Scott White from CBS hosted this NL-Only draft that started at 8 AM PST. For the second time in my life, I was glad I didn’t live in Hawaii. The first time was when I received a coconut piggy bank from every relative that ever went to visit Hawaii. They should have a March Madness tournament for number one wackiest export. In the first round, Hawaii vs. China with coconut piggy banks going against backscratchers. They can meet the winner of the match-up between Switzerland and Taiwan with cuckoo clocks taking on baby corn. “I can’t believe baby corns advanced to the 2nd round. I didn’t think cuckoo clocks could be beat.” That’s the guy in your office who bets on anything that’s organized in a tournament. I drafted the team almost completely on my own since it was so early and Rudy was nursing a huffing hangover. Rudy did scoop in and draft the bench because, well, I had to poop. Anyway, here’s our 2013 fantasy baseball NL-Only team:
I REALLY LIKE YOUR…ACTUALLY, I KINDA LIKE YOUR… BETTER YET, I SORTA BARELY LIKE YOUR TEAM!
No teams look great. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Last year, coming out our AL-Only draft the pitching looked egregious. FYI’mawesome, we won that league. I’m happy with this draft because I stacked the team with NL-West pitchers and guys I like a lot — Aroldis and I were going to have a torrid love affair this summer where we rub insane ratios and spectacular Ks on each other. Well, Dusty effed us in the coolie and now we have a $12 Salad. Dillon Gee’s fantasy was written out in pink highlighter by Sky, but I gots much love for him, as well. Gee really? Cute, Random Italicized Voice. Turns out you should’ve stopped f**king Michael Fiers because you weren’t getting Michael Fiers anyway. Not in the rotation at least. As announced today, Fiers is out of the rotation, so six weeks later that pick doesn’t look as good. The Ryu pick looks better as he righted his Spring Training ship and is locked into the Dodgers rotation. We have too many saves, but we can trade some (hopefully). Our hitting, well…
NICE SLEEPERS IN THAT OUTFIELD IF YOU’RE DRAFTING FOR 2010
I couldn’t believe Aramis was only going for $24…I couldn’t believe A-Gon was only $26….I couldn’t believe Rizzo was only $24….I couldn’t believe Aroldis was only $17….I couldn’t believe someone didn’t go to $17 for Neil Walker and outbid me… I was hogtied with no money so I had to scrap together the back half of my outfield. Or maybe that’s crap together. It’s not pretty. Right after the draft, Rudy said, “I don’t think we’ve ever had so many one dollar players.” I think he’s right. It’s not my ideal situation. I like to have a few $5-10 players at the back end of my team, not one dollar beauts, and by ‘beauts’ I mean butts. Rudy also said this on IM about another guy I wanted to draft. Someone sounds like a fat-ist. You know your hitting isn’t good when there’s not even news about your players.
NL-ONLY LEAGUES ARE LIKE AN AWARD SHOW WHERE THERE’S NO SEAT FILLERS
I didn’t miss the Astros, but I missed other people drafting them. The loss of a whole team really depletes the pool of players. I miss the days when someone drafted the Astros’ 3rd baseman and said something like, “Hey, at least he’s a starter.” And then I’d laugh. I miss those laughs. It’s like you’re watching the Emmys and no one is sitting next to the guy from The Big Bang Theory, and you’re like, “I don’t particularly like the guy from The Big Bang Theory, but I like him more because he looks lonely sitting by himself.” That’s how I felt about a lot of my team. I don’t like Neil Walker, but I like him more without any seat fillers. Someone petition the Minnesota Twins to move into the NL!