Hello, Everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nick!) As y’all have probably noticed, a lot has happened since I last stopped by, one short week ago. Jay got a belly button ring, 17 more pitchers had Tommy John surgery, Guru bedazzled his turban, Aroldis Chapman was drilled in the face with a line drive and will probably be out until June, and Grey shaved his mustache. Although I can’t vouch for all of those things, I know one of those things (I think) didn’t happen… all you ladies can relax now, Grey didn’t shave his mustache. I’m sorry, I know I scared you. Shizz, I, myself, panicked just thinking of the possibility of Grey without it. Anywho, something else happened in the last week. Our fine Razzball Podcast host, Nick, announced the launch of Razzball Radio. Along with Razzball Radio, Nick is in the process of coordinating Razzball’s inaugural #32in32in32.
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We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2014 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2014 Pirates Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Pat Lackey from Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke?.
Please, blog, may I have some more?It’s everyone’s favorite ‘pert with everyone’s favorite self-flagellating exercise — Hey, look at my team! The ‘Hey, look at my team!’ exercise can go one of two ways. We can either agree that my team is awesome. Or you can combat the ‘Hey, look at my team!’ exercise with your own ‘Hey, look at my team!’ exercise. I’m guessing a lot of you will opt for the second, since the ‘Hey, look at my team!’ exercise seems to go over best from the first person. One word about the “Hey, look at my team!” exercise. It works best if you tell me how many teams are in your league and arrange your team as I have done in this post. Now, prior to you looking at my team, besieging your gut with warm cozies, I first should point out this is a 5×5, 15 team league with OBP subbed in for average because fantasy baseball ‘perts like to make things complicated and turn off 85% of their readers. So, before you say Dan Uggla is a terrible pick, he’s more of a so-so pick. So-so there! Anyway, here’s my 2014 Tout Wars team:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Loyal (or at least frequent) readers of this site know that Grey LOVES to rub it in my face whenever he is right about a player and I am wrong. I think he has an archive of every conversation we ever had for that expressed purpose. It’s like he is keeping an NSA dossier on me and the S stands for Spite.
In the spirit of transparency – and maybe actual learning – I stitched together our 12-team mixed $ values for 2014 so there is a complete comparison out there for you to see. I am only including players where one of us gave the player a $0+ value as once you agree a guy is undraftable, there is no reason for further debate.
Please, blog, may I have some more?The debates will always rage on– the chicken or the egg, bacon or more bacon, and quality or quantity? All are equally important discussions, I mean who doesn’t want more bacon? But for pretend-baseball sake I am going to focus on quality vs. quantity. Relief pitchers continue to get a bum rap, judged as useless and set to harsh shunning like dudes subjected to Megan’s Law. Well, I’m here to learn you something, or at least completely waste your time for 10-12 minutes. I ask you, who doesn’t want more K’s with low ratios? Sounds like the 24-36-24 dimensions of that skin mag you “borrowed” from that zany uncle. K/9 is the stat that people tend to light up there funky jazz cigarettes to. They bask in it, the better… the more greedy. So why not just stream SP and get all the K’s you want? Well there are reasons for and against it.
Please, blog, may I have some more?We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2014 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2014 Giants Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Trevor Cole from Giants Baseball Blog.
Please, blog, may I have some more?If you want to see the worst video you can imagine, here’s Aroldis getting hit in the face by a line drive. I say it’s the worst video, not because of the graphic content, but because it looks it was shot by a blind man who has really large fingers. Which has me thinking, does braille come in different sizes? Things that make you go hmm… So, Aroldis Chapman got hit in the face by a comebacker off of Salvador Perez’s bat and needed to get carted off the field and taken straight to the hospital. No amount of weird stories about Aroldis coming home to find women tied to his bed, claiming they were kidnapped, makes what happened to Aroldis right. No amount of stories of him doing 150 MPH in a school zone, drag racing against Puig, makes this right. Aroldis can throw puppies in the air and say he’s making it rain for pussycats and it doesn’t make it okay. Though, I did rush to the waiver wire looking for J.J. Hoover just in case Aroldis would be out for a while, then I went looking for Jonathon Broxton. Fantasy baseball, you make me a bad person! I’d add Hoover and Broxton, just in case Aroldis is out for a while. Right now, I’d guess he misses a month with a fractured nose and a fracture above his eye. Anyway, here’s what else I’ve seen in Spring Training for 2014 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Pitcher Profiles are almost back baby! Oh man, I haven’t been this excited for pitchers to return ever since all the crap I got for saying Ryan Dempster was a sleeper last year. Of course, no one remembers Matt Harvey was my #1 sleeper (audio proof!), and then Grey even forgets which old bad pitcher I lumped in my sleepers saying it was Josh Beckett! Ugh. Being such a bully around the office. Punk me for the rest of those picks! Yikes.
Please, blog, may I have some more?A trio of players were Razzball comment section regulars last year due in large part to their phallic-referencing, chuckle-inducing monikers. Coincidentally, all three have outlooks that are pointing up for the 2014 season.
Let’s start with B.J. Upton. This one’s easy, since it will be virtually impossible for him to not top .184/9/26/12 and an OPS of .557. The guy snagged 30-plus bases five seasons in a row and has flashed 30-30 potential. Bro Justin Upton is in the same outfield, so clearly the talent’s innate and all he has to do is cut down on the whiffs and tap into it, right? Right?
Please, blog, may I have some more?Organizational Talent Rankings via Baseball America
2013 (2) | 2012 (9) | 2011 (18) | 2010 (12) | 2009 (24)
2013 Affiliate Records
MLB: [71-91] AL West
AAA: [76-68] Pacific Coast League – Tacoma
AA: [62-73] Southern League – Jackson
A+: [64-76] California League – High Desert
A: [67-72] Midwest League – Clinton
A(ss): [44-32] Northwest League — Everett
Graduated Prospects
Nick Franklin (2B); Brad Miller (SS/2B); Mike Zunino (C); Danny Farquhar (RHP)
The Run Down
When considering the Mariners farm for fantasy purposes, it’s impossible to ignore the Safeco effect. Every pitcher on this list should carry inflated fantasy value thanks to the ballpark at which they’ll be spending most of their time. On the flip side of that statement, however, the M’s offensive prospects aren’t necessarily as exciting as they could be. We apply the same principle when evaluating the Padres or Giants farm systems — never shy away from a pitching prospect pushing through the Seattle org.
Confession time! I’m looking at Craigslist’s Missed Connections for a five feet, three inch starting pitcher that I saw last year on TV. I see someone on Missed Connections looking for a man that they ran into who was wearing a striped shirt and a wool hat. Hey, that’s no fair, you have to find Waldo on your own. I don’t see the guy I’m looking for on Missed Connections, so I’m going to fill out my own ad, “Seeking SLM (Sexy Little Man). When I first saw you throwing 100 MPH, I was smitten like a kitten that grabs onto the side of a building on one of those posters that reads, Hang In There. There’s no emoji to express the joy you gave me that day. If you’re interested — no strings attached! — please be available to draft around 220 overall in standard mixed league drafts.” There, now I just have to wait to see if Yordano Ventura is available in my next draft after being officially named to the Royals starting rotation. Since some of youse, have a problem searching the site for what I’ve said about him in the past, allow me to copy and paste me, “Check out these K-rates from Ventura in the minor leagues: 9.91, 9.39, 11.55, 11.55 and 9.47. That’s every year’s K-rate where he had more than 50 IP pitched. Those are eye popping like John Lithgow in The Twilight Zone Movie. I want to sit by a campfire with those K-rates and let them search for firewood on my lap. His walk rates weren’t egregious either. Not elite, not bad. On average around a 3.50. A 9+ K/9 and a 3.50 BB/9 works. He reminds me of Pedro Martinez, which is a huge compliment. Yordano weighs about a buck-forty and he can hit 100 MPH on the speed gun. His stuff is elite. He could be a lights out closer or starter. For now, the Royals think he’ll work as a starter and so far he hasn’t disproved them.” And that’s me quoting me! Ventura is worth owning in every league. Yes, even that one. Anyway, here’s what else I’ve seen in Spring Training for 2014 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Eh’s were wild today as the Canadian mafia got together for the podcast with Nick joined by Jonah Keri. I wonder if Bret “The Hitman” Hart was invited, but got blown off in yet another screw job. I also join the show to discuss the start of Razzball Radio and my luscious manstache. I don’t use any special products for its sheen, just your run-of-the-mill mayonnaise. I do want to take a second and discuss the sacrifices Nick has taken in order to make Razzball Radio a reality. He quit his job, sold his house, moved his family to ‘Murica and jumped into this thing feet first. Why? Because he’s absolutely crazy. Seriously, not one of you is a career counselor to try to screw Nick’s head on straight? The man has lost it. It being everything. Right now, I’m miming the ‘crazy sign’ when you rotate your finger by your ear. But, you know what, we like crazy here at Razzball. Anyway, here’s the Razzball Podcast (now with nostalgic tales of the Expos):
Please, blog, may I have some more?