Unlike the top 20 1st basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball, this post doesn’t need to go to 42. About thirteen will do. We’ll still go to 20-something, but it won’t always be fun on the way. I don’t remember another position any other year like this for the 2nd basemen. There are no upside picks after the top thirteen. I mean, I guess, sorta, possibly Logan Forsythe or Donovan Solano could surprise, but, more likely, they will have a few weeks here and there where they are ownable. This wouldn’t matter if, say, they were catchers. You draft one and you’re done. But you know some doofus in your league is going to draft an early middle infielder and then take two of the top thirteen guys. If you get two doofii in your league, you’re gonna have Brian Roberts as your 2nd baseman and be like, “Yo, Grey, he could bounce back, right? Hello? Echo? Mr. Eko from Lost?” There’s the position eligibility chart for 2013 fantasy baseball. All the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. As always, my projections and tiers are included for the low, low price of zero dollars. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball:
1. Robinson Cano – Went over Cano’s projections in the top 10 for 2013 fantasy baseball.
2. Ian Kinsler – Went over Kinsler’s projections in the top 20 for 2013 fantasy baseball.
3. Dustin Pedroia – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Seager. I call this tier, “This is your only chance for a decent 2nd baseman, but you do have about ten to choose from, so there’s that.” The good news and bad news are wrapped up tightly into a little bow for Pedroia. He tends to play so balls to the wall like a deleted scene from Porky’s that he misses games here and there or plays hurt, but he also gets his stats. Since his first full year, only in 2010 did he fail to crack 15 homers and 20 steals. You don’t get the Sparky Anklebiter label without some grit, stick-to-itiveness and I-fink-U-freeky-and-I-like-U-a-lot-ishness. 2013 Projections: 90/17/100/.291/20
4. Brandon Phillips – BP is one bad year from dropping down to the Uggla tier. I think that year is much closer than it even appears in the your rear view mirror. 2nd base is such a mess though, I can’t be dropping guys too far on gut alone. Plus, I have no gut. My stomach is a six pack. Frat guys play quarters off my ripped belly. I count up to six with my abs-acus. If Phillips gets 150 games played, he’ll have 90 runs and 80 RBIs without much effort. I don’t think he gets 150 games though, sorry to affront. Almost rhyme! 2013 Projections: 82/18/75/.275/15
5. Ben Zobrist – Maybe it’s just me (doubtful! hahahahaha) but I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out on Zobrist. Since I’m not prejudice (though what is the deal with people over six feet tall — ooh, I’m tall; get over yourself!), we should look at Zobrist as Brandon Phillips with just a hair less on average and a tad more speed. Zobrist and Phillips flip-flopped in the rankings a few times before I landed on this. Phillips just feels slightly safer. 2013 Projections: 85/18/75/.264/18
6. Aaron Hill – I have little faith in Hill and this is after the love of Tim McGraw helped her get through a tough stretch. *checking notes* Oops. I have no faith in Aaron Hill, and this is one of the good 2nd basemen — yay! He seems completely capable of a year where he hits 5 homers and .215. All we have to go on though is what he should be with all things being equal. Last year, his HR/FB% was 11.2 — repeatable; his 12.9 strikeout percentage — repeatable; and his 14 steals are, well, you know. He could go 20/20 with a .280 average, but I don’t feel completely confident. 2013 Projections: 86/22/80/.263/12
7. Danny Espinosa – As long as his K-rate continues to trend up, which is down, I don’t expect him to ever make a legitimate step forward without a huge BABIP year. Like a .350+ BABIP-type year, i.e., he needs to get very lucky to hit above .255. I before E except in Teixeira, I like Espinosa but he will be an average drain and have months where you’re wondering why you ever drafted him. 2013 Projections: 78/19/58/.245/20
8. Josh Rutledge – I already went over my Josh Rutledge fantasy. I wrote it while chasing a fly around a meth lab. FWIWuertz, I want Rutledge on every team. He’s my go-to guy if I miss out on a 2nd baseman above him and I will reach for Rutledge. Unfortunately, you will have to wait a week plus for him to gain 2nd base eligibility in most leagues, assuming Tulowitzki can stay healthy for a week plus. 2013 Projections: 92/17/51/.262/20
9. Jose Altuve – Because my math skills are like those of a wizard-calculator hybrid — a calculatard — I can tell you the sine and cosine while on a complete tangent. So, I’ve decided to figure out how many steals Altuve will get compared to how many inches he is tall. The ratio is 1:1. If you’re not sure what to make of Altuve, think of him as Bonifacio with a better average, slightly better power and less speed. If you don’t know Bonifacio, I’m out of comparisons. Sorry. 2013 Projections: 87/8/43/.304/28
10. Emilio Bonifacio – Right now, Bonifacio is either batting 2nd or 9th. Will depend on how Melky does, or how much better his website design skills have become. So where Emilio will be batting in the lineup will be something to keep a close eye in the spring. Not a closed eye. Hello, open your eyes! Ugh, forget it. 2013 Projections: 79/3/49/.263/42
11. Rickie Weeks – Sure, Weeks could go 20/20 with a .270 average. And I could walk on the moon, if I were standing on the moon. What’s your point? Weeks was hitting .199 through the All-Star Break. His BABIP was .267 through the ASB, and while that is low, it’s not that low for him. His expected average for the year was .260. He had the highest strikeout rate of his career. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to draft Weeks with where I’m ranking him, but for the first time in his career his value and his ADP are about equal, so I could own him. 2013 Projections: 89/20/59/.254/12
12. Jason Kipnis – Nothing about his 2012 season made sense and because of that I won’t be owning him in 2013. I will wait to see him do it again on someone else’s team. His 31 steals last year took the ceiling off his previous top steal season (12), built an attic above it, then removed the attic ceiling and made a sun roof. Last preseason, I said he could get 14 homers. He ended the season with 14 homers. Only thing is he hit 11 homers in the 1st half. His 2nd half was miserable. If he has a 1st half this year like his 2nd half last year (3 homers, .233 average, 11 steals), you’re gonna murder someone, and that’s illegal, unless you’re a celebrity. 2013 Projections: 78/15/72/.251/15
13. Kyle Seager – He looks like a rich man’s Neil Walker. A rich man’s Walker? That makes him Kyle Scooter. 2013 Projections: 69/18/85/.264/11
14. Chase Utley – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Scutaro. I call this tier, “They’ve all been good in the past. Are you drafting a fantasy classic league?” All of the guys in this tier are capable of a resurgence — a Zombino year. I suppose to be completely accurate Neil Walker and Marco Scutaro weren’t bad last year, but that’s what makes them even worse. They weren’t bad and they are in this tier of has-beens. Utley should be solid if he stays healthy. Sorry, I tried to keep a straight face when I said that. It’s not like his injuries are the kind to linger. Again, sorry, I did my best. Utley will be lucky to play 120 games. In shallower leagues where you can replace him off waivers when he’s out 5-7 days or 15-40 days, he’s a bit more valuable. 2013 Projections: 68/14/74/.267/10
15. Dan Uggla – Unlike Utley, for the last few years you were hoping Uggla got hurt just so you can justify dropping him. Uggla seems so much younger because of all the Affliction and Ed Hardy clothing he wears — I mean, no one over the age of 15 would wear any of that, right? — he’ll be 33 years old for the start of the season and a huge turnaround from his career slide doesn’t look like it’s on the horizon. He should be able to get a few more homers than his previous year’s 19 with all of his fly balls. BTW, if I owned an underwear company, I’d call it, Fly Balls. The commercial, “My rate of four-baggers to Fly Balls is excellent.” There was also a Dan Uggla sleeper by Sky (what a hippie name!). 2013 Projections: 82/26/88/.227/3
16. Martin Prado – If you’ve read Razzball for an Urbandictionary minute, you know I’ve never been a fan of Prado. It’s pradoly because I’ve never been a fan of counting on counting stats (almost tongue twister!). Last year’s 17 steals look like the anomaly, and I’m not paying for anomalies. I mean, where would one even buy an anomaly? And his trade to the Diamondbacks does nothing for his numbers. He will now replace Justin Upton’s Bobblehead Day with a Prado Bobblehead. It’s good to be a Diamondbacks fan! 2013 Projections: 86/12/68/.298/12
17. Howie Kendrick – After being touted coming up through the minors, I thought he finally hit his career stride in 2011, which led me to believe 2012 would be amazing. This crow I’m eating needs another 20 minutes in the oven. I really have no idea what happened to Kendrick’s fly balls (they fit so snug!) last year, but he had a new career low, with his ground balls sky rocketing (not literally). So, when he only had a 8.9% HR/FB rate with a 20.8% FB rate, his year turned into dreck. I still think he can surprise if he elevates more balls, but I’m not counting on more than 12 homers. 2013 Projections: 70/10/78/.290/14
18. Neil Walker – I don’t like Neil Walker at all. Frankly, I don’t like any hitters where you are completely reliant on counting stats and don’t call me Frank Lee. 2013 Projections: 75/14/82/.272/9
19. Kelly Johnson – He’s still a free agent as of right now, so he could fall off this list completely if he signs as a back-up or in Japan. At six-one, he could be huge in Japan. “We’ve got trouble, someone get Mothra!” I’ve given Johnson projections for a full season of ABs, so it’s doubtful he moves up this list. UPDATE: Rays signed him to face righties, but he’ll probably face 50% of poor lefties, and with the recession– *Googling alternate definitions of “poor”*… So, Johnson should get around 75% of starts, and be decent for some power, speed and no average. 2013 Projections: 68/17/59/.246/13
20. Michael Young – Went over Young’s projections in the top 20 1st basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball.
21. Marco Scutaro – HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Breathe, Grey! Come back to us! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Breathe! Somebody call a paramedic! Wait, I’m here! Sorry, I just lost control there for a second when I realized I ranked Marco Scutaro 21st overall for 2nd basemen. As they say in Jamaica, “C’mon, mon, c’mon.” If Walker is the kind of guy that needs counting stats to be productive, Scutaro is his foot soldier. 2013 Projections: 83/7/60/.279/8
22. Dustin Ackley – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Weeks. I call this tier, “Upside has never looked this bad.” I will attempt to strum up some enthusiasm for the guys in this upside tier, but it might be hard without a line of coke. I already threw the one guy I am crazy excited about (Rutledge) in a higher tier. This upside tier is pathetic. I’m sad for them. You know, Fantasy Gods, it sure doesn’t help that some of the upside guys are on the Padres, Marlins and Mariners. Never the hoo! Ackley hit 7 of his 12 homers last year in the 2nd half. Never the hoo my fanny hole, he also hit .217 in the 2nd half. There’s a chance here for a guy to get 15/15+, but he only hit 2 homers last year at home and his average might not get over .250 without some luck. (He also has 1st base eligibility in some leagues.) Jay Wrong also gave you his Dustin Ackley sleeper post. 2013 Projections: 80/16/52/.245/12
23. Jedd Gyorko – If there’s a Jedd in the Padres plans, then that will affect Forsythe and his projections. Right now, it’s not clear how their 2nd base slot will play out. I went over my Jedd Gyorko fantasy. He does it like this, he does it like that, he does it like this with a baseball bat… 2013 Projections: 60/18/70/.265/4 (assuming an everyday job)
24. Gordon Beckham – Last year, he cut his strikeout rate and raised his walk rate. When correcting for luck, he hit .264 (not .234), had a career high in power, and he’s burned everyone at least once in the last three years. That last bit is probably the only thing stopping you from drafting him. It is a fairly large thing though. I know, I’ve been saddled with him in the past, too. I’m expecting another step forward as he is just 26 years old, but there’s a bunch of risk involved. 2013 Projections: 72/19/68/.259/5
25. Donovan Solano – I’m kinda stuck here. I don’t want to continue to the next tier, but I also don’t think I can say anything really that enticing for this tier that is supposed to be the upside tier. Hey, Donovan has a starting job! He doesn’t have speed, power, on base skills or average. He’s young though… How does he have a starting job? Oh, that’s right. The Marlins are trying to get the city to pay for a contract killer to kill Loria. 2013 Projections: 72/3/60/.265/10
26. Jemile Weeks – Weeks has good speed, but he doesn’t really have crazy speed. He definitely isn’t a .221 hitter either as he was last year. His Expected Average was actually .301. He’s better than his older brother in that department. Unfortch, he doesn’t even have a full-time starting job as of right now. That’s right, a guy without a starting job is ranked 26th! Eff me. 2013 Projections: 55/3/30/.285/17
27. Omar Infante – This tier goes from here until Keppinger. I call this tier, “My hands are waving and I’m making the same face as Liotta when Pesci pretends he’s going to strangle him after being called funny.” Last year at 30 years old, Infante had his best year for steals (17) and for games played (149). Invariably, he has a good month or two, but, if you draft Infante, you may as well wave a white flag. “Yo, why’s the flag gotta be white?!” Well, Social Injustice Man, technically a white flag isn’t a good thing. “Damn right it’s a white flag!” 2013 Projections: 62/7/67/.270/9
28. Brian Roberts – Even if I assume 500 ABs for Roberts, I’m not sure he can crack 5 homers and 20 steals. In November, he said, “Health-wise, I’m probably ahead of where I’d normally be in the offseason for the first time in a long time.” He then went up an escalator that had no next floor and fell into a pit of alligators. 2013 Projections: 42/3/22/.259/7
29. Daniel Murphy – He makes Marco Scutaro look like an upside pick. (He also has 1st base eligibility in some leagues. If you’re playing him at 1st base, wait until the end of the season to put money into your fantasy league’s pot, then leave town and change your name.) 2013 Projections: 65/4/60/.295/6
30. Darwin Barney – The Purple Evolutionist is a Sparkless Anklebiter. 2013 Projections: 63/6/59/.262/7
31. Logan Forsythe – Logan’s run did end, and Jedd Gyorko will get a chance. Oh, well, I liked Hunger Games better than Logan’s run anyway. 2013 Projections: 56/7/44/.282/10
32. Cliff Pennington – If you draft him, there’s nothing good from a fantasy perspective, but you can make a fiscal cliff joke. 2013 Projections: 55/7/48/.250/19
33. Jeff Keppinger – The Blanco Sox signed Blanco Polanco to play 3rd base, but he has 2nd base eligibility. Keppinger said he’s excited about a new team and feeling loose. So no tighty blancos for him, which makes me think of a great invention. A polygraph type device that you wear to fantasy drafts, only instead of it being attached to your finger, you attach it to your groin. Towards the end of a draft, if you’re not excited about a guy you shouldn’t draft them. It’s the Upside Checker. Maybe I can give it away with my Fly Balls. 2013 Projections: 53/7/41/.282/1
