The week was going swimmingly, with inflatable swim muscles, I may add, then Kevin Gregg showed up and said “Oh, I thought everyone wore these glasses now.” I don’t trust Kevin for 2 reasons, closers come and closers go (Kyuji is coming back) so add that into your closer entree like a good splash of adobo. The second reason is he has two first names, I’m sorry, it’s a phobia of mine ever since I went to school with a kid named Ferris Ferris. No I didn’t stutter, that’s a true story. Next we move to Boston, where Joe-L is returning from the DL; John Farrell has said what is typical, we will see what happens. My 2 cents is that Bailey keeps it until he falters or Hanrahan whines enough to make a stink. If I could call Joel, this is how the convo would go. Sup Joel. Who is this? Then I would hang up and not answer when he star 69’s me. I do that cause I don’t like people messin’ around on my phone. Lastly this week, I have moved Jim Johnson, minus his cult following, into the top tier. He has shown me enough to warrant a bump up. The games he pitches in are showing the confidence that Buck has in him, like a great illegitimate dad would in his Maury Povich type son. The bump over Papelbon is based purely on stats and accumulation right now, Paps just isn’t seeing the chances that some other closers are seeing and that inevitably hurts my feelings and his stats/value. Enjoy the week as if you were listening to the soundtrack from Rocky 4, what could get better than that? If you said that talking robot Pauly got, then we are on the same page my friend.
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
7. Jonathan Papelbon (-4) (Mike Adams, Antonio Bastardo, Phillipe Aumont)
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
8. Tom Wilhelmsen (-) (Carter Capps, Charlie Furbush, Yoervis Medina)
15. Ernesto Frieri (-2) (Scott Downs, Sean Burnett, Dane De La Rosa)
16. Glen Perkins (-) (Jared Burton, Brian Duensing)
19. Huston Street (-5) (Luke Gregerson, Joe Thatcher, Dale Thayer)
22. Grant Balfour (-) (Ryan Cook, Sean Doolittle)
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
24. Edward Mujica (+3) (Mitchell Boggs, Trevor Rosenthal, Randy Choate)
25. Jim Henderson (+1) (Jon Axford, Brandon Kintzler, Tom Gorzellany)
27. Kevin Gregg (+2) (Carlos Marmol, Kyuji Fujikawa, James Russell)
28. Bobby Parnell (-4) (Brandon Lyon, Scott Atchison, Frank Francisco)
30. Jose Veras (-2) (Hector Ambriz, Travis Blackley, Rhiner Cruz)