Wait, what? The Mariners got Jean Segura AND Mitch Haniger for the continually underachieving Tai Walker? The same Haniger who’s third in offensive WAR in the AL (through Friday), first in the AL in runs scored with 16, leading the AL in times on base, fourth in the clubhouse in jersey-chaser takedowns, and first in my heart for being part of the heist that was the Taijuan Walker trade. Coming off a year where he masta-donged 25 and 94 with a .321 BA in AA/AAA last year, the D-Bags felt the urge to dump another diamond in the rough, a la Max Scherzer. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that trade all those year ago. I couldn’t believe at the time and couldn’t believe they weren’t making a bigger deal about it.

I may be going too far as I’m a Walker fan, but Haniger clearly has All-star capabilities and hitting in this loaded lineup is going to keep him relevant all season long. Much unlike myself, it’s really easy to be a fan of this dude.

Here’s what else intrigued me this past week… Take heed!

Justin Verlander – Tipping pitches, or is Verlander just washed like he looked for three years before his big bounce back last season? Is it odd to anyone else that last year, Verlander had his highest Ks per nine since 2009? At the age of 34, an age when most men are going bald, fully exploring the full depth of their alcoholism, going to strip clubs alone for the first time, and fantasizing about leaving their wives, Verlander has virtually no shot of equaling and certainly not surpassing last season’s heroics.  At least they have Jordan Zimmerman

Jose Abreu – ZERO Cuban missile strikes? A few years back I was predicting 50 for bruh, now I’m just praying for double digits before the All-Star break. Abreu’s home run totals have decreased by at least five per season. Man, if big daddy can’t break 2o, it may be time to put this bull to pasture… Let’s not rush to judgement though, for I still believe.

Byron Buxton  – Raising his average over the bendova line with a 1-for-3 performance was step in the right direction but, sheesh! I haven’t witnessed filth like this since I caught my grandmother with our lifelong plumber laying pipe. I’m not talking literally, I mean they were having sexual intercourse. A cha cha, what a time, eh? What a time to be alive.

Cody Reed – Little known fact: Cody is an extremely popular name for both people and dogs. Jack’s another solid one. I’ve never met a dog named Jamal though, but I’d like to. A more known fact: Cody Reed should be starting major league baseball games like I should be operating heavy machinery or driving any type of vehicle. They don’t call me the Hunter S. Thompson of Razzball for my writing skills, I can tell you that much.

Domonic Brown – Can someone just confirm for me that the man is alright? No 2017 statistics anywhere. Wikipedia doesn’t have any updates for me. If you can help me, please, send money.

Eugenio Suarez – If you’re a Suarez owner like myself, then you have had the pleasure of being served a double portion of dong last night. Protein is good for your muscles and Suarez is even better for your fantasy team. Will it last? Shit, at one point in time it looked like Nicolas Cage might be the greatest actor of my lifetime and now he’s an international joke, so I’m not going to sit here and make some crazy prediction… BUT, Suarez is entering his prime at 25 years of age, and is coming off what I believe is an intriguing 2016. The breakout potential is here.

Ryan Zimmerman – Already with a third of his home runs and doubles total from 2016, in 372 less at bats, Zimmerman has gone F.U. Kenny Powers mode and taken the MLB by storm, ranking as ESPN’s number two second baseman right now. Past success+health+great lineup= Comback player of the year.

Giancarlo Stanton – This is the year.

Luis Severino – With consecutive Charleston Heston diaper DIRTY performances, Severino is officially back on the fantasy map and a must own in all formats….I guess, except for the RCL “Expert” league, the only RCL league I play in where middle relievers make or break your season. But F it, I’m gonna own him there, as Severino is one of the few extremely late picked or totally undrafted guys with star upside. We wanted it last year, it wasn’t there. Everyone left him for dead in 2017, now he’s going John Travolta style, you know, right after he did Pulp Fiction and became the hottest actor in the game. Learn about it.

Amir Garrett – Am I buying Amir Garrett? Does Con-Air have the greatest cast in the history of film? Yes and yes. Garrett has had an ERA under 2.55 his last two years in the minors while giving up a total of 10 homers, all while striking out around 8.5 batters per nine innings. He’s the rookie of the year thus far and until he stops dominating, I’ll continue to trust this man with the ball every five days.

Aaron Judge – Judge has hit more homers this year in 58 at bats than he did last year in 95. His K-rate is also down about 17 percent… Of course, it would be difficult for anyone to continue receiving MLB at bats with a 44 percent K-rate, but still, kudos to him for the improvement thus far. If Severino and Pineda are hoggish all season long (A BIG IF), and Gary Sanchez returns to form, this Yankees team could be a lot of fun down the stretch.

Francisco Liriano – If you want to look at something impressive, peep out some picks of Serge Ibaka free balling it in sweats OR check out Liriano in 2006, where he went 12-3 with a 2.16 ERA in one of the more dominating stretches of pitching I’ve ever witnessed. After injuries seemingly ruined his career, I was more that ecstatic when he found more life with the Pirates, unexpectedly. With that being said, and his 12.4 ks/9 thus far this season notwithstanding, I’m not owning Liriano in shallow leagues at this moment. I’ll always remember 2006 though. Weed was still illegal and I was doing solo handy flicks to pay the rent to keep my acting and modeling career afloat.

Travis Shaw – Shaw-nica Lewinski is sucking the memories of former Brewer  legends like Richie Sexton, Corey Hart and Chris Carter right out of the heads of Milwaukee fans across the globe. Interesting story; I once had the chance to intern for the Brewers organization and had to turn it down for I had just entered a serious relationship. Who knows, Beddict could have been the next J.P. Ricciardi! I’ll have to settle for being Razzball’s most despised employee. Basically the same thing. Anyway, Shaw sits at 7th in the NL with 41 total bases, which is supert titillating if you play in NL only leagues.

Austin Hedges – Up until about a week ago, this young man was hitless. Now, he’s roped four bombs in his last six games, and I’m riding him like Guinevere did Lancelot when King Arthur was piss drunk with Merlin, telling the story of how he pulled his sword from that stone all those years ago.  Also, NEVER, say “bomb” on an airplane.

 

 

 
  1. Doug says:
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    Lol at Bendova Line. Wait, were you serious about your grandma?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Doug: I thought it was funny. My poor grandmother

  2. Slimcompoop says:
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    The “least liked employee at Razzball”? Sheesh. I like you Tehol.

    I too have soured on our Cuban Comrade and am losing patience. He can’t be THIS bad can he? Abreu is in fantasy baseball purgatory. Can’t cut him, can’t trade him, he just sits there in your 1B slot sucking the life out of your team. Sigh. I could free myself from him and get Chris Davis in return, so as long as I throw in Gerrit Cole. Do you think that’s too much?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Slimcompoop: Thanks Slimcompoop. You’ve just made my evening.

      A year ago I was mad I had to cut him to keep Kris Bryant. I thought he was going to hit 50. I don’t really understand it as his average has remained pretty similar to his first year. It’s really odd. thats too much to give up probably tho Cole does nothing but infuriate me. Something seems off with him. I hope the implosion I’m having visions of doesn’t occur. But on paper, that’s still a lot to give up as we must assume Abreu turns it on

    • Rosscoe says:
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      @Slimcompoop: No, he’s right… Also, you should consider asking someone who knows something about baseball

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Rosscoe: I’m so confused By these accusations. I truly am. Do I need to post my references ? Good God, this is pathetic. You simply cannot humanly be this weinerific . Not possible

  3. jiggynits says:
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    struggling with this 5×5 NL only trade

    pick a side

    rupp – wong – mike montgomery VS iannetta – j heyward – t rosenthal

    thank you

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @jiggynits: Man, tough call but I’m on board with upside of Heyward and Rosenthal over Monty. I like what Wong is doing as of late but I’ll take the heyward side. thanks for reading

      • Jiggy Nits says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: im currently the heyward rosenthal owner so i guess ill hold. loved the comment on domonic brown haha

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Jiggy Nits: it’s a tough call. If you want to pull the trigger I wouldn’t crucify you for it. Wong might be best piece overall. Do you need an infielder?

  4. David says:
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    Who ya got in a dynasty, Bregman or Jose Ramirez? Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @David: This one is extremely tough. Jose Ramirez looks like possibly 20/20 with .300 average guy. Bregman probably has more pop but Ramirez is real deal Holyfield and has more position flexibility at this time. I’d go that route. thanks for reading

    • Rosscoe says:
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      @David: You’re asking this dude a Dynasty question…?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Rosscoe: The Beddict dynasty is upon you Rosco. Move on with your life

        • Big W says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: Rosscoe clearly has no life.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Big W: or maybe just a life that blows. But who knows. I’ve been wrong before

  5. David says:
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    And, Bregman or Story!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @David: I’m taking Story here for my long term short stop. The right decision

  6. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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    Welcome to Razzball! Don’t worry, there are some fine writers on this site that may be able to help with both your content and writing style. Cheer up slugger, there’s nowhere to go but up from here.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I am razzball. But I do need my genitals inspected. Whenever you’re free, Dr.

      • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Not sure I could check them while still inserted into whatever twink’s ass got date raped last night.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Unbreakable MB: you were supposed to say ” I am Beddict”. did it autocorrect to Negan?

    • Rosscoe says:
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      @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I love your optimism Dr, but I’m not sure a man of science like you should still believe in miracles….

  7. nick the smooth dick says:
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    TeKela! Ya know there is a difference between people hating ON you and just hating you. I fall into the latter category, but that’s just me, because I usually don’t take kind to bustas. From a place with elder God’s? Man, you’re from a planet called Punk where you were fed pussy, protein and pearl tongue.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @nick the smooth dick: I do love eating badussy. thanks for reminding me it’s time for my protein shake. Have a lovely week, Nick! Thanks for checking in

      • nick the smooth dick says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I hope your buddies ate pineapple before they made your protein shake. Nobody likes a salty shake

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @nick the smooth dick: semen is good for your skin…..so I’ve heard

          • nick the smooth dick says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: your stomach lining must have quite the glow!

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @nick the smooth dick: that’s why they call me glowworm. You should see me breakdance in my mid drift at night . Fabulous

          • Kendrick Llama says:
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            Lot of freaks commenting on here. @Tehol Beddict: nick the no dick.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Kendrick Llama: we call that a Eunich in his country

            • nick the smooth dick says:
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              @Kendrick Llama: Stick to something you know about. You regularly hop in a justified fight and swing your little cock around? Do you think he did nothing and gets undeserved hate? The least I can do for the ones I love is troll a scumbag who pops off at the mouth more than anyone I’ve ever seen

              • Kendrick Llama says:
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                @nick the smooth dick: I may have a little dick, but you son, have no dick. I am sorry about the loss of your dick. Plz come to mitchapalooza tho. Beer on me.

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Kendrick Llama: BEERS ON THE LLAMA

                • nick the smooth dick says:
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                  @Kendrick Llama: Oh man, I gotta wrote these no dick jokes down. They’re gold.

  8. Shark says:
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    Agree with you about the middle reliever thing. It’s fantasy, but it’s still supposed to *approximate* the real thing.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shark: exactly. Go look at these rosters in the expert RCL. I beg you. That’s not what got me excited about fantasy baseball when i started. It is what it is though so I will adapt. Just had Vizcaino give up 3 today without recording an out. Glad I’m forced to hold 8th inning guys when holds isn’t a category. Thanks for checking in

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Every RCL/roto league with that format does. If you actually gave a fuck about the site you’d know that. Instead you stay on Twitter sub-tweeting like a high school drama queen.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Ralph Lifshitz: ok come talk to me when you defeat me. Just cuz I don’t like it doesn’t mean I can’t win it. All I’m saying is I enjoy other types of leagues more. Why does this anger you so much? I’m begging for answers. BEGGING

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Tehol Beddict I really don’t give a shit, you just continue to complain about it like it’s somehow ridiculous. I’m fine with this because you’re actually playing now that I challenged you. Better than your no show like usual. Silver lining I guess.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Ralph Lifshitz: there’s just less skill involved in my opinion. I’m sure I’m wrong as I know nothing about the sport

              • Ralph Lifshitz

                Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: Less skill in knowing which RP to use? Which hitters to stream? What’s the skill drafting 1,000 starters and just throwing darts? There’s no strategy to head to head.

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Ralph Lifshitz: that part is fine but yes, streaming relievers might be an art form but it’s not. I like head to head and we have 5 weekly transaction limit. I can’t even give away Verlander aka Grays 8 ranked sp in fantasy. I would have def drafted diff but it’s fine. Maybe it’s growing on me.

                • J-FOH says:
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                  @Ralph Lifshitz: if he doesn’t like the format then why play. Just decline the invitation and move on. It seems pretty simple here.

                  • Tehol Beddict says:
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                    @J-FOH: I don’t make them invite me but thanks again for your input. And I can dislike it and still play it or am I not allowed to have an opinion, Hitler?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Rosscoe: waaaambulance called. I’m waiting for it now

  9. steve says:
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    Are you really telling parents their kids are ugly?

    Wow.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @steve: dude, I wasn’t speaking of whoever you’re thinking. Please relax. I’ve never see No ralphs kids. This has gone way too far. I like Ralph. But if I felt like saying it I would. But I didn’t. Sorry if you’re offended

    • nick the smooth dick says:
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      @steve: Haha who are you speaking of he says! Then says I haven’t seen Ralph’s kids

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @nick the smooth dick: say bruh They could be alright looking as Ralph’s wife is banging. But who knows. I was talking to another dude who was attacking me so I told him the truth about his first born. Totally different. Sky the snitch was wrong as usual. He wants me to fail but it may not even possbile. Guys, for the last time I’ve never seen Ralph’s kids. I’m not above calling kids ugly for the most part tho. In fact I deleted said tweet becuse I didn’t want to go there, and again not Ralph aka mrs insecure . Keep reading tho. You’ll get it

        • steve says:
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          @Tehol Beddict:

          Why not stick to baseball and take the high road instead of personal attacks on others?

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @steve: dude I’m not attacking him. It’s a long story. It’s not that serious. I took it too far obviously. He’s a good dude and a good writer. But the first thing these guys say to me in arguments is that I’m trash afer telling me for years they love my stuff. So I know how they really feel. It’s all good. I wasn’t talking about his kid. Again

            • nick the smooth dick says:
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              @Tehol Beddict: Hey at least you didn’t alienate Llama with the admittedly tiny dick!

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @nick the smooth dick: not every one has a kielbasa like u, big daddy

                • Kendrick Llama says:
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                  @J-FOH: lol nick has no dick! I got u a bud light homie @Tehol Beddict: nick has no dick!!! Lol

                  • Tehol Beddict says:
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                    @Kendrick Llama: did he mean where the dick used to be was smooth. more like a taint

  10. Jb says:
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    I have an opportunity to trade Arrietta and Margot for Gausman and Blackmon, I’m short in SBs will Blackmon get me more than Margot

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jb: you must make this trade. Blackmon is like a first round pick at this point. Gausman should bounce back. I’m not nearly the Gausman fan that most are but that’s prettt damn good. If you need more steals you can find another way. What’s the staff looking like hoss?

      • Jb says:
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        Darkish, Paxton,verlander, nova, taillon,Salazar and arrietta RP neris, colome and Iglesias, just traded AJ Ramos for paxton

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Jb: do this trade. You can check around and I’m sure they will say the same. This is a sure thing

  11. omar says:
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    Got Grey’s take on this but wanted to run it by you as well.

    8 team AL Only 5×5 standard roto (yahoo)

    Give:
    Benintendi
    Bundy
    Stroman

    Get:
    Nelson Cruz
    Manaea

    Current roster:
    C – Russell Martin
    1b – Moreland
    2b – Altuve
    SS – Lindor
    3b – Machado
    If – Healy
    Of – Betts
    Of – Benintendi
    Of – Haniger
    Of – Kepler
    Until – Gallo
    DL – JD Martinez
    DL – Wilson Ramos
    Bn – Motter

    Sp – McCullers
    Sp – Stroman
    Sp – Liriano
    Sp – Devenski
    Rp – Chapman
    Rp – Bedrosian
    Rp – Nate Jones
    P – Justin Wilson
    P – Keone Kela
    Bn – Bundy
    Bn – Daniel Norris
    Bn – Shoemaker
    Bn – Eduardo Rodriguez

    Love Benintendi, but fear he may be a better real life player than fantasy, at least for now. Like what Bundys done so far, but like Manaea as well. Not as high on Stroman. What’s really holding me back is that I can keep Benintendi through 2018.

    Pull the trigger in the deal or hold?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @omar: oh man, I’m a sucker for young stallions such as Tendi. And keep through next year. There is legit superstar talent here. Stroman looked great today. I have owned so I know the frustration but Bundy and Beni is really sexy for me. Maaan I suppose you have some similar players so Cruz might give you the straight hammer you need. I could go either way but if my team I know I’d struggle to give up two of my faves in Ben and bun. Sorry for that answer. Since I didn’t really answer haha

  12. nick the smooth dick says:
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    Nice, run off to Twitter where you can be nastier without the readers seeing