“Hello, Proprietor of a Milliner, I understand your trade is hat-making. I was wondering if you could make this Dairy Queen sundae helmet into a normal-sized head helmet…Right, right, I get that. Yes, I guess I could just buy a helmet from the John Olerud collection, but I’d like this exact Kansas City Royals sundae helmet. It’s for Opening Day for the 2021 baseball season, Mr. Milliner–Wait a second, I’m seeing news come across my ticker…Adalberto Mondesi has an oblique strain? Forget it, Opening Day is called off. Goodbye.” How do you strain your oblique on the one day without baseball between now and July? Was he reaching up to get a suitcase out of overhead baggage? Well, I too have baggage, but I push my baggage down until I randomly start crying at red lights! Why, why whywhywhy…Well, I guess, Happy Opening Day! It feels less happy now with Mondesi news. The Royals recalled Nicky Lopez, which is objectively just funny. If you have late drafts, like after Opening Day, I updated top 500 for Mondesi, conservatively removing 100 at-bats, which is roughly three weeks to a month. It seemed like a big stretch to have Mondesi hitting 3rd in that lineup. Obviously too big of a stretch for his oblique. Hopefully, he can get back soon, because it’s Opening freakin’ Day! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
My final final final final draft of the year. Believe it was four finals, might’ve been five finals. Finally, the final final, as we extend our arms and coax into the 2021 fantasy baseball season. HalleBerrylujah, we’ve made it. Since this is my fourth or fifth final final draft of the season, I decided to throw everything to do with ADP out the window.
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 30, 2021
I mentioned at one point in the draft, I wonder what a draft would look like if all players were simply listed alphabetically rather than by ADP, or some arbitrary ranking by someone I don’t trust. It would likely mean at least one person would autodraft Andrew Abbott, but besides that I think it would change the entire draft landscape. Whether people want to believe it or not, they are influenced by the in-draft rankings. When it says a player is the next hitter or pitcher off the board, they don’t sit there for very long. Well, except for Sixto Sanchez in our league who went in the last round to Coolwhip. When you ignore ADP, it feels. Dot dot dot. Freeing. The most YOLO of drafts incoming. Anyway, here’s my RCL draft recap, 12-team mixed league:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
RazzSlam Recap: I Don’t Know What I’m Doing And Neither Does Anyone Else
March 30, 2021 | Our Leagues | 334 Commentsby: Grey
I’m a big fan of the everyman. I consider myself the everyman. I’m every man’s everyman. A pioneer of normcore. Track pants and a blinking light on my car’s dashboard that either means my seatbelt isn’t on or I need oil. That is me. What better way to elevate the Everyman Culture, than to take part in a tourney where no one is smarter than anyone else. Enter the RazzSlam, a Best Ball tourney. Every everyman likely knows what a Best Ball league is, but, if you don’t, it’s when you draft a team and the computer manages it for you by choosing who are your best players, and you get those stats. It’s basically one fantasy league removed from the robots taking over and killing us all. Well, the last laugh is on you robots, there’s a virus beating you to the punch! Kinda love that Razzball is putting on a tourney (hosted by NFBC — thank you!) that no one really has any clue how to strategize against. A true everyman experience. Oh, I’m sure there’s a few people who think they know the best strategy for, uh, Best Ball, and a few of them might be right, but there’s an under 1% chance they know why they’re right, and it isn’t just luck. In some ways, Best Ball leagues are a lot like Best Ball strategies. Throw a ton of them out there and a few good ones will rise to the top through sheer force of players’ performances and nothing you’re actually doing. That’s the fun. Anyway, here’s my RazzSlam, a 42-round, Best Ball 12 team draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Early on Saturday, I heard the news that Jay Bruce made the Yankees’ Opening Day roster, and I was like, “Cool, if this is 2012.” Then I thought, “Is this 2012? Am I time traveler?” Turned out it was not 2012, and I was not a time traveler. Double bummer there. Somehow, Jay Bruce is still only 33 years old, so he might be a time traveler. After my brief flight of fancy through a time portal that didn’t exist, I thought, “That sucks, keeping Bruce over Tauchman. He can’t catch a break. That’s not the bee’s knees, that’s BS.” Then I thought, “I can just curse in my own head, I don’t need to spell out BS.” Then, out of nowhere, I saw the Yankees were keeping Mike Tauchman on the Opening Day roster too, and things began to peel away from my very logical brain. How were the Yanks keeping three 1st basemen? Was everything fine with Luke Voit? Welp, turned out it wasn’t. The Yankees were watching a triple feature of Luke Skylimper; Luke Cool Hand, But Torn Meniscus and Luke Voit in Meniscus Cowboy. After disowning Angelina Jolie, Voit will be undergoing surgery on his torn meniscus in his knee, and will miss at least April and May. This puts the spotlight on Bruce to reclaim his Glory Days, when every speedball wasn’t thrown right by him. Whereas, Tauchman is interesting in AL-Only leagues, if he can get in the lineup. I’ve added neither to my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, because they might only be platooning for six to eight weeks. In the top 20 1st basemen, I lowered Luke Voit, taking roughly 200 ABs off his projections. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Late March Injuries Are So Eloying
March 26, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 359 Commentsby: Grey
Early yesterday, I was staring out my window, the rain slowly rolling down the glass, and from the outside it looked like tears were rolling down my cheeks. From the inside, it also looked like I was crying, because I was. I dramatically turned away from the window, put my hand to my forehead and fell into my Giancarlo beanbag. “Cuddle me, Giancarlo Beanbag,” I whispered into the beanbag I had dressed in a Yankees jersey. On the stereo, Rob Thomas scream-sang, “I want to take you for granted,” and I thought about that. Had I taken Eloy Jimenez for granted? Was this…that? As the wait for injury news dragged on, I wandered out onto the road and stopped a car to ask them if they heard anything on Eloy, and they said, “Are you crazy get off the freeway?” Was I crazy? Was that what this was? So, Eloy Jimenez is out for the year with a ruptured left pectoral tendon. Now allow me to return to playing terrible Matchbox Twenty songs and sobbing IT’S 3 AM AND I MUST BE LONELY. Obviously, my top 500 and top 20 outfielders were updated. Who knew I’d prefer Alloy Jimenez who has been blended with sturdier metals to improve wear. I wonder if CVS has condolence cards for fantasy teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Starters to Target for 2021 Fantasy Baseball
March 25, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 315 Commentsby: Grey
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Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program. *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with* No more sleepers, Francine. Meh, I’ll let her rest. Like the 2nd basemen to target or outfielders to target, this post is necessary. You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters. Last year’s starters to target post included Kenta Maeda, Kevin Gausman, Pablo Lopez, Julio Urias, Joe Musgrove and Jake Odorizzi, who I apparently can never get enough of. They’ve moved way up ranks this year with one making the jump to my top 20 starters, and, well, can you believe ESPN ranked Maeda 206th overall last year and left Gausman unranked? Yeah, well, Pablo Lopez was unranked by Yahoo and 375th overall by NFBC, so, as I always say, starters are available later. As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall. Also, all Steamer hitter projections are updated just about every day (mostly small adjustments), and all 2021 fantasy baseball rankings are updated, as well, including for Zac Gallen, who I would no longer draft as I say in the top 40 starters. Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Outfielders to Target for 2021 Fantasy Baseball
March 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 213 Commentsby: Grey
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We (me) have gone over the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, shortstops to target, and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that elicit uber-sexy feelings. Last year, I featured Trent Grisham, Anthony Santander, Austin Riley, Teoscar Hernandez, Franchy Cordero and Austin Hays, and now we’re back with all of them again! I’m kidding, about at least half that list. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball. All Steamer hitter projections and all 2021 fantasy baseball rankings have been updated. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2021 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Tout Wars: Drafting Hitting Like I Just Got The Stimmy
March 23, 2021 | Our Leagues | 214 Commentsby: Grey
A friend of mine Pete Gabriel looked at my team and said, “This team is going to be a sledgehammer!” Then after a brief pause said, “I didn’t capitalize sledgehammer, and I am in no way related to Peter Gabriel or Peter Gabriel’s estate. Any potential confusion is just unfortunate mistake. Please don’t sue me.” Then after filling out a ten-page contract clearing him of any liability, he said, “Your hitting will go boom, boom, boom! Son,” he said, “Grab your things, your hitters will drive guys home!” Then, after a lengthy reconfirmation that he was 100% unrelated to Peter Gabriel, he said, “The light…the heat…Your team is complete in your eyes.” Then quickly added, “But I didn’t sing any of that so don’t confuse me, Pete Gabriel, with the Grammy-winning singer, Peter Gabriel.” It’s exhausting hanging out with that guy. For those unaware, this league is 5×5 with OBP instead of AVG, two-catcher, 12-team NL-Only league. Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Jonathan India Trying Hard To Curry Favor Of Cincy Coaches
March 22, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 277 Commentsby: Grey
With Eugenio Suarez apparently the new Reds shortstop after they tried and failed to acquire every garbage shortstop this offseason, Jonathan India has been added to the top 20 3rd basemen. Now…we dance! *long involved Bollywood dance with me somehow sitting on a floating carpet* Yelling into the distance, “I love you, Pashmina!” Was about time that I gave India his due. What, am I British now? My teeth would tell you no, but my love for Olivia Colman and Earl Grey would tell you yes. Which ya gonna believe? I just recently discovered India, while standing in The Bahamas and saying, “Hey, cool, this is America and who wants to open a casino?” Was talking to Podcaster Ralph, who knows a thing or two about prospects, and he gassed my head up on Jonathan India, and I think he can now go 40/10/.260. Then, we deflated ourselves back to earth, and realism took us south, and now I’m in Sri Lanka. “Sri Lanka is better than a cup of Sanka!” That’s me just before getting dirty looks in Sri Lanka. India is a pull-heavy, fly ball hitter. How’s that sound in Cincy? Seriously, take a moment and think about it. You see how I came away with a 40/10/.260 line? Gonna put him down for realistic projections in the top 20 3rd basemen, but looking for a guy who could be 12-team mixed league relevant by May? Look no further than India, Magellan. For now, if your starter is out, outsource to India. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?I don’t get it. This…this…this “pitchers have to be drafted early” …thing! Am I the only one who lived through the last baseball season? Even if you were to say to me, “I always draft starters early,” I’d say you’re living in some kind of goofball world made out of unicorns and iPhones that don’t correct the F word to duck. But fine! If this were a normal year. “If this were a normal year” is the ying, the yang, the sun and the moon. No pitchers are going to throw a lot of innings. Less innings means Gerrit Cole, if he’s the best pitcher, and the tenth best starter are going to be closer together. Pitchers as pancakes. Have one, and it’s Yum City, population: You. Have two, and it’s solid, great. Have three and it’s, “Do you have blueberries or something for these?” Have four and it’s, “Well, I liked my first two.” Have five and it’s, “I want bacon.” Have six and it’s, “I don’t even remember liking the first two anymore, and I never want to see another pancake.” All these guys taking starters crazy early are eating pancakes. Before I even drafted a starter, one team took Cole, Woodruff and Glasnow! “Cole…cool, cool. Yum City!…Woodruff…Um, yeah, but maybe I can get some blueberries or something…Tyler Glasnow? Stop! I’m diabetic!” For those unfamiliar, this is a standard 5×5, 16-team league, and, since it’s Yahoo, it’s 4 outfielders and two UTIL. As always, I used Rudy’s War Room, which is available with a subscription to our Razzball Tools. Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 3rd Basemen to Target for 2021 Fantasy Baseball
March 18, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 202 Commentsby: Grey
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Excuse the exposition and this clunky intro into aforementioned exposition, but here’s the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, and shortstops to target. These 3rd basemen to target are being drafted after 200 overall. Keep in mind, nephew (and five niece readers), your Uncle Grey likes to have a corner man drafted by the time these guys appear, so you’re looking at potential utility men more than anything. There are upcoming RCL drafts, if you wanna get rowdy and/or bawdy. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Indonesia) supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2021 projections. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Shortstops to Target for 2021 Fantasy Baseball
March 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 182 Commentsby: Grey
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While the 2nd basemen to target is a necessary evil like changing your underwear. This post, well, have you seen the top 20 shortstops for 2021 fantasy baseball? Dude, why did you not draft one of the glorious top top TOP guys? Did you show up late to your draft because you were delayed by the underwear necessary evil? Bzzt! Wrongo, Bucko! Unlike previous years, I’m hopeful that everyone owns at least one shortstop prior to getting to the sleepers in this post, and likely two. Top shortstops are the bee’s knees, and bees have knees; I’m a scientist. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2021 fantasy baseball. The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2021 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2021 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?