Explain baseball to an alien? Can we start with this:
What if all those Bubbas were in the majors at the same time? Would you be worried? How would it make you feel? Would you think, “Am I baseball fan or,” considered pause, as you turn to the mirror and continue, “A Bubba watcher?” I thought Bubba Church was what I encountered in the Walmart parking lot last Sunday. I swear Bubba Carpenter was a guy who installed my kitchenette. Something no one knows because it’s a rarely mentioned MLB by-law, but like the Olympic torch, and how if someone drops it, the games are canceled, if there’s not at least one Bubba in the majors, games don’t happen. Okay, enough about the Bubba games and more Bubba Chandler games! I’m not going to say he’ll be Paul Skenes, but he could have the best chance this year for a rookie pitcher impact. In the minors, well, he shouldn’t be in the minors. In Itch’s last prospect stash list, he said, “Carmen Mlodzinski is good enough to stick in that rotation. Andrew Heaney and Mitch Keller are locked into spots. So it comes down to how many starts the team is willing to give Bailey Falter and his 7.20 ERA, and even if/when they bump him, Thomas Harrington is right there and deserving of his own opportunity. Lotta convenient factors lining up to keep Chandler in Indianapolis for a few weeks. Maybe if I punch Grey it’ll trigger something.” What? So, Chandler has the most insane stats you’ve seen in the minors and ready. It’s a matter of time, and you should stash him. MLB needs at least one Bubba or they’re gonna shut down the season. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Agustin Ramirez – Went over a bunch of the guys in this post just this week, so please allow me, “Being called up by Miami, even if his name sounds like another Florida city. No, not St. Ramirez. This guy looks special with the bat (legs), as far as catchers go. Though, Adley looked special and is hitting, like, .210. In Triple-A, Ramirez had 3/5/.258 in only 66 ABs. Five steals for a catcher in 18 games makes him pickuppable (totally a word!) in all leagues. He looks legit like prime Realmuto. Call him Reallymuto.” And that’s me quoting me!
Edgar Quero – White Sox have Quero and traded Crochet for Teel. Ha! Yo, Quero another catcher? Then Edgar.
Pavin Smith – This is, like, the 4th week in a row I’m mentioning Pavin. What is this, infrastructure month?
Nick Kurtz – Here’s one of my multiple Nick Kurtz fantasies.
Dylan Moore – Between Moore, Rice, Wagaman, Aranda, Torkelson, Mervis and Soderstrom, it’s been a great time for 1st basemen off waivers or just cheaper in drafts, and no names you were really thinking about in the preseason, except maybe Soderstrom, but I’d contend you weren’t thinking this much about him.
Eric Wagaman – Nearly made Wagaman the lede Buy this week, but I went with the flashy name over the grocery store name. You can only do so many, “What aisle is that in Wagaman’s?” jokes. Wagaman looks like your standard late-breakout (he’s gonna be 28 this summer) who is better-than-advertised and will become worse. Think Joey Meneses, it’s that time of the month.
Rhys Hoskins – There’s so many 1st basemen to pick up off waivers, and I’m sitting on Walker like I’m 85 at a slot machine.
Luke Keaschall – Luke, you are my waiver waiver fodder!
Caleb Durbin – Just gave you my Caleb Durbin fantasy. It was written while my dog was doing a zoomie.
Connor Norby – It’s not too late to link to my Connor Norby sleeper, is it? Welp, too bad, I just did.
Gavin Lux – Could be a neutral .300 hitter with very light power and lighter speed. At least it *pinkie to mouth* Lux that way.
Gabriel Arias – As great as 1st basemen are to pick up, it’s exact opposite for middle infidels. Meager pickins’, who plays for the Twins, I believe.
Noelvi Marte – Most of his fantasy value on the 7-day Player Rater (where I look for hot bats) is coming from one huge game, but at least he has one huge game. I am side-eying Alec Bohm.
Jace Jung – Here’s what I said the other day, “Here’s what Itch wrote, “A left-handed hitter at 6’0” 205 lbs, Jung hit 28 homers in 128 games across two levels in 2023, slashing .265/.376/.502. He hit 14 home runs at each level but did so in just 47 games at Double-A. The 12th overall pick in 2022–Have I mentioned that this system is loaded? I don’t think I have, but I’ve been thinking about it all week. Jung posted a quite useful .362 on base percentage in 34 MLB games to help Detroit’s playoff push. He slugged just .304 over that stretch, but he was contributing tough at bats in high-stress spots, which speaks well of his chances to grab a lineup spot even on a good team. Now to make Grey’s life stressful.” I’m scared. Jung feels like an AL-Only guy until we see his playing time and him hitting; he was, after all, hitting .239 in AAA.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Itch!
Chandler Simpson – Here’s my Chandler Simpson fantasy. It was written while rocking a wavy flow.
Trevor Larnach – The Larnach Monster is growing schmotatoes in his Loch, and taking names! Take mine Larnach, take mine!
Andy Pages – I’ve been sonavabenched by this guy in my NL-Only so many times it’s slightly hard to recommend him, because I get a tinge of regret. A small seed of sorrowful rue!
Roman Anthony – His time is approaching. His countdown clock is just a little confusing because it’s in Roman numerals.
Austin Hays – Hopefully making him the Treasury of the Scheblers doesn’t interfere with his hitting. Please focus, Hays, don’t get lost in your administrative duties.
Jake Fraley – Prolly a 15-20/15-20/.260 hitter. Your mileage will vary depending on your league, patience and whether or not you’re related to him.
Jordan Beck – Might not be much here, and knowing Bud Black he’ll move Beck behind Jacob Stallings on the depth chart, but as people pointed out in the comments this morning, if he’s in Coors, he might have some schmotato value in the short-term. (Literally can’t stop getting sucked in on Rockies, maybe that’s why they’re called the Suckies.)
Kameron Misner – Looks kinda similar to Wagaman. It’s the Florida air that makes the old young again, or at least that’s what my elderly relatives tell me.
Ben Brown – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Foster’s headquarters.
Logan Allen – This is also a Streamonator call. “I had a cousin who had a Foster’s beer can as a head. We lost touch, so I was wondering if you had his contact info?”
Cade Smith – Him and Luke Weaver are better than the high-profile names in front of them. Will they get the actual closer jobs? I doubt it, but they might get more looks and they’re worth rostering even if they’re not the closers.
Shelby Miller – Aperiod Jperiod Puk might be done for the season, Justin Martinez never really received a huge vote of confidence and is complaining of fatigue — and it’s April! — so process of elimination and, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Shelby Miller. There is, like, five other guys there though, too.
Camilo Doval – His underlying stats don’t look great, but neither do Ryan Walker’s. Lowercase yay. Not sure what happened with the Giants’ pen, but it looks bad vs. ya know good. Doval seems like the best option right now.
Jesus Tinoco – Bender sucks, Faucher sucks, Tinoco is meh. Tie goes to the meh?
Will Vest – He should be getting the saves in Detroit. Will he? No, it’s Will Vest. Who the hell is Will He?
Hunter Gaddis – Exhibit 54,876 for why you don’t draft Holds guys before the top 250 are off the board. “Gaddis got this” is sweeping Guards’ nation, and his filth is producing nothing but pristine clean innings every time he pitches. This is not about saves, this is about being a purveyor of filth.
SELL
Mookie Betts – Oh, his Statcast page is, like, blue-blue. Like if a Smurf held its breath. Like you rolled around in a blue raspberry vat of Blue No. 1 dye. Like “Violet you’re turning violet” but of stats. It’s not great! xBA isn’t a super reliable stat, but Betts’s xBA is barely above .200. Um, yikes. His exit velocity has completely tanked. I’ve never seen someone lose so much HardHit% year-over-year before. Could it be because Mookie Betts had a stomach bug in the preseason and lost three small babies out his butt and no matter how many protein shakes he drank he couldn’t gain the weight back? I suppose, but how long are we going to wait for him to keep a burrito down? Who even is on “Burrito in Betts and not out Betts’s butt” patrol? Not it! So, I wouldn’t trade Mookie Betts for a rope ladder made out of grabby-hands leprechauns, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
