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Twins aren’t winning.  Twins haven’t won all year, actually.  You can look it up.  They’re 0-for-2011.  But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason.  I love that.  I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value.  Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball.  We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC.  When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!).  With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats.  Revere is the player.  In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals.  In the last ten games, he has 7 steals.  (BTW, the Twins lost each of those ten games.  Ha!)  He’s not glamorous, you’re not going to want to keep him for next year (outside of very deep leagues that have a “Must Have A Ben” clause), but if you need steals, grab him quick.  Now if only Revere played for the Red Sox, it would be like a player on the Yanks named Sam Yonkers.  Or a Jimmy Burbank on the Dodgers.  Or Sadaharu Tacoma on the Mariners.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Mike Carp – He’s hitting .400 over the last week with two homers.  This from our frequent commenter, Rabbit, “So how much of a team can you fill up with fish-themed players?  You’ve got Carp, Trout, and Anthony Bass.  I’d say you can include Jason Bay and Dan, Tim and Kyle Hudson (but not Vernon Wells – the first two bodies of water contain fish, the other better not) and maybe one of the Thames (whichever one pronounces his name like the river).  Jerry Sands and Brandon Beachy seem a close enough fit.  If you push it a bit, your catcher could be Pierzynski (Where do you fish from?  The pier, Zynski.), and maybe you could have Wilson “Exxon” Valdez (he sure killed a lot of fish).”

Nolan Reimold – Has three homers and three steals in the last ten games.  Sure, he’s flopped a bunch in the past, but who are you to judge Reimold?  Fred Savage?

Jerry Sands – Him and Bugsy helped build Vegas and now Sands is hitting .458 over the last week with 2 homers.

Salvador Perez – In his short time in the majors, he’s hitting .344 with 2 homers.  In the even shorter time of the last week, he’s hitting .579 with one homer.  In the even shortest time of his last at-bat, he’s 1-for-1.  That’s batting one thousand!  Use Ted Williams’s frozen medulla oblongata and carve out Perez’s Hall of Fame plaque!

John Mayberry Jr. – With the Phils clinched, Mayberry’s seeing more time and hitting (.409 with 2 homers in the last week).  It’s Mayberry BFD.

Joel Peralta – Farnsworth should return today, but you never know what can happen, except there will be a plague of locust as we know from The Book of Joel Peralta.

Greg Holland – Besides the saves (which he is getting now), he’s had a much better year than Soria.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Mike Aviles – Starting at 3rd base for the Sawx over the last week and he’s hitting .385 with 2 homers.  Last September, he had 6 homers and hit .357.  I accept this H2H trophy on behalf of all the men and women in the Armed Forces, and Mike Aviles.

Eric Young Jr. – Do I dare recommend him again?  I dare, I dare.  Do you care to pick him up again?  You care, you care.  Do you have someone to change your baby’s diaper?  Au pair, au pair.

Mike Moustakas – Over the last seven days, he has 2 homers and is hitting .500.  Finally, someone sprayed some Windex on his bat.

Lonnie Chisenhall – It seems inevitable that all of these guys that are hitting in September are going to be overrated next March.  Cust kayin’.

Brent Morel – Not only is he hitting (4 homers in the last ten games) but he seems like a funghi.

Cory Luebke – If you want a list of starters for the last week of the season, head over to the borderline fantasy starter post.  I wrote it while covering my eyes during the elevator scene in Drive.


Joakim Soria – I don’t think he’s going to pitch again this year.  Seriously, no Joakim.

Mitch Moreland – Before he just wasn’t hitting, now he’s not playing.  You see how that could hurt his value?  I.e., stop your Mitchin’.

Brett Lawrie – You guys will always have those moments you shared.  No one can take those from you.  Not even the IRS.

Troy Tulowitzki – Unlike previous years, the Rockies threw up the white flag in late August.  Hey, on the bright side, you don’t need a huge September from Tulo to make his season worthwhile.

Carlos Gonzalez – Probably done for the year.  His season ending stats are 92/26/92/.295/20.  My preseason projections were 90/24/95/.285/20.  Is that a boo-ya?  Or just boo-ya adjacent?

Anyone that is not going to help you win right now – There’s no time left, drop anyone that is not playing and add players that are.  Now excuse me while I go see Moneyball.  BTW, I’d love to hear a review of Moneyball by Joe Morgan.  “Is that John Kruk playing opposite Brad Pitt?  He was excellent!  I didn’t know he could play so Jewish.”

  1. Rabbit says:

    Woohoo! I got quoted in an article! Now I can die in peace. Or in pieces, if I’m in Mexico and run afoul of the drug cartels.

  2. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    you’re you own man , but if i were you i’d stay away from “public” food
    for a while .
    enjoy the movie .

  3. Howard says:

    @Grey @Rabbit You could put Smoak in with Carp, Trout and Bass!

    @Grey Can’t believe it’s the last Buy/Sell. You know I’m locked in when I picked up Moose, Mayberry, Sands, Carp and Aviles yesterday!

    Thanks for all the great advice and most of all for the endless mirth!

  4. Michael says:

    No Alejandro de Aza? (As a buy, not a fish).

  5. Steve says:

    The team would be managed by Sid Bream.

  6. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Rabbit: Ha!

    @chata: Thanks! But now thinking I might wait to see it with Rudy when I go to Austin in two weeks.

    @Howard: No problem.

    @Michael: He’s been a buy for the last few weeks. Started to feel repetitive.

    @Steve: Nice…Or Tim Salmon, as someone said yesterday.

  7. Steve says:

    @Grey: Of course. I seem to recall that Salmon made my all-food team too.

  8. Roger Ebert has a good review up of Moneyball. I don’t always agree with him, but I respect his opinions, and since Moneyball is one of my favorite books, and also because I love the tits off baseball, I am going to see this movie so hard my pants may be soaked from excitement-leakage.

  9. TheNewGuy says:

    Ha didn’t realise America had a river Thames too, the other ‘River Thames’ is near me in England!

    Am still trying to narrow down my keeper options, whilst fantasy baseball is fresh in my mind. Would you keep Big Erv (Santana) at $7 (4+3) for another year? Also is Hunter Pence worth keeping at $18 (15+3) for 1 more year now that he’s with the fightin’ Phils? OBP league but his OBP has been good since I traded for him this year.

  10. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Oh, yeah.

    @ChrisV82: I don’t like to read reviews prior to seeing the movie because I don’t want to be influenced. But I do look at metacritic to see the general feel for the reviews, and it’s getting great reviews.

    @TheNewGuy: I don’t know if we do have a River Thames. Ervin and Pence are both worth it at those prices.

  11. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Grey: As the end of my third season of fantasy baseball comes to a close, I’d like to thank you for helping me get my first first place (stuttering?) in a league. It happens to be a flukey 12 team H2H league I created but I’ll take my $150 just the same. I think I officially have to buy you a virtual drink now. Cheers!

    I should buy Vasquez and Fister drinks too.

  12. Steve says:

    @Grey: He was right between Lemon and Dill in the lineup.

  13. TheNewGuy says:

    Ha lovin the rest of the fish-related names. Forgot to say thanks for your help this year to a Brit from across the pond. Didn’t win this year due to some bad drafting/ bad luck, but didn’t disgrace myself as an Englishmen playing fantasy-baseball anyway! It’s far better than any fantasy-games we have over here!

  14. royce! says:

    I wonder if fans are going to show up to opening night for Moneyball dressed as their favorite character…you should go as Prince Fielder, whom Beane opined was “too fat”. Dressing up in blackface and a fat suit would at least be a good way to insure empty seats next to you.

  15. TheNewGuy says:

    Ah I see you have a ‘Thames River’ we have a ‘River Thames’.

  16. Mike Aviles single-handedly won me my H2H league last season.

  17. Steve says:

    Though I do fear that the All-Fish team will end up floundering in last plaice.
    In the Cape Cod League perhaps.

  18. Al Swedgin says:

    Hey, butter butter butter

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Oh, wow…. That was my line on Delgado. I forgot that I said that, I blame the food poisoning.

  20. jared says:

    Freeman, loney, Morel, or Rivera for rest of year for corner infield?

  21. Steve says:

    @Grey: Just glad it’s found it’s rightful home. So do you remember the band now? Or still just the song?

    Had ‘All Of My Heart’ on high rotate yesterday (emoticon).

  22. Rabbit says:

    @TheNewGuy: I actually was referring to your original Thames river there across the Pond. The Thames river here in this country (which runs through New London, CT, not far from me) is actually pronounced by the locals so that it rhymes with “names.” New World philistines.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:

    @jared: Morel

    @Steve: Yeah, I only know that one song.

  24. Seffrey says:

    @Grey: I just wanted to thank you. I’m not much of a baseball fan but got talked in to joining a league this year to replace a last minute dropout. I’m in the finals thanks to you.

    Should I hope Gardner starts hitting or go with the hot hand (Aza)?

  25. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Seffrey: No problem, hopefully you win. Go with De Aza.

  26. dingbat says:

    On the subject of names appropriate to teams, I came up with the following team-appropriate sentence:

    “After eating the Smoaked Carp at Pike Place Market, I felt a bit Ackley.”

  27. chata says:


    i live in norwich and the thames river runs through it (yep … a pitt
    movie with fish reference) .

    kinda screwed me up when thames (pronounced tims) used to play
    for the navigators .

  28. B.o.B. says:

    @Grey: Kendrick @ NYM or T Wood @ Pitt?


  29. The Ghost of Doc Ellis says:

    Doh!, Sorry about the “Rookie Nookie” thing. I double checked the Glossary to make sure it wasn’t there but I should have figured the idea didn’t really come from my own mind. Oh, you Inceptionator you!

  30. royce! says:

    @Grey: Whoa, meta!

  31. Cornelius says:

    Agree 100% with greedy players. Kinsler’s going to run everytime he’s on base ’til he’s 30/30. I love that for fantasy.

  32. royce! says:

    Here’s more evidence that h2h is highly luck based- the guy in my league who seems to draft and pick up people based on their names made it to the finals, and started Harden and Lackey this week. Which I suppose shows both that getting to the finals can be luck based but that there are limits to luck- namely, starting Harden and Lackey.

  33. SwaggerJackers says:

    Yo Grey! I finally did it! After reading this site for nearly 3 years, I threw a couple brews your way. Thanks for all the solid advice! I’m currently in line to finish 1st in one league, 2nd in another league and 3rd in another one.

    I never got around to mentioning this earlier in the season but I was totally a local celeb for a day in Cleveland. I was at Thome’s second game back with the tribe and his bat flew out of his hands and hit me in the legs. Check out this awesome pic:;_ylt=ApgOVmAwxZzkOP13hLJae7y4u7YF?slug=2ea5e528ac17c63f84dfd069a7b76ba0-getty-122324436

  34. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    For the first time since August, 2010, the Jays turned a double play behind Morrow. There was a celebration in the dugout, with Romero dumping a cup of water over Morrow’s head.

  35. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: That’s how I roll. On a dinner roll.

    @Cornelius: Oh, yeah.

    @royce!: True

    @SwaggerJackers: Thanks… And that’s awesome! But why aren’t you wearing a Razzball t-shirt?

    @VinWins: That’s hilarious.

  36. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Grey: Gotta support the home team! That was a rare non-DL game for Choo between injuries (actually re-injured something halfway through the game) and I just bought that jersey at the start of the season. Send me a Razzball shirt and I’ll rock it next time.

  37. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SwaggerJackers: Okay…How about a Razzball sign? Either way, that’s are great seats, easy to come by there?

  38. royce! says:

    At the padres game- the Dodgers lineup is ridiculous- Velez/Gordon has to be the skinniest double play combo in history.

  39. royce! says:

    Just missed a foul ball because I was busy making fun of the dodgers MIs’ weight. I have not learned my lesson.

  40. McBainus says:

    @Grey: Of you had one spot start left, do you go Luebke vs Dodgers or Ogando vs. Felix?

  41. Doug Ault says:

    @Grey: I have Hamels and Lester starting saturday.I’m in 1st, but wins are not nearly as valuable to me compared to era and whip, k’s won’t gain me much. If my whip rises four points I drop 3 points, and my lead is only 6 1/2

    do I sit either or both?

  42. chata says:


    as long as the mets don’t buy out (and remove) the landfill behind
    centerfield , so that new yorkers will still occasionally have the stench
    of burning garbage wafting over them , i think the changes will be
    welcomed by players and fans alike .

  43. Wilsonian says:

    Thanks for Lilly today. I’m in a sick battle right now. I’m losing 8-4, but we’re insanely close in every single category, so I’ve gotta play it right. Here are my questions in the best order possible:

    1) would you play Kipnis over Kendrick?
    2) drop R. Betancourt for Holland or Peralta?
    3) Aviles or D. Gordon?
    4) Moose or Konerko?

    I think that’s it for now. I definitely appreciate everything. I owe you a case of daiquiris.

  44. Wilsonian says:

    Oh, and with the Rangers clinching, drop Napoli for Perez?

  45. Grey

    Grey says:

    @chata: Hopefully I can avoid being executed.

    @royce!: Ha! Totally…

    @royce!: Did you really?

    @McBainus: Luebke

    @Eddie: Interesting…

    @Doug Ault: Sit both.

    @Wilsonian: 1. Yes 2. Holland 3. Gordon for steals 4. Moose… I’d stick with Napoli.

  46. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Grey: My dad’s former boss had front row season tickets. Too bad it’s his FORMER boss now…

  47. Eddy says:

    Here’s a name we haven’t heard in a while.

    Kris Medlen was activated from the DL. Not sure if he’ll start or pitch from the bullpen.

  48. ruah says:

    Is Utley a keeper in a 10 team standard roto league? We keep 5 and I also have Pujols, Phillips, A Jones, Halladay & Weaver that I’m looking at as well as guys that got dropped like Choo.

  49. Grey

    Grey says:

    @ruah: If you didn’t have Phillips, I’d say over Jones, but you do so there’s that.

  50. Will says:

    Wow there are a lot of awful pitchers throwing tomorrow. Who is the least worst – pick two?

    Burnett vs. Bos
    Detwiler vs. Atl
    Luis Mendoza @ CWS
    Lucas Harrell vs. Col
    Carmona vs. Min
    Penny vs. Bal

    Thanks for all the help this season. Only a few more days to dominate.

  51. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Will: Matchups are not good tomorrow at all… Carmona…

  52. Doug Ault says:

    @Grey: I cut them both and picked up a few stingy releivers,my luck they’ll both have huge games, but too risky

  53. royce! says:

    @Grey: I really did. I was sitting in the second row of the second level, and as I was typing, the batter fouled a ball off a sign on the top deck and it landed in the unoccupied seat in front of me. A guy a few seats down snatched it. Most exciting thing to happen at Petco all year.

  54. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: Aw, man… Hands free!

  55. royce! says:

    @Grey: Good point.

    Last game I attended a ball landed near my seat. Unfortunately, I was up getting a beer. My wife grabbed it and gave it to her my sister-in-law- it had bounced off my sister-in-law’s ankle, so my wife thought it was only fair she should end up with it. (She clearly does not understand these things.) My sister-in-law in turn gave it to one of her daughters, because at the last game she attended, she caught one and gave it to her other daughter. The daughter that was not given the ball flipped out and threw a fit. (Bear with me, this story is going somewhere.)

    Apparently this was not how others around them remembered it- when my brother-in-law and I returned to our seats, the usher told us we missed a fight between a lady and a little girl in which the lady stole a foul ball from the girl. My sister-in-law was mortified, and I couldn’t wait to get home to find out if the fight had ended up on television. Sadly, it had not.

    Don’t remember what happened in the game- we probably lost 2-0, once again.

  56. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    so it looks my h2h championship will have to be won by Lilly,Volstad,Gomez and Matt Harrison next wk….thanks Beachy and Lester.

  57. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    If I hear that “seasons come and go” playoff song one more time I may blow my brains out.

  58. Sir says:

    I’m trying to figure out who to pick up as a streamer for tomorrow – Mike Minor against the puny Nats or Chacin against the feeble Astros. Any advice would be much appreciated.

  59. Wilsonian says:

    Jesus over Napoli?

  60. AL KOHOLIC says:

    better numbers next year,jesus montero or weiters

  61. AL KOHOLIC says:

    ATTN get you red hot razzball shirts right here at the low low price

  62. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    Not that I had a chance to win, but Felix could have at least helped me improve my standing a little.

    Tough to win when your third round pick is a bust pitcher.

  63. Wilsonian says:

    Kipnis or Espinosa for the last three games of the week?

  64. Terrence Mann says:

    I’m calling this right now. Next spring, all of the LA news stands will be full of baseball magazines with cover photos of Kershaw and Kemp. The headlines will most certainly be “Double Trouble”, “An UnKempt bed”, “Kershaw me the money!” and the like. Said magazines will tout the depth of the bullpen – which will be somehow improved even though Mattingly trusts nobody, explain that Ethier’s hit streak was just the beginning of his potential, sell Dee Gordon as the next all star while ignoring his career obp, create some ruse as to why Kuroda wants to retire a Dodger, and pretend they’re a contender. Watch.

  65. Wilsonian says:

    @Grey: thanks. Picked up Montero last night for the double dip hoping he gets 2 starts. Might have to drop Nap for another useful bat.

  66. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Terrence Mann: Only problem with that scenario is newsstands are filled with entertainment magazines, no room for baseball magazines.

    @Wilsonian: Cool

  67. how you feel about kevin millwood @ Houston today?

    i also have Holland going, but could use some w’s.


  68. tsm says:

    @Grey or anyone: please rank for Monday:
    U. Jimenez, H. Bailey, F. Paulino.

    6×6 with K/BB and QS.


  69. Grey

    Grey says:

    @anchovies: If you just want wins and can afford a meltdown, go for it.

  70. Grey

    Grey says:

    @tsm: You ranked them.

  71. haha what do you mean a meltdown? its a tight matchup across the board, really.

  72. Grey

    Grey says:

    @anchovies: I mean, don’t risk it if you can’t afford Millwood not showing up.

  73. Wilsonian says:

    I need steals and hits. Crisp or the revolutionary?

  74. Wilsonian says:

    Also, any reason to keep Santos over Holland?

  75. Steve Stevenson says:

    ‘Drubal out of the lineup again, this time because he got hit in the elbow last night. Use my last move on another SS? Most hitting cats in my H2H finals are tight. Gordon, Scutaro, Infante and Andino are the best available options.

  76. Wilsonian says:

    Better spot start for tomorrow: McCarthy @ SEA; Chacin @ SF; D. Hudson v. LAD?

  77. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Wilsonian: Crisp

    @Wilsonian: Nope

    @Steve Stevenson: I wouldn’t use my last move unless I didn’t need to stream a pitcher. If you’re fine there, Gordon for steals, Infante otherwise…

    @Wilsonian: Hudson

  78. Wilsonian says:

    Thanks man. Is Peralta going to be the closer for the last three games or is Farns going to take it back?

  79. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Wilsonian: Farns might get a save, but I’d prefer Peralta.

  80. Steve Stevenson says:

    @Grey: Thanks, dude. The other guy’s carrying 10 SP, so I’m pretty much conceding the counting stats and going for the RP cats plus losses. If a win will help me later in the week, I’ve got a couple guys slated to start.

  81. grey….grey…grey…

    gotta pick 2 outta these three:

    cj thomas @ laa
    b mcarthy @ sea
    c lee @ atl

    thanks, as always

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