Y’all know why this is happening to Kris Medlen, right? Why he’s preparing for Tommy John surgery? It’s the breeding patterns of the Flat-Billed Pitchypus and their likely extinction. If you iron your hat brim, you are putting yourself and potentially your family in grave danger. Exhibit A: Shawn Chacon now works at a Los Pollos Hermanos, making ‘deliveries.’ SPOILER ALERT! Wait, you need to know what I’m spoiling first. True Detective SPOILER ALERT! The Yellow King’s face looks like that due to ironing the brim of his hat while it was on his head. So, due to climate changes, mating rituals and the long hunting season of the Flat-Billed Pitchypus, the Braves went out and got Ervin Santana. The Baltimore Orioles said, “Aw, shucks, we were gonna sign him for sixteen dollars the day after the season started.” Too bad, O’s. Against me better judgement, I’m gonna talk like a leprechaun and move Ervin Santana up a hair in my top 80 starters and my top 400. Plus, we lost Randall Delgado, Kevin Gausman and Brandon Beachy, so there was room. Oh, have I mentioned I moved Beachy down? Yeah, I don’t like that he has soreness in his biceps. Prediction Alert! In the next few years, Dr. James Andrews is going to reveal to the world a serious gambling problem, and that’s why everyone that goes under his knife needs follow-up surgery and a massive amount of check-ups. Someone’s gonna pay the kitty, ya heard? Anyway, here’s what else I’ve seen in Spring Training for 2014 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
And we have our first Disgraceful List of the season and the season hasn’t even started yet (really). I hate to say I told you so, so (stutterer!) instead, I’ll just quote the relevant text from earlier this preseason, “(Michael Pineda) is young so there’s plenty of time to see how well he adjusts. For […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
I started writing this week and kept getting distracted by the notion of a “tease” starting pitcher. These are guys we all see available every week at the top of our waiver wire. For some reason they hop on and off rosters, faster than the Easter Bunny. They all for some reason have an attractive […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to week 12, please wipe your feet before you enter. For most leagues this week is the halfway point. Peripheral stats are darn near impossible to make up this late in the season, but the impossible is what fuels fantasy fires. Not the ones started by Drew Barrymore though. So if you’re in a […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dustin Ackley was recalled (don’t ask why it’s recalled and not called up, baseball’s arcane at times). Here’s what I said when he was about to get the call a little under a month ago, “Guess what ya’ll we’re gonna talk about the Mariners! Snooze. But we’re talking about the top Mariners prospect! Yawn. But […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week has come and gone my friends, well, I’m assuming we are friends. Hopefully fake baseball is still enjoyable to you, even if your team is in the crapper. It’s not too late, in fact it’s still way early. Trust in the pitcher is the biggest thing that makes a start a must start. […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are getting down to it, the end of fantasy is nigh. Always wanted to say that. Point leagues are pushing the innings limit, while H2H leagues are figuring out what guy will carry them all week. It’s probably someone on the Rockies, holy hell are they a fantasy juggernaut. They are like getting a […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
We are finally legal with the fantasy season turning 18 this week. Nice. I was trying to think of the best baseball movie ever this week. I asked several people in my fantasy leagues what they thought. Typical answers — the ones that we all say should be the best were mentioned. I ask you […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last month, I told you Ubaldo, Mike Leake, Hi-Me Garcia, Buchholz, Livan, Garland, Niemann, Tim Hudson, David Price and Pettitte would get worse. Price and Buchholz were the only pitchers to have a better June than May, and Buchholz didn’t pitch the whole month. How’s those odds? If you don’t know what the FIP I’m […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ozzie Guillen said Jake Peavy “has some things with his arm.” You know how know-it-alls put (sic) to indicate the quote’s error is not the transcriber’s error? They should adopt this for major league managers. “Has some things with his arm (Ozzie).” “Mathis just knows how to play the game BETTER! (Scioscia)” “That’s not old […]Please, blog, may I have some more?