Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball! Now with less social distancing! Maybe. Hey hey, you’re too close man, too close! So despite the pandemic, here we are with another year of staff picks. But this season, a return to sorta-normalcy? Normsorta? Sortamalcy? Boy, that one does not look like a word at all. As if spell-check rejected it with dark wizardry and alcoholism. So yeah, what’s the goal with this exercise? Hashtag content, baby. (That’s the technical term. And with no cardio involved, seems like a win-win for someone like me.) There’s another goal though, one of philanthropy some would say. Despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended take on every single player in the MLB. We try though! And so we have this quick-and-easy (I regret burning my “yo momma” joke now…) presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we feel about the upcoming season. The general gist? WEAR YOUR MASK. True MVP’s stay together people.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2021 Razzball Picks! (Be sure to share yours in the comments section!) And be sure to add exclamation marks, we have a quota to fill people!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Sun 8/3
ARI | ATH | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | ATL | CIN | OAK

What’s that I smell? Is it Spring in the air? The hope of baseball dreams wafting through the ether? Did I forget to take my semi-monthly shower? I took a shower 11 days ago, so it’s probably the baseball dreams in the ether one. And nothing says baseball dreams in the the ether like extremely bold, completely baseless predictions with little-to-no grounding in reality, brought to you by some of your favorite Razzball writers. I surveyed 10 of my favorite Razzball writers—the only ones who would talk to me—for their boldest predictions regarding the 2021 baseball season. Here were their bold predictions along with my reaction:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The season is almost upon us which means it’s time to get your rosters all dialed in for the season. So, who’s set to breakout and who’s set to break our hearts. Breakouts are guys that I think will outperform their draft position. Heart breakers as you can guess, are the opposite. Guys that you have to spend a high pick to acquire that will only make you regret your decision. In most cases it’s not that I wouldn’t touch any of them with a 10 foot pole, but I don’t think they’ll return the investment required to roster them.  You don’t win  your league at the draft but a bad first or second pick can hamstring your team. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Early yesterday, I was staring out my window, the rain slowly rolling down the glass, and from the outside it looked like tears were rolling down my cheeks. From the inside, it also looked like I was crying, because I was. I dramatically turned away from the window, put my hand to my forehead and fell into my Giancarlo beanbag. “Cuddle me, Giancarlo Beanbag,” I whispered into the beanbag I had dressed in a Yankees jersey. On the stereo, Rob Thomas scream-sang, “I want to take you for granted,” and I thought about that. Had I taken Eloy Jimenez for granted? Was this…that? As the wait for injury news dragged on, I wandered out onto the road and stopped a car to ask them if they heard anything on Eloy, and they said, “Are you crazy get off the freeway?” Was I crazy? Was that what this was? So, Eloy Jimenez is out for the year with a ruptured left pectoral tendon. Now allow me to return to playing terrible Matchbox Twenty songs and sobbing IT’S 3 AM AND I MUST BE LONELY. Obviously, my top 500 and top 20 outfielders were updated. Who knew I’d prefer Alloy Jimenez who has been blended with sturdier metals to improve wear. I wonder if CVS has condolence cards for fantasy teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth welcome back the Projection Master, Rudy Gamble, to the podcast. The War Room is one of Rudy’s babies (included as part of the Razzball tools subscription), so we ask Rudy about this phenomenal draft companion tool.

We move on talk about some of Rudy’s drafts and how he’s approaching the different events this year. We talk about Rudy’s main event draft, the RazzSlam, and Tout Wars. Why wouldn’t you listen to Rudy talk about his drafting strategy? I learn something every time I talk to Rudy. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s a special announcement early on in the show as well.

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About a month ago, I put out my initial list for the top third basemen for my rest of season rankings. It turns out, my work was not quite complete as things have certainly changed. We’ve had injuries (ugh) and positional battles during spring training that have certainly moved the needle. However, another factor for me adjusting my rankings was actually getting into drafts and seeing what my decisions were in the moment when the pressure was actually on. Let’s get to the list and then we’ll go through some of the movers.

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The flowers were in full bloom. The air was gridlocked with pollen. The children were prancing in the fields looking for candy eggs. Rabbits were frolicking in the grass. As Pablo Escobar took in the sights and sounds, he turned to his wife, penetrated the atmosphere of her eyes, then proceeded to be a rabbit himself. The year was 1988. Escobar was now the richest man in the world, successfully guiding the Medellin Cartel to an entity of extraordinary magnitude for 12 years. He tried to enter the political sphere in Columbia but kept getting rebuffed. The authorities from both his homeland and gringos from the north kept hunting him, pushing for his arrest. Pablo, ever the power-hungry animal that he was, searched for another way to cement his legacy. He needed to diversify. On that April day, bringing a third Escobar into the world was the only viable solution. He would nurture him, groom him, and show him the ways so that one day he could exhibit the power as he had, prolonging the Escobar reign. Unfortunately, Pablo moved on from this world in 1993, cutting the tutelage short. After years of work, sweat, and pain, the child consummated on that April Day, Eduardo Escobar, delivered the power and fulfilled his dad’s vision as he clubbed 35 homers with 94 runs and 118 RBI in 699 plate appearances during the 2019 MLB season. Like father like son, though, the world came crashing down swiftly. In Eduardo’s case, it was the following year. Is there hope for Eduardo for this season, or will he be just a footnote in the history books?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program. *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with* No more sleepers, Francine. Meh, I’ll let her rest. Like the 2nd basemen to target or outfielders to target, this post is necessary. You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters. Last year’s starters to target post included Kenta Maeda, Kevin Gausman, Pablo Lopez, Julio Urias, Joe Musgrove and Jake Odorizzi, who I apparently can never get enough of. They’ve moved way up ranks this year with one making the jump to my top 20 starters, and, well, can you believe ESPN ranked Maeda 206th overall last year and left Gausman unranked? Yeah, well, Pablo Lopez was unranked by Yahoo and 375th overall by NFBC, so, as I always say, starters are available later. As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall. Also, all Steamer hitter projections are updated just about every day (mostly small adjustments), and all 2021 fantasy baseball rankings are updated, as well, including for Zac Gallen, who I would no longer draft as I say in the top 40 starters. Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2021 fantasy baseball:

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After being called up to start in a win-or-go-home playoff game to close 2020, Alex Kirilloff will open 2021 in the minor leagues. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. The minor leagues won’t exist. Kirilloff will be watching his Twins on Opening Day from the nether realm known as the alternate site, where some number of players will incubate for a month while actual baseball is played elsewhere, presumably. 

We in the fantasy baseball world thought Eddie Rosario’s winter departure meant Kirilloff would have a chance at everyday playing time come springtime.

Same old story. Same old song and dance, my friends.

Not really worth our lifeforce to go over it again, I guess.

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So a common theme this draft season at Razzball is “ADP is a trap.” In fact, I’m gonna lobby for t-shirts and mugs to commemorate. Mi amigo Blair dropped a bomb Monday that turns the idea of drafting pitchers in the 1st or 2nd round on its head, which I’m proud to say I had a part in, and needless to say, it is a form of scientific validation (logos) for the ethos that has been the mantra of Grey here since the great Razzball awakening. You don’t have to draft a pitcher in the first two rounds just because someone that setup the draft platform says you should. It’s the power of suggestion, groupthink, or even FOMO that compels you. If you haven’t read it yet, you should. After this article of course. It’s the 95 theses nailed to the church door of the fantasy baseball establishment.

You need to look at it like negotiations. When you want to make a good deal in your favor, you have got to set the initial parameters to negotiate from. You plant the flag at your starting point so every point conceded or won becomes a function of that starting point. When you are in a platform’s draft lobby, all draft values begin at the starting point of somebody else’s rankings. When you get picks at an ADP value or premium, what is that based on? True value? Your value? or THEIR value? Don’t get pulled into the game of taking someone at a certain cost just because of the number presented before their name and where they sit in the queue. Stop it. You’re getting caught up. What you can do though, is use it to your advantage and capitalize on the sheeple in your draft conforming to the system.

That was a super-long intro to talk about Patrick Corbin, but here we are. Welcome to the desert of the real. Patrick Corbin, along with some others I’ve highlighted this spring, represents a disconnect. What to do with ADPs and not fall into traps? Many of these rankings are overcompensating for what happened in the 2020 hellscape and under-compensating for track records. Years of experience are thrown out for what happened in a 60-game sample, and not even a normal sample but a mutated and grotesque shortened season, where the data sample was tainted. The same routine and environment that players usually go through to start the season was non-existent, so how can you relate it to what has happened before when there’s no constant for comparison.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We can all agree that Myles Straw is everyone’s deep stolen base sleeper for this year. Is someone still considered a sleeper if everyone labels him as such? Either way, he could be hitting atop the new-look Astros lineup running for his life even with old-school Dusty Baker as their manager. But here’s the Hotels.com Captain Obvious™ statement of the day: there’s only 1 Myles Straw in every league — either ya get him earlier than you want, or the commissioner’s annoying little brother drafts him right ahead of you. So I’m going to highlight 8 players who are being drafted after Straw’s current ADP (339 on Fantrax as of March 23rd) who could sneakily steal double-digit bases for your team. These deep league stolen base threats not only ‘Ain’t Got No Face,’ they might not even ‘Ain’t Got No Head’ they’re so anonymous. 

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Play the uplifting montage music, for we have conquered our off-season rundown of the top players at each position in this crazy thing called fantasy baseball. It’s the 2021 season, likely to be three times longer than last season. Don’t worry the guy that won your league last year will go back to losing focus in July. Yeah marathon! Speaking of marathon. We did 100 pitchers!!!! Yeaaaah!!! Wooooo!!! Grey and I talk about all the guys to draft and the dudes you should let the other guys take. It’s fun, we don’t wear pants, and we breakout in song.

Please, blog, may I have some more?