Surprise, surprise, Canada’s number one export after Stubby Clapp is hurt, eh? Erik Bedard takes his inflammed shoulder to the DL. The Mariners say he’ll be fine to return on June 23rd. If you were to read between the lines, here’s what you would see, “Please, someone trade us something for this pitcher that cost us Adam Jones, Sherrill and Chris Tillman. Please!” Man, Bill Bavasi really shit the Mariners house. On top of the three guys mentioned, he traded away Shin-Soo Choo, Asdrubal, Carlos Guillen, Rafael Soriano, Matt Thornton and Randy Winn. The top player he received back was Joe Borchard, who’s currently playing for the Fresno Grizzlies, the Giants minor league affiliate. Forbes Magazine rated him the worst general manager in all of baseball in 2007. No idea why Forbes is rating GMs, but that sounds pretty right on. I’d expect Bedard to come back about two weeks after he’s supposed to then to hiccup and end up back on the DL. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Pedro Martinez – Close to signing with either the Rays or the Cubs. Pedro on the Rays seems most likely. I wonder if Fred McGriff and Wade Boggs took him out for an early dinner to convince him Tampa was a great place to end a career. He’s worth a shot in 12 team leagues and deeper to see if he can recapture some of the glory days of carrying around a midget and dissing Karim Garcia.
Scott Downs – Downs Goes… Okay, I won’t bring it out again. Early estimates say Downs could be out for 6 weeks. Frasor’s the guy to go with, hopefully he’s not too persnickety.
Roy Halladay – Heads to the DL with his groin injury. He says he’ll be back in a week and a half when he’s eligible. I actually believe him. Weird!
Ryan Braun – Left the game with back spasms. Sounds like his usual shizz that sidelines him for a couple of days.
J.J. Hardy – HR yesterday. Streaky like old lady hair. Could be hot now. (Welcome, Googlers, of “streaky” + hot old lady)
Trevor Hoffman – First blown save yesterday and has now given up runs in two of his last three appearances. Not saying his goose is cooked, but he is old as dirt. That’s old dirt. None of that fresh peat stuff.
Javier Vazquez – 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 Ks, 6 baserunners and the loss. I know, who doesn’t like to win? But if I could every one of my starters throw that exact line all year, I’d take it and like it.
Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs in 3 days. May sours, June swoon.
Andrew McCutchen – Aargh, thar she goes as The Dread Pirate went deep for his first homer.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit his third homer yesterday. Who has more homers, Ellsbury or Pedroia? I took him in the 2nd round for his position eligibility! No need to explain, random italicized voice.
Jorge Cantu – 2 HRs since the end of April. Tailspin is not just a great song by The Jayhawks.
Jose Lopez – 5 HRs in June. Glad I gave up on him in May. /sarcasm
David Price – 7 IP, 5 ER. Okay, but you shouldn’t have started him anyway, but at least there were no walks. <–Bright side
Troy Tulowitzki – Another homer. Member when I was telling you to buy Tulo in April? Yeah, I was about a month early, but he’s here again. Finalwitzki.
Aubrey Huff – HR yesterday. If his first name were Jack or Kyle, you’d be excited. Just hard to get excited about an Aubrey, I know.
Matt Wieters – Hit his first homer. And you only had to hold him for 65 games.
John Lannan – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Not a huge endorsement, but definitely serviceable in 12 team leagues.
Mike MacDougal – Got the save yesterday. *pulling cord to release streamers and balloons on your head* Woo-hoo!
Jay Bruce – Obviously he must’ve saw that he was out of a lot of fantasy lineups yesterday so he homered.
Chris Young – Now he’s avoiding the DL. With the way he’s pitched this year, not sure if that’s good or bad news.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – 3 HRs in the last 5 games. Will anyone pitch to Adrian? Maybe not, but you can benefit from that with Kouz.
Denard Span – Heads to the Dizzabled List. Member about twenty years ago when there was a crazy amount of no-hitters? Everyone was throwing one, even Bob Milacki got in on the action. Okay, so in twenty years from now there’s going to be something weird, like all outfielders’ jetpacks are malfunctioning and I’m going to say, “This is weird like twenty years ago when everyone was dizzy.”
Scott Richmond – 8 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks. You can mitch and boan about missing this start, but you shouldn’t have started him in Philly anyway.
Jayson Werth – Hit his tenth homer on Tuesday and yesterday he hit… 11. C’mon, that wasn’t hard.
John Danks – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks. 71 strikes out of 99 pitches. Sweet mother of pearl, take a pitch, Cubbies. Since the Sox are terrible against righties and the Cubs are equally belchy vs. lefties, I thought this might’ve been a stalemate, but the Cubs’ belchiness won out.
Andres Torres – Please explain to me how he’s a leadoff hitter. He’s a .270 hitter in 1000+ minor league games. For those not in the know, 1000 minor league games is about 10 seasons. Tenacity is not just a city in Jersey!