It was all fine and dandy and then Roldy Chapman had to go and jump in front of a speeding bullet. It caused the first waiver wire riot of the year. Trick is, who to add? Everybody jumped on the J.J. Hoover train and I don’t blame them. He seems like the only real healthy choice, but have you seen him in ST? He looks god awful, like he is throwing with the losing end of a wishbone. This situation is one to get all waiver wire giddy about, but it’s not going to be fluid. Broxton and Marshall start the year on the boo-boo list and then what’s left? I’ll tell ya, be patient, stop yelling…. Manny Parra. I have read others speculating this, but I’m going to jump on it also. It’s only a temporary situation anyways, and if you lost out on Hoover, why not get a good ‘what the hell’ add? Could do worse, he has a K/9 over 10 in 2 full seasons as a set up guy and a ST K/BB rate of 11/1. I mean if we are going on merit, which never happens, he deserves a look and may get a few early saves.
Second verse, different from the first. Joakim Soria has beaten out Nefatli Feliz, and this wasn’t groundbreaking news as the “Mexicutioner” was being rostered in over 60% of leagues already. I always liked Joakim and he has the potential to be a top-12 closer. So if you speculated or sorta listened to me a month ago, congrats on your fortitude in drafting. Feliz has been optioned to the minors and is droppable from most formats.
So I have been contemplating for long enough and the time has come to change it up. Gone will be the $12 Salads, Donkey Corns and Brain Freezes. They have served their purpose long enough and will be retired to the Razzball rafters. So out with the old and in with the new. The new name system is a play on an old game that we like to do with things that come in the magic number of three. I mean what better way to code things that are good, aggravating and disposable then the good old M/F/K system of relievers. For those not familiar it’s fairly simple. M is marry, F is for… well you know… and K is for kill. This is a new take on categorizing three woman or books or whatever your sick deviant mind likes to lump into three separate groups. This is the first regular season post of the year, so all the people that love plus’ and minuses can expect to see them starting now. So enjoy the closer report, new for the start of the season.
Marry
What’s better than having the comfort of having a great stand-by at home? Nothing. It helps you, it lives for you and gosh darn’it, you can do with it as you please, under the jurisdictions of the law. It’s got a nice pre-kids body and a penchant for baking. So we have the roster stalwarts that you want to have and hold for this season forward.
1. Craig Kimbrel – (David Carpenter, Luis Avilan, Jordan Walden)
2. Kenley Jansen – (Brian Wilson, Chris Perez, Paco Rodriguez)
3. Greg Holland – (Wade Davis, Aaron Crow, Tim Collins)
4. Trevor Rosenthal – (Carlos Martinez, Kevin Seigrist, Jason Motte)
5. Koji Uehara – (Edward Mujica, Junichi Tazawa)
6. Joe Nathan – (Al Albuquerque, Joba Chamberlain, Ian Krol)
7. Glen Perkins – (Jared Burton, Caleb Theibar, Casey Fien)
F@#$
These guys are fun, and maybe some day you’ll want to marry them, but right now they have their flaws and you’re not sure if you wanna take them home to mom. So you give them the special booty call ring designation on your phone, and you get everything that marriage can’t give you. Stats are the important thing here, and lots of them, no obligations. No alimony attached, just straight unadulterated stats.
8. Sergio Romo – (Santiago Casilla, Jeremy Affeldt,)
9. Grant Balfour – (Heath Bell, Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
10. David Robertson – (Matt Thornton, Shawn Kelley, David Phelps)
11. Addison Reed – (J.J. Putz, Brad Ziegler, David Hernandez)
12. Ernesto Frieri – (Joe Smith, Dane de la Rosa)
13. Jim Johnson – (Sean Doolittle, Luke Gregerson, Ryan Cook-DL)
14. Casey Janssen – (Sergio Santos, Steve Delabar, Brett Cecil)
15. Fernando Rodney – (Danny Farquhar, Charlie Furbush, Tom Wilhelmsen)
16. Jonathon Papelbon – (Antonio Bastardo, Jake Diekman, Justin De Fratus)
17. Jason Grilli – (Mark Melancon, Tony Watson, Justin Wilson)
18. Steve Cishek – (A.J. Ramos, Mike Dunn, Carter Capps)
19. Rafael Soriano – (Tyler Clippard, Craig Stammen, Drew Storen)
20. Jim Henderson – (Fransisco Rodriguez, Brandon Kintzler)
21. Huston Street – (Joaquin Benoit, Nick Vincent, Dale Thayer)
Kill
Should be self-explanatory. There is no comfort in this grouping, then there’s the fear of looking suspicious when buying a new shovel and some lyme, when all that you wanna do is plant a new butterfly bush. The influx is here; the newly injured replacements are here or just the unproven. All should be laid to rest, unless desperation or injury becomes you. Don’t get comfy, death or stat-suicide may be closer than it appears.
22. John Axford – (Cody Allen, Vinnie Pestano)
23. Joakim Soria – (Neal Cotts, Jason Frasor, Robbie Ross)
24. Tommy Hunter – (Darren O’Day, Ryan Webb)
25. Bobby Parnell – Jose Valverde, Gonzalez Germen, Scott Rice)
26. Nate Jones – (Matt Lindstrom, Daniel Webb, Ronald Belisario)
27. LaTroy Hawkins – (Rex Brothers, Adam Ottavino, Matt Belisle)
28. Jose Veras – (Pedro Strop, James Russell, Blake Parker)
29. J.J. Hoover (Manny Parra, Logan Ondrusek, Sean Marshall, Jonathan Broxton)
30. Josh Fields – (Chad Qualls,Kevin Chapman, Jesse Crain)
