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Julio Rodriguez has made the Mariners’ Opening Day roster and I’m giving the longest “yeah boi” in history. Due to the longest “yeah boi” in history, I’m feeling lightheaded. Oh my God, I’m floating like Charlie and Grandpa Joe after they had too much fizzy, lifting drink. Is Cougs pumping my office full of helium? I’ve never felt happiness like this before. Not without dreaming of wearing a costume to make me look like a dumbbell and have Giancarlo curl me. This is…happiness, isn’t it? Have I broken free from reality? This is real, right? I’ve checked fifteen different sources, and it’s really real. I think. So, already gave you a Julio Rodriguez fantasy but listen to what Grey “Dumb B*tch” Albright said there, “Kelenic was up mid-May and that seems as good a bet as any. So, the M’s make a serious push to have all three of them (Kelenic, Haniger and Jul-Rod) in the outfield by May 15th. That feels aggressive, but no one calls him July — it’s Juli, if anything.” They’ve seen added Jesse Winker, and now Jul-Rod! My God, it’s wonderful. Julio Rodriguez or Bobby Witt Jr.? It’s not clearcut. This is giving me a heart attack. How did I not draft him in one single league? Am I mentally dumb? What is wrong with me?! I re-ranked Julio Rodriguez in the top 40 outfielders, and moved him way up in the top 500. He’s still behind Witt, but if Jul-Rod outperformed him it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Oh, and Rest in Waivers to Kyle Lewis. He was moved way down in the top 100 outfielders. Now, excuse me, as I return to my “yeah boi.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2022 fantasy baseball:
Austin Meadows – Traded to the Tigers. Tampa to Detroit is a pretty lateral move. Detroit’s got 8 Mile; Tampa’s got eight miles of Hooters Restaurants. Detroit had the Joe Louis Arena; Tampa had a guy named Joe Louis who sued a Tampa-area Hooters because they wouldn’t hire him to be a waitress. Literally, sister cities. It is also a neutral move for fantasy. Tropicana Field isn’t great, and handshake emoji with Comerica. Tigers might actually have a slightly better lineup, but that’s not going to help Meadows see more lefties. He was updated in the top 60 outfielders. Left Victor Reyes alone in my top 100 outfielders, because I only projected him originally for 297 ABs.
Isaac Paredes – Went the other way in the Meadows trade. Rays putting the Paredes in front of the championship. Now Tampa can tell Montreal, “You let us move there and if we win it all, we will provide the Paredes.” Paredes is irrelevant for now.
Josh Lowe – With the trade of Meadows, Lowe will start the year with the Rays. Somehow, the Rays lose one player, and gain three more platoons. I’d say Manuel Margot, Brett Phillips, Kevin Kiermaier, and Josh Lowe will see some kind of platoon, but Kevin Cash has a stigmata on his wrist that is Latin for “Don’t let them know what you’re doing.” Here’s what Itch said about Lowe, “In 111 games at AAA last year, Lowe managed a 13%/26.2% BB/K rate and a .291/.381/.535 slash line with 22 HR and 26 SB. The main reason I’ve been comparatively less enthusiastic about him was time and a grooved swing. I’d like to swing at Grey.” Okay, not cool. Lowe is a grab in all leagues (I did in my RCL draft last night), but you’re gonna have to platoon him. Updated him in the top 100 outfielders, as well.
Johnny Cueto – Signed with the White Sox. Karate Cueto kicks off his Giants’ socks for Chi-town Whites. They just lost Lance Lynn for a few months with a knee injury, so they brought in a guy that sweeps the leg. Swan kick ’em, Johnny, right in the ERA!
Jorge Lopez – Could lead the closer committee in Baltimore. Only thing ever done well by committee was jerk seasoning. Just give Lopez the job and watch him and his 5+ ERA run with it. I updated the top 500 to account for this stunning development.
Nick Lodolo – Made the Reds. Just gave you him as my lede buy on Friday with Hunter Greene. That wasn’t by accident. I didn’t do an oopsie and showcase him. I drafted him on my Main Event team, which is like a normal 15-team, mixed league, but imagine Michael Buffer announcing each of my picks. Not adding him into my rankings, because most have drafted by this point, but if you haven’t, I’d slot Lodolo in by Hunter Greene. As you will hear on our next podcast, which only runs about 45 minutes longer than it should and is only filled with 30 minutes of um’s, Lodolo is a lot safer than most rookie pitchers. Not without risk, but he’s a 60-grade command guy and might be worth grabbing in the shallowest of leagues. Brash scares the Jesus out of me; Greene scares the Buddha out of me; Lodolo doesn’t scare me, which only scares me because I feel like I should always be scared with rookie pitchers.
Richard Rodriguez – Suspended for 80 games for PEDs. Wonder what Dick-Rod was taking. Oh…Wait, that’s not illegal, is it?
Luke Weaver – Will open the year in the Dumbbacks’ bullpen. The double B in Dumbbacks looks dumb. Figures! The Dumbacks (that looks dumber) might turn to Caleb Smith for that rotation spot, and I want no part of either, outside of NL-Only leagues.
Ian Anderson – Dealing with a blister on his right toe. That explains why that little piggy was going “wah wah” all the way home.
Rich Hill – Made the rotation for the Red Sox. Rich will take the Hill every fifth day until Dick Mountain gets blisters.
Nick Gordon – Carted off the field after colliding with Max Kepler. Not a pretty scene, and really messed up that Kepler said he was now Smash Gordon.
