Well, there’s one schmohawk post I don’t have to write, right? Stutterer! Yu Darvish left a game the other day with a tight triceps.  That’s what the she-dinosaur said!  Huh?  Then, this past weekend, it was announced he’s a candidate for Tommy John surgery.  Stop sullying the word candidate with your surgery, Tommy John!  I wonder if the whole -san suffix for names like Daniel-san gets confusing with Tommy John.  Thomson John?  Tommy Johnson?  Thomson Johnson?  It’s no secret that I didn’t like Darvish coming into this year.  For my foray into pannin’ Asian, too much risk was attached to his arm for where people were drafting him.  His NFBC ADP was 43 prior to this news, so you had to start thinking about him in the 3rd round.  No thanks, Yu, I said.  Of course, when I told you in my top 40 starters post to avoid him, I was beat up in the comments for losing my way.  Yu was the greatest pitcher since sliced bread that had a portrait of Hello Kitty on it!  Don’t Yu know, Grey?!  Yu can strike out so many something-somethings that you should want to bear his children, then one day shout at him in divorce court, “These are all Yus!”  I had Yu in a tier named, “Not touching them with a nine-foot pole that has twelve one-inch straws taped to its end.”  One person in the comments on the top 40 starters said, “Phil Hughes ranked above Darvish, I’ve seen everything now.”  Then there was someone else arguing for Darvish’s dignity like they fought with Darvish in The Great War.  I don’t want to say I told you so, but I’m saying I told you so by saying I don’t want to say I told you so.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Hunter Pence – For those that can’t get enough of 90’s pop references think of this blurb as Sick Pence None The Richer.  For those that enjoy 80’s pop references, These Broken Wings…Of The Gangly Manbird.  For those that enjoy 70’s pop references, Le Freak, Goodbye Playing Game Streak.  For those in the 60’s frame of mind, I Want To Hold Your Hand (To Help Support Your Forearm).  Feeling that 50’s groove, Whole Lotta Fracturin’ Goin’ On.  Want some 40’s?  Well, I don’t know anything from the 1940’s.  Just think, you only have to wait 70 years from now to forget about Kanye.  Luckily, you don’t need to wait as long for Pence to return from his fractured forearm.  The Giants are saying he’ll be back in 6 to 8 weeks.  I’ve lowered Pence into my top 40 outfielders and adjusted him in the top 400.

Matt Harvey – Threw 99 MPH on Friday, then posed for a Mets poster titled, “Please Give Mets Fans Something To Be Excited About.”  Harvey’s got more fantasies pinned to him than Harvey, the giant rabbit.  Harvey’s in the same tier in my top 40 starters that Darvish was in.  Yes, Harvey could be good, but I don’t like the risk involved to find out.  You either have to draft Harvey as your first starter and really hang your cojones in the wind, praying your #1 SP works out, or you have to double up on Harvey as your early #2 SP and then if he works out you have too much pitching.  So, the only way Harvey makes sense this year is if you go with the windy cojones option, and there’s just too much risk for my tastes with Harvey as a number one this year.  By the by, whatever happened to The Counting Crows?  I used to love their song, Mr. Cojones.

Brett Cecil – Left a game the other day with shoulder soreness.  Blue Jays are saying it’s nothing.  The funny thing (not funny) about shoulder soreness for a pitcher is “It’s nothing” until “It’s…Aaron Sanchez is now our closer.”

Josh Reddick – Sidelined with a strained oblique.  With a name like Reddick, that strain could’ve been worse!  I’m not moving him yet in the rankings, because it sounds like he should be fine for the start of the season or shortly after.

Cliff Lee – MRI on his elbow showed mild irritation.  Sounds great!  Dot dot dot.  The Phils are just sending the MRI results to Dr. James Andrews for a 2nd opinion.  Dah dah DAH!  Dramatic Prairie Dog slam cut!  The Adverb is in the same boat as Darvish.  I couldn’t be more clear than in the top 60 starters when I said something like ‘Lee won’t be on any of my teams.’  And that’s me paraphrasing me!  I also go over The Adverb more on today’s podcast that’s coming in a few hours.  Stay tuned!  Or not.  Your choice.

Jose Iglesias – Limped off the field after taking a ball off his shin in batting practice.  Is it me or does Iglesias have a giant injury magnet hovering over his head?

Drew Smyly – Has mild shoulder tendinitis.  Unlike Lee/Darvish, Smyly does sound like he’ll be okay.  Maybe it’s that cheery attitude Smyly has.  If the news gets worse on Smyly, I’ll move him in my rankings at that point.  By the by, Lee/Darvish was great in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

Lance Lynn – Basically, pitchers shouldn’t even go to spring training.  Lynn has a strained hip flexor and could be sidelined a while.  At least that’s what WebMD tells me.  Or it’s gout.  WebMD wasn’t clear on that.  When the Cards announce a timetable for Lynn, I will lower him in my rankings.

Rusney Castillo – He said his oblique is feeling better.  He also said it’s not at all coincidental that he’s feeling better right after it was announced that Betts had the lead on the center field job.

Mike Minor – Headed to see Dr. James Andrews.  You know that joke that there’s so many Starbucks in New York City that a Starbucks just opened in the bathroom of another Starbucks?  Well, in that vein, Dr. James Andrews is making so much money from pitching injuries that he just installed a smaller jacuzzi inside his other jacuzzi.

 
  1. Miles says:
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    just wanna say I like your blurb on Minor. made me laugh out loud so truly that I don’t even have to pretend with a “lol”

  2. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!

    Really funny, man. Especially on Dr James Andrews’ mini jacuzzi.

    A. I’m loving Aaron Sanchez everywhere and hope he makes it as either #5 or as the full-time closer.

    B. Yu comments are eerily true. Next confirmations would be The Adverb, Tanaka and Waino.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Nostradamus says:
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      @Ante GALIC:

      A) Darvish hurt last year

      B) grey never advocates pitchers coming off injuries (see Harvey who will dominate this year)

      C) the Darvish ranking was an eerily obvious one.

    • Hawk says:
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      @Ante GALIC:

      The fact that Tanaka won’t throw to live batters until two full weeks into Spring Training is a sign of health and virility, right? He’s perfectly healthy. That’s why he has to be held back.

      Draft with confidence! *

      * – For values of confidence approaching zero

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Thanks! Sanchez is a solid flyer, hopefully he’s not just a middle man

  3. bossmanjunior says:
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    I really hate it when the guys Im avoiding get hurt before the draft. Just reduces the chance my fellow leaguemates will touch them and just increases the interest in the guys im targeting.

    • B. Rabbit says:
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      @bossmanjunior: I’ve been thinking the same thing. Stay healthy guys I don’t want for a couple more weeks, then you can get hurt.

    • Nostradamus says:
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      @bossmanjunior: your leaguemates probably hate it when guys you’re targeting get hurt before the draft too. It works both ways :)

      • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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        @Nostradamus: i think you’re reading your tablets wrong with that sentence there soothsayer.

  4. Bas says:
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    When I saw Yu-San ranked so low here, I thought for a moment WTF is Grey thinking.
    After 2 days I talked myself into dropping Yu-San from my keeper list en and kept Cespedes (or was it Kimbrel) as my 7th keeper.
    The day someone else picked Yu-San as a keeper I felt a bit down. Guess How I feel now;-)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Bas: Ha, nice!

  5. Cabby says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Quick thoughts on my team
    12 team H2H points Keeper auction league.
    Pitchers have slightly more value than traditional points scoring leagues.

    C- Perez
    1B- Goldy
    2b- Altuve
    ss- Segura
    3b- Arenado
    MI- Gyorko
    CI-Belt
    OF- McCutchen, Jay Bruce, Yelich, Alex Gordon, Pompey
    U- Ploufe, Brad Miller, M. Saunders
    SP- Cobb, Gerrit Cole, Latos, Stroman, Ervin Santana, Cingrani
    RP- Melancon, K. Jansen, Papelbon, Gregorson, League

    Overspent on a few that left me with little money in the end to get sleepers i wanted. What do you think?

    • Hawk says:
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      @Cabby:

      Back end of your rotation may keep you up nights but otherwise a good team.

      • Cabby says:
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        @Hawk:

        Have and offer pending my acceptance. Drew Hutchison for Belt. Leaves me weak at CI but gives me rotation depth. thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Cabby: Hold Belt for now, agree with Hawk

  6. Nostradamus says:
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    Fun fact: “I told you so” is the most commonly used phrase on razzball.

  7. Beastman says:
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    Hey all, need one more team for a $100 Razzball Commenter League. 3rd year running, very competitive crew. Draft currently scheduled for 3/29 at noon EST.

    Email [email protected] to join.

  8. Another F'ing Jeff says:
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    In a standard 5 x 5, 5 keeper league where I am keeping Rizzo, Arrenado, Kipnis, Frazier and Harvey. Just got offered Abreau for my 2nd and 5th pick in the upcoming draft (around 71 and 130 overall) It doesn’t make much sense but it is Abreau. Do I take the deal?

      • Another F'ing Jeff says:
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        Could have sworn Jose’s last name had a strong, silent “a” in it.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, nice username

      • Another F'ing Jeff says:
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        Took Abre U. Thanks, Grey

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  9. Tigres says:
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    Hey Grey – Yu sure called that one… What’s the chance that Rafael Soriano signs with Toronto, given Cecil news?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tigres: I hope so since I’ve already drafted Soriano in a deep league

  10. Jason E. says:
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    I should have listened. I took Yu, Tanaka, and Cliff Lee. At least I grabbed them all after round 7. Still, there’s a reason they were still there…Here’s to listening to Grey next year.

  11. Uncle Red says:
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    Gray
    In a 12 team auction keeper league with $260 budget, would you keep Arrieta at $10 and Soler at $10?

    Thanks!

  12. bigbear says:
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    What’s the deal with Daniel Norris? Any news on him (besides living in a van in a Wal-Mart parking lot)?

    • @bigbear: Last I heard he was reshingling his roof with Fidrych baseball cards and teaming up with Oso Blanco to form the perpetual motion battery…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @bigbear: I went over him in the rankings

  13. The hardest part about hitting in the big leagues is the swinging…

      • Wake Up says:
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        @Grey: the swinging, knows what I mean…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Of course he does

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Guess he’s gone now

  14. Mink says:
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    Grey,

    Thank you for all the laughs, genious stuff! I could use some advice on up coming draft. 5×5, H2H, $262 cap, keeper, auction. We use QS instead of W and K/9 instead of Ks. Need any 8 from the following: Puig (6); Kris Bryant (6); Soler (6); Gregory Polanco (6); Joey Gallo (6); Avisail Garcia (6); Miguel Sano (6); Geritt Cole (6); Wacha (6); Winlin Rosario (6); Billy Hamilton (7); Kole Calhoun (7); Javier Baez (11); Alexi Ramirez (15); Ryan Braun (20); Scherzer (25); Holiday (33). Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, many thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mink: Thanks! Puig, Bryant, Soler, Avisail, Cole, Hamilton, Calhoun, Baez

  15. Chris says:
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    In a 10 team H2H Pts League would you keep Starling Marte over Pence. The league deducts for SO’s and Marte strikes out a lot. They also count SB’s more than average so that may offset. Just worried the Pence injury may linger since it’s apparently close to the wrist. Thanks.

    • Tony says:
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      @Chris: you are right to worry

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Chris: I’d keep Marte

  16. jon boba says:
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    AL only 4×4 league (2 catchers start). Sound off Razzball nation:

    C: Perez, McCann
    1B: Fielder
    2B: Kipnis, Odor
    SS: Hardy
    3B: Longoria, Sandoval, Castellanos
    OF: Springer, Cespedes, Castillo, Calhoun, L. Martin, Pompey, Eaton
    SP: Carrasco, Archer, McHugh, Salazar, Holland, Smyly, Stroman
    RP: Gregerson, Clippard, Sanchez

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @jon boba: I like the team, you’re light on speed if Pompey doesn’t work, but the hitting doesn’t look bad… The pitching is very solid, could be a mixed league staff

      • jon boba says:
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        @Grey: Thanks for the feedback Grey and all the great posts – I nom, nom nomed all the way as my starters fell to way too late in my league draft. You are the king and ever-entertaining. Keep up the great work! Must read stuff!!!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Nice, no problem

  17. your mom says:
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    sup! please help me choose my keepers!
    20 team h2h (keep 8)
    hitters: m. brantley, tulo, j. upton, soler, moss, rusney, gyorko, arismendy, kennys vargas, scooter, zunino, jose ramirez, matt davidson
    pitchers: lester, cueto, rosenthal, hughes, street, casilla, odorizzi, porcello, m. moore, syndergaard, heaney, doubront…
    THANKS!

    • Natty Boh says:
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      @your mom: You really need someone to advise you to keep Brantley, Tulo, and Upton?

      • Tony says:
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        @Natty Boh: it does inform the other 5 though butthole

        • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey says:
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          @Tony: we need to copy/paste that reply for dozens of other people.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @your mom: m. brantley, tulo, j. upton, soler, lester, cueto, rosenthal, Hughes

  18. Fireball Feliz says:
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    I drive in Dallas Snow to get to the Airport at 5:45am, sit next to a crying baby, grab my ballin Passat rental car, then cruise to Surprise for practice. It’s a glorious morning, watch batting practice and pitchers fielding drills, everything hunky dory. Drive to CVS and buy a 750 of Jim Beam, take a few swigs, then sit down in my front row seats by 1st base. Yu takes the mound, my shorts do a happy dance, then all of a sudden he’s leaving the dugout and walking out of the stadium instead of pitching the 2nd inning. “Oh no worries, he’s fine. Probably just ate a little too much Yakisoba last night, no way it’s his elbow” and that’s me quoting myself lying to myself. Guess it’s time for Rangers fans to go back into another coma, see ya 2016

  19. Whatever says:
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    Grey,

    Who is the better keeper? Cashner or Quintana? Both would be a buck. I am leaning towards Quintana because of better health.

    Thanks,

    W