Kevin Kiermaier might be my first sleeper of the 2017 fantasy baseball season. The funny thing (completely and irrefutably not funny) is with fantasy football starting, fantasy basketball getting underway (don’t worry, I won’t clickbait you to death) and fantasy teams just falling out of contention, players that do well in September are often forgotten by next March even though they’re performing in the month closest to the next preseason. (Guys and five girl readers, if anyone says I don’t know the calendar, you tell them that is just inaccurate. Grey knows the calendar very well. Happy July 4th!) Kiermaier has that potent mix that I crave so much. No, not Russian dressing and relish, though that is delicious. Your secret is safe with me, sauce! Instead, I’m talking about a power and speed combo. For 2017, it seems entirely possible that he gets to 25+ HRs and 30+ steals. He’s only played in 91 games this year for 12 HRs, 18 SBs, and has a repeatable HR/FB%. In fact (Grey’s got more!), with his walk rate trending up and speed, his average might be more like .275 in 2017 vs. .250 this year. It’s not all yums ‘n roses with his Slash line. He could be more Dexter Fowler (14-ish HRs, 17-20 SBs) than Correa. That’s fine, because he’ll be drafted way closer, if not after Fowler. As for why to grab him now? He’s got five homers and six steals in the last ten days. DUR! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Yasmani Grandal – Exhibit A on how y’all look at name value over anything else. Yadier is owned in more leagues than Grandal. In over 30% more leagues! Yadier’s had a nice 2nd half with 5 homers, 19 RBIs and 19 runs. Grandal’s 2nd half: 13 HRs, 27 RBIs and 25 runs in 30 less at-bats. Sure, Yadier’s average is better, but you’re telling me that many people need more average? Two extra singles a week doesn’t mean that much in a world where currency is wiped out by a hacker group and you wanna go to a strip club. One last thing about ownership numbers at ESPN and why they are such a crock or suck a crotch, Anthony Rendon is owned in more leagues than Villar. I’m sorry, what now? Rendon hasn’t been bad, but Villar is the greatest of all-time and has been since April! Yes, I realize greatest of all-time and ‘since April’ don’t completely jive, but I’m gonna jive you in the eyes with my fist if you think Rendon should be owned in more leagues than Villar. I’m overheated!
Brandon Drury – I’m going to clerk with some attorneys that handle drunk driving cases and I’m going to tell the clients to just tell the judge, “I wasn’t drunk, I was saying the name Drury. ”
Jose Peraza – He’s starting to cool off, but if I needed steals, I’d still grab him. You need to be proactive. Sorry, might’ve misspelled that, I meant your acne is getting worse and you need ProActiv.
Chris Owings – Has been hitting near-.400 in the month of September and Diamondbacks’ manager Chip Hale said, “My full name is not Chipotle. Please stop asking me.”
Cesar Hernandez – Here is a video of me typing hot schmotato:
The main takeaway from this video is I have Bela Lugosi fingers.
Yulieski Gurriel – I’m still dealing with seeing my fingers for the first time. This is like when you hear your own voice. Do you think the Movie Trailer Guy doesn’t enjoy his own voice?
Joey Wendle – Go ahead, Mr. Wendle! Mr. Wendle, yeah! Lord, Mr. Wendle! If you didn’t know I was quoting Arrested Development, you’d think I was fornicating with someone named Mr. Wendle.
Jose Reyes – Did you hear how Reyes described his wife’s love for him? He said she’s head over heels.
Ryon Healy – I’d like to hear Matthew McConaughey say this guy’s name. Ryon, Ryon!
Roman Quinn – I nearly made Quinn the lede today, because I’m super jazzed about him, but I realized that it’s more for next year and he’s kinda just SAGNOF right now, so he’s Roman on the totem.
Freddy Galvis – I actually picked him up in one league yesterday. I feel dirty like my keyboard.
Corey Dickerson – He has been hot schmotato’ing around recently, but this is more of a Hitter-Tron call, like when it calls the Pep Boys and asks to speak to the ‘sexiest muffler you can find.’
Steven Souza – If you grab him, you can blow your own horn.
Nick Markakis – How can you tell there’s not much time left? When I’m telling you to pick up schmohawks like Fartkakis and throwing caution to the broke wind.
Ichiro Suzuki – So great, he only needs one name. Also, doesn’t hurt that there’s never been another player with his name.
Jeremy Hellickson – This is a Stream-o-Nator call like the call it makes to Time Warner and asks if they can hold him while he listens to hold music. So sad!
Taijuan Walker – If he didn’t look so terrific his last time out, it wouldn’t matter that the Stream-o-Nator likes his next start, but it does and he was.
Andrew Bailey – I’m reminded of the song, Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch, from The O.C. soundtrack, Music from The O.C. “In your SAGNOF, my salvation lies…”
Tyler Thornburg – Not entirely sure why he’s not owned in every league, but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s merely a coincidence a peace sign held sideways is a scissors or if there’s some deeper meaning.
Hunter Strickland – Looks to be in the lead for the Giants saves. I wonder if Bochy thought about removing Casilla back in June but it took so damn long for thoughts to travel through his big freakin’ head.
SELL
Danny Salazar – Danny’s donny! High five me! C’mon! It’s donny like done-y. Still no?
Maikel Franco – Should’ve likely been dropped about five weeks ago, which is to say this is the kick in the pants he needs to get hot. Unless he’s not wearing pants. *thinking* What exactly did my foot just kick? That wasn’t an undercooked molten lava cake, was it? Oh god!!!
Ben Zobrist – Has been hitting around .200 in the last month with two homers since the All-Star break. To quote one of his wife’s Christian songs, “Jesus paid for your sins with cash, and you repay him with an IOU? You need to go to a check cashing place and get right with the Lord.”
