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Author: Grey

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Must Write Scott Kingery Buy Royal Decree

March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 454 Comments

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Lights a candle, and shakes out the match.  The candelabra illuminates a cave.  I carefully move towards a sleeping figure, reaching down and shaking the Buy/Sell out of its slumber.  “Hey, wake up, it’s a new season.”
The Buy/Sell stretches its arm and yawns loudly.  “Is it September already?”
“No, it’s March, it’s a new baseball season.”
“Baseball, riiiiight.  The thing with the racket.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”  In quick cuts, I see the Buy/Sell’s shirt reads Buy/Sell in smears of blood.  Cowering away, I trip, only to realize I’ve fallen on the entrails of the real Buy/Sell.
“I’m the new Buy/Sell now!”  Then it laughs ghoulishly, gnashing its fangs.  So, Scott Kingery made the team.  I know, I didn’t expect it either, but good for the Phils.  They made the bold choice, and the bold are rewarded, which sounds like a 1970’s cigarette campaign.  “Winston Lights, The Bold are Rewarded.”  Lance Broz…etc. gave you his Scott Kingery fantasy before it was official Kingery would start the year with the Phils, but it looked to be headed there, which is why it’s so frustrating that I didn’t move on him quicker (Kingery not Lance.  “When you’re a fantasy baseball blogger, they just let you move on them.”).  But data shows that Kingery is still available in a ton of leagues, and is an immediate buy everywhere.  In the video, Anime Grey has some more words on Kingery.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Opening Day And The Balls Are Juiced (So Are The Baseballs)

March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 289 Comments

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For Opening Day, I woke up at the crack of dawn on the West Coast, because no one in this godforsaken country cares about the West Coast.  Once I had my coffee and vape set up for a full day of baseball, I saw the Pirates/Tigers game was postponed and thought about how they should have their seasons postponed.  “I Mahtook you for a friend of the Tooks!”  That’s Mikie Mahtook.  Finally, I opened the MLB app on my iPad to find I had forgotten my password.  Cut to two hours later, and I was ready to watch some baseball!  Then Carlos Martinez gave up multiple runs on multiple fantasy teams of mine and I was ready to nap again.  Ah, it’s good to be back!  Speaking of which, I’ll trade you Carlos Martinez for a bag of Dick Pole’s.  Doesn’t matter which bag.  Maybe the one Salvador Perez was carrying.  You know what would’ve been Sweet Baby Jesus of me?  If I benched that goofy-haired, can’t-keep-his-hands-to-himself Cardinals pitcher.  Not to worry, I had Chris Archer going later in the day.  *sees Kiermaier and Span misplay a Eduardo Nunez ball into an inside-the-parker, crawls under bed*  Fantasy baseball:  When everyday stress is just not enough.  Any hoo!  It’s good to be back, now let’s get down to business.  Matt Davidson went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 1st, 2nd and third homer.  Someone wants to be Tuffy Rhodes.  “Not bad for five innings.”  Oh, shut up, Mark Whiten!  Do we have our first hot schmotato?!  I schmay schwe schdo!  Sounded better in my head!  Davidson won’t be in today’s Buy column, but he could’ve been.  I grabbed him in my RCL, because I’m in straight panic mode and Joe Panik is already owned!  Yes, there’s a Buy/Sell later today.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The KK K’s Took Claudio’s Saves Away

March 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 502 Comments

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*breathes in*  Opening Day is finally upon us!  Every fantasy team is confident of success.  Someone is making a major miscalculation.  But first, a word from our SAGNOF!  A Rangers beat writer seems to believe Keone Kela will get the first opportunity for saves, and, if successful, he will own the job all year.  Here you thought Keone was the name of Neo in the Korean remake of The Matrix.  Or an Elon Musk cologne.  *sprays mist* “Ah, I never go to Mars without my Keone.”  Any hoo!  Kela seems like a Hunter Strickland doppelgänger.  Not looks-wise, but bad reputation, good stuff and a saves tease.  I have not dropped Alex Claudio in any leagues yet, but I would own Kela, like an Elon Musk musk.  By the way, there’s a new Razzball tool in town, the Reliev-O-Nator.  It’s the Stream-o-Nator for saves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

RCL Draft: Overcompensating For My Staff

March 28, 2018 | Our Leagues | 399 Comments

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The other day I was joined by the best and the brightest Razzball has to offer and Tehol for our annual RCL draft (12 team, mixed league, yadda blabbity bloo).  Our fantasy hockey writer, Viz, who is a professional poker player (hope it’s okay to say that.  If not — oops!), went high/low split (totally talking out of my ass right now) and doubled down on the river, cleaning my chute of a full house of sexy picks.  He has Cody Bellinger, Trevor Story, Ronald Acuna, Bryce Harper, Trey Mancini, Eddie Rosario and Michael Wacha!  That is totally G-rated!  And the G there is for Grey.  On the other hand, I drafted a team that feels like it’s straight out of central casting.  Only problem is the role which is being cast is for a “bounce back candidate who can hit for power and steal a few bases, must also be proficient in Mandarin.”  Orange you glad I didn’t say navel!  What?  Okay, the season’s almost here and I’m straight batty with myself.  Can Ohtani slug better than Alcides and pitch better than Miles Mikolas?  I gotz to know!  (My guess is no and no.  Spring training panic!)  Anyway, here’s my RCL draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

NFBC, 15 Team, Draft Recap: You Can’t Not Draft Giancarlo, Double Negatives Be Damned!

March 27, 2018 | Our Leagues | 389 Comments

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This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about fifteen days, 18 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 15 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Bumgarner Breaks His Engine Throttle Hand

March 26, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 425 Comments

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I only wish Madison Bumgarner fractured his hand after every single person drafted, because I knew I was never drafting him.  Terrible thing to say?  Perhaps, but I’m not the poor schnook who was still drafting him after I said for the last three months to not draft him.  I even put him in a tier originally in the top 20 starters that said, DO NOT DRAFT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.  Okay, not in that tall of a font, but the sentiment was all over that tier.  I said specifically, “This is just like the above tier, and I will be avoiding it, but rather than the above guys who I actually like, just won’t draft, I do not like the guys in this tier, and would never draft them at their price.  So, while I wouldn’t draft the above guys, I really wouldn’t draft these guys.  Got it?  Cool.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Of course, I can’t claim prescience that I knew he’d be hit by a comebacker, but will I anyway?  Hmm…  Why not?!  Prescience ain’t just a word on my Word of the Day calendar that I got in a Secret Santa!  So, I’ve dropped Bumgarner in the rankings, and adjusted his projections accordingly.  My Fantasy Baseball War Room gets updated on the reg, as well.

Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Starters to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball

March 23, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 407 Comments

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Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program.  *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with*  No more sleepers, Francine.  Meh, I’ll let her rest.  Like the outfielders to target, this post is necessary.  You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters.  Last year’s starters to target post included McCullers, Nola, Robbie Ray and Alex Wood.  All guys who this year are in the top 26 for starters, with two making the jump to my top 20 starters.  This year…the world!  Well, not the world, just some starters.  As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall.  Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Outfielders to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball

March 22, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 292 Comments

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We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here!  Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella!  That makes sense…if you don’t think about it!  That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, and then when I step out of my car, I want my clever t-shirt to say it too, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.”  How can I arrange my life so this happens?  I need a personal assistant.  “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….”  That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant.  Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that I have uber-sexy feelings for.  Last year, I featured Aaron Judge, Domingo Santana and Joc Pederson, who I’ve featured every year since 1924, but not this year!  Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections.   Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Baltimore Cooking Up Some Cobb Cakes

March 21, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 337 Comments

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Alex Cobb woke up in the middle of October and told his significant other that he was happy to be moving on from the Rays.  It was time to get out of the AL East.  Sure, Tropicana Field wasn’t unfriendly to his needs as a pitcher.  Over his career, he had a home ERA of 3.10.  But, ya know what?  It was time to move on.  Then, he woke one day in December, and told his significant other that at the Winter Meetings, NL teams would be ‘chomping on the Cobb.’  Then, off her reaction, he asked if she’d excuse the pun.  Then, one day in January, as he scratched his flip-flopped feet on the deck of his boat in the Gulf, he thought about how maybe the Rays weren’t a bad club to pitch for.  Then, in February, he called the Mariners’ front office with a voice modulator asking them if they needed a veteran starter.  Then, in early March, he bought a Korean language Rosetta Stone as he prepped to play overseas.  So, Alex Cobb signed with the Orioles, and *sighs* starts against the Yankees and Red Sox still, but now in Camden.  His starts are gonna be like this:  pitch is thrown, batter swings bat and screams, “Nailed it!”  This feels like a move that could lead to a 4.05 ERA or a 4.85 ERA.  I’m no longer interested in owning Cobb and have moved him into my top 100 starters and down the ol’ top 500 overall.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

3rd Basemen to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball

March 20, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 332 Comments

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Excuse the exposition and this clunky intro into aforementioned exposition, but here’s the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, shortstops to target and something to stick to your dartboards to target.  These 3rd basemen to target are being drafted after 200 overall.  Keep in mind, nephew (and five niece readers), your Uncle Grey likes to have a corner man drafted by the time these guys appear, so you’re looking at potential utility men more than anything.  Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Indonesia) supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections.  Speaking of baseball (best segue ever!), the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and DFSBot are now available, i.e., the Razzsubscriptions.  Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Tout Wars, NL-Only Recap: The Champ Is Here

March 19, 2018 | Our Leagues | 384 Comments

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Last year, I won Tout Wars in a wire-to-wire cakewalk.  So, before the Tout Wars draft this Saturday, I prepared like any great champ would.  I took a page from Rocky Balboa and ran up a flight of stairs, hands raised in exultation.  I took a page from Ultimate Warrior and ordered a group of preteen girls to tighten the slack on a jump rope and shook it furiously.  Finally, I took a page from E.T. and draped myself in a blanket, squatted in a bicycle basket and had Rudy pedal me around our hotel room floor.  Did E.T. have anything to do with being a champion?  Not especially, but I was feeling nostalgic for some faux sentimentality and Ready Player One isn’t out yet.  In my mind, I was standing, arms raised, with a lone spotlight shining on me as Lin-Manuel Miranda sang how I was not going to throw away my shot at a repeat.  Only it wasn’t in my mind.  In our hotel room, Rudy shined an iPhone flashlight on me as we played a rather tinny version of Hamilton off YouTube.  I’m past patiently waitin’ I’m passionately mashin’ every expectation!  And I’m not throwing away my shot!  *clears throat*  “Um, Rudy, could you help me down from this Marriott end table?  I’m getting vertigo.”  Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars, NL-Only recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Shortstops to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball

March 16, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 325 Comments

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Two years ago, this post and the 2nd basemen to target were necessary evils like changing underwear.  Whether you wanted to or not, it was a good idea to take a flyer on a late middle infielder, and you were still expecting to get crapped on.  Then last year, I got goofy with myself and thought there were a ton of early, sexy-AF middle infielders.  You know what they say, “When you think, you make a think out of you and me.”  This year, I’m back to punting MI and there’s about a dozen 2nd basemen/shortstops that are going to make this possible, so let’s get in there like swimwear.  This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2018 fantasy baseball.  The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections.  Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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