A little about me:

I am old and cranky.

I know way more about baseball than you.

Many people automatically get four college credits simply for reading a single column of mine.

I am the only person to see the rookie years of both Ty Cobb and Bryce Harper.

I can steal signs from the catcher merely from feeling the breeze produced from his fingers.

I am so respected I have two Hall of Fame ballots each year.

I am a switch-hitter, ambidextrous and tri-sexual. Yes, that’s correct. I often have sex with a tricycle.

I am a vegan and will only play ball with a mitt made of cucumbers and lettuce.

I will see you next week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Tue 8/5
ARI | ATH | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | OAK

So far I have rolled out the entire infield minus shortstop in our OBP series, and it appears there is no avoiding it anymore. As you might have expected, the average “spread” for qualified shortstops in 2015 was the worst of all positions analyzed thus far- sitting at .050. And while that total might not seem too horrible in its own, the names after the top five drafted are what can make a man lose his mind. I mean really, this position is brutal.

How bad is it…be honest? Is it Windows Vista bad? It’s not iPhone 4 bad…is it? Fu**. Don’t tell me this is Zune bad?!

I’m sorry boys…. It’s Apple Maps bad.

And here you have it…my risers, fallers, targets, and sleepers at the shortstop position!

 (Keep in mind, the format is 12-team 5×5 OBP)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After Jada Pinkett Smith started the #closerssowhite controversy, boycotting SAGNOF until there were more black closers, because her husband, Will Smith, wasn’t immediately anointed closer of the Brewers, the entire MLB began a well-needed discussion about race.  Our Commissioner Manfred said, “I thought about this for a brief second, then I realized the entire league is Dominican.  I mean, before I was chosen as commissioner I had to vacation in Punta Cana for a long weekend just to ‘feel the vibe’ as Selig said.”  Jada Pinkett Smith said she will not sleep until her husband gets saves or Torii Hunter comes out of retirement and is made closer of one of those real white teams, “Maybe Minnesota.”  Closers So White lives on.  Will Smith’s closer season, however, looks about as promising as an After Earth sequel.  On Saturday, it was reported he tore his LCL.  He tore his 150?  That’s like when Pablo Sandoval’s dyslexic cousin saw Pablo tore his 501’s.  My money’s on Jeremy Jeffress getting the most saves in Milwaukee this year.  My money also has Alfred E. Neuman on it.  Jeffress is the top guy from the Brewers pen in my top 500 with Corey Knebel up next.  The fantasy baseball war room has been updated, as well.  (By the way, some rejected titles for this post were Collateral Ligaments of the World Ain’t Nothing But Trouble and Will Smith Gettin’ Limpy With It.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you caught the corner edition of this series, then you know what’s going on with the title. If you missed it (shame on you), go and click on that link now… Grey went over his second basemen and shortstops already, so now it’s my turn. Actually, it’s a different turn for a different game… for the most part. These are for the deeper and the desperate. The DDs! Speaking of DDs, have you signed up for an RCL yet? There is still time, so click here to join one or start your own. Okay, now that I got the shameless RCL plug out of the way, are you all ready for 2016? Feeling the burn yet? Selected your draft day spirits? I’ve been stuck in this scout.com for what feels like an eternity with the end still a week away. Anythehoo, let’s get to the players already…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going to be honest, I’m a little tipsy right now, I didn’t listen to Malamoney’s advice and got a little silly with my brahs at my CBS points keeper league draft. You know, the one where the kid made the video…. I’m sipping on some Cold Harbor Willow Tree IPA, a kick ass brewery down the road from mi casa. Wow this is like a giant unsolicited advertisement for things I’m not getting paid to promote. Then again, maybe….. So anyway, in my never ending quest to hold off on deep league prospect player profiles until the season starts, and in my secondary never ending quest to prepare you for any and every scenario in dynasty leagues, deep leagues, RCL’s and everything else under the sun. Today on this holiest of sunday’s – Hallelujah!!! – I bestow upon you Razzscalians, the truest of true, the purest of heat, the protectors of the fantasy baseball shield, the real shizz, that shizz that make you feel shizz, nah mean. Imma bring back hip-hop Sunday, church, and snap bracelets. Raw Imma give to ya, no trivia, raw like ROOKIES TO TARGET!!!! Say what? That’s right, I’m hitting you with the rookie players to draft and stash in those Yahoo N/A spots (shouts to Goodfold, all 6 of y’all), minors spots in fantrax/CBS, and whatever ESPN probably doesn’t have. Unless a few of these make the roster (Peraza), most of them will probably be in AAA until their service clocks tick back one sweet year of arbitration, but they will all be mixed league relevant at some point. Who knows a few might break into the top 100, I mean, last year, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re not a fan of The Walking Dead or haven’t watched last week’s episode, then you can just skip this paragraph. Am I that only one that cheered when that arrow shot through Denise’s eye? That was awesome. Her insufferable rant made me want to jump into the television and drop the People’s Elbow on that thang. Thankfully the writers took care of that for me. I also loved seeing Daryl reunited with his crossbow. Welcome back! With only two episodes left I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will happen. Here’s my theory. A major character has to die. It’s happened every season. So who’s going to die? My money is on Glen. Here’s why? The writers have already teased his death. Back in episode 3 “Thank You” Glen appeared to meet his demise after he fell off the dumpster. It wasn’t until episode 7 “Heads Up“, four weeks later, that we found out he survived. I believe the writers were testing the waters to see how the fans would react to killing off Glen. That’s my theory. With that said, if they kill off Daryl I’m going to lose my sh*t. Literally!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey guys!  Today, I’ll be looking at outfielders that I think are currently overvalued and undervalued in dynasty leagues.  I’ll be referencing their overall rank and rank among outfielders based on the expert consensus at Fantasy Pros.  I’ve selected some guys that are currently going at the top of the draft, a few rounds after the top and then in the middle.  Let’s get right to it!

Andrew McCutchen (#6 overall, #3 OF) – This isn’t at all to say I don’t like McCutchen.  He’s an amazing player who has a long track record of staying healthy.  My problem is that if I was starting a 12-15 man dynasty league today, there’s no chance that I’m taking McCutchen in the first round, let alone at 6th overall.  This is because of the steep dropoff he’s had in the stolen base department.  After years of getting 20+ steals, he had 18 in 2014 and 11 in 2015. From 2010 to 2015, here are his attempted steal totals: 43 (33 SB + 10 CS), 33 (23+10), 32 (20+12), 37, (27+10), 21 (18+3), 16 (11+5).  He’s going to be 29 this year so it makes logical sense for his steals to start declining.  His counting stats are going to be strong, his average will be around .300 and Cutch should hit 20-25 bombs, but if he only gets 10-15 steals, that’s not a first rounder in normal leagues.  In dynasties, that pushes him even further down the totem pole because McCutchen’s decline is approaching us.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey what’s going on here? Is this your annual late round flyers post? Or is this your deep league thoughts post? Why are you messing with us jacka**? No silly Razzits, it’s both. In the Razz spirit of Portmanteuing, I have combined them into one tidy little post since they aren’t that different from each other. I could of gone with Larofldeleghts, but knowing my luck I might be offending someone who used to call the Soviet Union home. I already have a rivalry with our only Hungarian reader after I kicked his goulash to the curb last year in the Razznasty. *smooches* Seriously, I have been short on time, and after reviewing the parameters of each post it only makes sense to compact me down to a smaller size, I’m huge! (Not what she said.) Here, look at this beautiful beast. No, not Nick Capozzi, me! You have been advised. I could lose a few… or 50, my doctor says 50 to start. Okay, enough about my rubenesque physique and more about the corner men, because, really, let’s be honest. Who here wants to read me talking about me?… Yeah, me neither.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the baseball season starting in the blink of seven-days-eyes, I figured it would be fitting since we all crunch drafts ’til the last possible moment.  Waiting until the end isn’t always a bad idea, you get the last news possible on injuries and job security.  Bad thing is that you lose some of the sleeper appeal.  By now, if you haven’t heard of a guy who could be closing, there is a great possibility that he doesn’t have a Sam Hill’s chance of closing.   Just facts.  These guys aren’t born yesterday and matriculate with a mastery of three pitches overnight.  The bullpen folk have one job and that is to make a save situation stay a save situation.  This holds true for holds guys, pun semi-intended.  So the list is basically where it should be until we start seeing some production from the lads.  The committee situations that exist in Milwaukee and possibly Philly will be that until someone gets the bulk of the load on his back.  Which sounds gross, but from a fantasy perspective, you want a full orgy of saves on your closer.  After all, quantity is the name of the game, that and continued success at it.  It is like everyone else’s job; you do good you stay.  You do poorly, you get pink slipped and sent to middle relief-dom.  So fingers crossed, or if you play the cuff odds, just simply uncross them and pray for the worst. Here is the last rankings of Closers and their hand-cuffs for the start of fantasy baseball version, 2.016…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The inaugural draft of the Team-Based Razzball Elite League 2 concluded this past week after more hiccups than my newborn daughter gets after crying for five minutes, and some unmentionable Commenters choosing to bail on the league, oh, ya know…the night before the draft. The nerve! Shunned! However, the Razzball Commenter community is so robust and incredible that we were able to find replacements rather quickly and finalize the setup to get along with the better of the two REL leagues. Yeah, I said it, JB! We can podcast tic-tac-toe fight soon to see which league is truly better.

REL2 mirrors REL1 in every aspect, except for the site we use for the league. REL1 chose Yahoo, while REL2 is housed on FanTrax. Neither are perfect options, but I have a personal vendetta against anything Yahoo fantasy sports, with their poopy app and convoluted interface. I also realize that I sound incredibly elitist with that comment, but it’s the ELITE league! I’m giving myself a pass.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I briefly considered doing a closers to target post, but that’s Smokey’s domain and I didn’t want any trademark infringements happening.  I do like the price of (insert closer name going after 200th overall) because of SAGNOF!  Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program.  *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with*  No more sleepers, Francine.  Meh, I’ll let her rest.  Like the outfielders to target and the middle infielders to target (shortstops and 2nd basemen), this post is necessary.  You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters.  Last year’s starters to target post included Danny Salazar and Shelby Miller.  The year before included Corey Kluber and Sonny Gray.  This year…the world!  Well, not the world, just some starters.  As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall.  Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy Razzballero! Starting next week we’ll dive right into the weekly regular season content (trash/treasure and bear/bull), but I’d like to take this opportunity (since we’re in the thick of draft season) to share a few thoughts on how to approach your fantasy baseball draft. I’ve made my share of mistakes on draft day over the years, and I’d like to share some of the lessons that I’ve (hopefully) learned from those mistakes with you today. Think of me as the guinea pig who’s the first one to cross the explosive pond, and then you swoop in like John Rambo to save the day. Only we’re talking about fantasy baseball, so it’s even MORE IMPORTANT! Sorry, too much coffee. But hopefully you’ll find one or two of these tips to be helpful when preparing for your drafts.

Here are a few things to consider as your draft day approaches:

Please, blog, may I have some more?