Alex Cobb left his start the other day with forearm tightness, but he’s not concerned. “Not concerned with forearm tightness” is now the number two reason for Tommy John surgery. Number one is “torn UCL.” The number three reason is “I feel great!” If we have one more pitcher say, “I feel great,” without someone else saying they’re “not concerned with forearm tightness,” then it will be a dead heat and could come down to Tanaka’s translator chiming in with how Masahiro feels. A pitcher and manager’s reporting on an arm issue is like reading a Yelp review written by the owner of the restaurant. “I didn’t know scalloped potatoes could be so sublime!” And I didn’t know I had to avoid every other starter in drafts, but here we are. Cobb says he should only miss his Opening Day start, but I’ve lowered Cobb way down in my top 400 and into my top 60 starters to a tier where I would not draft him. There’s enough to worry about when drafting a team, don’t get too cute with “Well, so-and-so fell so far I figured I’d give him a chance even though his arm is dangling at every joint.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Matt Wieters – Was shut down with elbow tendinitis. Only 10 months after having Tommy John surgery? Someone didn’t make their last payment to Dr. James Andrews! Showalter says if Wieters can’t catch, he won’t make the team, which is bizzonkers since Wieters should be a bat-first catcher and DH. Don’t love how this is sounding, but if you Reggie Roby catchers as you should, it shouldn’t be a problem since you won’t own Wieters. On a related note, Reggie Roby just punted the goldfish you had when you were a third grader. Staying busy in heaven!
Jace Peterson – It’s being reported that Jace Peterson (after killing his wife) is in a favorable position for winning the starting job. *goes on Craigslist, buys cheap flashing lights, strings them up on Peterson, plugs in lights, realizes one light is burned out, curses, proceeds to switch out every light until I find the burned out one, finds it, smiles* Yes, I’m putting flashing lights around Peterson. Love him for a cheap flyer late if he gets the job. He’s always hit for a high average in the minors and has 30-steal speed if he wins the job.
Kris Bryant – Will DH today in a B-game. Or a BS game, as Scott Boras calls it. I’m pretty sure Joe Maddon is going to hand the ump his Opening Day lineup card without Bryant penciled in and Boras is going to charge the plate and say, “Imma let this lineup card exchange finish, but Bryant is the greatest of all time! He has such artistry with his bat!”
Kenley Jansen – Off crutches and played catch. Still about a month behind the rest of the club and is aiming for an early-May arrival. Shark Tank Alert! I have an idea for crutches that are bodybuilder dwarfs. Tell me you wouldn’t buy crutches that could fit under your armpit and carry you around.
Anthony Rendon – My iCal goes off every morning with this reminder, “Check Rendon injury status.” Still haven’t heard great or terrible news. Still drafting him in the 1st round. Still not excited about it. Still G.R.E.Y.
Brett Cecil – Threw a bullpen session yesterday and felt good enough to pitch this Saturday in a minor league game. I’m at about 95% confidence that Cecil will start the year and end the year as the closer. If you can get a discount on him still, I would do it. For those cinephiles reading, Cecil B. DeCloser.
Koji Uehara – Has a strained hamstring. Koji limped into the clubhouse and said, “I’m going to get a bumper sticker that says, ‘I prefer straining udon noodles.'” He could miss about a week of the season. If you want to speculate on vulture saves on the chance that Uehara has a setback, I’d look at Tazawa then Mujica, but it could go either way.
Rusney Castillo – Said he felt good in a minor league game yesterday. Then said, “Seriously, I feel great, please let me start again over Betts!”
Jacoby Ellsbury – Has a mild oblique strain, and is supposed to miss a week, so he could be a full-blown D’Ellsbury. Since it’s not a leg injury and sounds like he could be good to go as soon as a week after the season starts, at the latest, I’m not moving him yet in my rankings. Also, not rushing out to draft him. Though, technically, I don’t rush out to draft anyone. I have a computer in my house. By the by, the Dell computer giveaway is likely being announced tomorrow, so it’s your last chance to enter.
Alex Rodriguez – Girardi said A-Rod might not get any looks at first base because the Yanks have Te(i)x and Garrett Jones already at 1st. A fantasy baseball column from 2005 called and said it wants its news back.
Nick Swisher – Ran the bases and said he ‘felt good, not great.’ On a scale of one to “his sideburns’ profile pic on Grindr,” that’s about a “scruff on Tinder.”