by: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”257063″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 12″] Kelvin Herrera was traded to the Nationals, and immediately lost his fantasy value — from a total geek to totally chic back to Game of Thrones’ Reek. From a SAGNOF hero to a SAGNOF zero. From sneaky fantasy value status to king status to no status. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”256152″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 12″]
The album I released called Father’s Day has an intro as its first song, here it is, “This is dedicated to all those dads out there that stood by their responsibilities and raised your seed. Unless you would’ve been a terrible father, then it’s better if you shirked your responsibilities and hightailed it out of there. Something that’s rarely mentioned about absentee fathers, if you would’ve been a crap father, then it’s best if you weren’t around. The best thing some fathers could give their kids is not being there. This is dedicated to all the fathers that left. This is for all the dads that would’ve been so bads. All the pops that drank nonstops. You’re often forgotten, but we appreciate your fatherhood was misbegotten” Any hoo! Yesterday, Julio Teheran went 6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.97, as he was activated from the DL. He didn’t go on a rehab assignment. Well, technically, he didn’t but he returned to face the Padres, so same diff. Teheran’s peripherals are a mess like the father who abandoned us who we now appreciate, so Teheran was money on Sunday, but don’t expect child support (this is so hashtag woke). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”256152″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 12″]
Off the album, Get Hits or Buy Ryon, 50 Cent sung about Many Men at a corner spot, rapping, “Many men, wish Joe Mauer on me, have mercy on me, many men.” Then on his other chart-topping song off that album, In Da Club, he rapped, “You can find at my corner slot, some schlubs. Look, mami, at my corner infidel slot I got X, if you’re into scrubs. I’m into havin’ specs, I ain’t into a corner man who’s known for his glove, so come give me a hug, if in my corner slot I got Cory Spangenberg’s mug.” He followed those up with 21 Questions, when he sang, “Would you leave me if your father found out my corner man was scrubbin’? Do you believe me when I tell you, I thought Josh Donaldson would be more than nothin’?” Then, after all those, 50 Cent managed one last smash hit with P.I.M.P., where he rapped, “I don’t know what you heard about me, but a Mitch can’t get a FAAB dollar out of me. No Kingery, no Sano, you can’t see, that my corner man is P.I.M.P.,” where P.I.M.P stood for Please, I’M Playing (Ronald Guzman). So, Ryon Healy has been one of the hottest corner man over the last week, but beyond that, on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, he’s the 17th best 3B this year, in front of Kyle Seager, Longoria, Devers and Carpenter, who are all owned in more leagues than him. Healy’s also on pace for 28-31 homers with a decent-enough average. There’s no reason why he’s on waivers in any leagues. Take 50 Cent’s word for it, Get Hits or Buy Ryon! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell for this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Twins organization removed one white glove, and smacked it across Miguel Sano‘s chubby cheek. So disrespectful. Not even Triple-A. They demoted him to Single-A. Not completely surprising. Let’s recap Miguel Sano’s last few months. He showed up at camp in shape. Unfortunately, that shape was of a beach ball. Coaches weren’t sure what to make of him, asking, “Are you ready to play?” Sano put it into reverse to face the coach who questioned him, and his reverse lights came on but not his newly installed reversing truck beep, which sent him into a backspin, literally, for most of the spring. Then, he came out of camp, looking ready to eat baseballs for dinner rather than his usual Triple-triple-double-triple-double-triple-single-triple meaty-meatburger, but that was short-lived, and he hit the DL towards the end of April with a hamstring injury. At that point, Sano said, “If I had known I had a hamstring in my leg all this time, I would’ve eaten it.” He then motioned for a tuxedoed waiter to pepper mill his leg, and asked for parmesan. He told the waiter, “I call this hamstring carbonara.” After about three weeks out of commission, he returned, but didn’t look fully recovered, because he’s in terrible shape, then he hit .162 in June and got demoted. Hey, Sano, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t take the clubhouse refrigerator with you either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?[brid autoplay=”true” video=”255110″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 11″]
“Lower the koozie a little bit. No, a little bit more. Okay, now spray some mist on the outside of the can to make it look like it’s sweating. Now rub your finger from the D in Dr. to the R in Pepper. This is romance! For me!” That’s me explaining to Cougs how I want her to seduce me with a visual metaphor of Juan Soto. Or as I like to call him, Sexy Dr. Pepper. Last night he hit two more homers (2-for-3, 4 RBIs) and now has five homers on the year, hitting .344 since his call-up and he’s only 19 years old. *puts handkerchief to head, faints* He was the first 19-year-old to homer at a Yankee Stadium since Ken Griffey Jr. in 1989. He is the fifth youngest major leaguer with a two-homer game (Mel Ott, Danny Murphy (not that one), Griffey, Andruw Jones). He is the third youngest major leaguer to show up at Yankee Stadium and say, “A concession guy offered his wife to me for sex.” (Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich) Not to put the hype too much to eleven, but he is blowing away what Bryce and Trout did when they were both 19 years old. 19-year-olds who hit a home run in the last 40 years: Soto, Bryce, Trout, Justin Upton, Andruw, Griffey and Juan Gonzalez. Betting on a 19-year-old to fail who is already up in the majors succeeding is betting the Don’t Pass line, and no one likes that guy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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*life flashing before eyes right before death* Wow, that’s a lot times I picked up and dropped Chase Anderson. Is it weird I can understand where Mike Tyson was coming from when he said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis’ children? Some of these players — Sonny Gray, Jon Gray, Chase Anderson — come to mind that make me want to eat someone’s children. Not really (yes, really). Why couldn’t Chase Anderson do this when he was on my team?! *lines tacks up on desk, slams head down* I’m okay! *blood dripping from forehead like Abdullah the Butcher* I can’t see! *screaming at intern* Getmeahandiwipesoicansee–Okay, I can see again. I’m still seeing blood though. Yesterday, Chase Anderson went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.13. The peripherals are still not there for Anderson — 6.1 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 5.17 xFIP — so I won’t be going back in on him. That doesn’t mean it won’t make me think about salt and peppering some kids if he pitches well again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?[brid autoplay=”true” video=”255110″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 11″]
Said like DJ Khaled, “Another one.” The Rays called up Willy Adames (1-for-2, 2 RBIs) as they placed Daniel Robertson on the DL. You might remember him better as Commander Willy Adames of the Battlestar Galactica. S’nerdy. “Hey, Grey, if your mustache wasn’t so full and well-groomed, I’d noogie you so hard.” That’s you reading my Battlestar Galactica reference. Sorry, guys and girls, there’s space for both of us. Bam! A line I think I’m quoting but prolly not. Any hoo! Captain Adames is a Xander Bogaerts-type, according to Prospector Ralph. On the top 100 fantasy baseball prospect list, he wrote, “One of toughest types to rank on top prospects lists. The middle infield prospect, who has always been young for his level, with advanced hitting, but neither standout speed or power. Adames might take a few seasons to find mixed leagues relevance, but he should develop enough power to be a very viable shortstop option by 2020. By which time Grey’s a distant memory and I run this ‘itch!” What is up with that, man?! Adames is the kind guy hard to get excited about if he’s a 15/10/.280 hitter, but since he’s only 22 years old, if he grows into more power, he could be a future high-end shortstop. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”254222″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 11″]
On Saturday, Charlie Morton went 3 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit (!), 6 BBs (Oy), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.82 vs. the never-seen-nothing-that-was-too-terrible-to-swing-at Rangers, no less. I can think of another word that rhymes with Chazz to call Morton. It sounds a bit like the spa we operated back in 2010. Don’t you remember Spazzball? The retreat for prematurely balding men who had to check in with their moms once a day. You don’t remember the Ballpark Water in the lobby that we floated hot dogs in? It was poorly conceived, for sure. Like this start by Morton, where he said, “I think over the course of the past couple weeks my delivery’s just kind of gotten a little out of whack and timing has gotten a little out of whack. And today was just really bad. It has to do with my front side. I’m just flying open.” Well, at least he feels bad and seems to know the issue, right? You don’t have a category for empathy in your league? Can you check with your commish about adding it? For unstints, if a player yawns after another player yawns, then they get an empathy point. No? Okay. Hopefully, Morton can right the ship, but I can’t say I’m not concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?[brid autoplay=”true” video=”254222″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 11″]
Can Carlos Rodon wait until the White Sox are done with their different-colored Sox counterparts before being reinstated from the DL? I’m asking for us, because you’re not going to find a more caring fantasy baseball ‘pert. I’m like your My Pillow, and I hug you like the My Pillow guy hugs his pillow. In all his mustachioed glory and common man charms. I nourish you like avocado toast and a warm glass of PBR. You see that hammock in your backyard that those two squirrels are fornicating on? Shoo them off the hammock, because that hammock is me on a cold, winter night when your wife kicks you out of the house when she catches you checking out a waitress. Let’s snuggle. Metaphorically! What are you doing, you freak?! Any hoo! Rodon is due back, and not only is he a Buy, he’s also a hold in the video above because I don’t know how he’s going to look his first time back, i.e., he’s an own in all leagues. He’s a 9.5+ K/9, high-3 xFIP guy. If everything breaks right, he’s better than Lance McCullers. Things break wrong? Well, then you can drop him. Grab him now, like I metaphorically grab you in your mind’s eye. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Did you hear about this Joc working overtime? He was too uptight! Take it, Highlights, it it yours! One guy whose completely uptight in the forbidden Fruit of the Looms is Joc Pederson. Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 5th and 6th homer. That gives him five homers this week. Yabba dabba drool! “So, I was hoping to buy a screw in this hardware store, but I’m having lustly feelings about a Joc. Will you serve me?” That’s me walking into a hardware store in Tennessee. Some of my hotter buys — buys I make while wearing a thong — are owned in more than 50% of leagues — Rendon, Desmond, etc. — but Joc is pretty sexy if he’s going right and available in a multitude of leagues. By the by, someone who changes attitudes frequently has a multitude. The royal we are talking about a guy in my Joc who could sneak into a 30+ homer, 7-steal season, and he’s not even hitting for a bad average this season (.272). Giddy up on this Joc! And that’s not the first time I’ve said that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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Finally, the Rays took a cue from Fox, and started Jake Bauers‘ clock. Here’s an updated 24: FBI agent, breathlessly, into a phone, “The President is in danger!” Assistant to the FBI director lowers the phone, speaks to the director, less breathlessly, “Have you tried Thai basil chicken?” FBI director, “Basil in Thai dishes always make me think there should be tomato sauce. Ya know, Italians have that basil thing already.” FBI agent into the phone, breathlessly, “Did you hear me, the President’s in danger!” FBI assistant, “Um, yeah, you’ve been on vacay, and we’re no longer taking matters of the President’s safety as seriously as much as we once did.” I keed! Don’t hit me with your political agenda. So, Jake Bauers was called up to presumably play every day. I mean, if the Rays waited this long to bring him up, they’re not doing it for a bench bat. He’s a little bit of everything vs. a lot of one thing, which is less exciting in short-term, but could be something long-term. His Steamer projections are yawnstipating 7/8/.238 (click his name to see projections), but I could see him being a bit closer to 9/16/.265/.345. Not bad, not great. Breathlessly, “He’s okay.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[brid autoplay=”true” video=”252906″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 10″]
Opening a gift, “Aw, geez, Kershaw, you didn’t have to give me your arm.” That’s Ross Stripling at the office Christmas party. “Don’t mention it. Hey, Tommy Lasorda, could you get off my lap, my back is starting to hurt. Also, you’re not wearing pants.” I forget if I ever told you — the royal you since you’re wearing that Burger King crown — but a friend of mine told me Lasorda still goes to the Dodgers’ clubhouse to use the showers and likes to walk around naked. How’s dem visuals! By the by, I’ve reached the age where I forget if a friend of mine told me that, I heard it on the radio or if a commenter told me. Welcome to your 40’s, you don’t look a day older than 27. No, really, I don’t. Anyhoo! Last night Stripling did what he’s done all year — 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.52. The slightly bizzonkers thing is his peripherals say he’s nearly this good — 11.1 K/9, 1.9 BB/9, 2.63 xFIP. Don’t love he throws only 92 MPH, but he’s dominating with the curve. He credits pitching coach, Rick Honeycutt, with his newfound success, saying he told him to throw the curve as hard as he can. I see no velocity difference in his curve, according to the stats, but stats-schmats, Honeycutt-Schmoneycutt, whatever works. At this point, hard to ignore the results(schmults). Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:
Please, blog, may I have some more?