That title is lifted from Jimmy Dickens’ A Tale of Three Cities, the younger brother’s blatant ripoff of the classic novel. ¬†For what Jimmy Dickens lacked in originality, he made up with his ability to avoid cholera and scurvy. ¬†His brother, Charles, used to say it was because Jimmy was the rat spreading the dreaded disease. ¬†Then Jimmy would say “dreaded disease,” are you saying it’s from Jamaica? ¬†Then Charles would stop talking to Jimmy for a few years and Jimmy would say, “I’m just re-imagining your stuff, you don’t have to get all pissy.” ¬†As you see Jimmy was a trailblazer for Hollywood producers. ¬†So what does this have to do with Ike Davis? ¬†Good question! ¬†The title lifted from Jimmy Dickens could easily apply to Davis’s season. ¬†Yesterday, he hit two homers and collected 5 RBIs to bring his homer total to 30 with 88 RBIs. ¬†Since the ASB, he’s been exactly what he should’ve been in the 1st half if David Wright wasn’t using up all the good balls batted into play luck. ¬†Ike is around a .255 hitter with 30 homer power. ¬†Right now, his season stats look exactly as they should minus the average. ¬†For 2013, Ike could easily hit .280 as easily as he hit .200 for the 1st half this season, and I bet he’s gonna be a steal in drafts. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jenrry Mejia – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. ¬†Mets loved his arm, then put him in the bullpen, then into the rotation, then into the bullpen, then an injury… Basically,¬†the Mets seem to be taking the Joba route with him.¬† So far, similar results. ¬†He used to have a high ceiling, but then was derailed by Tommy John. ¬†Not the person. ¬†The surgery. ¬†He gets the Braves next time out and they should’ve clinched by then so it could be tasty.
Carlos Gonzalez – Heading for an MRI on his hamstring. ¬†That’s not all! ¬†Actually, it might be for him for this season.
Dexter Fowler – Out with¬†tendinitis in his wrist. ¬†Sounds like he failed the *pinkie to mouth* dexterity test.
Andrew Brown – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games. ¬†He’s old for a prospect or he’s very old for a prospect and really Brad Hawpe in disguise. ¬†Not sure which one.
Luke Hochevar – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 5 Ks to raise his ERA to 5.43. ¬†Once again, he’s saving you the embarrassment of trying to pronounce his name at next year’s draft.
Alex Gordon – 1-for-4 and a homer. ¬†His runs are good this year (86), his average is good (.291), his steals are okay (10), so how can Gordon maintain his special brand of yawnstipating? ¬†Yesterday, he hit his 12th homer and collected his 68th RBI. ¬†Meh called and said it would like to have Gordon’s stats over for dinner because they have so much in common.
Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.72. ¬†He’s done more than his part this year, but I still stand by my overrated post in the preseason, which was more about how you should not draft a pitcher in the 1st or 2nd round than it was about Verlander. ¬†In our RCL Expert league that I’ve been a dying duck in all year, my pitching is 57 out of a possible 60 points. ¬†As I’ve said many times before, you don’t need a pitcher from the first tier of starters.
Andy Dirks – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and hitting near .350 over the last week. ¬†Just keep in mind that Leyland benches him from time to time (mostly vs. lefties).
Jordan Zimmermann – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. J-Z still coming strong even if the rest of this Cruel Summer has been uneven. ¬†(I’m being generous with ‘uneven’ too. ¬†I still need to give it another 75 listens, but I think this might be the first time I’m disappointed with Kanye, but it did take me 18 months before I started liking My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and it ended up being my favorite album of his, so there’s still time.)
Ryan Zimmerman – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 24th homer. ¬†Elias Sports Bureau said this is the biggest boost one Zimmerman has given to another Zimmerman since Bob Dylan told record company execs about his son and gave them a wink-wink-nudge. ¬†Actually, Elias didn’t say that. ¬†But this was heard recently at their compound in Dearborn, Michigan, “In Accounting, Yitz has told everyone that he’s going to miss Wednesday for Yom Kippur, then he sent out a Facebook invite for paintball on Wednesday. ¬†This is the third year in a row he’s pulled this crap, which is a new record.”
Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 runs and 2 steals, his 15th and 16th. ¬†That’s with his 19 homers and a .258 average. ¬†He’s obviously been no Trout. ¬†He hasn’t even been a Salmon or Bass, but at 19 years old Harper’s long-term prospects still have me excited. ¬†He could be a 30+ homers, 20+ steals, .300+ guy within two years and hold that for twelve years. ¬† If those numbers look familiar, it’s what we grown accustomed to from Braun, you know the number one overall pick.
Marco Estrada – 4 IP, 6 ER. ¬†On the bright side, you can drop Estrada and say, “Let the ChiPs fall where they may.”
Nate McLouth – 3-for-6, 1 run, 1 RBI, 1 homer and 1 steal in yesterday’s doubleheader for the Ernie Banks slam & legs. ¬†You should’ve picked up McLouth two weeks ago when I told you to, but it’s not too late; he’s¬†found the Fountain of McLouth.
Adam Jones – In the doubleheader, he went 6-for-9, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with a slam (32) and legs (15) in the 1st half of the doubleheader. ¬†He trailed off a bit in the middle of the season, but he’s been making it rain again in September with 3 homers in the last five games.
Anthony Gose – 1-for-7, 1 RBI yesterday. ¬†Not sure why I keep picking him up for doubleheaders. ¬†Oh, well, at least I didn’t get a Gose egg.
J.P. Arencibia – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 17th homer. ¬†A cheeba cheeba, y’all, well, I used to own Arencibia. ¬†A cheeba cheeba, y’all, well, I didn’t get this big day cause I no longer own Arencibia.
David Freese – Left yesterday’s game with a right ankle injury after rolling it. ¬†That’s why Lincecum always uses a bong.
Pete Kozma – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games. ¬†He’s not great in the longterm, but he’s looking downright Plouffe-ish right now.
Aaron Hill – Was scratched from Monday’s contest with an undisclosed illness. ¬†I used to use that one all the time in college. ¬†Sounds like Hill has a hungover from too many Jungle Juices and needs an extra day to finish up his paper on Humanities and Western Civ. ¬†I’m guessing here.
Manny Ramirez – Expected to play winter ball. ¬†They should call that snow ball. ¬†The¬†Aguilas Cibaenas of the Dominican Winter League are the ones giving Manny another chance. ¬†A representative from the¬†Aguilas Cibaenas said, “Estamos muy emocionados de tener Manny en nuestro equipo. ¬†Contratamos a webmaster de Melky nos dise√Īar una nueva p√°gina de equipo.”
Heath Bell – Told a Miami radio station that he doesn’t respect Ozzie. ¬†So if this is an SAT question: ¬†Ozzie respects Fidel Castro, Bell doesn’t respect Ozzie, so Heath Bell doesn’t respect Fidel. ¬†Good for you, Heath!
Matt Capps – Returned from the DL, but he may not get any save chances because of the job Perkins has done. ¬†If you’re rolling with Capps, you just got snake eyes.
Josh Willingham – Is day-to-day with a shoulder strain. ¬†So he may be willing, but he’s just Notableham.
Josh Hamilton – 1-for-3 with his 43rd homer. ¬†Turns out Hamilton didn’t have anything wrong with him. ¬†He had¬†ocular keratitis, which is an eye issue caused by too much caffeine and energy drinks. ¬†He finally found something worse for his eyes than the sun. ¬†Good thing Vodka & Red Bull wasn’t around when Ol’ Blue Eyes played Vegas.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-3 with his 40th homer. ¬†Now has back-to-back 40 homer seasons. ¬†The only other Yankees to do that are¬†Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle and Jason Giambi. ¬†The list of who’s done the 40-40 thing grows if you include all residents of the Bronx and loosen the definition of 40.
Raul Ibanez – 2-for-4, and a homer. ¬†Now 7 for his last 12 with three homers. ¬†It’s not pretty, but this time of year it never is. ¬†Just grab who’s hot.
Eric Chavez – 3-for-4 with his 14th homer. ¬†See what I said about Ibanez, but change “not pretty” to ugly and “hot” to “hey, at least he homered yesterday.”
Andy Pettitte – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. ¬†Stop giving Roger Clemens ideas!
Adam Dunn – 2-for-4 and 2 homers, his 40th and 41st, while he plated four, which is different than his usual “a plate for four.”
Tyson Ross – Gave up the game yesterday in the ninth. ¬†His record is now 2-11. ¬†He has a little more than 15 percent of the A’s losses in only 73 1/3 IP. ¬†It’s like the rest of the AL is Buster Douglas.
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 8th homer. ¬† I wonder what my teams would’ve been like if Josh Donaldson was never born. ¬†*wavy dream sequence lines* ¬†Hey, Grey, this is Clarence, your angel. ¬†If Josh Donaldson was never born, your teams would still be hurting for offense since you don’t own him.
Coco Crisp¬†– Still out of the lineup with pink eye. ¬†Which comes from drinking energy drinks that are being stored in the ice in a urinal.