Alcides Escobar, SAGNOF! Do you need more? Um, he’s good at defense. Alcides Escobar stole 42 bases in 109 games in Triple-A this year. I dropped Trent Aussie Dog for Escobar in a league, because I need steals more than a flier on power. Have I mentioned Alcides Escobar steals bases? Lots. Of. Bases. You know who gets hurt here? J.J. Hardy. But enough about that schmohawk. This is a celebration of the new Brewers shortstop. Cuz who Hardy are, is dim in the light of Alcides Escobar… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Delgado – Strained his oblique while rehabbing his hip. Here’s what I do when I get about half way through a bowl of pho. I wrap my napkin around my chopstick and stick it in the bowl.
Erik Bedard – To have exploratory surgery on his shoulder. I think the Mariners are hoping to find a few prospects in there.
Derek Jeter – Took a non-aptly titled breaking ball off his ankle. X-Rays were negative. Which is positive. Weird!
Randy Ruiz – HR for his 2nd straight game. When I say Randy Ruiz, you say Randy Ruiz… Actually, don’t say that, it’s just so… I don’t know, repetitive. (<–That last line sounds like Alton Brown.)
Howie Kendrick – 2-for-3 as he homered. Frequent commenter, Simply Fred, correctly pointed out last week that Kendrick isn’t hitting much against righties, then he goes and hits a homer against one, but two of the runs were charged to a lefty, so natch!
Carlos Pena – 2 HRs yesterday, now with 31 on the year. Over/under on homers for the rest of the season, 13. Which one are you taking?
Pat Burrell – HR yesterday, has 3 in the last week. Guess his Hooters VIP card finally came in the mail and he can concentrate on hitting homers again.
Rajai Davis – 2-for-5, with a steal yesterday. Has a bazillion steals in the last month. Seriously. He has 22 steals on the year, but a bazillion in the last month. Look it up.
Adam LaRoche – 2 HRs yesterday. Sure, but Andy LaRoche has their mother’s love.
Trent Oeltjen – 0-for-5, Oh, no! It’s The Curse of the Razzball Roundup! I still own him in one league, but Oeltjen is nothing more than an outfield flier. Remember, if you need to cut bait for someone hotter, lose The Outback.
Tim Lincecum – 8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks. The uze there, but I wanted to mention the kind of year the Dodgers are having. They patchwork together Jeff Weaver, James McDonald and Insert Middle Reliever Schmohawk for the game and they almost win. Some years it just feels like a certain team’s year. This year really feels like the Dodgers. I’m not a Dodgers fan, but I’ve never lived in a city of a World Series (was in England during the Yankee dynasty), so it would be cool if it’s in LA. Hey, it’s sharing time with Grey! Okay, random italicized voice, moving on.
Lance Berkman – 2-for-3 with 2 doubles. Welcome back, Guy Who Looks Like the Host of Man vs. Food’s Father.
Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 with a HR yesterday. The best sign was actually the triple. Good to see The Hawaiian still airborne.
Pedro Martinez – 5 IP, 3 ER. I actually should’ve predicted this line, because it’s so obvious. Five innings, three runs. That’s the best you’re getting from Pedro. It’s actually kinda of amazing the pub this start got. He looked a’ight, really nothing great. I’d prefer Kevin Correia.
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks. I imagine a lot of people were sonavabenched yesterday by Liriano. I also imagine the next time out you’ll start him and you’ll be cursing his name.
Troy Tulowitzki – 2-for-4, now has a line of 69/22/61/.278/15. Hanley’s at 71/17/79/.351/22. Granted, the averages aren’t even close. But I don’t look at averages (Guess that’s how I ended up with Mark Reynolds on all of my teams). Now look at the rest of their lines. They’re that different? Cust kayin’.
Kevin Youkilis – He got five games to repent (hopefully he doesn’t have to starve himself), so Casey Kotchman and Mike Lowell will both benefit. Lowell has three homers in the last two games and Casey has one game played. But if you need cornerman help, there ya go.
John Smoltz – Said he didn’t want to pitch out of the Boston bullpen. Immediately, Takashi Saito smelled his armpit.
Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 0 ER. Hey, you gotta manage your own teams after all, but I wouldn’t pick him up anywhere.
Ricky Nolasco – 3 1/3 IP, 10 ER. It could’ve been worse. Between innings he could’ve been having sex with your wife.
Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 0 RBIs. I might have to recant my love for Sparkakis. He has 13 homers and 3 steals. If Scott Hairston were a piñata and you hit him with a stick, Markakis plus a homer and 7 steals would fall out.