Some rejected titles were, “Cards Have Jon Jay, Rasmus Have Blue Jays,” “Cards Trade Rasmus For Queen Elizabeth-Visaged Cents On the Dollar,” and “Ervin Santana Threw A No-Hitter, Beltran Was Traded — Hey, Baseball, Spread Some Of Your Breaking Stories Around.”  So Colby Rasmus was sent to the Blue Jays, Edwin Jackson was sent to the Cardinals via Chicago and a whole lot of other shizz.  Let’s start with Colby.  Hey, Geiger, let’s go (to Canada)!  Rasmus will move into center field, sending Rajai to the bench.  I’m sure Colby will be empathic.  “One day we will write a song together titled, “Centerfield” using John Fogerty’s lyrics and music then we will sue him for copyright infringement.”  That’s Colby meeting Rajai for the first time.  Last week, I was down on Rasmus, in the non-sexual way.  Sick of watching him sit on the bench while Pujols farted in his general direction.  Now, much like a fugitive from justice, Rasmus has a fresh start in Canada.  His value definitely goes from a negative to a positive, Biggie.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Jackson – Another guy that gets a fantasy boost with a trade.  Any time you’re going from the AL to the NL, I like it.  Does he suddenly become the meow’s cat?  I’m not entirely sure.  His NL ERA last year was 5.16, his AL ERA was 3.24.  All of his good years have come in the AL.  Yeah, he’s a riddle inside of a Sphinx testicle.  In deeper leagues or just mixed leagues where you need to gamble, I’d grab Jackson and hope Dave Duncan can do the voodoo that he do.

Octavio Dotel – To the Cards.  I actually grabbed Dotel for potential saves in a few leagues because La Russa is as predictable as the weather….if you’re not told the location or the season.

Jon Jay – Should now see the majority of the starts in the outfield…Hmm, actually he was seeing the majority of the starts in the outfield.  I’m sure La Russa will find a way to work Corey Patterson into the equation, and that equation for him is Happiness = CF – Rasmus.  Kinda cute how much everyone wants to now own (anagrams!) The Federalist, whose line is 30/7/26/.312/5 through 260 ABs.  That looks pretty yawnstipating to me.  As a 5th outfielder, I guess you can do worse.  Speaking of which…

Rajai Davis – 1-for-3 with 2 steals as he makes a last ditch effort to prove his worth, but he now becomes a late inning replacement in Toronto.  Unless La Russa is traded to the Jays.

Mark Teahen – Was traded too.  So he’s still in baseball?  Good for him.

Marc Rzepcynzki – Traded to the Cardinals, disappointing many Scrabblophiles who were hoping he’d be traded to the White Sox to partner with A.J. Pierzynski and make Ozzie Guillen’s head explode.

Carlos Beltran – To the Giants.  Beltran’s a bigger name than Rasmus in real baseball, but for fantasy this move is lateral.  Pitchers park to pitchers park, weak lineup to weak lineup, both teams have employees with monstrous heads (Mr. Met and Bruce Bochy).  Mets or Giants is tomato/tomahto or in baseball parlance Jonny/Jhonny.

Brandon Belt – With the addition of Beltran, sounds like Belt’s being demoted.  You’d think the Giants’ pants would have loops big enough for two belts.

Lucas Duda – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer.  Will now be the guy to replace Beltran.  It’s Duda’s day, camptown races sing that song!  The positives: as just mentioned, he’s playing.  The negatives:  he hasn’t done anything so far this year — 2 homers, 1 steal in 123 ABs.  In Metco, he could have 20+ homer power over the course of a full season.  I wouldn’t pick him up in most mixed leagues until he gets hot, which could be never or Friday if he hits another homer.

Daniel Murphy – 11 for his last 17.  That’s about as hot as a schmotato gets.

Mike Pelfrey – 9 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Geez, the Mets played yesterday like Beltran was Milton Bradley (the baseball player, not the fun for all ages one) — a tumor that just needed to be excised.  I’d continue to ignore Pelfrey, unless he shows up at your door with some imported beer and The Wire DVDs.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  This trade deadline story made me giggle.  The Yankees went on record to say they have no interest in Zambrano.  “We’re not going to sit here and specify what players we have or don’t have interest in, except for Zambrano.  No, thank you!”  Maybe the Post can do the title, “Big Z-ero Interest.”

Rickie Weeks – To the 15-day DL with a badly twisted ankle or it might be… Duh-duh-duh… Ligament damage!  But I’m not a doctor though my handwriting is illegible.

James Shields – 4 IP, 10 ER.  Ouch.  Wait, what?  Oh, Jesus Guzman, that’s bad.

Hideki Matsui – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 9th homer.  He came to be called Godzilla because of monstrous homers and acne.  Well, he’s still got the acne and lately some homers.

Joe Mauer – Hit his first homer of the year.  Now only three off the Pinto pace car Morneau.  Or the same number of homers a 40-year-old Giambi managed in one game earlier this year.  How can Gardy ever get over losing Nick Punto when Mauer’s power stroke is always there to remind him?

Alex Rios – The White Sox are indefinitely benching Rios for indefinitely sucking this year.  His current 52 OPS+ is in the running for the WORST OF season ever.  If you’re in a mixed league and held onto Rios this long, just say Adios Rios already.   The White Sox still owe him $38 million over the next 3 years so they’re left saying “Ay Dios Rios!” while they wait for the 2006-2008 and 2010 Rios to reappear.  Between Rios and Wells, if the Blue Jays ever offer Bautista and his $65 million contract to you in a trade, DON’T TAKE IT!

Alejandro De Aza – 1-for-4 with a home run as he started in center.  In the minor leagues, he showed very little power and some speed.  He’s just a’ight.  I’m not your babe, I’m not your babe, Alejandro.

John Danks – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Hasn’t allowed more than two runs since May (granted, there was a DL stint in there).  Now would be as good a time as any to pick him up.

Ryan Raburn – 0-for-3 with a strikeout, now has a .259 OBP as he hit second.  You know he only hit second because Leyland always bats his left fielder (Boesch) 2nd and Raburn was filling in for him.  My theory’s holding true that, with the rise of cigarette prices, Leyland has been forced to use his extra lineup cards for tobacco rolling paper.  So he only has one lineup card and he just puts players in the same lineup spot as the player they are replacing.

Justin Upton – 2 homers.  He’s on one of those streaks that would impress A-Rod’s hair stylist.  You know, the one that frosts his tips.

Ian Stewart – 0-for-4, hitting .137.  Him and Chris Davis should go on a cruise together to the Bermuda Triangle.

Ichiro Suzuki – 4-for-5, 2 steals.  M’s must’ve worn their 2010 throwback jerseys.

Mike Carp – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs.  He really seized the day.

Dustin Ackley – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting .301 in 123 ABs.  Let’s hope he doesn’t ask Smoak for his secret to a successful sophomore year.

Paul Maholm – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  His ERA in May was 2.14, 3.13 in June and 3.09 in July.  That seems like enough time to pick him up, but his ownership is at 10% in ESPN.  You people have analysis paralysis or your waiver wire mouse finger is in a cast?

Garrett Jones – Hit his 10th homer, but Jerry Meals called it a triple.

Billy Butler – 3-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Gotta like the cut of that guy’s manssiere.

Eric Hosmer – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and a homer.  Is now batting near .500 in the last week with only one game in the last 9 days that he had less than 2 hits.  After hitting no homers and .253 in June, he’s on fire in July.  What an odyssey for Hosmer.

Laynce Nix – Hit a homer for the 2nd game in a row.  When he rounds home plate, he should make the Y sign from the YMCA dance.

Drew Storen – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Kazaam!

Ricky Romero – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  As frequent commenter, Steve said, “The Orioles got Rick Ro’d.”

Ervin Santana – With the no-hitter yesterday.  The Sciosciapath said, “What can I say?  Bobby Wilson just knows how to call a game.  See, I taught him everything I refused to teach Napoli.”  With no hits and 10 Ks, there wasn’t a whole lot for the fielders to do.  Maybe that’s a waste of Angels, I don’t know.

  1. Terrence Mann says:

    As an assmunch t-shirt? This title is making my head hurt more than a Kyle Blanks swing.

  2. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:

    10 team H2H. I need power and avg for ROS.

    E Thames, Viciedo, Freese, Matsui, Reddick, D Lee, Fowler?

    I’d be dropping Belt or Blanks.

    Thanks in advance.

  3. Giant JJ says:

    I was offered vogelsong and Johnny gomes for my ichiro. 20 teams. What do you think?

  4. sfgiants25 says:

    12 team H2H. Need to limit my K’s, but could use some power.
    A Soriano, Snider, or Marlon Byrd? Of the 3, which one would you start?

  5. 626 Jack says:

    Teahan comment proves that the simply stated truths are the funniest.

    any new sage advice for Adam Dunn owners? I tried voodoo with my daughters Ken doll but I think it’s still not fat enough.

  6. Marqo says:

    How do you rate this move by me?

    Jul 25 8:37am Ervin Santana (LAA – SP) Add Free Agents CaNolasco Crushers M-Pac

    Oh Yeah, give it to me!

    Hahahaha :P

  7. Steve says:

    Never gonna give Ricky up.

  8. Mets offense is not weak. in MLB: 9th in Runs, 4th in OBP, 6th in BA… They dont have tons of power, but they are not a weak lineup.

  9. timSTi says:

    ^^ that guy is from Queens. Losing Beltran will hurt those numbers immensely though.

  10. Chunk says:

    Carp or Duda for the next month?

  11. Mr2Bits says:

    F you Shields for tripling my ERA, F you Rays for sucking at life and a big f you Maddon. How the hell do you leave someone in the game to give up 10 ER you delusional old focker. So freaking day when my Shields and Luebke get waxed by Phil Hughes and freaking Bud Norris. Please excuse while I go stick my head in an oven.

  12. solongbitches says:

    Who would you roll the dice with between Jon Jay or Allen Craig?

  13. El Gato says:

    Need some Razz wisdom on 2 trades – lesgue is 12 team 5×5 roto –

    Hanram for Pence/Alexei Ramirez?

    Romero/Pagan for Stubbs?

    Which sides you like? Thanks Grey.

  14. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    For starters, it’s a bro, not a manssiere.

    B.) Sure, Murphy and Jay only have a paltry 6 and 7 HRs to go with their .319 and .311 AVGs respectively, but AVG is still a category… and some of us need that boost to even out the .248 our cornerstone stud Hanley brings with his monstrous 10 HRs on the year.

    Fourthly, after holding him for months, it was perfect timing for Josh Johnson to let me know he wouldn’t be back this year… now I have a warm DL slot ready for Weeks!


  15. Mark says:

    Hey Grey, just wanted to give you a little potential tip for your buy column this week that I happened to notice scouring the wire for a pitcher to pick up. I’ve heard some noise about how well/unluckily Jon Niese has pitched lately. He has a 3.39 / 3.28 / 3.39 in FIP / xFIP / SIERA and has posted sub-3.00 xFIPs in both June and July, with a 60/14 K/BB and GB% over 50% in 62.2 IP over that span. To make things even tastier, if he stays on schedule, his should make 11 more starts the rest of the year and assuming nothing changes (which of course, eventually it will, but still), these should be the matchups:

    opponent (opponent team wOBA)

    @WAS (.302)
    vs ATL (.306)
    vs SD (.287)
    @SD (.287)
    @PHI (.316)
    vs ATL (.306)
    @WAS (.302)
    @FLA (.312)
    vs WAS (.302)
    @ATL (.306)
    vs PHI (.316)

    The only remotely difficult offenses he’ll face are Philly twice and Florida once, and the only hitters park he’ll pitch in is one game in Philly, otherwise its all big cozy parks for pitchers (CitiField, Petco, Nats Park, Turner Field, and Sun Life). He’ll miss the Mets series against MIL, STL, and ARI, all well above average offenses with potent right handed bats in particular, and instead he’ll get to face the Nats and Braves three times apiece and San Diego twice. Even just looking at his next four starts, assuming things could change after that, he gets WAS, ATL, SD, SD. If ever there was an opportunity for him to get his ERA in line with his peripherals, its the next few weeks.

  16. Will says:

    who do you like best for ROS?

    Maybin, Bonifacio, or Snyder?
    Gallardo or Morrow?

    current team:
    wieters, fielder, cano, reyes, zimmerman, bruce, stubbs, cruz, morse, lind, rasmus, maybin, banifacio, and snyder (I have Cargo on the DL so I am looking to make a 2-1 trade and include either maybin, bonifacio or snyder with Gallardo or Morrow) – any suggestions

  17. Professor Chaos says:

    Nothing to add here, but that write-up was fantastic. The opening paragraph was one for the ages.

  18. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team h2 8×8….Harang or Baker?

  19. Steve Stevenson says:

    Position needs aside, Walker or Dunn?

    Also, give Salas for A. Gordon (fill-in for Beltre, then shift to OF)?

  20. Graveyard Duck says:

    Gotta like the cut of that guy’s manssiere.

    Grey, you magnificent bastard. If you EVER mention Butler without a breasts reference, I’ll be extremely disappointed.

  21. CL says:

    @Grey, @anyone:

    I need to drop 2; 10 team dynasty, holds count:

    Rauch, Albuquerque, Salas, Marshall, Capps, Pestano, Putz

    That’s all of my RPs… need to make some roster moves.

  22. @9 – Brooklyn actually ;)

    DWright coming back can help ease the pain of Voltron leaving… but yes, the mets overall numbers will prob fall a bit.

  23. Mark says:

    Not sure I’d call the move completely lateral for Beltran. The Mets actually had a pretty decent offense (5th in the NL in runs scored). Granted, at least 35% of that was Beltran, and most of the rest Reyes, the Giants have no one remotely like Reyes to set the table, and while it wouldn’t have effected his stats to date much, the Mets also have David Wright to put behind Beltran, which is probably at least a bit better than Pablo Sandoval. It shouldn’t make a huge difference, but it will probably cost Beltran a few R/RBI, even if the park effects are similar.

  24. PFR says:

    You’re the One Grey.
    Pagan or B.Revere ROS? If Span is dealt, I assume Revere keeps the starting gig.

  25. keithr says:


    So, uhm, I have 5 pretty solid starters(Hamels, Greinke, Ogando, Kuroda, Beachy) but feel like I need one more since B. Anderson’s elbow exploded

    Pick 1!

    Cecil, Maholm, Harden, McDonald :(

  26. MattTruss

    MattTruss223 says:

    Espinosa’s been a sucking suck-hole of late, should I swap him with Ackley or ride it out? Muchas Gracias!

  27. trick dad says:

    travis snider or LoMo?

  28. Paul Wilson says:

    The real loser here, besides Geiger, is David Freese. With Rasmus gone, guess who’s gonna get to play the Pink Eye Game with LaRussa in the clubhouse… (first I touch your butt, and then I touch your eye!)

  29. Eng says:

    Nice, Grey. Particularly enjoyed the Bermuda Triangle quip and the Scioscia/Napoli banter.

  30. The talented Mr. Dope man says:

    Fukudome to the Indians for a pair of minor leaguers.

  31. L-Boogie says:

    Swisher or Ibanez ROS?

    Thanks dude.

  32. Ed Nugent says:

    Trumbo or DLee for the rest of teh season?

  33. Bernie Brewer says:

    I just traded for and subsequently lost McCann to the DL! I could acquire V-Mart if I give up Cain. Do it, or take my chances with waiver wire C options (Arencibia, D. Ross, etc.)? (SP staff currently Hamels, Cain, Jimenez, J. Zimmermann, Bedard.)

    Thanks Grey!

  34. TheNewGuy says:

    Dilemma now that Rickie Weeks looks like heading to the DL. Could promote Ackley from my farm or go with Altuve/other MI mediocreness. Was hoping to promote Ackley during the offseason as he’d cost $0 for a year, but seeing as I could fall outve the race with one of the other guys, promote Ackley now?

  35. weas says:

    If Bell gets traded, is Mike Adams better for the rest of the year than either of these guys?

    Brandon League
    Fernando Salas (assuming Bell is traded to Texas and not the Cards, otherwise Salas is an easy drop)

  36. Eng says:

    Who wins: Oswalt+Hill vs. Uggla?

  37. Will says:

    should I start Marcum and Hudson or just 1 of them today?

  38. Eng says:

    I’ve offered that deal. Figuring a hot Uggla could win me the league, a cold one will leave me no worse off in the middle of the pack.

  39. MackeySasser says:

    2012 – Better chance for cracking Top 10 1B’s.

    Sanchez or Hosmer?

  40. MackeySasser says:

    Grey et all,

    2012 – Better chance for cracking Top 10 1B’s.

    Sanchez or Hosmer?

  41. Jon says:

    Heyward or Uggla, who wins? H2H non keeper.

  42. papasmurf says:

    Hosmer homers Hosmers homers! LOL

    That was an impressive shot well over the monster in LF. He hit it farther the other way than some righties can pull it.

    So Yahoo requires five games for new position eligibility. Jennings has had 5 gms played, yet he’s still a UTIL… 2 in CF and 3 in LF. It looked like he would gain LF eligibility, but then Upton goes down with some kind of leg prob. I would be so screwed if Upton is dealt before J gets LF. I would have 2 strong CFs and 2 RFs for keepers with no good LF.

  43. Big Magoo

    Big Magoo says:

    Who do you like best for some cheap pop/RbI production – Snider, Ibanez, D. Lee, or Matsui?

    I think my favs were the Garrett Jones and Teahen blurbs (I almost forgot he was still in baseball too) but it’s kinda like having to choose which Bourne movie is your favorite. Great job, Grey!

  44. Bernie Brewer says:

    Any suggestions on a good 2B to replace R. Weeks for a while? J. Weeks, Keppinger, Raburn, Wigginton, Theriot, J. Turner, Scutaro are available.

  45. Jake says:

    CBS and have Hellickson’s 2nd start this week (vs SEA) pushed back to Tues….

    Can anyone confirm this? Both sites have Price pitching this Sunday, even though Hellickson pitched the day before him and should be in line for that start. Nobody seems to have any written update about him being pushed back though, including the Rays’ site.

  46. Joe Mama says:

    Not sure how much longer I can take Espinosa’s craptastic performances. .200 avg last month with 2 HR…Howie Kendrick, K Johnson, Jemile Weeks are available. You like any of those over Espinosa rest of the way?

  47. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    I’ve been offered J-Up for Cano. I feel like I’d have to take advantage of position scarcity and try to get a 2 for 2 that will fill more of my needs. Would Cano/Abreu be enough for J-Up/Ichiro?

    K-Jo would slot into my starting 2B, I’d pick up a middle infidel from the wire.

  48. Fowler or Matsui as a hotScmotato fill in OF until (if) CarGonzo Beans comes back?

  49. Lubey! says:


    Who do you like going forward. Pick one. Thanks man.

    Conor Jackson
    Bon Bay

  50. Mel says:


    Please rank for ROS: Chacin, Garza, Billingsley, Niemann, Worley.
    Looking to make one more deadline trade.

  51. Donnie Baseball says:

    Who’s the more overrated dickhead manager, LaRussa or Scociopath?

  52. nsomniak says:

    and who ever else wants to offer up an opinion

    what is Hosmer’s chances of pulling a Ryan Braun type (his rookie year) second half?
    ROS predictions?

  53. I have Sanchez about to come off of DL… Who is better to drop, Pineda or Boesch?

  54. Joe Mama says:

    @Wilsonian: I say drop Espinosa for Weeks

  55. Bernie Brewer says:

    @Grey, thanks for addressing my questions/concerns. One more for you: Upon losing R. Weeks, I grabbed J. Weeks to fill in. But, if I could deal Youk or Longoria for M. Young, would you do it for a better 2B option?

  56. Eddy says:

    Just wanted to mention that Weeks is expected to be out 3-6 weeks.

    NOW I can see that I won out my pre-season trade where I traded away Weeks for Pedro Alvarez.

  57. TheNewGuy says:

    Have power to deal and need pitching, am after Weaver and had this offer countered to me: R Hernandez, T Snider, J Weaver for M Montero, N Cruz and R Vogelsong. Any good?

  58. Eddy says:

    Also, though nothing is imminent, The Heath Bell-Rangers talk is really starting to pick up.

  59. Grey

    Grey says:


Comments are closed.