Virginia is renaming a city for Stephen Strasburg.  An old Yankee reliever is renaming himself Myke Stanton so he shows up again in Google.  It’s a brand new day, Sting.  You stink POO-holes, however you spell your name.  Hanley, don’t wanna run out a pop-up?  Have a good life!  Change came, nephew.  The mollywhopping, pony stick carrying, Mike Stanton is in town.  No homers though.  Sad trombone.  3-for-5 and a rope to right in his fourth at-bat.  He looked fast down the line and absolutely gigantic.  Like Frank Thomas big.  Maybe it was the 3-D glasses I was wearing.  Rudy and I were speaking about Stanton.  We agreed.  He could hit 15-20 homers and .280.  Or he could hit .220.  It’s rookie nookie, you gotta decide if it’s worth the blisters.  Now for Big Baby Jesus, Stephen Strasburg.  He had his last tune up tonight against minor league hitters… Oh, wait, that was the Pirates.  My bad.   Strasburg was introduced, “Last name:  Ever.  First name:  Greatest.”  For a nifty trick, in the 2nd inning he threw a 98 MPH fastball and also caught it.  He looked flat-out dominating at times.  Towards the end of the game, he really started heating up — maybe he put his arm in the microwave for 15 seconds on both sides — and he looked unhittable.  He did after all strikeout 14 hitters.  And he homered three times.  Once off himself.  At other times, he looked like a rookie making mistakes.  I mean, he did give up a homer to Delwyn “I Don’t Even Know How To Spell My First Name” Young.  I think there’s going to be a bunch of 6 inning, 2-3 earned run, 8-10 K games and some wins.  Fantastic, for sure.  He could win the Rookie of the Year over Heyward.  But you didn’t just back into owning 1999 Pedro.  Not yet at least.  Maybe next year.  Yesterday, one of our three girl readers got Sabathia, Dunn and Ervin for Strasburg.  That’s tremendous value for Big Baby Jesus.  I’d explore how hyped he is in your league too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cameron Maybin – Will sit in favor of Stanton.  That’s so Maybin!  Oh, wait.  No, it’s not.  In NL-Only keeper leagues, I would hold onto Maybin.  Elsewhere… Well, if you worried your team can’t continue without Maybin, you have bigger fish to fry.  Marlin pun!  Kinda!

Ian Stewart – Went for X-rays on his sore right leg.  No word if they found any cork.

Jeff Francis – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  I still wouldn’t trust him in mixed leagues, but you do what you gotta do.

Felix Hernandez – 6 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Not sure if this was F-Her, but it was definitely F-something.

Vladimir Guerrero – Hit his 13th homer as he bats .330 with 49 RBIs.  He can absolutely continue this, but he needs to stay healthy.  Sure, that “but” is the size of Ralphie May’s pants.

Kevin Slowey – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Well, la-di-da!  Where the heck you been, Slowey?  The Ks aren’t pretty but he has a 3.46 ERA on the year.  More impressively, he hasn’t given up a homer in three starts with two of the starts coming in the Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome.

Zack Greinke – 5 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I pray he’s not near any sharp objects tonight.  Or Eugenio Velez.  That guy’s rail thin.

Kris Medlen – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Pitched better than his line as he gave up two solo homers that hit the foul pole.  Left the game with what appeared to be a shoulder injury.  Stupid Medlen shoulder!  Since it was his non-throwing shoulder, he could make his next start.

Kelly Johnson – 3-for-4 and his 13th homer.  Hey, is it April again already?

Mark Reynolds – Mini Donkey hit his 14th homer as he bats .217 on the year with 3 steals.  This was the problem that I addressed with Reynolds in the preseason.  The homers will be there, but the steals and average were fluky last year.

Hiroki Kuroda – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Throw out two starts vs. the Rockies and he has a 2.59 ERA.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Jack Cust – Hit his 2nd homer since I said last week that he was getting hot and going to hit homers.  And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Kurt Suzuki – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his fourth homer in the last 7 games.  I understand he’s not a sexy name.  I don’t like him either, but if he’s hitting just own him.  Thank you.

Clayton Richard – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Rule #1 for hodgepadres is don’t start them outside of Petco.  Rule #2 is sometimes you can start them in Metco.  Rule #3 is Rule #2 kinda negates Rule #1.  Rule #4 is Rule #3 should shut up.

Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 with a homer.  Nothing else to really say about this, just felt like writing it since it’s few and far between when I get to say something positive about Reyes.  Get hot again, Jose.  Get hot!

Mike Pelfrey – 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, now has a 2.23 ERA on the year as he continues to keep the bats off the Pelfrey.

Jeff Niemann – 9 IP, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the 1927 Blue Jays.  The regression will come for Niemann.  I’ll bet the right side of my mustache on it.

Carlos Pena – I put the over/under for homers in June at 8.  He hit 2 more yesterday.  He needs only 5 more.  Maybe it’s time to take the over.

Daniel Bard – Getting his 2nd save yesterday was Bard.  Or was it the Earl of Oxford!  Papelbon’s on bereavement leave.  Grab Bard everywhere for saves.

Sam LeCure – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Hi, I’m Sam LeCure.  You might remember me from such minor league stats as a 7.9 K/9, a 3.1 BB/9, a 3.67 ERA over 6 minor league seasons and the fast food training film, “Doughnut:  Take the Ugh Out.”

Matt Cain – 9 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Cain has a 2.11 ERA.  You can say that again with four exclamation marks.

Juan Uribe – Hit his 9th homer.  I’m not a big fan, but he does get crazy hot at times and can go on a tear for a few weeks.

Pat Burrell – 2-for-4, batting .417 since he was called up by the Giants.  Has also started 3 of the last 4 days.  Your league needs to be deep for Burrell to matter right now, but he’s someone to keep an eye on.  The Giants will play anyone if they give them offense.

Ted Lilly – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks in 90 pitches.  He actually threw 95 pitches but he had a coupon for 5 pitches off.

Carlos Guillen – 3-for-4, and his 3rd homer of the year.  Might be getting hot, but his upside is very limited.

Raul Ibanez – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs.  Finally.  Hopefully whatever was eating Raul was left in the little boy’s room as he moves forward.  I don’t think he just suddenly got old.  Not to mention that park and that lineup…  That’s why I’ve tried to remain patient.

Mark Teixeira – 3-for-4, 2 Runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer.  See reasons for sticking with Ibanez then subtract 8 years off of his age.

Adam Jones – Hit his 7th homer yesterday.  When I saw he hit a homer in the box score, I thought at first Andruw Jones had been traded to the O’s.  Yeah, not a great sign.  But Adam has 2 homers in his last 7 games now.

Ryan Howard – Hit his 10th home run to keep pace with Victorino, who also has 10 homers.  Zoinks!  Or as the beer drinking baby would say *burp*

Brad Lidge – Saved his third game.  Was a nail biter, but he’s the closer until his next injury.  You can lose Contreras for now.

Matt Thornton – 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Ouch… Wait, what?  Oh.  Ouch!

Gavin Floyd – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Earning trust back, still wouldn’t start him in his next start… Unless it was an interleague game, which it is.  If you have him, you gotta run him out there vs. the Cubs in Wrigley, where he has a 1.29 ERA over the last three years.

Armando Galarraga – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  After the game, he was handed the keys to a brand new Kia Sportage.  Hey, it was a 5 inning, no decision.  What do you want?