The peasant Royals finally called up the first baseman, Kila Ka’aihue, who was blocked by Mike Jacobs last year in a boneheaded move. His name is not pronounced Killer Kahlua. Kila has a career .386 OBP in the minor leagues. I guess Moore has no place for that on his team that has a .325 OBP. In Stephen’s Minor League Review of the Royals, he wrote, “In 555 Triple-A at-bats (across two years), (Kila’s) hit for a .211 ISO. The power is legit. If given the chance at full playing time, the Royals could have a 25 homer, .400 OBP first baseman/DH. Oh, and for Halloween I want to dress up as Grey but I don’t know how to make my head simultaneously big and stupid.” Whoa, I gotta start proofreading these Minor League Reviews a little closer. The only problem with Kila is I’m not sure where the Royals are going to play him. Grab in deep mixed and AL-Only leagues. Everyone else, hold your junk until we see how his playing time shakes out and to make sure this Kila is shooting something besides BBs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Luke Hochevar – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Hochevar wants you to fall for the old banana in the tailpipe again. Don’t do it.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Out until Friday with a tight left quad. Hopefully, on Friday it’s not a split quad game. Yeah, that probably made no sense.
Stephen Strasburg – The Nats moved the carrot a little closer to their fans, promoting Strasburg to Triple-A. If you build the hype, they will come. Get your House of Strasburg gear ready for a mid-June call-up. I don’t own Strasburg anywhere and am trying to stay away from the hype, but it’s out there in full force. If you do have Strasburg, I’m going to tell you to sell him as his hype peaks in June. If you don’t own him and he’s sitting on waivers, I’d grab him so when the hype crescendos you can exploit it.
Livan Hernandez – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K. Now has 4 wins and a 0.99 ERA. In other news, water is dry.
Tyler Clippard – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER for his 7th Hold. Now has a 0.46 ERA and a 0.86 WHIP with 25 Ks in 19 2/3 IP. Need help with those ratios, there ya go.
Steven Pearce – The Pirates recalled their Quad-A phenom, Pearce. This could significantly hurt Clement’s playing time. Don’t the Pirates know my fantasy teams are Ron Popeil’ing Jeff Clement in their catcher slot? This news to me is like the mint to Mr. Creosote. I was fine with Grandy getting injured, with Quentin sucking on the suckwagon, even with Filthy Sanchez not having a great last start, but now I’m losing my every day catcher? *explosion*
Jeff Clement – 0-for-3, as he hits .164. Speaking of Quad-A players, he’s really doing nothing to warrant every day at-bats anyway. I’d start to look elsewhere.
Octavio Dotel – 1 IP, 0 ER and the Save. Proving that old fantasy baseball idiom, even a broken closer is right twice a month.
Geovany Soto – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer as he bats .323 on the year. It’s shame that he’s batting so low in the order because he only has 9 RBIs. Testing my power of persuasion: the Cubs should move Aramis down in the order. His .149 average warrants it.
Alfonso Soriano – Now has 5 homers in the last 4 games and he’s batting .321. He’s a spry Latin 34, I tell ya.
Clayton Kershaw – 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER when Ramon Ortiz relieved him. I wonder how many Dodger fans thought this was a Ramon Ortiz masterpiece since no one in LA shows up to the game until the 3rd inning. Obviously, a terrible Kershaw start, but he had some in the beginning of last year too. Now’s not the time to panic.
Evan Longoria – 3-for-4 as he hit his 7th homer and bats .364. I don’t talk much about the top hitters in the game, assuming they’re hitting as they should be, so there’s nothing really to say about Longoria, except he’s putting together an MVP season.
James Shields – 8 IP, 2 ER, 10 Ks. Now the AL Ks leader, which fittingly enough makes me want to drink.
Franklin Morales – He’s kinda losing his shizz right in front of our eyes. Wouldn’t be surprised to see Corpas or Betancourt get a crack at a save in the case of Sooner vs. Later.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – 6 for his last 11 with a homer. Cust kayin’.
Juan Pierre – Now has 5 steals in the last three games. SAGNOF!
Jose Contreras – Charlie Manuel said he may look at Contreras to close out some games if Lidge can’t go. This sounds like hooey. Only go near Contreras in the most desperate of scenarios.
Brad Lidge – In a non-move that spoke wonders, Manuel didn’t bring Lidge in to close out a 1-0 game. Pujols wasn’t even due up, though he was wearing his, “I Own Lidge And All I Got Was This Stupid Shirt” shirt.
Cole Hamels – 8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, 1 Fan Running Onto The Field, Zero Tasering, 2 Bad.
A.J. Burnett – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. He had his curve working for the first time all year and the Ks returned. I do believe he pitched well partially out of spite because his long-time nemesis, Posada, wasn’t catching.
Joba Chamberlain – Got the save as Mo got, uh, mo rest. Supposedly, Mariano will be back by Friday, but better to be safe than sorry and grab Joba.
Yunel Escobar – Heads to the 15-day DL with a strained left groin. This was the best case scenario. No, that’s not right. Best case scenario would be he’s healthy… Actually, best case scenario is he was healthy and hitting well. So the good news is Yunel received the 3rd best best case scenario.
Jason Heyward – 2-for-2 with his 8th homer yesterday. In a move that’s going to make you question why on Earth you ask me anything, I dropped Heyward last week in one of my leagues. It was a 12 team league with no bench and, well, I’m dumb.
Wade LeBlanc – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Rockies. Guess where this start was? It rhymes with Repko. LeBlanc gets the Giants next then the Dodgers at home. Nice matchups there, now grab him.
Kyle Blanks – 0-for-2 as he bats .189 on the year. Blanks is proving to be quite the aptronym (Word of the Day!).
Travis Snider – Now 5-for-9 in his last two games with a homer and a steal. Might not be anything, but if he’s coming around and was dropped in your league, you should pick him up.
Nick Blackburn – 9 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 2 Ks. About as ugly as you can get for a complete game. I will call you, Blechburn.
J.R. Towles – Sent to the minors as the Astros threw in the *pinkie to mouth* Towles. Don’t get me wrong, Towles hasn’t been good, but the Astros had to get Humberto Quintero back into the lineup? Whatevs, I’m not trying to figure it out.
Ian Kennedy – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER as Oswalt threw 7 IP but gave up a run. The baby boomers will be happy; this time Kennedy took out Oswalt.