Buy D-Lile, Buy D-Lile-la-lile-la-lile-la-la-lile-la-lile

If you say “Daylen Lile fast,” I say, “He is.” If you pronounce “Daylen Lile” fast, I say, “Don’t do that, you sound kinda racist.” If you say “Daylen Lile is strong,” I say, “He is compared to me.” If you say, “How strong are you?” I’ll say, “Not very.” If you say “Daylen Lile can hit for a great average,” I say, “This is true.” If you say “Daylen Lile makes great contact,” I say, “Yes, yes, yes!” If you say “Daylen Lile” when you walk into an Asian restaurant, I say, “What are you saying, man? I already told you, you have to say his name slow. Do you want the Cancel Police to arrest you?” If you say “Daylen Lile” to most people who played fantasy baseball this year, but were eliminated and are now only paying attention to fantasy football, they’ll say, “Who? Day’s Inn? Is that what you’re saying?” If you say “Daylen Lile is now hitting cleanup for the Nats, and one of the top outfielders in the last month for average and doing a little bit of everything, i.e., hitting for power and stealing bags,” I say, “Yes, and he has a 15% strikeout rate across just about every level and looks neutrally like a .275+ hitter with a 10/30 type capability in the big picture, but this isn’t about the big picture, this is about what he can do the final couple of weeks, and he can hit in that time.” If you say, “That’s a lot, can you just tell me to pick him up,” I say, “Pick him up.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Patrick Bailey – I write this post up by using mostly the 7-Day Player Rater, but I consult with the 30-Day Player Rater, and I did for Bailey and, well, he’s been good for the last week, but not at all for the three weeks prior.

Kyle Teel – Polar opposite of Patrick Bailey. Teel’s been great all 2nd half, though likely rostered in most leagues by now. Teel looks like he could be a top five catcher, as soon as next year. If you have Teel in a dynasty league, your leaguemates might be–don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it–green with envy!–ugh, he said it.

Jake Burger – Nomnomnomnom Burger! Nomnomnomnom hot schmotato!

Josh Bell – From Burger to Bell, the story of me walking across the street from Burger King to Taco Bell.

Jake Bauers – Not entirely sure of his playing time, but the Brewers could turn a baseball glove rested on top of a mop into a worthwhile cornerman. Or starter. Or outfielder. Okay, the Brewers are the best coached team in MLB.

Jared Triolo – He has some speed and power and has been somewhat hot, so don’t take this the wrong way, but he makes a lot of contact, and it is such awful contact his BABIP and average are that of a guy with, like, a 30% strikeout rate who is molasses slow. Just hideous stuff.

Brett Baty – At some point, Baty and Vientos are going to both breakout. One will be on the Padres and one on the Dodgers. I kid. I think.

Brayan Rocchio – One word here, ownership numbers are over the cutoff for this post for guys like Otto Lopez, Matt McLain and Luis Garcia, but if they’re around, by all means, pick them up.

Andrew Benintendi – His family came through Ellis Island and was given that last name, because his great-grandfather, Benin, was hogging all the Ellis Island cafeteria chicken tenders. I’m just a trivia buff.

Austin Hays – His career stats year over year show one thing that is undeniable. If he’s in 150 games or 100, he’s going to go 16/5/.270-ish every single year. How does one “ish” but “every single year” since the nature of “ish” is a vague hedge that isn’t concrete? Um, what was the question again?

Harrison Bader – With Treat Urner out, Bader was moved up to the leadoff spot and with that great responsibility comes great power–Well, not great power, but more runs and he’s hitting for a good average over the last week.

JJ Bleday – I could point out how he was a preseason sleeper, but that’s only embarrassing for both of us. Me because I wrote it, and you because you believed me. Let’s move on!

Jung Hoo Lee – Starting to become apparent that Lee is only good in April and September. In the biz, we call that Lion Lambless. “In like a lion” but without the “out like a lamb.” Okay, no one calls it Lion Lambless, but I’m trying to make it happen. Call him Lion Lambless!

Parker Meadows – I won’t write another sleeper post for him this offseason, but I will be strongly thinking it.

Brandon Marsh – Mentioned this a couple weeks ago, but there’s only so many tidbits to talk about with Marsh. It’s either his beard or this: It’s so fascinating how he’s a top five BABIP guy in the history of baseball for guys with 2,000+ plate appearances.

Max Kepler – Phils are coming off a great series vs. the Mets, where they hit well, up and down the order. From Bader to the Max!

Michael Helman – Did you know Helman’s just an emulsification? It’s trivia. Tell someone you want to annoy.

Jeremiah Jackson – Just gave you my Jeremiah Jackson fantasy. It was written while going marshmallow digging in a box of Lucky Charms.

Parker Messick – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to the law firm handling the liquidation of Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Slade Cecconi – This is also a Streamonator call. “Was wondering if you knew where the toasters were they used to carry. No, I don’t need a toaster. I need a button, my nipple fell off.”

Brad Keller – This could also be Andrew Kittredge for Cubs’ saves or even, God forbid, Porter Hodge. If it’s Hodge, the Cubs are trying to up their draft pick for next year.

Andrew Saalfrank – I keep highlighting Saalfrank and saves in the desert keep going to like Woodford or whoever else is in the bullpen coach’s eye line when the phone rings.

Ryan Walker – Giants have been winning and Walker has been getting the bulk of save opportunities. Notice how I didn’t say the bulk of the saves. [parrot on shoulder nods head] Polly, understand!

JoJo Romero – Cards’ saves could also be Riley O’Brien aka ROB, and if he were friends with Jac Caglianone or J.D. Davis, they’d tell him to call himself Rob O’Brien.

SELL

Jackson Merrill – This guy sucks. I don’t know what his deal is. You trust him for next year? You’re a more trusting fellow than I, I say in weird English. I don’t think I can get back in. This isn’t about next year though. This is about what this schmohawk is doing this year and it’s a lot of nothing. Yo, Jackson Merrill, guess what? Bryan Reynolds called and said the House of Yawns is all filled, we don’t need you! Though, if this were a dynasty league, I wouldn’t trade Jackson Merrill for a ride on the Mad Hatter Tea Cups right after someone got sick, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and analyze some trades.

Oneil Cruz – Yet another schmohawk that we need to make waste! “Make waste” is such a badass thing to say, unless used as, “I’m going to MAKE WASTE,” he loudly announced to the entire Taco Bell as he walked into the restroom. Oneil Cruz is another one where I’m not sure what to think for next year. I needs to do some soul searching, soul sista, but one thing that is clear, you can find better guys on waivers in just about every league because of how bad Cruz has been for over a month-plus. Though, if this were a dynasty league, I wouldn’t trade Oneil Cruz for a sign to hang on my bathroom that reads “Make Waste Room,” but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and analyze some trades.