At least that’s the creed that Francona and Epstein keep repeating to themselves as they sit in the fetal position on opposite corners of the clubhouse shower. Carl Crawford seems like a nice guy. Something about the name Carl. So innocuous. “Hey, sis, what’s your new boyfriend’s name? Carl? I’m gonna like him on Facebook.” […]
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Ben Zobrist had a pretty good day yesterday. A double slam and legs and 10 RBIs. Zobrist’s wife, an aspiring singer of Christian pop music, wrote a song about Zobrist’s day called, “The Day The Lord Shined His Lovelight On Ben.” Its B-side is “Here’s The Church, Here’s The Steeple, God’s Fifth Outfielder Is Jason […]
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Waiter, There Is A Fly Ball Rate In My Soup
April 28, 2011 | fantasy baseball strategy | 224 Commentsby: Grey
BABIP is Batting Average on Balls In Play. And they sometimes lie, even if Shakira sang, BABIPs Don’t Lie. BABIP is a quick way to know how much luck a hitter is having. There’s more to it, but for the purposes of this, a high BABIP for a hitter and it means the hitter could […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Justin Smoak has back-to-back days with home runs and back-to-back-to-back games with a home run. Say that fast 117 times! Where there’s Smoak, there’s fire! See what I did there?! Did you see?! Yeah, of course you did, it was pretty obvious. Smoak seems to be the hot schmotato of the moment. (Hot schmotato hasn’t […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Closer Casting In LA – Watch Out Kyra Sedgwick!
April 27, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 354 Commentsby: Grey
Jonathan Broxton blew his first save because of an error and he’s out as closer. Hmph. The Dodgers’ GM Colletti said the Dodgers would turn to Padilla and Broxton with Kuo joining the mix when he returns at the end of the week. Hmph. Hmph. Mattingly then said last I checked Colletti doesn’t have a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Let’s quote the Random Preseason Commenter, “You don’t have Matt Thornton in your top 20 closers? Hey, Grey, how does it feel to suck at life? Oh, and while you’re sucking, blow me. Thank you.” This isn’t to point out I knew Thornton would be terrible, but to say again how fickle closers are. He […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? The Niña, the Pinta and the Santos Panacea
April 26, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Notes | 158 Commentsby: Grey
Ozzie said that Sergio Santos would be the closer vs. righties. That means Santos is just the closer closer. Or as close to it as we’re gonna get. I don’t know how much I believe this. Just the other day Ozzie said the White Sox had the best bullpen in the American League. And he […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Here at Razzball we don’t believe in vetoing a fantasy baseball trade, but we do fully support passive-aggressive, sarcastic belittling. If someone in your league completed a trade that makes you wish they’d walk into oncoming traffic, you’re in luck! Here’s a Mad Libs-type tirade to post in your league’s messageboard because when met […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Sorry Sir, Don’t Like Lance A Lot
April 22, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 369 Commentsby: Grey
The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Eureka! Franklin Finally Gets No R-E-S-P-E-C-T
April 20, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 305 Commentsby: Grey
Ryan Franklin was replaced yesterday, but it came so begrudgingly, La Russa wouldn’t even announce who would replace him. GM Mozeliak held a knife to a squirrel’s neck to try and get La Russa to tell us who would be the closer and still nothing. “There’s only two things in this world I hold dear […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Please Lowrie To Introduce Myself
April 19, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 297 Commentsby: Grey
Someone defrost Ted Williams’ head, Jed Lowrie is hitting .516. If Mickey Rooney were playing the part of Dice-K, he’d say Jed is so Lovrie. That’s if we can pull Rooney away from pooping in your neighbor’s chimney. Right now, Lowrie is seasoning up fantasy steaks something delicious, but can this continue? No, of course […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joe Nathan reclaimed his closer job this year but was missing something, consistently putting his team behind the 8-ball, so the Twins shifted to CAPPS. On March 25th, I said this about the Matt Capps and Taipei Slinko shituation, “Here’s what I see happening. Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan […]
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