Last year, the Buy/Sell brought you such brilliant ideas as “Eric Thames is gonna be a river running through your heart!” and “Brennan Boesch is more like Brennan Bauce.” Buy/Sell, “You know, I don’t point all of your crappy suggestions… A.J. Mass was talking about buying me an acre of land in Kentucky and letting me run around with all of his stolen base draft picks. I may take him up on the offer if you’re not careful.” So, this is the first Buy/Sell of the season. Every Friday there will be a new one. Buy/Sell, “Not if we continue to get along like this. Try me, ‘stache. Try me.” This week’s lede pick is a new fave of mine who might not be worth owning by the end of April in mixed leagues, Jose Fernandez. Here’s an overall note, in this fantasy baseball game that has chosen us, we want to take the risk right now in case someone breaks out. It would be great if we all drafted a team that we can coast to a championship with, but if that’s true, your league isn’t competitive. In any league worth its salt, you need to pepper in some risk. Tuck your head down and go head long into the risk tornado. Fantasy baseballers on the storm, Fantasy baseballers on the storm…Into this blog we are born… Fantasy baseballers on the storm! I’m not saying drop Wainwright after one bad start, but having guys like Jose Fernandez at the end of your staff is much better than guys like Maholm (assuming every one of your other starters isn’t a risky upside gamble). You want guys at the end of your rotation that can do so much more than a 5th or 6th starter, rather than a 5th or 6th starter that is essentially a 5th or 6th starter. As for Fernandez, here’s what I said the other day, “First thing I do when I have a prospect question is search the site to see what Scott, our prospect writer, said. What I found, was a whole Jose Fernandez fantasy. He didn’t stop there, he also talked about him in the Marlins prospect preview post in October. There he said, “Fernandez broke out in 2012, posting a 1.75 ERA, a 0.93 WHIP, and a 10.6 K/9 between Low-A and High-A. The 20-year-old has legitimate ace-potential, and should find himself in the top-15 on most prospect lists this offseason. Now, if I were making a top-15 list of Well-Groomed Mustaches, Grey wouldn’t make it. When I blow up his picture 1000% in my laboratory, I can see cheese microbes.” Wow, Scott has a laboratory? That’s awesome! So, the Marlins are an interesting beast. They sell off all of their pieces, but they promote within quickly. After watching that Showtime series last year about the Marlins. I’m 50/50 on whether they even know about the arbitration clock. Within their minor league system, they’re run like, “We gotta make it to the playoffs this year!” From the major league level, they’re run like, “Let’s make sure we ship in our concession stands’ Cracker Jack from Chile because it’s four-hundredths of a cent cheaper. They pop their corn in yak oil.” I’d absolutely grab Jose Fernandez in all leagues. He has the chance to be lights out and could go 160 innings. He has the stuff that could make him a top ten starter in all of baseball within a year. For this year, I’ll give him the line of: 7-8/3.74/1.31/120 in 130 innings. Absolutely can be better. And worse. That’s the rookie nookie blessing and curse.” And that’s me quoting me! A lot of people commented about his lack of experience. He hasn’t thrown above High-A. Or as he calls it now, Bye-A. That shouldn’t matter. His stuff will play anywhere. He hits mid-90’s with a plus change and curve. Does it matter that a guy is 20 years old or 30 years old with his stuff? Chances are a pitcher is more likely to have that stuff at 20 with less miles on his arm. Fernandez will need to be lucky to win 10 games this year, but he could get a shizzload of Ks and have decent ratios. If he flames out, then you drop him for the next hot starter. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Nolan Reimold – I need a pastrami on Reimold with some Kraut and French like I’m in a World War II Fun Zone in some failed theme restaurant. “These cherry blintzkriegs are delicious!” I mentioned Reimold in our fantasy baseball podcast as a guy I’m picking up in 12 team leagues. To translate that to plain English for everyone in the back of the room — hey, I see you sleeping back there! — that means I’m picking up Reimold in shallow leagues to replace my fifth outfielder or UTIL. This year, I could see him getting 25 homers, .265 average and ten steals. Pick him up and tell me you don’t feel like a marshmallow, floating on a cloud, spooning Jessica Alba. You can’t tell me that, because if you don’t get that feeling you’re not alive. Do a Facebook check-in at the nearest morgue; you have no pulse.
Collin Cowgill – He’s on pace for, like, 40 grand slams this season. That burps during Lou Gehrig’s “Luckiest Man Alive” speech. More Cowgill please. Okay, he hasn’t done anything since his first game, but I’m holding him for a few more days.
Gerardo Parra – Solid for light power/speed/runs and is on a good roll of the R.
Justin Maxwell – The camera pans down on Maxwell. Sexy twenty-homer power. Tight-washboard twenty-steal speed. The camera continues its pan down, gets to his average and there’s nothing there. Wait, that’s D’Angelo. My bad!
Jackie Bradley Jr. – Is there a Junior in his name or is there no Junior? It changes depending on what site I research him at. Is he in a feud with his dad like Prince Fielder? Is Jackie named after his mother? I could totally see that with some friends I have in Berkeley. “You named your son, Julia?” “Yes, he took my last name and my wife’s first.” I don’t understand the big attraction with Bradley. I think it’s some Sons of Sam Horn premium going on here. Over the course of a season, he could be a 7-homer, 17-steal guy with a .260 average. Not to mention, the Red Sox outfield is going to be crowded once Ortiz returns in two weeks.
Chris Heisey – Chris Heisey’s first big break was marrying Brooke Shields. His second was easily Ludwick misplacing his shoulder. To use a recently discussed player, Heisey is JBJ’s power/speed stats in the inverse with around the same average.
Lorenzo Cain – Owning him gets me higher, baby. Higher, baby. Higher, baby. Please don’t let him ever come down! Cain…Sugar!
Domonic Brown – For s’s and g’s, let’s look at what I said a few years ago. “In 2010, Domonic Brown had a line of 65/20/68/.327/17 and .391/.589/.980. Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely. To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline. It’s the fantasy baseball equivalent to: “I don’t think this glazed donut can get any better.” “How about we sprinkle bacon on it?” Drool.” And that’s me quoting me! At the time, he was Keith Law’s number one prospect behind Desmond Jennings. Not all guys break out at the same rate or have to deal with trying to decipher what their manager is saying as he chews on a piece of hay. Brown shouldn’t be on the Buy list. He should just be on every team.
Jose Veras – The Astros have to could maybe not but possibly could win sixty games and someone has to close them. (Yeah, I did the douchey blogger thing of crossing out words. Sue me for the $1.67 in daily ad revenue!)
Mitchell Boggs – What I would give to be in a league where Boggs is still available! How about $1.67? Will that get me in one of these leagues?
Carlos Marmol – Half the fun of fantasy baseball is screaming at your loved one and then apologizing, blaming a Marmol meltdown. What are you gonna blame if not Marmol? Your loved one? Then you’re gonna break up. See, Marmol’s saving relationships. Depending on the size of your league, Kyuji Fujikawa is also someone to look at picking up.
Octaquin BenCokel – Phil Coke got the first save, then blew the 2nd. Joaquin Benoit could get today’s. Or Octavio Dotel. Or Terry Shmoil. (There is no Terry Shmoil.) It really could go any way still. Hang on tight to your pony, it’s a fast-moving closerousel. That’s not your pony, doode. Don’t flatter yourself.
Jim Henderson – Axford is a mess. He’s like that friend of yours who you ask how he’s doing and he starts crying about last night’s episode of The Good Wife. That’s Axford. A total and complete breakdown in the process of happening.
Jose Valverde – I just went over him this morning. Scroll down. No, that’s up. Ugh, forget it.
Jedd Gyorko – I already went over my Jedd Gyorko fantasy. I wrote it while mispronouncing Scott Evans’s name.
Gordon Beckham – I wouldn’t hold against him his past transgressions against your fantasy team or that his name is ALF’s real name.
J.P. Arencibia – I almost didn’t list any catchers because I believe it’s best to utilize the Ron Popeil School of Catcher Management and “Set It and Forget It,” but I like Arencibia for power.
Tyler Flowers – Okay, for this one, you probably have to tap Ron Popeil on his right shoulder and duck left to pick up Flowers, because he’s not someone that should be on most teams but he could be a hot schmotato.
Lonnie Chisenhall – If I were an irresponsible fantasy baseball ‘pert I’d tell you Lonnie has 20-homer pop with a .260 average, which is more or less the same as Moustakas. Thank God, I’m not irresponsible! *slowly walks out of the room, steps on a mouse trap, jumps in pain, steps on another mouse trap, jumps in more pain, notices two mice waiting for me to hop away in pain so they can get the cheese*
Jean Segura – In the preseason, I already went over my Jean Segura fantasy. I wrote it while building a diorama to perfectly match Game of Thrones’ credit sequence.
Hyun-Jin Ryu – Know what I like a whole lot? Chilled glasses. And NL West starters.
Trevor Bauer – Just went over him this morning. If you click this link, you’ll be magically transported there. Abracadabra, snitches!
Jhoulys Chacin – For now, this is more for NL-Only leagues because I still have no idea how deep into games Rockie pitchers are going to go into games. How long is Yo-Lease, Walt Weiss?
Shelby Miller – You already got your tickets for Star War VII: Lucas Is Out So It’s Gotta Be Better, you eat Jujubes like they’re your acne medicine and you’ve owned Miller in fantasy since he was a junior in high school. Fair enough. For those non-mavericks reading along, you can add him now too.
Jason Hammel – He could be in the Witness Protection Program with a mafia henchman owning him in fantasy, and he’d still be fine. Jason Hammel: A quality starter who hides in plain sight. BTW, wondering how Johnny Giavotella is owned in 0.1% of leagues? Mafia henchmen league. What are some team names in that league? “I Got Bats You Got Ugats,” “Leave The Speed Gun, Take The Cannoli,” and “Here’s To You, Joe DiMaggio.”
SELL
CC Sabathia – The Yankees are polluted like Michelle Pfeiffer’s womb. The Yankees are the 2nd season of Lost and Friday Night Lights combined in an even more incomprehensible mash-up. The Yankees have a termite problem and they need to tent, fumigate, cook meth and get rid of Jesse Plemons. The writing is on the wall in pig feces. There’s too many problems to list. Just look at their lineup and rotation. I clearly told everyone to not draft CC, so this is for people who were accidentally left off the CC and got on the CC anyway. He had a bone spur in his elbow last year and the Yankees said they would limit his workload this year. In his first start, his fastball went from 88-90 MPH. In his first start last year, it was between 92.5 and 94. “Sorry, eggs, we have no…Wait, we do have toast. Geez, how did I miss that? We have a 260-pound, pinstriped piece of toast.” Maybe you can’t get full price on CC after his first start, but I’d consider selling him for eighty cents on the dollar. I’m not saying sell him for a two-dollar coupon for two one-dollar Costco hot dogs, but I’d listen to offers before CC becomes the Yankees latest paperweight. “Hey, anyone see the manila envelopes?” “Under Tex.” “Phew, I thought I was gonna have to move CC.”
