What a ridonkulous season from Melky Cabrera.  Most of youse didn’t even draft him and here he is in September going 4-for-5 with his 18th homer, raising his average to .303 to go along with 18 steals.  As they used to say in 14th century China, “Damn, Ming.”  The spilled coffee on the saucer that then drips onto your dress shirt is I don’t trust this guy at all for next year.  18/18/.300 becomes 12/15/.275 very fast.  Ask anyone that’s drafted The Big FraGu in the past.  And 12/15/.275 is pretty much unusable in most mixed leagues.  It’s the first guy off the team when there’s a hot pickup.  So enjoy your Melk for now, but don’t throw away the non-dairy creamer.  Hmm… That sounded better in my head.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Randy Wells –  4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  If you’re new to the site, you probably have no idea when I say donkeycorn, cyclops with a monocle, Cust kayin’, Sparky Anklebiter or a whole array of other gibberish.  But, more importantly for this, you don’t know about my previous love affair with Randy Wells.  During my Blue Period, I drank nothing but blueberry milkshakes and talked of nothing but Randy Wells’s eventual turn around.  The same mood can also be found in some of my early Jeremy Guthrie posts.  Then Randy Wells started pitching well recently.  I grew excited.  Not in that way.  Then I thought about picking him up.  Luckily, I didn’t.  He’s the devil.

Logan Morrison – First game back in the lineup and he went yard for his 20th.  He filed a grievance against the Miami Marlins yesterday.  Or is it still Florida?  How can they change their name?  There’s so much history!  This grievance is because Morrison said he was disciplined without “just cause.”  Love to hear the Marlins say, “No, you were disciplined “just cause” we can.”

Hanley Ramirez – Dr. Freeze performed shoulder surgery on Hanley and he should be good to go for the 2012 season.  Will be interesting to see where he’s drafted.  Out of the gate, I’m guessing he’ll go around the 4th round and then will bump up when good news comes out of Spring Training or bump down if a setback happens.  These are the kind of things that interest me.  I can’t imagine why these things don’t interest the girls I’m talking to at a bar.

Mike Stanton – 0-for-3 as he returned from the DL.  I’m holding my hands in the shape of a heart over my actual heart.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 2/3 IP, 4ER, 13 baserunners, 1 K.  For what it’s Wuertz, I’m gonna like Chacin again next year.

B.J. Upton – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer.  I like Upton a lot.  I don’t think it’s subconsciously because of his first name.  Why don’t others like him?  Do I sound needy?

Brandon Phillips – 2-for-5, 1 RBI and his 16th homer and fourth in the last four games.  BP is doing work, son.  On a related note, the people who bought tickets for this Cubs and Reds game back in March must’ve been bummed this game meant nothing, but then they ended up seeing a good game.  September Grey is so empathic.

Chris Heisey – 2-for-5, his 17th homer and 2nd in as many games.  Too much talent on this team at the dish, I like everyone except Paul Janish.  I just freestyled that.

Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Number one reason I don’t bet on sports.  Would’ve never guessed Ogando had this bounce back start in him.

Homer Bailey – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks and 2 homers allowed.  It’s a lot of pressure dealing with an aptronym.

Mark Buehrle – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 17 baserunners(!!!), 1 K.  That was karmic retribution for the no-hitter and perfect game.

Pablo Sandoval – 4-for-4 and his 20th homer as he yelled at each pitch to get in his belly.

Kyle Weiland – 3 IP, 4 ER.  When a big game is on the line the one guy the Red Sox want on the mound is Jon Lester or maybe Josh Beckett, so they threw Weiland yesterday and he should go back to singing “Plush.”

Adrian Gonzalez – 0-for-3 with his 111th RBI.  Make a wish.  Like, maybe, don’t lose the Wild Card.

Shin-Soo Choo – Was activated then reaggravated his oblique and is done for the year.  Hey, Shin-Soo, FU.

Kyle Kendrick – 5 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I’m beginning to think I could have an under-3.50 ERA if I pitched for the Phils.

Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Whatever, Kendrick was able to get the win.  That’s what Cy Young voters look at.

Ian Desmond – 5-for-6, 3 RBIs and one run.  Without looking it up, I’m guessing this was the biggest game of his career.  Where else do you get such insight?  I ask you, where else?!

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-5, 3 runs.  He could have a breakout season next year too.  It’s all about catcher depth this week at Razzball.  Aren’t you glad the week’s over?

Tom Milone – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  First start of three where he’s looked competent.  He should compete for a rotation spot next year, but outside of very deep keepers, he’s not worth your time yet.

Jayson Werth – 0-for-5 as he talked his way into the lineup yesterday.  Here’s what Davey Johnson said, “(Werth) is getting treatment on it every day.  He had some strange looking blue tape on it (Wednesday) night.  I texted him early this morning and asked if he needed a blow….  He texted me back and said, ‘I’m fine. I felt stiff yesterday, but I feel good.'”  What on earth is going on in the Nats’ clubhouse?  Is this why Davey Johnson is so popular with his players?

  1. Tony says:

    never bet baseball grey…..the min you think you have a lock, boom, the ball goes off the 1b into right field, 3 runs score and your lock is blown…. every game is usually something like Phi +1.5.

  2. MrHappyTime says:

    Dear Grey,

    Do you believe that Desmond Jennings will get his sh*t together and help lead me to fantasy supremacy? -Thanks

  3. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:12 team 5×5….Lincoln @LAD or Volstad @WAS?

  4. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    also,12 team points league….Willingham or Francisco?

  5. Wilsonian says:

    Gotta play the hot hand and have a couple options. Do I pick up a 5th closer (I have Walden, Santos, Guerra, Betancourt) out of these guys:

    Casilla, J.Johnson, Peralta?

    Or do I pick up one of these bats to play over Konerko or Hosmer:

    Krispie, Rios, De Aza, Delmon, Dexter, D.Lee, Heisey?

    Thanks man. I’m fighting pretty hard and losing 8-6 in my money league. Really need hits and some pop, but I don’t have too many moveable parts in a small keeper.

    I appreciate all the help. Once this season is done, I owe you about 400 daiquiris.

  6. TheNewGuy says:

    Wanna put a claim on A Jones to improve my OF for the stretch run. Who should I cut: Utley/Weeks/Kipnis. Utley’s been yawnstipating all year tbh, could it be him? Need HRs + RBIs.

  7. Matt says:

    I’m leading my league but am in innings hell. I need W’s and K’s and have both Worley vs St Louis tonight & Bumgardner @ Colorado. Which should I start if any and feel comfortable with?

    Also Saves are a tight race for me also, and I have Farnsworth on my bench. Do you think he will be back this season as closer or can I feel comfortable dropping him and not having him hurt me later on?

    Thanks for your help this season.

  8. MrHappyTime says:

    Paulino, Capuano, or Locke today??

  9. Eng says:

    I was only able to get to the Randy Wells piece which had me choking on my espresso. Top notch stuff!

  10. Eng says:

    It was the collage of your nutty sayings that got me. My oh my I need a cup of water.

  11. Slam says:

    Kelly Johnson, Raburn or Espinosa? It feels like Kelbro has been raw dogging me all year, other than his honeymoon period in Toronto.

    Also, looks like Gardner might be going back to platooning against lefties- who do you like for the days he’s out – Delmon Young, David Murphy, or Willingham? Thanks man.

  12. Racehorse says:


    Looking ahead to 2012 (and in the dynasty sense), please rank the following…

    Charlie Blackmon
    Todd Frazier
    David Freese
    Eduardo Nunez
    Chris Davis

    Also, for 2012, Jonathan Sanchez or Jorge de La Rosa?


  13. Pistol Pete says:

    No love for McCarthy? Guy was dominant against the hottest team in baseball. Best waiver ad I had all year. Clutch!!!

  14. niffoc says:

    Not sure you’re doing Wells justice there. I have him in my NL-Only league (benched this week), but he has largely been solid for the Cubs over the last month or two. The Reds are a tough lineup so he should have been on the bench, as he is still hittable.

  15. MackeySasser says:

    Dynasty league, 14 teams.

    What do you think of Martin for Tex in 2012?

    Worth dropping Carp, Delgado, or Morrison for?

  16. Hey it’s hockey DC, how come I don’t get my avatar on the baseball site? I need to feel important!!

    Anyway that Ian Desmond game had me pulling my hair out yesterday. I’m in my H2H championship and the guy I’m playing inexplicably has been holding onto Ian Desmond all year.. And of course with the short schedule yesterday guess who he had in his UTIL spot?! I HATE the fantasy playoffs!!

  17. SpecialFNK says:

    Wandy Rodriguez today in Chicago (vs Matt Garza)
    start. yes or no?

  18. B.o.B. says:

    1. Jennings, Pagan, Delmon Young or Beltran?

    2. Lewis @ Sea, Pomeranz vs. SF, Gomez @ Minn, Porcello @ Oak…can you rank please?

    3. Utley have any value rest of the way?

    Thanks Grey!

  19. Will says:

    Playoff time. Who is the safest bet to get me Ks and a Win tomorrow?

    Volstad @ Washington
    LeBlanc vs SD
    Zach Stewart @ KC
    Swarzak vs. Cle

    A bunch of bleh options.


    …and Shin Soo Choo is getting a lump of coal for X-Mas.

  20. Mzyptlk says:

    Need saves-Casilla, Holland, Parnell, Peralta?

  21. Matt says:

    No on Farnsworth as far as being back as closer or no to dropping him?

  22. Beaufort says:

    No Tulo, No Cargo.
    Quiet Colorado.
    Stauffer is GoGo?
    I wanna win, yo.

  23. Beaufort says:

    Edit, Stauffer for Ari, and MadBum for Colorado…
    Stupid prose.

  24. Wake Up says:

    I think you only like Upton because you have never owned him…he’s a H.J. at best and that’s with no lotion…

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