Twins aren’t winning.  Twins haven’t won all year, actually.  You can look it up.  They’re 0-for-2011.  But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason.  I love that.  I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value.  Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball.  We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC.  When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!).  With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats.  Revere is the player.  In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals.  In the last ten games, he has 7 steals.  (BTW, the Twins lost each of those ten games.  Ha!)  He’s not glamorous, you’re not going to want to keep him for next year (outside of very deep leagues that have a “Must Have A Ben” clause), but if you need steals, grab him quick.  Now if only Revere played for the Red Sox, it would be like a player on the Yanks named Sam Yonkers.  Or a Jimmy Burbank on the Dodgers.  Or Sadaharu Tacoma on the Mariners.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Mike Carp – He’s hitting .400 over the last week with two homers.  This from our frequent commenter, Rabbit, “So how much of a team can you fill up with fish-themed players?  You’ve got Carp, Trout, and Anthony Bass.  I’d say you can include Jason Bay and Dan, Tim and Kyle Hudson (but not Vernon Wells – the first two bodies of water contain fish, the other better not) and maybe one of the Thames (whichever one pronounces his name like the river).  Jerry Sands and Brandon Beachy seem a close enough fit.  If you push it a bit, your catcher could be Pierzynski (Where do you fish from?  The pier, Zynski.), and maybe you could have Wilson “Exxon” Valdez (he sure killed a lot of fish).”

Nolan Reimold – Has three homers and three steals in the last ten games.  Sure, he’s flopped a bunch in the past, but who are you to judge Reimold?  Fred Savage?

Jerry Sands – Him and Bugsy helped build Vegas and now Sands is hitting .458 over the last week with 2 homers.

Salvador Perez – In his short time in the majors, he’s hitting .344 with 2 homers.  In the even shorter time of the last week, he’s hitting .579 with one homer.  In the even shortest time of his last at-bat, he’s 1-for-1.  That’s batting one thousand!  Use Ted Williams’s frozen medulla oblongata and carve out Perez’s Hall of Fame plaque!

John Mayberry Jr. – With the Phils clinched, Mayberry’s seeing more time and hitting (.409 with 2 homers in the last week).  It’s Mayberry BFD.

Joel Peralta – Farnsworth should return today, but you never know what can happen, except there will be a plague of locust as we know from The Book of Joel Peralta.

Greg Holland – Besides the saves (which he is getting now), he’s had a much better year than Soria.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Mike Aviles – Starting at 3rd base for the Sawx over the last week and he’s hitting .385 with 2 homers.  Last September, he had 6 homers and hit .357.  I accept this H2H trophy on behalf of all the men and women in the Armed Forces, and Mike Aviles.

Eric Young Jr. – Do I dare recommend him again?  I dare, I dare.  Do you care to pick him up again?  You care, you care.  Do you have someone to change your baby’s diaper?  Au pair, au pair.

Mike Moustakas – Over the last seven days, he has 2 homers and is hitting .500.  Finally, someone sprayed some Windex on his bat.

Lonnie Chisenhall – It seems inevitable that all of these guys that are hitting in September are going to be overrated next March.  Cust kayin’.

Brent Morel – Not only is he hitting (4 homers in the last ten games) but he seems like a funghi.

Cory Luebke – If you want a list of starters for the last week of the season, head over to the borderline fantasy starter post.  I wrote it while covering my eyes during the elevator scene in Drive.


Joakim Soria – I don’t think he’s going to pitch again this year.  Seriously, no Joakim.

Mitch Moreland – Before he just wasn’t hitting, now he’s not playing.  You see how that could hurt his value?  I.e., stop your Mitchin’.

Brett Lawrie – You guys will always have those moments you shared.  No one can take those from you.  Not even the IRS.

Troy Tulowitzki – Unlike previous years, the Rockies threw up the white flag in late August.  Hey, on the bright side, you don’t need a huge September from Tulo to make his season worthwhile.

Carlos Gonzalez – Probably done for the year.  His season ending stats are 92/26/92/.295/20.  My preseason projections were 90/24/95/.285/20.  Is that a boo-ya?  Or just boo-ya adjacent?

Anyone that is not going to help you win right now – There’s no time left, drop anyone that is not playing and add players that are.  Now excuse me while I go see Moneyball.  BTW, I’d love to hear a review of Moneyball by Joe Morgan.  “Is that John Kruk playing opposite Brad Pitt?  He was excellent!  I didn’t know he could play so Jewish.”

  1. Rabbit says:

    Woohoo! I got quoted in an article! Now I can die in peace. Or in pieces, if I’m in Mexico and run afoul of the drug cartels.

  2. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    you’re you own man , but if i were you i’d stay away from “public” food
    for a while .
    enjoy the movie .

  3. Howard says:

    @Grey @Rabbit You could put Smoak in with Carp, Trout and Bass!

    @Grey Can’t believe it’s the last Buy/Sell. You know I’m locked in when I picked up Moose, Mayberry, Sands, Carp and Aviles yesterday!

    Thanks for all the great advice and most of all for the endless mirth!

  4. Michael says:

    No Alejandro de Aza? (As a buy, not a fish).

  5. Steve says:

    The team would be managed by Sid Bream.

  6. Roger Ebert has a good review up of Moneyball. I don’t always agree with him, but I respect his opinions, and since Moneyball is one of my favorite books, and also because I love the tits off baseball, I am going to see this movie so hard my pants may be soaked from excitement-leakage.

  7. TheNewGuy says:

    Ha didn’t realise America had a river Thames too, the other ‘River Thames’ is near me in England!

    Am still trying to narrow down my keeper options, whilst fantasy baseball is fresh in my mind. Would you keep Big Erv (Santana) at $7 (4+3) for another year? Also is Hunter Pence worth keeping at $18 (15+3) for 1 more year now that he’s with the fightin’ Phils? OBP league but his OBP has been good since I traded for him this year.

  8. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Grey: As the end of my third season of fantasy baseball comes to a close, I’d like to thank you for helping me get my first first place (stuttering?) in a league. It happens to be a flukey 12 team H2H league I created but I’ll take my $150 just the same. I think I officially have to buy you a virtual drink now. Cheers!

    I should buy Vasquez and Fister drinks too.

  9. TheNewGuy says:

    Ha lovin the rest of the fish-related names. Forgot to say thanks for your help this year to a Brit from across the pond. Didn’t win this year due to some bad drafting/ bad luck, but didn’t disgrace myself as an Englishmen playing fantasy-baseball anyway! It’s far better than any fantasy-games we have over here!

  10. royce! says:

    I wonder if fans are going to show up to opening night for Moneyball dressed as their favorite character…you should go as Prince Fielder, whom Beane opined was “too fat”. Dressing up in blackface and a fat suit would at least be a good way to insure empty seats next to you.

  11. TheNewGuy says:

    Ah I see you have a ‘Thames River’ we have a ‘River Thames’.

  12. Mike Aviles single-handedly won me my H2H league last season.

  13. Steve says:

    Though I do fear that the All-Fish team will end up floundering in last plaice.
    In the Cape Cod League perhaps.

  14. Al Swedgin says:

    Hey, butter butter butter

  15. jared says:

    Freeman, loney, Morel, or Rivera for rest of year for corner infield?

  16. Seffrey says:

    @Grey: I just wanted to thank you. I’m not much of a baseball fan but got talked in to joining a league this year to replace a last minute dropout. I’m in the finals thanks to you.

    Should I hope Gardner starts hitting or go with the hot hand (Aza)?

  17. dingbat says:

    On the subject of names appropriate to teams, I came up with the following team-appropriate sentence:

    “After eating the Smoaked Carp at Pike Place Market, I felt a bit Ackley.”

  18. B.o.B. says:

    @Grey: Kendrick @ NYM or T Wood @ Pitt?


  19. The Ghost of Doc Ellis says:

    Doh!, Sorry about the “Rookie Nookie” thing. I double checked the Glossary to make sure it wasn’t there but I should have figured the idea didn’t really come from my own mind. Oh, you Inceptionator you!

  20. Cornelius says:

    Agree 100% with greedy players. Kinsler’s going to run everytime he’s on base ’til he’s 30/30. I love that for fantasy.

  21. royce! says:

    Here’s more evidence that h2h is highly luck based- the guy in my league who seems to draft and pick up people based on their names made it to the finals, and started Harden and Lackey this week. Which I suppose shows both that getting to the finals can be luck based but that there are limits to luck- namely, starting Harden and Lackey.

  22. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    For the first time since August, 2010, the Jays turned a double play behind Morrow. There was a celebration in the dugout, with Romero dumping a cup of water over Morrow’s head.

  23. royce! says:

    At the padres game- the Dodgers lineup is ridiculous- Velez/Gordon has to be the skinniest double play combo in history.

  24. royce! says:

    Just missed a foul ball because I was busy making fun of the dodgers MIs’ weight. I have not learned my lesson.

  25. McBainus says:

    @Grey: Of you had one spot start left, do you go Luebke vs Dodgers or Ogando vs. Felix?

  26. Wilsonian says:

    Thanks for Lilly today. I’m in a sick battle right now. I’m losing 8-4, but we’re insanely close in every single category, so I’ve gotta play it right. Here are my questions in the best order possible:

    1) would you play Kipnis over Kendrick?
    2) drop R. Betancourt for Holland or Peralta?
    3) Aviles or D. Gordon?
    4) Moose or Konerko?

    I think that’s it for now. I definitely appreciate everything. I owe you a case of daiquiris.

  27. Wilsonian says:

    Oh, and with the Rangers clinching, drop Napoli for Perez?

  28. Eddy says:

    Here’s a name we haven’t heard in a while.

    Kris Medlen was activated from the DL. Not sure if he’ll start or pitch from the bullpen.

  29. ruah says:

    Is Utley a keeper in a 10 team standard roto league? We keep 5 and I also have Pujols, Phillips, A Jones, Halladay & Weaver that I’m looking at as well as guys that got dropped like Choo.

  30. Will says:

    Wow there are a lot of awful pitchers throwing tomorrow. Who is the least worst – pick two?

    Burnett vs. Bos
    Detwiler vs. Atl
    Luis Mendoza @ CWS
    Lucas Harrell vs. Col
    Carmona vs. Min
    Penny vs. Bal

    Thanks for all the help this season. Only a few more days to dominate.

  31. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    so it looks my h2h championship will have to be won by Lilly,Volstad,Gomez and Matt Harrison next wk….thanks Beachy and Lester.

  32. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    If I hear that “seasons come and go” playoff song one more time I may blow my brains out.

  33. Sir says:

    I’m trying to figure out who to pick up as a streamer for tomorrow – Mike Minor against the puny Nats or Chacin against the feeble Astros. Any advice would be much appreciated.

  34. Wilsonian says:

    Jesus over Napoli?

  35. AL KOHOLIC says:

    better numbers next year,jesus montero or weiters

  36. AL KOHOLIC says:

    ATTN get you red hot razzball shirts right here at the low low price

  37. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    Not that I had a chance to win, but Felix could have at least helped me improve my standing a little.

    Tough to win when your third round pick is a bust pitcher.

  38. Wilsonian says:

    Kipnis or Espinosa for the last three games of the week?

  39. Terrence Mann says:

    I’m calling this right now. Next spring, all of the LA news stands will be full of baseball magazines with cover photos of Kershaw and Kemp. The headlines will most certainly be “Double Trouble”, “An UnKempt bed”, “Kershaw me the money!” and the like. Said magazines will tout the depth of the bullpen – which will be somehow improved even though Mattingly trusts nobody, explain that Ethier’s hit streak was just the beginning of his potential, sell Dee Gordon as the next all star while ignoring his career obp, create some ruse as to why Kuroda wants to retire a Dodger, and pretend they’re a contender. Watch.

  40. how you feel about kevin millwood @ Houston today?

    i also have Holland going, but could use some w’s.


  41. haha what do you mean a meltdown? its a tight matchup across the board, really.

  42. Wilsonian says:

    I need steals and hits. Crisp or the revolutionary?

  43. Wilsonian says:

    Also, any reason to keep Santos over Holland?

  44. Steve Stevenson says:

    ‘Drubal out of the lineup again, this time because he got hit in the elbow last night. Use my last move on another SS? Most hitting cats in my H2H finals are tight. Gordon, Scutaro, Infante and Andino are the best available options.

  45. Wilsonian says:

    Better spot start for tomorrow: McCarthy @ SEA; Chacin @ SF; D. Hudson v. LAD?

  46. Wilsonian says:

    Thanks man. Is Peralta going to be the closer for the last three games or is Farns going to take it back?

  47. grey….grey…grey…

    gotta pick 2 outta these three:

    cj thomas @ laa
    b mcarthy @ sea
    c lee @ atl

    thanks, as always

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