, if anything.” They’ve seen added Jesse Winker, and now Jul-Rod! My God, it’s wonderful. Julio Rodriguez or Bobby Witt Jr.? It’s not clearcut. This is giving me a heart attack. How did I not draft him in one single league? Am I mentally dumb? What is wrong with me?! I re-ranked Julio Rodriguez in the top 40 outfielders, and moved him way up in the top 500. He’s still behind Witt, but if Jul-Rod outperformed him it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Oh, and Rest in Waivers to Kyle Lewis. He was moved way down in the top 100 outfielders. Now, excuse me, as I return to my “yeah boi.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
everywhereblair

Contingency Exegesis: Your Pitchers are Hurt

April 4, 2022 | 2022 Fantasy Baseball | 23 Comments

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All right, here’s the actual title: Contingency Exegesis, or How I Learned to Love the Fact that Jacob deGrom is Already Hurt. No, nononnono, I don’t mean it like, I like that he’s hurt. Rather, it’s the kind of mindset that I now get to enter where I consider the other 1,000 other possibilities that I didn’t take in the draft that I love. I didn’t draft deGrom [goes and checks Fantrax] anywhere this year. Or Max Scherzer. Of course I didn’t — I either got Corbin Burnes in round 1 and then waited until round 972 for SP2, or I got Shane Bieber in round 4 and then got Kevin Gausman in round 7. In the cosmic scheme of things, these are all just happenstance draft decisions. There are trillions of ways you could draft a roster. You could draft a fantasy baseball every minute from now until the sun goes black and still not draft the same team [stares at all those hypothetical drafts with Seiya Suzuki in the 1.01]. Regardless of how much I behave like Carl Sagan, us fantasy baseballers down here on this pale blue dot are basically done with draft season. A bunch of you are already in the black hole of fantasy sports because you chose Jacob deGrom as your SP1 (and if you drafted him as your SP2, you’re clearly reading this website for the sexy Greinke images and not the articles). So! Let’s talk about what to do when the inevitable happens: your favorite pitcher gets hurt. Or the sun goes black. One of those things will happen below. Don’t hold me to a high standard. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Sean Diego, Manaeafornia

April 4, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 325 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”984077″ player=”13959″ title=”RZBL%20BSH%20Week1″ duration=”174″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2022-04-01″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/984077_th_1648779641.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/984077.mp4″]

So, Sean Manaea and the A’s are both heading south. Manaea to the Padres, and the A’s metaphorically, as they trade away one of their last pieces. Frankie Montas walking around the A’s clubhouse like that Will Smith meme. No, the other one. No, not that one. No, he’s not smacking anyone. The one where he’s by himself. The long-awaited sequel, No Moneyball, being directed by Werner Herzog, and it’s a grizzly bear mauling teddy bears dressed in A’s jerseys. Any hoo! I’ve loved Sean Manaea for a long time now, writing a Sean Manaea sleeper, and nothing changes on any of that. With the humidor in Petco, and lack of three miles of foul territory, Manaea’s ratios might take a hit, while his Wins get a boost. We’ll have to see if this is the Manaecea the Padres need. Pun points! Okay, the top 40 starters were updated. The top 100 for 2022 fantasy baseball, and the top 500 for 2022 fantasy baseball. Haven’t moved Mike Clevinger yet, but it sounds like he’s starting the year on the IL with knee soreness. He was never throwing a full season, nor Nick Martinez, so I’m slow-playing what to do with them for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?