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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

Standing in front of the Reds’ GM office, whistling as I push a mop past the open door. Cleaning up a pile of spaghetti and chili that someone dropped earlier that day in their rush to get to the cafeteria to get a new plate of spaghetti and chili. I say to myself in a low whisper, “Hmm, I’m just a janitor for the Reds. Living my best life. Been a lifelong Cincy guy. What a shame someone dropped this beautiful spaghetti and chili. Just a real shame. I’m not pretending to be a janitor so I can overhear when the Reds’ GM calls up a new prospect. That’s silly to even consider. It wasn’t me, early this morning, breaking into the building to spill spaghetti and chili in the most opportune spot so I could carry out this ruse. Not me. That’s just very silly.” I carefully sidestep the pile of spaghetti-chili, and lean my ear towards the GM. Drats! He’s calling up…Skyline?! For more spaghetti and chili?! Oh, these people are incorrigible! So, I don’t know who the next Reds’ prospect will be called up. My guess is it’s Christian Encanracion-Strand, but we don’t need to worry about that, we have one already called up, Matt McLain, who sounds like a pro athlete, only not for baseball. For like bowling. Does he wanna bowl with Mookie Betts? Speaking of Betts, no, I won’t compare him to Betts, but McLain does have power and speed. Cincy plays so well for power too, that you almost have to be a negative to not take advantage of Great American Smallpark. While McLain’s power can produce 15-ish homers, the speed is even better. He could go 12/20 in only four months of the season, and has solid contact. I’d grab him in all leagues. Oh, wait a second, someone just called the GM about a pickup, let’s listen in…Oh, forget it, it was David Bell asking if someone could pick up the spaghetti and chili in the hallway, and put it on a plate for him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Wed 8/6
ARI | ATH | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | OAK

Hello friends, and I hope your fantasy baseball week is going better than mine is. I’ve had some particularly brutal Sonavabench! moments, and what on earth is going on with the horrible, horrible pitching?! I feel like not a day goes by where I don’t have a bad-to-vomit-inducing start from at least one SP plus […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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After the game, the Cards’ front office called Willson Contreras in. He just went 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and notched his 4th and 5th homers — two three-run homers. They wanted to have a word with him. Congratulations, Contreras thought. They could just send a bottle of champagne back to his room, he figured. Maybe they wanted to give it to him in-person. A gesture, that would be welcome. Contreras sat down in front of Oli Marmol and John Mozeliak. “Willson,” they started, “You had a big game today. Do you have any idea how that made Adam Wainwright feel? He’s got a 5.74 ERA, and you’re out scoring that many runs? That’s gotta take a toll on him. Jack Flaherty was in that dugout, and every time you crossed the plate, you could hear him mutter, ‘I give up runs like that.’ Steven Matz looked on the verge of tears! Poor Matzy! This is why Yadi knew best! He knew not to hit home runs. It’s too much showboating. That’s not the Cardinals’ way.” With that, they dismissed Contreras to go back and apologize to his teammates for performing so well. Hopefully he learns his lesson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Usually I try and write up a funny intro filled with anecdotes. I’m strictly about the business today. This may or may not be due to some lady cutting me off big time while I was driving my kids to school. Anyways, Christopher Morel has been all the rage this past week. And for good reason, as he smashed four home runs in seven games and has batted 3rd, leadoff, and leadoff in the last three contests. This has prompted people to make it rain at the Club de FAAB. Don’t mind the scraggly looking guy with the sign outside Club de FAAB that reads: The World is Ending. Find Jesus. That’s just me bringing doom and gloom to the party.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We all avoid certain players every fantasy season, for better or worse. I normally avoid rookie pitchers, but made an exception for Grayson Rodriguez. We all know how that went. The classic “I’M EXCITED-to-I’M ANGRY-to-I’M EXCITED-to-I’M DISAPPOINTED-to-I’M DISGUSTED” pipeline. You know it’s bad when you agree with management regarding a player being sent down to the minors. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yo yo yo, what is up party people. Hard to believe we’re closing in on two months into the season. Feels like just yesterday we were in draft mode. Do we know anything at this point? Absolutely not. So now here’s everything I’ve learned so far. Did you know that Yandy Diaz is like super good? The batting average is great but the power is even better. He’s in the early running for fantasy baseball points league MVP. He’s still day to day with that groin injury but the fact that he hasn’t gone to the IL is encouraging. He’s probably feeling a bit under the weather because of the big ole bat he’s been lugging around,

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Think Buck Showalter is old. That’s not bad, in general. Some of my favorite people are old. I’m a Cougar Hunter. I have radar for hard candies. The problem with Showalter is he’s got old thinking. He’s platooning Brett Baty. He thinks Thomas Phamily is still a thing. He’s not following the latest in baseball which is: Play your kids! The Braves have been winning with the formula: Play your kids! for a few years now. So, with that said, the Mets called up their next great hitting prospect, Mark Vientos (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) as he hit his 1st homer. Can Vientos play outfield? Absolutely not. Can Vientos steal at-bats from Baty? Ugh, maybe. Can Vientos run? His speed has been described as “an 80-year-old baby crawling with tennis balls on its knees.” Can Vientos hit bombs? To the freakin’ moon! He kinda reminds me of a young Evan Longoria. Now take everything you’ve thought about Longoria over the last seven years, scrub it from your brain, and think about Longoria as if this is 2016. Your brain in 2016, “Rays should lock this Longoria guy up for another ten years! He’s amazing! Wait! They let Longoria walk? Wow, what a mistake! They just let a perennial 30+ homer, .270 hitter go! Rays will be in last place for the next decade. What a bunch of losers!” So, your 2016 brain is kinda remembering correctly. Your 2016 was also a big dumb brain, but that’s only in hindsight. Longo was good at that point. Mark Vientos can be good too. For what it’s Wuertz, Prospect Itch has been down on Vientos for as long as Vientos has been down on the farm. For this year, do I want Mark Vientos in a redraft league? Absolutely, but back to the Buck shituation. He’s going to play where? DH? Okay, and Vogelbach is being benched indefinitely? By the  guy who is still playing the Phamily? No. That leaves Vientos, the Metsmaker, in a platoon. By the way, regarding the title: It’s because it causes Coke to explode. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mets 1B Mark Vientos was recalled this morning, and while it’s not easy to see where he’ll play, Vientos has real reason to be in the minors. He’s hitting .333 with 13 homers and has cut his K-rate by 8.8 percent between last year and this one. He slashed .280/.358/.519 with 24 home runs in 101 Triple-A games last year even with the 29.3 percent strikeout rate. Strong-side designated hitter Dan Vogelbach hasn’t been a power threat this year, but his 119 wRC+ and .376 on base percentage might make him difficult for the rookie to displace. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?