Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet, but he did much to popularize it, according to Wikipedia. Crapper owned the first toilet showroom and due to his name being on a large number of toilets, U.S. servicemen would see it and say, “I need to go to the Crapper.” Hopefully, this adds a bit of context when I say Jean Segura spent 2014 in the crapper. The legacy of Crapper doesn’t end there. Up until Crapper’s time, the inventor and biggest proponent of the flush toilet was John Harington. He was also a popular writer and provocateur who spoke often about the toilet, beating it into people’s brains to call it “The John.” With that in mind, we can also say the Brewers shortstop for 2014 was “In the John” Segura. In 2013, Segura’s 2nd half fell off, and it led people to think his 2014 would be putrid. Those people were proven to be correct. I still don’t buy it. Yes, I don’t buy Segura is bad even after he had a terrible 2014, which was hinted at by a terrible 2nd half in 2013. Yes, I am excited about Segura even though he has a good three months to his entire career. I’m throwing last year out. He had a sub-par April, was moved down the order, and never bounced back. Things really went pear-shaped for him in June and July (.196 and .179). We don’t know his state of mind while his child was sick and then after losing the child. This had to affect him in some way. Perhaps he wanted to be back with his wife and ailing child, maybe he couldn’t concentrate. I have no idea; no one does but Segura. If we’re to throw out his June and July, then he hit .276 on the year. So, just like everyone wants to throw out his huge 1st half in 2013, can’t we also throw out those two months? Go ahead and answer under your breath, I can still hear you. Anyway, what can we expect of Jean Segura for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
There was one fateful night in mid-September that changed everything for me and Mike Fiers. He beaned mi novio in the cantaloupe. Giancarlo went down and Fiers stopped mattering to me. I couldn’t even look at him. I opened his ESPN player page and drew a black eye on his picture and blacked out a tooth, but that didn’t assuage me and now I Sharpie’d up my computer screen, making my porn-surfing that much more complicated. So, that fateful night, I went out to a hospital near me, hoping to take my mind off what transpired. In time of distress, I always find it’s best to be there for those less fortunate than me. In the ICU, I found an elderly man, who was on life support, with his family surrounding him. I pretended to be a nurse and asked the family to wait in the hallway. I put a Brewers hat on the elderly man and laid a Fiers jersey over his body. I proceeded to tell him how much I hated what he did to Giancarlo and I would never forgive him. With that, he opened his eyes and said, “Where’s my family?” Then he flatlined. In some weird way, this helped me put my hatred of Fiers behind me. This elderly man allowed me to move on. He sacrificed himself so I could look at Fiers with fresh eyes and consider him for a sleeper post. What a mensch! So, what can we expect of Mike Fiers for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more?I nearly didn’t write this post, because, even as I write this in November, Carlos Carrasco seems overhyped for a sleeper. So, a big part of the equation, will a guy be more valuable than his draft spot, hence be a sleeper, work for Carrasco? I’m not entirely sure. There’s no ADP data right now. Since I think Carrasco could be a top 20 starter by the end of 2015 and I don’t think he’s going to be ranked near that, then he’ll likely still have his sleeperitude. Carrasco can teach us a good lesson and you know I’m hot for teacher. Carrasco exemplifies why it’s nice to look at a guy like Trevor Bauer, Randall Delgado or any young pitcher, but not to expect too much. Carrasco was a sexy prospect in the Phillies system back in 2009, and only now four years later is it appearing that he could actually become what we once thought of him. And by ‘we’ I mean me. Because I’m not embarrassed of my past mistakes, here’s what I wrote five years ago, “Pursue Carlos Carrasco in your 2009 fantasy drafts. All of them. Hold on, I’m bring out the caps — ALL OF THEM. Now don’t make go get the exclamation mark. If Carrasco doesn’t make the club out of spring training, he’ll soon be there and will make an impact. If he does make the team but only as a long man out of the bullpen, he will soon be starting. Don’t worry about what the Phils will be saying out of spring training.” And that’s me making myself blush! I jumped the gun a tad on that. If Carrasco and I were in Deadwood, Carrasco would’ve just turned to about face when I shot him in the back, that’s how much I jumped the gun on him. I obviously underestimated how much the Phils would Mr. Bungle their entire team. Anyway, what can we expect of Carlos Carrasco for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more?“I’m glad I’m getting some company.” Easy there, Brett Lawrie. Oswaldo Arcia is only up to post-post-hype status. Still has a long way until he has nine posts before his hype. “Are you sure he didn’t have post-op surgery?” No, Lawrie, now run along and into a wall. Arcia you later! Thanks, pun punch and your floating fruit! I’d run away with you and get married, but I cantaloupe. Last year, Arcia had 20 homers, one steal and a .231 average. Someone hit the snooze button, I’m gonna take a power nap. *claps hands* Couldn’t sleep, but I had an idea to look deeper at his numbers. Well, not that much deeper, just slightly deeper. He had 20 homers in only 103 games and 372 ABs. In that few ABs, the only ones with 20 homers are George Springer, Steve Pearce, Tulowitzki and Evan Gattis. Pearce? Well, let’s throw him out for, um, ever. Springer, Tulo and Gattis all have big-time power. They’re thirty homer guys if healthy and chalking up 500+ ABs. Don’t believe Arcia belongs in that company? Arcia, wouldn’t want to be ya! Anyway, what can we expect of Oswaldo Arcia in 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Position Eligibility for 2015 Fantasy Baseball
December 23, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 335 Commentsby: Grey
On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring, though not as much as I love your Facebook photo with Santa while wearing an “I Can’t Breathe” t-shirt. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Rusney Castillo. Exciting! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2015 fantasy baseball season. This took me far longer than it probably should’ve. Can’t someone write me a program that sorts all the players by games played at a position? Why do I need to go through every player on every roster? It totally harshes my buzz. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2015 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position. Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games. 10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Yes, Christmas came two days early this year. Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. On a different post, I’ll make some comments about some of the players. In the mean’s while, you make comments in these comments. Say that fast 117 times! Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2015 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:
Please, blog, may I have some more? San Diego Gaslighting MLB With OF Spree
December 22, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 129 Commentsby: Grey
The CIA’s plan to work out of a Petco concession stand because the stadium is so quiet is looking far less like a good plan to stay covert. “Did you just ask for two mustard packets with your hot pretzel because you have some information for us or because you simply want an extra mustard packet? If it’s the latter, one per customer.” Probably the worst call for a covert operation’s headquarters since the CIA opened an office in Vegas in the 1940’s. “It’s just a desert, no one’s coming here.” So, the Padres traded for Justin Upton because they are obviously intent on deflating outfielder stats everywhere. At least this outfielder has two hips that don’t resemble Abe Vigoda’s. (Still alive as of this writing, but may not be by the time you read this.) Maybe the Padres can trade Kemp for Pujols to create the Up-My-Pujols lineup. I came down hard on Matt Kemp in the non-sexual way when he went to San Diego, but that had as much to do with him being the first new bat they acquired (no one around him in the lineup yet), his health and his flakiness. As with the Myers trade, I’m less inclined to write off Upton simply due to Petco. Upton’s a guy in his prime that has hit everywhere when healthy. I don’t like to put too much weight on a player’s stats in their new stadium when they were still playing as a visiting player, but Upton has 10 HRs and a .291 average in 172 ABs in Petco in his career. That’s a HR every 17.2 ABs, which is better than his career rate (1 HR every 23 at-bats). Petco played like its usual “Are you sure the fences are out there? I can’t see them” self last year, but in 2013 it wasn’t as bad after they moved in the fences prior to that season, so I think last year’s putrid offense was more the Padres hitters streaming into a confluence of crap. (By the by, Confluence of Crap was my worst selling album, despite Rick Reuben producing it. I should’ve paid the extra money for the non-imposter, Rick Rubin.) Even in Petco, Upton feels like a 25-27 homer guy, which is what he was before. His steals are leaving his game quicker than a rhinoceros with plantar fasciitis, and he’s not a huge average guy, but writing him off due to Petco feels a bit too easy. He’ll be hitting in the middle of a lineup that is at least as good as the Braves last year and in a nearly neutral ballpark. For 2015, I’ll give him 81/27/95/.266/8. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2015 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?When Kennys Vargas first arrived on the major league baseball scene, people were like, “Is he a switch hitter or are there two of them?” Then when it turned out there were multiple Kennys, people started gossiping like they were in a sewing circle, “Is it fair if there’s more than one Kenny in the batter’s box at once?” To those people I submit, it could be worse, they could’ve stayed Siamese twins. Did you know both Kennys got in a fight when a reporter asked them if they’d seen their slash line lately? They pointed to their Siamese twins separation scar and said they see it every day. (I’m just going by what I saw on the latest Ken Burns documentary. If Kennys is one person and was never a Siamese twin, I sincerely apologize. By the by, never trust anyone who says they sincerely apologize. They’re trying too hard to be believable. I saw that on another documentary. Netflix’s motto, “We Prove People Will Watch Documentaries.”) Last year, Kenny/Kenny hit 9 homers and .274 in 53 games. Crown Kenny-slash-Kenny the new Babe Ruth and name multiple candy bars after them. “I’m Heath and I’m Skor, and we’re the same but separate.” That’s the Kennys in a commercial. Okay, so 9 homers in 53 games isn’t exactly the meow’s cat, until… Oh, no, here comes The Prorater! Run, it’s The Prorater! Four women and children first! The Prorater tells me that Kennys would’ve had 27 homers in a full season, and that would’ve just about led the league. Damn, that last part didn’t sound like The Prorater but more like Hyperbole Man. So, what can we expect of Kennys Vargas for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Rays Deal A Myers Lemon For Prospect Lemonade
December 18, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 171 Commentsby: Grey
It’s beginning to feel like it’s not an offseason without a trade of Wil Myers. In three short years, he’s gone from the Royals to the Rays and now on to the Padres. Only place he can go from the Padres is the Tokyo Yakult Swallows. They would hope Myers could carry them against their most hated rivals, the Yakuza Spits. The Miller Lite-inspired commercials between the Spits and Swallows in Japan are a real crack up. Tastes great!…Spit it out!…Tastes great!…Spit it out! Before Myers is pushing daisies in the NPB, he’ll bide his time in San Diego and try to right this rapidly sinking prospect boat. “Ice-cold sophomore year right ahead!” In all for realliness, I was planning on jumping back in the Myers sinking ship prior to this trade, and I don’t think it kills his value. Would I prefer he went to Coors? Yeah, well, dur. I also don’t think a 24-year-old former top prospect is washed up just because he had one bad year after fracturing his wrist. Takes time to bounce back from that type of injury and one thing we have is time. Well, you with the oxygen mask and cigarette might have less time. In a few years, we’re going to look back at Myers’s 2014 as it should be viewed now, a blip. I’m about as sure of that as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. Or as sure of it that I’m listening to too much Toto’s Africa. Sure, Petco won’t do him any favors, but if his wrist is at hundred percent there shouldn’t be any problems getting at least 20 homers. Shoot, he could hit 10 homers in just his road games in Coors and Arizona. For 2015, I’ll give him 61/20/72/.277/8. Definitely sleeper material here. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2015 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?It always concerns me when I put too much faith in The Sciosciapath playing a guy that is under 25 years old. A bigger concern is one that is currently penciled in at DH. If Josh Hamilton gets a nagging injury, then he’s going to DH and C.J. Cron will be benched. Same, really, with any Angels player. The only one we don’t have to worry about is Pujols. Not because Pujols is guaranteed to stay healthy, but if Pujols gets gimpy, he’ll DH and Cron will play 1st base. At one point last year, The Sciosciapath benched Cron vs. righties. And he’s better vs. righties! Much of the brain’s complex advancements in evolution happened in the neocortex. The Sciosciapath benches his neocortex for what he sees with his eyes. “You can’t second guess what you see, otherwise you may as well wear tanning bed goggles and get led around by a seeing-eye dog that can read sabermetrics.” That’s Scioscia addressing the media. Anyway, what can we expect of C.J. Cron for 2015 fantasy baseball and why is he a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Okay, it depends on your definition of a sleeper. If you define a sleeper as “a player I want on all of my teams and am much higher on than anyone else and I sometimes dream of me and this player on a tropical island sitting under a coconut tree that grows mistletoe during Baby Jesus’s Birthday Season,” then Kolten Wong is a sleeper. If you define a sleeper as “player that won’t be drafted until the last rounds but will give more value than that,” then Kolten Wong is not a sleeper. With sleepers, I go both ways like your mom in college. Hey, she was experimenting, s’cool! Right now, Kolten Wong (no, his name doesn’t sound right if you just say his last name, i.e., it sounds Wong) is likely being drafted sometime after 100 overall. Since this is about 70 spots past where I think his fantasy value will end up — yes, I think he’s going to end up as a top 30 fantasy player — Kolten Wong is a huge sleeper. Am I putting the kavorka before the horse on Kolten Wong by saying I’m going to be much higher on him than anyone else, like I did with Brad Miller, Jedd Gyorko and Josh Rutledge in the past two years? To that, I say, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Was I higher on those guys? I don’t remember. *looks right, looks left, slowly walks out of the room* Anyway, what can we expect of Kolten Wong for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Dodgers Say, “Adios Kemp, Padre.”
December 12, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 150 Commentsby: Grey
In Los Angeles, Matt Kemp played for one of the most popular sports franchises in the world in the 2nd largest city in the country. In San Diego, the Padre fans pride themselves not on wins and losses, but how well the Chablis goes with the brie while they watch the game from the picnic area. In Los Angeles, Matt Kemp went to all the hottest nightclubs. In San Diego, he’ll be frequenting places that look like the bar where Jodie Foster was in The Accused. In Los Angeles, Matt Kemp hung out with the hottest celebrities. In San Diego, “Hey, is that Natalie from The Facts of Life?” In Los Angeles, Matt Kemp dated Rihanna. In San Diego, Kemp’s dating Natalie. It’s only a mere two and half hour drive, but the culture shock is going to hit Kemp as soon as he arrives because he’s going to have to surrender his Lamborghini, there’s a town ordinance that everyone must drive a Jeep with no doors that they put plastic bags over when it rains once a year. On the backside of the site, I’m currently churning through rankings that will be coming in January. I nearly ranked Kemp higher than I want to admit to now. I was believing the 150 games played, 25 HR, 8 SB, .287 season he had last year. Whether I believe it or not, going to San Diego is going to hurt his value. From hitting in the middle of an All-Star lineup to hitting in the middle of Yellowstone. Kemp said on his first day in Petco, “It took some time to get my bearings. In other parks, you can set yourself in the batter’s box by using the outfield fences as a guide. Here, you have to assume the outfield fences are out there somewhere.” Kemp has money coming to him either way, so if he became a 20 HR, 5 SB, .270 guy for a few years, it wouldn’t surprise me. For 2015, I’ll give him the projections of 72/22/81/.276/8. Oh, and, yes, I’m cautiously optimistic this means Joc Pederson will now be the starting center fielder in LA. For more, I already went over my Joc Pederson fantasy. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2015 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?“Hey, Intern, let’s get the Mayans on hold just in case we need them in a hurry. What? Who the hell is Ralph Mayan of the Mayan Empire and Grille in Norwalk? Your blank stare tells me nothing. Go buff out my El Dorado while I write this post!” So, I’ve seen The Theory of Everything, the story of Stephen Hawking and his wife. It touches briefly on his theorems and the universe’s push and pull. Imagine the universe breathes in and out. The in is gravity and the out is energy generated by particles. However, the Cubs would breathe in, but when they exhaled it sounded like a wheeze. For over a hundred years, people thought it was dying. That constant wheeze of death. Then, Theo Epstein came along, kicked the Cubs in the ass and realized it wasn’t a wheeze but there was something stuck in its throat. The Cubs won’t breathe easy until they win a championship again, but the signing of Jon Lester should help. Last year, Lester had a 9 K/9 and a 2 BB/9. I just touched on this with the signing of Samardzija the other day, but a difference of 7 between K/9 and BB/9 is about the most beautifulest thing in the world, Keith Murray. For K-BB, Lester was 11th in the majors last year. Top ten is a who’s who that’s more glamorous than your Who’s Who of American High School Students Who Paid $75 To Be In That Who’s Who Book. I’ll give you a little hint: if you were to just draft based on K-BB, you’d win your league. Why is K-BB so important? It’s so basically basic basically basic it’s silly. If you strikeout hitters and don’t walk them, good things will happen. For 2015, I’ll give Lester the projections of 15-9/2.92/1.08/206, which is number one fantasy SP numbers. Yup, he’s going to be solid once again. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2015 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?