Last year, I won Tout Wars in a wire-to-wire cakewalk. So, before the Tout Wars draft this Saturday, I prepared like any great champ would. I took a page from Rocky Balboa and ran up a flight of stairs, hands raised in exultation. I took a page from Ultimate Warrior and ordered a group of preteen girls to tighten the slack on a jump rope and shook it furiously. Finally, I took a page from E.T. and draped myself in a blanket, squatted in a bicycle basket and had Rudy pedal me around our hotel room floor. Did E.T. have anything to do with being a champion? Not especially, but I was feeling nostalgic for some faux sentimentality and Ready Player One isn’t out yet. In my mind, I was standing, arms raised, with a lone spotlight shining on me as Lin-Manuel Miranda sang how I was not going to throw away my shot at a repeat. Only it wasn’t in my mind. In our hotel room, Rudy shined an iPhone flashlight on me as we played a rather tinny version of Hamilton off YouTube. I’m past patiently waitin’ I’m passionately mashin’ every expectation! And I’m not throwing away my shot! *clears throat* “Um, Rudy, could you help me down from this Marriott end table? I’m getting vertigo.” Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars, NL-Only recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shortstops to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 16, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 325 Commentsby: Grey
Two years ago, this post and the 2nd basemen to target were necessary evils like changing underwear. Whether you wanted to or not, it was a good idea to take a flyer on a late middle infielder, and you were still expecting to get crapped on. Then last year, I got goofy with myself and thought there were a ton of early, sexy-AF middle infielders. You know what they say, “When you think, you make a think out of you and me.” This year, I’m back to punting MI and there’s about a dozen 2nd basemen/shortstops that are going to make this possible, so let’s get in there like swimwear. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2018 fantasy baseball. The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?The other day I had a dream that Giancarlo and I were hosting a white party in the Hamptons, and I turned to Giancarlo and said, “You know who else I wish were here?” And he said, “Zsa Zsa Gabor?” And I said, “No, we’re not gay in the traditional sense. We’re only gay for each other.” Then he said, “Well, who do you wish were here then, silly?” And I said, “Ronald Acuna,” only I said it in exclamation marks shaped like Gregorian letters, if Gregorian letters is what you call these things I’m typing out with my hand-toes. That’s right, snitches, Greycarlo is sending out Evites and Ronald Acuna’s invited! And guess what, jerks? I also drafted Ronald Acuna on a fantasy baseball team (for SEO)! This league was hosted by CBS’s Scott White, and all your favorite ‘perts were there, like that one guy whose name you forgot, and that other guy who has diabetes who you also can’t remember. They were all there! Oh, and returning champ, our very own, Lance Broshitz! Anyway, here’s my 12-team, NL-Only draft with some thoughts:
Please, blog, may I have some more?And we have have our first stupid team decision! Don’t worry, there will be more. Or maybe I should say Willie be more. Or maybe should say Willie be less now. The Rangers decided to send down Willie Calhoun to start the year. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so horrified by this terrible decision. Talk about blatantly thinking about a bottom line vs. what’s best for the team. On one hand, Willie Calhoun was ready to help the team win right now. On the other hand, the Rangers are as cheap as my Jewish grandmother who used to order three free lemon wedges, two sugar packets and make lemonade at the table. Hey, she escaped Nazi Germany in the middle of the night. What’s your excuse, Texas Rangers?! In my Willie Calhoun fantasy from way back in October, I predicted Calhoun could be in the minors until June. Looks like I didn’t underestimate the Rangers’ boneheadedness (big word of the day!). Now the Rangers will go with a blahtoon of the Asian lion, Ryan Rua, and Drew Robinson. I’ve updated my top 100 outfielders, top 500 and War Room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 2nd Basemen To Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 13, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 195 Commentsby: Grey
Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2018 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm is on these guys I love later in drafts. I’m not going to mention Ian Happ other than this one mention of him where I say I’m not going to mention him. I’m not mentioning Happ other than this mention of not mentioning him because these are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200. Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Croatia) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections. Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?This weekend I went to Palm Springs to see the in-laws, and I was saying to Father Cougs that I wished I bet on the Phillies to win the World Series back in November when we were in Vegas. He replied, “With all that blog money you have?” Then I went to the bathroom and told my reflection, “One day they’re not gonna laugh at you! I promise you that Reflection Grey!” Then, while sitting in a stall, I listened on my iPhone to the theme from Rocky, Gonna Fly Now, and stabilized my ego. Trying hard now! Gettin’ strong now! Gonna fly now! Any hoo! The newest favorite son of Philadelphia, Jake Arrieta, joined an already underrated starting rotation. I’d contend (for the welterweight championship) that Arrieta isn’t even their ace, that label goes to the guy draped in Mardi Gras beads, Nola. For a while, it appeared Arrieta was headed to Philly. I hear the hold up was due to Arrieta unable to find a special type of umbrella. “Do you have an umbrella that blocks thrown batteries?” In the top 40 starters, I said, “At this stage in Arrieta’s career, I don’t see his value changing much no matter where he signs. If he goes to Miller Park, Chase or Coors, then I’ll lower him a little, but I see no way I raise him up outside of a move to Petco, which doesn’t seem likely, because the Padres are playing for 2020, then, in 2020, they’ll be playing for 2023.” And that’s me quoting me! See, so nothing really changes, and I’m not looking to draft Arrieta suddenly, but a solid real world move for the Phils. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, there’s a $10 league signup today that needs some people. When we did the polling of what youse wanted in your fantasy leagues, a large majority of you wanted paid leagues, but I’m getting the feeling we may not be doing them next year, and go back to all free leagues. You don’t want to bet $10 to win $100 that you’re better than eleven others? C’mon, put that Jimmy John’s sub money where your mouth is! Hey, I could write ad copy. Anyway, the roundup:
Please, blog, may I have some more? KC Helps Out Royally Screwed Moose
March 9, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 248 Commentsby: Grey
Scott Boras is pushing this “MLB owners are in collusion” narrative, and what better way to push that agenda than have Mike Moustakas turn down a $17.4 million dollar qualifying offer from the Royals to re-sign with them for $6.5 million. Boras is playing a long con here, and no one’s seeing it! But I see it! *takes index and middle finger and points at eyes, then points at picture of Boras* You know who Mike Moustakas needed as his agent? Regina King. She is doggedly persistent. Have you ever seen Regina King quit? Oh hell no. There’s no quit in that woman in every role she’s in. If Scott Boras were married to Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire, Cuba would’ve signed for chump change, and never waited for his quan moment. Moustakas needs to hire Regina King, stat! So, I haven’t changed anything in my projection and ranking for Moustakas in my top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball with this re-signing, because that was the baseline I was projecting off of anyway. Now to see if I can get Regina King to do my auction bidding for me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the post, there are a few RCL drafts this weekend that need you! You as in you you. Why are you looking over your shoulder? I’m talking to you! Sign up for a league, and if we don’t fill them, you’ll get your money back, but let’s assume they will be filled because you like to win some cash-money. Yes, you you still! Also, in those leagues are JayWrong and MattTruss, so you know the leagues will be talked about on the site. Anyway, the roundup:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 1st Basemen to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 8, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 254 Commentsby: Grey
My prior, uber, hard-line stance has been that you with that one hair wrapped around your head acting as a hairstyle don’t want to draft a sleeper 1st baseman. By the by, I tried to replace Uber with Lyft in the previous sentence, but it didn’t make sense. Previously, I’d tell you to go to my top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball (not clickbait at all) and draft some top guys and stop fooling around with sleepers at this position. Of course, I’m malleable like Gumby and this year I could see drafting a sleeper first baseman, though at my corner infidel or utility slot. Yes, I still want a top 1st baseman. No, ‘utility slot’ doesn’t have multiple meanings. Yes, even for fantasy. As with other positions like the catchers to target (again, not clickbait), these are 1st basemen that are being drafted after the top 200 overall. I love Rhys Hoskins, but he’s not going to appear here. Dear, steer clear–*short circuiting internal rhyming dictionary* Anyway, here’s some 1st basemen to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Spring Training Stats For Fantasy Baseball
March 7, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 266 Commentsby: Grey
Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring. They also share equally effusive PR people. Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches gained 15 pounds and was in the best shape of its life. Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season — can I draft Ronald Acuna yet?! Players in spring training are facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff. No one needs time to get warmed up. No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball. They are at the height of their game in the beginning of March. Our former commissioner, Bud, once doffed his toupee and tried to have the World Series played in March. Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some players stats so far:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Catchers To Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 227 Commentsby: Grey
Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2018 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone. I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers. Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections. This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2018 fantasy baseball. Now, guys and five girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Salvador Perez if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall, and, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late. Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Usually, as one does, I type with my fingers. Hunt and peck with mostly the index’ers, but definitely fingers all the way. I’m so pumped up going for the win this year I’m typing up this post with both fists. WE MUST WIN! BY WE I MEAN ME! BY ME I MEAN I, IF “I” WAS SUPPOSED TO BE USED IN THAT SENTENCE INSTEAD OF ME; I DON’T KNOW, AND AM TOO HYPED UP TO LOOK INTO IT, IN FACT, THIS SENTENCE IS KINDA KILLING MY HYPE BY EVEN DISCUSSING GRAMMAR. GRAMMAR BOO! WINNING THIS LEAGUE YAY! Actually using my fists is not enough. I will now type up this post by banging my forehead on the keyboard. ABCJIVS1I7$ Damn, that didn’t work so well. Maybe I’ll try my nose. Hekko, froend. Ugh, that didn’t work either. Okay, I’m gonna use my fingers again, but I’m just as pumped up. RAWR! Anyway, here’s my Yahoo Friends & Family team, it’s a 15-team, mixed league:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Josh Donaldson, 2018 Fantasy Schmohawk
March 2, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 338 Commentsby: Grey
This is not the only reason I think Josh Donaldson is overrated, but this is a fun one. Surrounding Donaldson in the Jays lineup is–Sorry, I just started giggling uncontrollably. Okay, okay, OKAY! Get it together, Grey! Surrounding–*giggle* Damn, it’s tough for me to get through this. Okay…*talking fast* Curtis Granderson, Justin Smoak, Kendrys Morales, Tulo, Yangervis, Devon Travis, Randal Grichuk and sometimes Y. The Y in this case is spelled why and it’s Steve Pearce. Yo, the Jays getting the Giants’ leftovers? Brian Sabean would even shudder at this hodgepodge of harsh-my-mallows and be like, “Nah, kid, they’re on the wrong side of ugly.” The Jays would be better off promoting every minor leaguer in their system whose last name starts with Guerr– and be done with it. (There’s three of them, by the way. I’m thinking the Jays might draft alphabetically.) Their minor lea-Guerrs, so to speak. Anyway, why is Josh Donaldson overrated for 2018 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more?