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All hail his grace, Tehol of House Beddict and House Razzball, first of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of Fantasy Baseball, and Protector of the Realm.

Come, sit with me at the fire pit while we witness Grey, Lord of Light, burn another traitor at the stake. Ahhhh, I love a good BBQ, don’t you? Rudy Gamble, Warden of the Norh, is here, rambling on and on about how statistics show that gelded men are superior warriors. Oh Sky, I’m truly sorry. The theory HAD to be tested. Sending the High Sparrow, Jay Wrong, to bring you up on false charges, imprison you for 2 and ½ months, feeding you gruel, and b*tch slapping you with the ladel every time you got mouthy was a tad over the top, but hey, I’m a King, and am extremely busy. Kind of forgot you were in there. J-FOH, bring me another glass of red wine with a wildfire floater, would you? And no lip this time. I don’t want to have to feed your spleen to the direwolves. Really, J-FOH, you can be quite mouthy. RAAAAAAAAAALPH, by “the 7”, you are a right lackadaisical bastard. Were you touched by a stone man recently, or were you just sucking the pipe with Ser Smokey again? I REQUESTED my armor  removed over 20 minutes ago. Oh, imagined I’d enjoy roasting by the fire, sweating my kingly balls off, did you? Don’t make your King command Grand Maester Mike to lace your milk of the poppy with donkey urine again. That brings to mind the time my Dragon, Dom Brown, the Dread, almost choked to death on the last assassin who dared make an attempt on my life. [As always, Game of Thrones spoilers ahead!]

Enough of this poppycock; I have a story to tell thee, a story of a possible challenger to Giancarlo Stanton AKA The Mountain, as the strongest, largest warrior in all of Westeros. They say he was chosen by “the 7” themselves! A young stallion by the name of Joey Gallo, master of the wooden sword, which I hear some of the youths refer to as a bat. Gallo entered our realm on a Tuesday night, possibly altering the future of our world as we know it. He jousted with Smadge the impotent, crushing him like the Whitewalkers did the wildlings spirit along the frigid shores of Hardhome (more on this later). I have taken this behemoth into my service and I would advise all of you to IMMEDIATELY place your bets on him in all upcoming events. With my guidance, he could be one of the best we’ve ever witnessed. Now, sit back, sip some of this fine ale, and listen to my thoughts on what else has been happening in this world of fire and ice.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, Game of Thrones style! Take Heed!

“He’s prettier than both my daughters, but he knows how to fight. He’s young, but he knows how to lead. He didn’t have to come to Hardhome, he came because he needs us. And we need him.”

-Tormund to the wildlings about Jon Snow

Paul Goldschmidt reminds me of a young Jaime Lannister, you know, before his lead hand was hacked off and passed around like the village strumpet. Over the past seven days, Goldy has put up a succulent, .440 BA with 3 jacks, 11 hits, 5 RBI, and 7 walks, making my mouth water, like one of my dragons’s when they see a plump young boy, romping through the fields. For the life of me, I can’t decipher how I was able to acquire the Golden one with the 10th selection in my head-to-head league. Peasantry, pure peasantry. Goldy, your King, salutes you!

Can we really trust these Wildlings to fight with Jon Snow at the wall when the White Walkers come? And come they shall, as we received a 20 minute tease of what those zombies are capable of when they slaughtered a solid chunk of the free folk’s forces in Hardhome. How can you defeat an army of zombies when after the battle they are all brought back to life, joined by the fallen dead of the good guys? Are the Wildlings good guys? Either way, it seems the only way this battle can be won is for the Wight’s to be taken down, one by one… with only Valeryian steel or dragon glass as options to do so. That “Au Shizz” look on the Walker’s face was priceless, as Snow met the walker’s sword without being shattered like my soul after I witnessed Robb Stark snuffed out at The Red Wedding. Dude was so baffled, he was cut down as easily as a pig in a slaughterhouse. The only question is, why would the Wight’s ever get close to the real battle again? One would assume they’d be fine in just sending wave after wave of relentless zombies who seem to have kept all of their fighting skill, plus some… If only the undead where like the zombies in The Walking Dead. How lame do those seem now? Ughhh.

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“What he did took courage, and that’s what we need today, the courage to make peace with men we’ve been killing for generations.” – Tormund to the Wildlings about Jon Snow.

With 4 bombs and 9 RBI in his last 7 games played, Nolan Arenado  is hotter than Cercei’s nether regions, off a couple goblets of wine at a family reunion. Not since my days hunting stag in the north, have I witnessed such a graceful beast. Arenado handles the stick even more passionately than Ser Loras, and I for one am regretting the fact I drafted him in exactly ZERO leagues. Woe is me.

Who, in all the Seven Kingdoms, could handle Jon Snow and Tormund in an epic tag-team battle? Certainly none of the Sand snakes, which we mercilessly didn’t have to witness in this episode. I’m you sure saw Tormund crush the Lord of Bones’ head like a grape! How about Ser Jorah Mormont and Bronn? SOMEBODY SET THAT SHIZZ UP!

It’s going to be quite interesting to see the men of the Wall and the Wildlings join forces. Will they stand firm and beat back the Walkers, or will their be chaos and mutiny followed by a crushing defeat, allowing the undead army to feast on all the blood in Westeros?

“I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” – Danaerys to Tyrion.

Hector Santiago Would someone please show this man some respect?! Not even the Lord of Light could have foreseen this coming, not even if he leeched blood from my testicles. With a 2.18 ERA on the season, Santiago is dominating the opposition with the kind deft precision Ramsay Bolton deploys on his play-things. Kudos to this young man. Kudos, I say!

Ahhh, Tyrion and Khaleesi finally meet. They should make for quite the captivating pair, as two of GOT’s most enjoyable characters will now be sharing screen time for the foreseeable future. With the cunning Tyrion behind her (Not literally, though that could be hot), I’d put Danaerys in the lead for the Iron Throne at end game.

“We’re not friends. We’ve never been friends. We won’t become friends today. This isn’t about friendship, this is about survival.” – Jon Snow to the Wildlings.

Michael Pineda  In witnessing Pineda mow down Mariners like some uprising peasants, I remembered that Seattle once employed this young savant. I’ve been weeping nightly and downing gallons of milk of the poppy to ease my pain. How could WE have done such a thing? Now, Pineda hasn’t been TOTALLY lights out, as he sports a 3.33 ERA on the season, but much like Jon Snow, he’s learning to trust his instincts and is improving himself on daily basis. We’re no longer friends Michael, but I respect you.

Back to the Wildlings for a second… Is there only one giant left? Are the rest really all dead? Is Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun truly the last? Say it isn’t so! These creatures seem to be quite useful and could really help in putting a stop to the apocalypse. Say one thing for Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun, he fought courageously at Hardhome.

“Sometimes a man has to make hard choices, choices that might look wrong to others, but you know are right in the long run.” – Samwell to Olly.

Mike Wright Listen, we all loved Mike Wright for what he did in those two starts, but you’ve got to be realistic about these things… Wright’s just not that good. He’s the Orioles number 8 prospect for a reason. After two mediocre starts in a row, it’s simply time to cut bait like Cersei seemingly has done with Jaime… you know, after that bone sesh under their poisoned son’s corpse.

Now that Sam has gotten some seemingly bomb a*** nani, he’s dropping knowledge on sons. Speaking of his sexcapade, that scene was a little too drawn out for me. I had no real interest in witnessing those two create booty sweat together, nor the 10 minutes leading up to it. If we cut out scenes like that, the Sandsnakes entirely (except of the hot one), and 50 percent of Arya’s scenes, we could then devote more time to the characters we cherish. Just a thought.

“Belief is so often the death of reason.” – Qyburn to Cersei.

Christian Yelich  Yes, Yelich has hit. 333 over the past week, but little speed and even less power over the course of 2015. I believed in Yelich, so much so, I predicted he would double last season’s home run totals. For that proclamation, I’m well deserving of at least 20 lashings… Buuuuuut, I’m the King, so don’t even thing about it or I’ll look into your lifeless eyes after Ser Ilyne Payne cuts off your dome piece. I still expect Yelich to produce, but you heard Qyburn…

Good old Qyburn. Can we can an update on how his experiments on the Mountain are going? We can’t be done with that monster yet, can we? Also, can Cersei really trust this sick-minded freak? I should think not, but then again, without her, what is he? He would be cast back to the hole from which he came from faster than Tommen au jizzed during his first night with Magaery, who by the way, I hope is holding up well in her cell.

“I’ll get out of here, you realize, before long. I can make you a wealthy woman, a lady of the court. Or I can make sure you die in the most hideous way imaginable, and all I do is sit here, imagining hideous ways for you to die.”  -Cersei to Septa Uriella.

Fernando Rodney  – The Fernando Rodney experience is akin to the Sand snake experience– Can we just erase them from our memories? (Again, except for the hot, naked one. She fine as Dornish wine.) PLEASE!? This blowhard now sports a 6.85 ERA and a 1.79 WHIP. It’s safe to say, Lloyd McClendon is about to cut Rodney from the closer’s role much like Ramsay did to Theon, err, Reek’s cod piece. Mariners’ fans are feeling the same sort of rage Cersei now feels for the Sparrows, the same faith militant she armed in order to rid herself of the Tyrell’s. Whoops. You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house, eh Cersei? Eh? Carson Smith will be the Mariners closer shortly. Act accordingly.

One would have to assume that Cersei will somehow be released from her cell eventually. Though I despise her at times, The Queen mother still has my heart. I truly want to witness her reign down a slaughter upon the sparrows, that makes the red wedding look like a Disney flick. I detests these people. KILL THEM ALL! In hideous fashion! Die, die, die! Excuse me, I got a tad carried away there. I just don’t appreciate my beloved being treated in this fashion. What do you ladies and gents think happens next? I’m dying to know.

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Thank you for joining me for another edition of GOT goodness. Seriously, is there anyone, NOT watching this show? It’s the greatest show ever, period, as far as I’m concerned. As per usual, your questions and comments will be responded to below as I love hearing from all my loyal subjects, and even those of you who oppose my leadership. May the Seven bless you and your kin. Winter is here.

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.

Dedicated to the loving memory of Robert.

 
  1. RicoSuave says:
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    NICE!

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @RicoSuave: Riiiiiiiiiiiiico……Suave.

      • RicoSuave says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Great work man!
        Cheers…

  2. Clint says:
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    Hey Tehol! I asked JB about this when Jay was on the podcast but where can we find you & Jay’s podcast? It didn’t appear under Razzball last I checked on iTunes and I wanted to support you guys by downloading & listening in if I can find it, my friend.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: Hmmmm, I asked if it was on ITUNES but haven’t heard. I believe it’s under the football section of razzball tho if you’d like to check there. I’ll follow up and see why they’re not going to ITUNES

  3. Steve says:
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    To add to your disgrace list: Rubby

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve: mos def mos def. tho I was never a huge fan

  4. Greyer says:
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    Unreadable article. Less bad jokes and more content would be nice.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Greyer: I enjoyed it. Thoroughly.

    • Fungazi says:
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      @Greyer: Yeah, this the place to be for unappreciated spoilers and other lame advice.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Fungazi: lame advice? Spoilers? Stay up to date on biggest show in history. I’m not asking much. Don’t bring this peasantry on my page

  5. T Beckman says:
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    I have a question, I have Yasmani Grandal on my DL spot still and Yan Gomes as my catcher. I need to move Grandal out of the DL spot to pick somebody else up. If you had to pick one for the rest of the year who would you take? Should I drop one or drop Phil Hughes and try to trade one of them? 12 team league and I wouldn’t be keeping them

    • T Beckman says:
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      I wouldn’t keep them as a keeper I mean. @T Beckman:

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @T Beckman: I was a Gimes fan and expect him to pick it up. Feel free to dump Grandal. Either way it won’t kill you. Keeeeep puuuuushin

  6. BillieBean says:
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    Need ratios help. Want to trade for Kershaw. I know it will be expensive. Keeper league. Kershaw not keepable. Kershaw owner should play for next year. I am in first in all offensive categories. 12 team Mixed. 8 man bench. 33 man rosters. Do you think I can get Kershaw for Hosmer, A.Chapman and B. Hamilton? Should I throw in Avisail or is this where 4 quarters do not make a dollar?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @BillieBean: I would gladly give up all 4 for Kershaw. All replaceable other than a Chapman but that’s a closer. Go all in. U got this

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @BillieBean: u got it dude

  7. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Totally the pipe….

  8. Chadaristic says:
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    5×5 H2H league with QS instead of wins.

    I just traded Kluber for Jose Abreu because I’m lacking in the HR/RBI categories.

    Other starting pitchers I have are Price, Carrasco, Arietta, Syndergaard, McHugh, Alex Wood and Jose Fernandez when he returns.

    Am I crazy for making the deal?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chadaristic: not crazy at all. ABREU is about to get hotter than fresh mastodon dung. Trust me. Good move

  9. I’m still holding Alex Rios on my DL, even tho he is active. I would have to drop Carlos Gonzalez, Gregory Polanco or Carlos Correa. I’m thinking hold on Correa, so CarGo or Polanco, or drop Rios outright. I know Rios had a bad year last year & a DL already this year, but KC is good and if he shows something he will move up in the line-up. Wait a little longer to see if Rios takes off? Who is the duck, duck, goose…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @madden_curser: that’s a real tough call as both Polanco and cargo have been Dogg shizz. I’d prob drop Polanco or rios

  10. Junior says:
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    In a 10 team h2h points league I was offered Jose abreu for Stephen Vogt I currently have
    1b pujols
    C jonathon lucroy
    I have a utility spot in my league that I could slot abreu in what you guys think accept the trade

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Junior: ummmm yes like immediately

  11. Zeus says:
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    Will Dany actually listen to some sense when her advisers don’t fawn all over her?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zeus: I think so. It’s about to get real in the field . I love it

      • Zeus says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I still hate her and her pomposity.

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Zeus: I love her pomposity’s…

          • LT Murray IV

            Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Zeus: @Jay: her skin looks like it tastes like cotton candy. and Daddy has a sweet tooth

  12. Eng says:
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    Tehol, I may have read your article wrong but a heads up that Arenado has 6 bombs in his last 8 games far better than the 4 in 7 you cite. Cheers!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eng: thank u . Was just going off what espn said he had in last 7 days. Not days I guess.

  13. Jjjjjjjj says:
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    Got offered Jose Abreu for EE straight up. H2h points league. Should I pull the trigger?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jjjjjjjj: I’m not sure who EE is but I’m assuming yes u should

      • Wallpaper Paterson says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: edwin encarnacion?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Wallpaper Paterson: got to be him haha. Wow tough one. I’ll go ABREU

    • Zeus says:
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      @Jjjjjjjj: just type it out millennial. It takes a second. It’s not like a voicemail

  14. Rich says:
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    Should I trade away Harper and Rendon for Goldschmidt?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rich: no rich. No!

  15. Rich says:
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    Thanks man! Grey has me all nervous telling everyone to sell Harper

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rich: Im his biggest supporter. if straight up I would consider but Rendon about to be back. cant do it

  16. Robert says:
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    Is McCullers for real and worth having in a 10 team H2H?

  17. Hern says:
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    Two questions, Laroche or Paulson?

    Also should I drop Ian Desmond who sits my bench for Alex Guerrero? I like the fact that Guerrero is soon to be 3 position eligible.

    My other two shortstops are Tulo and Crawford if that helps. Thank you!

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hern: hard for me to drop Desmond who is notoriously slow starter for Guerrero, who will probably still be sitting at times. id drop crawford before I dropped Desmond. you are HELLA stacked at SS my dude. do you have another bum you can drop for him?

      Really intrigued with Paulson. Id probably go there.

  18. Ron says:
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    I’m in a points league and I own Harrison but looking to see if I need to make a change.

    Top 3 MI for ROS – Harrison, Phillips, Xander, DeSheilds, Travis, Kang, Prado?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ron: I think I like Harrison the best of all these guy, quite honestly. really like his game. A voice in my soul says Bogaerts finishes in that top 3 along with probably Prado or phillips

  19. JMONTE says:
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    Great post as usual Tehol, love the GOT references.

    Quick trade opinion:

    MY: King Felix / Pence / Fowler
    FOR: Trout / Hammel

    I have Rios to move into the other OF slot from DL and still roster Scherzer/Carrasco/A Wood to support the staff.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JMONTE: I think you have to do it. TROUT is that good. Thank you for kind words,my goodman

  20. Ser Barristan Selmy says:
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    Your grace, I have returned from the grave to see what you have to say about these young stallions. Placing your money in my queen’s corner is most wise.

    My belief and love for the youngest stallion, Christian Yelich, has not faded. You must spare some leech blood to remove the usurper, Ichiro Suzuki. Although he was one of the greatest, he is stealing time from Yelich the Young. I would have Yelich as my squire if I could stay among the living, but alas, I must return to the grave. Qyburn can suck it.

    Excuse me, your grace.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ser Barristan Selmy: SELMY!!!!! By the Gods, I’ve missed you, you old dog! Your wisdom has been sorely missed throughout the Kingdom and I fear we will self destruct without you there to teach, as well as filling us on the inside info on the personalities of the Kings over the past 200 years. YOU ARE OLD, SELMY! excuse me, were old. But Gods, you were a great swordsman. As was Ichiro, but as you said, his time has passed. I assume Yelich the Younger will take his spot back, permanently and Ichiro will be traded to an american league contender. maybe Seattle……Qyburn is a strange fellow, that much is certain.

      No need to excuse yourself, Selmy. A knight of your stature is given some leeway in these matters. Blessed am I to speak with you again, for I’ve been a shell of myself without your guidance. I hope you make it out this way again, my friend. RIP

  21. TarmanGotHim says:
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    As a Marlins fan, Yelich was undoubtedly bothered by that back issue and he is entirely too talented to be playing this mediocre. He wasn’t a top prospect for no reason, and his Gold Glove and Rookie season were no fluke.

    As a Marlins fan, I’m not a homer, but he’s pretty much 1 of 6 things at the moment we have to be happy about. Including Stanton, Gordon, J Fer, Kohlek being a fireballer, Nicolino’s decent potential, and Suzuki reaching 3,000 hits next season if we resign him. Lol.

    Oh, and AJ Ramos and a decent bullpen. And DAN HAREN!!!

    Nice write up.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TarmanGotHim: I worship Ichiro. Praying he gets that. Nice fit with miami. Need them to turn it around. What’s up with ozuna? I expected monster season

  22. TarmanGotHim says:
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    Ps: I listened to Grey on Harper…

    But I gave Rodney with him to Get Trout and Derek Norris. May I ask if I did well? Lol.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TarmanGotHim: do u need to ask!?!?!? The 7 salute you for only a god wpuld be able to pull that trade off. #Kudos

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