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Juiced ball? Whatever. Honestly, I don’t care if balls go bazinga all over the place. If everyone’s using the same ball, it’s all good. It’s more fair than when some were using ‘roids and others weren’t. Pace of game? Doesn’t bother me at all. More the merrier, and more is time. Let games go five hours with no commercial breaks. Sounds awesome to me. Teams not fielding their best team? That’s the biggest issue and it effin’ sucks. Austin Hays didn’t exactly tear up the minors this year, but you can’t tell me a 24-year-old potential future All-Star should’ve been in the minors at all. Same goes for Ryan Mountcastle. The O’s are the worst (literally) and that’s made even worse by them holding down prospects. Can the worst be made worse? Yes, that’s what I’m saying and the Orioles did it. I’m not saying this simply because I drafted Mountcastle and Hays in leagues this year expecting them to be up by May. Actually, it is the reason! So what? It makes logical sense the O’s would’ve promoted them. Stupid me using logic. They really needed to see what they had with Rio Ruiz, Mark Trumbo, Dwight Smith Jr.– Do I need to go on? Yesterday, Austin Hays went (3-for-8, 5 RBIs) and a double slam (3, 4) and legs (1), as he bats 2nd. If the O’s start the year with Austin Hays in 2020, and they should, he’s going to be a guy I target everywhere with his 27/10/.260 potential. Too bad he’ll spend all of next year in the minors because the O’s want to infuriate me. Stop inflaming my ulcer, you bastards! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonathan Villar – 3-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .275. You know you have a sickness when you’re excited about 2020 fantasy baseball season in 2019 and you’re hoping a few Orioles fall to you. Haha, demented!
Randal Grichuk – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .236. Ya know what he’s trying to do, right? Gric-Hulk is fighting for the 5th outfielder job on the Yankees! (Honestly, I’m more hoping this is Grichuk’s future vs. clogging up the Jays’ lineup and team.)
Cavan Biggio – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .237. It took Hall of Famer Craig Biggio two seasons to get 16 homers (he only had 30 through his first five seasons). Nice ball, MLB!
Bo Bichette – Could be done for the season. If Boba Chette is done, he made a solid impact on our hearts and minds for 2020 and I look forward to overdrafting him next year. Here’s to the false promise of upside!
Trea Turner – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 17th homer. I like how he became Charlie Blackmon this year, and by ‘like’ I mean hate. Treat Urner, you have one job and one job only, steal bases! I have an entire team for homers! I can get 31 homers in 300 at-bats from Mitch Garver! I need you to steal bases!
Adam Eaton – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 15th homer. I made him my batty call in one league, and getting a home run and a big offensive day is akin to shooting fish in a barrel, which sounds like fun, to be honest. Can I wear a barrel, fill it with water and koi, and shoot them?
Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Streamonator has Corbin down for one more start, but, as I’ve been saying, there’s little chance the weekend’s games are started or more-than-three-innings finished by anyone going to the playoffs.
J.T. Realmuto – Out with knee soreness, i.e., Jerry Tomato don’t know squat.
Zach Eflin – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.16. Unlike Corbin above, Eflin might actually pitch as deep as he can go in this weekend’s game and the Streamonator likes it.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer. Au Shizz!
Tommy Edman – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 11th homer, hitting .298. Edman went from a “Who dat now?” to a guy on my radars for 2020. Kinda hoping he does moderately well in the playoffs too. Not crazy good so everyone knows his name in 2020, but well enough so the Cards pen him into their plans.
Yadier Molina – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer. He feels like the type to one day be playing with his son on the same team. The son’s name, Yadiest.
Christian Walker – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 27th homer, hitting .261. Fun Fact! In many cultures, a Christian Walker is simply known as a missionary.
Andrew Benintendi – Couldn’t start on Monday, due to his thumb contusion suffered on Friday. It’s all good, Gorkys Hernandez got the start, just as we all planned when we drafted Benintendi in March.
Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 1 run and his 16th steal, hitting .293. In this supposed down year by Betts, he has 133 runs. Um, whoa.
Blake Snell – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.21. Damn, this is concerning. Counterpoint: Snell’s gonna be a bargain in 2020! Counter-counterpoint: There’s something seriously off with him and there has been all year. Counter-counter-counterpoint: Nah, he was injured and now he’s just rusty.
Willy Adames – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and a homer. Guess how many homers little ol’ Captain Willy Adames has. Go ahead. Keep in mind homers are up. Done guessing? He has 20 homers. WUT.
Ji-Man Choi – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. Nice that the Rays only have one Choi, because I’m not sure they’d ever play the Lowe Bros if they had the Choi’s. Dad joke for the win!
Brandon Lowe – 1-for-3 and his 17th homer. Speaking of the devil, Kevin Cash is so ADHD, Lowe didn’t even play the whole game, and he was just activated from the IL. Does he really need more rest? Push him! H2H finals are on the line!
Wil Myers – Fainted at a charity event. Hopefully he’s okay and someone just mentioned to him he had a guaranteed contract for $83,000,000 and he fell over.
Jorge Alfaro – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer. I’ll start my position recaps next week, but my preseason projection for Alfaro was 17 HRs. Hashtag nailed it! (Except for the fact everyone hit an extra 45 homers this year.)
Jon Berti – 4-for-5, 3 runs, as he hit leadoff, has hits in seven of his last seven starts (he sat once), so could be a quick hot schmotato for your fantasy pleasures. To add a little shine, I grabbed him in two leagues.
Amed Rosario – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .286. Member how Marty got George McFly to ask out his mom? He went to him at night with the Walkman and freaked him out with a command like he’s Darth Vader. Okay, I want to do that to whoever is managing the Mets next year and command them to hit Rosario leadoff all year.
Steven Matz – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.37. Can’t believe he did this against the Marlins. This pile of excrement. He’s the square root of a circle jerk! Autocorrect would say you are a stupid piece of shout, you butch ashtray! 2008 called, they want their subprime dealings back! You pitch like a clown farting twice into your mouth! UGHHHHH!
