Nick Williams was a popular preseason breakout target.  Or tar-jay, if a soccer mom is reading.  Targot, if you just returned from Target.  Targo, if you’re eating escargot after going to Target.  Tarshouldget, if Target doesn’t carry your size.  Tarheel, if you stepped into tar then into Target.  Tarnishes, obviously means your Target carries knishes, so you must be in Brooklyn, and it’s ironic.  Tarte tatin, you’re wearing a hat made of slow roasted apples on your head in a Target.  Whatever Target applies, wanna know why Williams was a popular preseason pick?  C’mon, sit on my lap and I’ll tell ya.  Metaphorically!  Get off my lap, you weirdo!  *sprays Lysol on legs* Really wish you didn’t touch my legs.  So, Nick Williams had 15 HRs, 5 SBs and a .280 average in his last year of Triple-A, in only 78 games (!).  He’s still only 24 years old.  I know, he failed to live up to hype last year.  OR DID HE?!  Ooh, you heard of reversible umbrellas?  That was a reversal question.  Not similar at all.  He only played in 83 games last year, a sloppy prorater would say he could’ve had 24 homers last year and hit .288.  Maybe he doesn’t fully break out until next year (yes, he will be a sleeper), but he’s been hot in the last week, and on pace for another 24-homer season and has lowered his Ks.  Plus, you don’t need to go to Target to buy him!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Austin Hedges – Nothing tastes as good as a catcher you can grab off waivers that can hit 15+ homers in half of a season.  Hedges isn’t that guy.  That’s Gary Sanchez if he was dropped in your league for some unknown reason.  Ishy Hedges hits 8 HR, .208 and is hurt at least three times.  Ishy, which means ‘maybe’ in my language, Greyglish, which doesn’t mean Grey-g-maybe.  Ish and ishy are two separate words!  Ugh, why do you make Greyglish so confusing?

Niko Goodrum – Bacardi and pineapple juice and ice and, yo, Niko Daqs!

Wilmer Flores – *sniffs* “I’m so happy I could cry.”  That’s Wilmer finishing his third viewing of his favorite long distance commercial.

Rougned Odor – We’ve had some great times together over the last few weeks and I’m glad we got back together.  *sees Odor backing up a U-Haul with his belongings to my fantasy team*  Um, can we take this a little slower?

Kolten Wong – For those reading this fast, I drank too much Goodrum, went in the Hedges, and now I’m crying over my odorous Wong.  That’s almost as memorable as HOMES for the Great Lakes.

Maikel Franco – Between Maikel and Wong, they are the two of the hottest players in all of baseball, and may not be hot still when we exit the All-Star break, but the future is not promised to anyone, especially not Robbie Ray if he keeps taking dookies on my fantasy team.  Stop your dookie taking, Robbie Ray!  But, Maikel, right, yes, he’s been hot.

J.T. Riddle – Leave it to the Marlins to have two Jerry Tomatoes.  Yo, Marlins, you shop for players at a farmer’s market?  Why not trade for Just Apricot Happ or Garrett Richards who just pluot his arm?

Kyle Tucker – Bit surprised to see Tucker hanging around on waivers this long, and I know there’s no real reason.  People are A) Lazy B) Moved onto fantasy football already C) There’s no C.  But if I had to guess a logical reason, it’s because Tucker gives a little bit of everything vs. a lot of power or speed, so he might not take over the world in less than a few months.

Josh Reddick – Okay, for those reading fast, I drank too much Goodrum, went into those Hedges Wong-first, so what’s that?  Reddick!

Jesse Winker – If anyone has read anything about the way Riggleman keeps subbing out Winker late in games like he’s some kind of juvenile, please alert me, I’d like to read it.  Any hoo!  Winker is hitting close to .450 in the last week, and has been great going back about a month.

Stephen Piscotty – Piscotty doesn’t know!  Piscotty doesn’t know!  That he was almost this week’s lede, but about halfway through the first sentence I thought about how many times I wrote Piscotty doesn’t know! as a lede Buy and decided to put some shine on a new guy.

Steven Souza – There’s some pickups of the “these guys are hot right now” variety and others of the “he’s talented but hasn’t done crap recently” variety.  Can you guess which Souza is?  I’ll give you a hint, he hasn’t done crap this year.

Will Smith – Nice thing that’s happened a few times this year with SAGNOF.  Managers didn’t just go with the 8th inning man when someone better was lurking in the bullpen.  Rondon, Smith, and Dominguez from this post alone are examples.

Hector Rondon – With Giles sent down, Rondon should be the primary closer–Joking, in that not funny joking way.  Rondon’s been the closer.  I don’t know why you owned Giles for the last six weeks, but I’ve been writing Rondon is the closer for about that long.

Victor Arano – Besides Arano, also getting saves in Philly, might be their actual closer, Seranthony Dominguez.  Why doesn’t Kapler keep this simple?  Visual Metaphor Alert!  The Philly bullpen is a giant tub of sugar water.  Gabe Kapler is a hummingbird.  You can’t see Kapler’s arms flapping towards the bullpen because they are moving so fast.

Shane Greene – Supposed to return today from the DL.  Not to repeat myself — hot schmotato, never draft a top catcher or starter, and that’s me quoting me! — but why are the Tigers not letting Greene rest for an extra three days, then the All-Star break?

Lou Trivino – On our Player Rater, if you sort by RPs (write RP in the column labeled Pos), you will see only the RPs’ ranking.  Yes, Trivino is a top ten RP even without saves.

Jeff Samardzija – I think the Stream-o-Nator might be recommending this start because it wants us to Wilmer-cry and comfort us in our time of distress, but I am starting S&!(*@%*!!)I+#{zija.

Joe Musgrove – This is another Stream-o-Nator call, like the call it makes to the radio station for them to play Air Supply’s All Out Of Love.

SELL

Lance McCullers – I’m so screwed.  I know, you don’t care about me, but I do, jerk!  And I own McCullers in a few leagues where I really need a huge 2nd half, but, sigh, his track record of full seasons is like this…*looks out a window streaked with rain at passing cars*  That’s forlorn, snitches!  Okay, want something more relatable?  Your mom just returned from the supermarket, and she screams down to the basement, “They didn’t have Cool Ranch Doritos!”  Do you understand what I am saying?  We’re screwed!  All right, maybe not.  His peripherals are still good, but I’m worried his innings will catch up to him.  I’d look at the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer for possible trades with him.  I would not sell him for the services of a criminal attorney who writes everything on the back of CVS receipts.

 
  1. Schmohawks Bob says:
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    Where’s the sell Charlie Morton blurb?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      In video

      • Schmohawks Bob says:
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        @Grey: Ahh, Missed the video. Watching it now.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Bob!

          • Schmohawks Bob says:
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            @Grey: I just got punished by the baseball gods. I accidentally subscribed to the post, so when I opened my email, I had dozens of notification of email comments in my account. It gave me a brief insight into your world. I literally don’t understand how you stay sane.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha, I can remove you, hold on

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I take that back, I don’t see the calibob email address listed as subscribed

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              If you give me the email you used I can remove it

              • Schmohawks Bob says:
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                @Grey: Thanks Grey, I was able to remove myself.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  No problem

  2. EnglishMetsFan says:
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    …but I would explore options.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha

  3. Barney says:
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    Hey there – NL-ONLY keeper strategy –

    I’m officially playing for next season in a 12 team NL-ONLY 5×5 keeper lg (we keep 4 players with no salaries)

    In examining the past 3-4 drafts in my league, I’ve noticed how thin and unreliable the pitching is that makes it into the draft pool. With that said, I’m curious as to whether it would make more sense to have 2 elite aces and build my offense in the draft and focus on pitching later in draft.

    My keepers are currently

    Nolan Arenado
    Ozzie Albies
    Max Scherzer
    Paul Goldschmidt

    Would it make sense to move Goldschmidt for Nola? I see it this way….Nola at 25 is probably the safest NL-ONLY SP to target in a keeper lg….every other upper tier SP carries significant risk.

    Kershaw – back issues
    DeGrom – injury/Mets might trade him to AL
    Thor – same as DeGrom
    Bum – not nearly as dominant anymore

    Not to mention, all of the strong SP are kept – In this year’s draft in my league, the best SP taken in the draft were –

    Cueto, Rich Hill, Jeff Smarz, Gio Gonzalez, Godley, Jon Gray, Wacha, Teheran.

    Am I missing something? Do I move Goldy for Nola? Does having 2 Aces in hand to start the year do more for me than having Goldschmidt?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nola had PRP at one point, Nola has risk too…Every pitcher does… Goldy has been great for, what, 8 years? Nola might have 2 great years… Plus, if the Phils go deep into the playoffs, Nola suddenly throws way too many IP

  4. Slimcompoop says:
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    What’s good Grey? My starting pitching staff is INSANE (i.e., Sale, Kluber, Bauer, Berrios, Happ, Pivetta, Musgrove, and Samardzija (streamer)) and a big reason why I’m in 1st place in my 12-team, H2H, keeper league. Without you knowing anything about my hitting, I have four questions for you…

    (1) Is my starting pitching staff good enough to trade away Kluber and still be dominant?
    (2) Is Kluber for Just Dong a fair trade?
    (3) There isn’t a third question
    (4) What other OF’s could I target with Kluber?

    Happy Friday!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha “without you knowing anything” is how I want to start every question…

      1. Yes 2. Yes 4. Top 12 bat… Lindor, Jo-Ram, Betts, etc

      • Slimcompoop says:
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        @Grey: Without you knowing anything, the opposing owner in last place in our league said “no thanks” to Kluber for J.D.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha, damn

        • batflix says:
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          @Slimcompoop: I wouldn’t give up JD for any pitcher

  5. Michael DePinto says:
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    Currently have Andrus at SS and Baez at 2B. Would you drop Andrus for either Odor, Tim Anderson or Schoop in a 10-team H2H league where average and OBP are not categories but hits and walks are instead?

    Odor has been hot since the benching and Schoop seems to have a pulse the past week or so. Andrus has been a zero but amazingly he had a good game vs Sale.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Anderson

      • Michael DePinto says:
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        @Grey: Not sure if it matters but I forgot Jorge Polanco is available as well.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Doesn’t matter

  6. Brett says:
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    With didi out does that change your mind on starting Bieber or would you still not play him?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Not really

  7. Michael DePinto says:
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    Also, would you trade any/all of these packages for either Bauer or Snell:

    Lester and Newcomb
    Lester and Flaherty
    Lester and Skaggs
    Lester and Folty

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yes, Bauer, any of them… That order

  8. J-FOH says:
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    I feel like you were saying hi to me when you wrote Tarshouldget

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      TarFOH

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: FOhget…about it!