Charlie Manuel confirmed Cole Hamels would have his next start skipped after an MRI showed he had shoulder inflammation.  But Manuel was wearing a wooden barrel being held up by suspenders so it made it difficult to pay attention to what he was saying.  Manuel then said, “When I ask for a straw, I don’t want a drinking straw.  Drinking straws are for 13-year-old girls!”  You know what would’ve been nice?  If Hamels settled all this MRI shizz before I had to set my weekly fantasy lineup.  Yes, this is all about me.  Here’s hoping Hamels only needs to miss one start and then can come back at full strength.  Though for a club that can afford to rest him and coast into the playoffs, it seems like a pipe dream.  But what about my H2H playoffs?!  Have I mentioned recently how much I hate H2H?  You got your marbles on the line and teams are resting their best marbles for the playoffs.  Marbles!  BTW, no one knows what that means, but it’s provocative.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 14 Ks.  From Rudy, “My DVR still has The Golden Girls from when my parents visited.  Oh, Estelle Getty, your delivery is prettier than Roy Halladay’s.”

Casper Wells – Has now homered in four straight games.  Casper was one of those cases where I saw him hit a homer and disregarded it, figuring he wouldn’t hit another one immediately.  Then disregarded the 2nd and 3rd homers too.   After four in a row, it’s hard to disregard.  He’s really not this good, I promise you.  But, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s hitting the cover off the ball so you may as well grab him to see how long it can continue.

A.J. Pierzynski – To the DL.  He fractured his wrist trying to write his last name in cursive.

Hanley Ramirez – Won’t return when eligible.  If grit and doggedness were pistachios and cashews, Hanley would be allergic to nuts.

Jason Kipnis – Out for three straight days with a right oblique injury.  Why whenever I write Kipnis, I feel like a nosh?

Ubaldo Jimenez – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Maybe the Indians might want to raise the mound up a mile above sea level.

Pedro Alvarez – Optioned to Triple-A.  Pirates told him to come back when he can hit like that Brandon Wood fella.

Carlos Beltran – To the DL.  Mets doctors, “See, it wasn’t us!”

Jonathan Sanchez – To the DL.  He was seen on crutches yesterday after hurting his ankle.  For the first time, Sanchez can’t pitch because he can’t walk, usually it’s he can’t pitch because he can walk.

Chris Davis – Season’s over with a shoulder tear.  Obviously not easy to shoulder Bill James’s expectations.

Paul Goldschmidt – Has 19 Ks in 42 ABs.  He’s like Mark Reynolds 2.0.  Mark-Paul Reynoldschmidt who, unlike Mark-Paul Gosselaar, strikes out a lot.

Josh Collmenter – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Let’s look at his last ten starts.  He was beat badly by the Giants (5 IP, 5 ER), Oakland (4 2/3 IP, 5 ER) and the Dodgers twice (6 IP, 11 ER).  All these teams combined have one decent hitter (Kemp).  Then against the Phils, Brewers and Rockies (27 2/3 IP, 5 ER).  Collmenter should be starting the next All-Star game.

Mike Morse – 2-for-4, and his 21st homer.  His season slash line is .323/.372/.566.  Or maybe that’s his dot dot slash line.

Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-4 with his 7th homer and 9th error.  The Mat Gamel special!

Chien-Ming Wang – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. Mike Leake (6 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks).  Waited for someone at the park to hold up a sign that said, “Leake’s Here, Wang, Urine Trouble!”

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-8 with his 21st and 22nd homer.  Read something on ESPN by one of their analcysts and it was saying how Adrian Gonzalez is the clear frontrunner for the MVP over Ellsbury.  All I know is if Ellsbury hit third this year, he’d have 27 homers, 35 steals and 120 RBIs.

Jeff Niemann – 9 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Sonavabench!

Desmond Jennings – 3-for-9 and his 5th homer to go along with his 9 steals, all in 23 games.  *drools*  To be totally silly, his numbers over a whole season prorate to 35 homers and 63 steals.  Reading that again, I just started giggling like a schoolgirl.  I will now go buy a Trapper Keeper and write his name all over it in pink highlighter.

J.D. Martinez – 0-for-4, lowering his average to .254.  The pressure of being the Astros’ hope and dreams obviously caught up to him.

Randall Delgado – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Threw six no-hit innings until Cody Ross took him deep.  He’s being sent back down, but is well worth watching for when he returns.  Probably not the first person to make this comparison, but Teheran, Delgado, Minor, Beachy and Hanson?  Sounds a lot like what Leo Mazzone was rocking back and forth to for so many years like he was The Masturbating Bear.

Arodys Vizcaino – Speaking of dazzling Brave arms, Vizcaino has 5 1/3 IP, 5 Ks, 2 hits allowed and no earned runs so far since his call-uuuuuuuuup a’la Dave Hester.

Yovani Gallardo – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Of course, he didn’t get the win.  Why would he?  I started him after all.  I will now walk barefoot on crushed glass.

Leo Nunez – 1 IP, 2 ER.  Continuing to limp along.  Cuff him with Cishek or Dunn.

Ivan Nova – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  Well, that Nova burnt out quickly.

Troy Tulowitzki – Homered for the 2nd game in a row.  It must be August or September.  (Which is totally unfair, he was actually pretty solid all year.)

Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Has five straight quality starts.  He’s not owned everywhere, according to ESPN, but he should be.

Carlos Marmol – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Here’s a video of what Marmol did last night.

Justin Verlander – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, which brings him to a 2.31 ERA, 0.88 WHIP and 204 Ks.  Will be a real joy in the playoffs when Tim McCarver explains how Verlander burst onto the scene this year, failing to mention how he’s been dominating 3 of the past 4 years.

Neil Walker – 3-for-5 with his 10th homer.  He’s now 5 for his last 8.  For someone that was cold for so long this might be the start of something.

Bobby Parnell – The Mets confirmed yesterday what I had been saying for a few weeks.  Parnell will take over the closer job now that Izzy got his 300th save.  Although the whole time I was saying it, I never stopped to think about it.  Who cares if Izzy saved 300 games?  Wasn’t like the Mets were doing this for the fanfare.  Izzy didn’t even record his 300th save in Metco.  Did Outback Steakhouse donate 300 blooming onions to the first 300 fans for the next Mets game?  Do the Mets want Izzy to wear their cap when he’s inducted into baseball’s Almost Hall of Fame with Fred McGriff?  300 saves is about as illustrious as a manager winning 300 games over the course of four seasons.  May the who’s better “Jason Isringhausen vs. Jeff Reardon” debates now start in earnest!

  1. justin says:

    Grey quoting Jay quoting chaz, that’s mind bottling.

    Pretty harsh on Isi but yeah whole 300 thing didn’t make much sense other then Parnell sucked since krod left.

  2. Michael says:

    Usually I’d be warning you about the small sample size Grey, but since it’s Desmond Jennings we are talking about I’d say we can safely double those projections. For all we know he could actually be mired in a terrible slump right now.

  3. Bourne says:

    Justin Verlander for MVP and Cy Young and every other award you can give one player with a bad manager.

  4. Bré Jus says:

    Justin Verlander 2011 was the best draft pick I’ve ever made in fantasy.

    Jay Bruce, however, has been a lot more fun. Owning Bruce is like being on 4 month Vegas coke bender where everyday is blur until, every so often, I hit jackpot at the roulette table and immediately start senselessly blowing money in a state of psychological squalor.

  5. Bré Jus says:

    @Grey is Josh Hamilton dinged up again? He’s not mentioned here but I noticed he’s swiss-flagged on cbs sportsline.

  6. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:thanks to you,my breakfast is all over my laptop.First,I spit my OJ out while laughing my head off at the image of Manuel giving his postgame interview in a barrel w/ suspenders…..then I puked up everything else after watching the jump and dump.not cool.seriously dude….that was deeply disturbing.So disturbing that I have only been able to watch it two more times.

  7. malacoda says:

    Jesus Christ. Please don’t link us any more of your vacation videos.

  8. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team 8×8 h2h(K’s arent a category….TB’s,OBP and XBH’s ARE categories).

    Carp,Pena,Chipper or Willingham for a UTL spot?


  9. polczek5 says:

    clearly, Terry Collins has Izzy in his big-money milestone fantasy league

  10. STRAWberry says:

    Time to send in Carl Spackler

    “It’s no problem.”

  11. Jack Buck says:

    I don’t believe what I just saw.

  12. Lopes says:

    0-17 should I be worried bout hardy?

  13. Gavin says:

    Eric Thames or J.D. Martinez?

  14. prince of dahkness says:

    Need a batter for my utility spot in a H2H points league. Here’s my choices: kipnis, tabata, boesch, bourgeois, thames, duda, blanks, allen, bourjos

    All and any help appreciated!

  15. mapwheel says:

    Glossary suggestion: One Year Wonder – a player who had a tremendous rookie campaign, but has flamed out in subsequent years. See: Gordon Beckham, Randy Wells, etc.

    Also, note to January Grey, I would love to read an article exploring Razzballs take on the infamous sophmore slump; why it happens, exploring famous examples from 2011 (coughHeywardcough), and likely 2012 candidates. Just a suggestion. You can write about cats and I’d probably read it.

  16. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    Whoever decided this was to be “The Year of the Pitcher” forgot to remind closers that they’re pitchers, too. Even with a $12 Salad, you’re looking deep under the lettuce for bodily fluids.

  17. Timequake says:

    How would you rate these the rest of the way? Jurrjens, Pineda, Nova, Vogelsong.

  18. Domo Arigato Mr. Votto says:

    I am in a 10 team keeper with two kept and corresponding draft pick lost. I will be keeping Justin Upton who I got in the 4th but am I crazy to throw Votto (my 1st rounder obv.) back into the pool and keep Desmond (got off waivers so he becomes an automatic 23rd round compensation)? I figure there will be plenty of 1st round talent and I am down on Joey’s power decline this year…

  19. Steve Stevenson says:

    Pick 3 ROS: Latos, E. Santana, Niemann, Luebke, Chacin

  20. papasmurf says:

    The good news: I traded Brandon League for Morse in April when he was hitting like .180 cuz I saw him as a buy low. The bad news: I gave up and dropped Morse just a wk before he broke out. He’s gonna be seller’s Re-Morse for me.

    Well, at least the consolidation prize is that I don’t have room to play him anyway.

  21. uncdrew says:

    Delgado — Braves pitcher

    I’m at the game, and in the All-Drew-Can-Eat section. All the hotdogs, beer and chocolate chip cookies you can eat. Hell, I’d go for this even if there wasn’t a game being played.

    I look up at the scoreboard in the sixth and proclaim like the drunk moron that I am: “Dude has a no hitter!”

    Two less-drunk-than-I guys look at me and say “You just jinxed him”. Nah, he couldn’t hear me.

    Next pitch Cody Ross takes him so deep that no one even moved. One of those shots that was a no-doubter the second the batter lifted his front leg.


    Final score:

    4 hot dogs
    2 BBQ sandwiches
    7 beers
    3 cookies

    I don’t know who won, because the food and beer shut down in the 7th and the game went to 11 or so.

  22. Lob Ball says:

    I can stream either pitcher tomorrow night: Vasquez @ Stauffer.

    Who has the better chance for a W?

  23. KeeblerMN says:

    Totally random: I just watched “The Wrestler” this weekend and I am praying to the god of skinny punks that my wife looks like Marissa Tomei when she is 44… holy schnikies!
    Do yourself a favor and watch that movie if you haven’t yet.

  24. Atherton32 says:

    @Grey As a Cubs fan it has been a very rough season. Then lately they have been half way decent. Last night I went to bed and they were winning late. Then I checked the box score this morning and wanted to punch my computer. Thank you for providing a laugh with your post about Marmol, that video sums up the Cubs and especially Marmol

  25. Jack of Spades says:

    Really, A storage wars reference Grey? I’ll admit it, I like the show, I just don’t let anyone else know. Except now, I guess you are my confidant.

    Is Goldshmidt a worthy hold in deeper (14 team) leagues?

  26. J.Ro says:

    Wow, so in the past couple of weeks we’ve seen both a Wang-Leake and a Dickey-Leake matchup. That’s great.

  27. J.Ro says:

    Pena, Hosmer, Morneau, Reynolds, Ichiro, Choo, Bourgeois, all in the mix for 3 starting spots and bench depth, 7×7 with OBP and SLG… which two would you cut for pitching help?

  28. Long Bawls says:

    Werth has been hitting just enough lately to inspire vague hopes that he has a 14/14 month to go along with his 14/14 season so far. Drop him for some random reliever, where I need more help, or hope that he’s just been bearding–I mean biding–his time?

  29. Dr. Zach says:

    Deep points league- got to drop a schmohawk- choices Carp, Bourjos, Werth….in our format Werth has been the worst over the past month…Carp easily the best…. who you droppin Grey?

  30. Jair Jurrjens says:


    I’m pitching tonight, and I feel so refreshed after a short break! So, will I be on your next “Buy” or “Sell”?

    For Goldschmidt, how about “Baby-Donkey”?


  31. herschel says:

    @Grey: keeper question (which march herschel will undoubtedly ask again). roto league. cargo for two more years in the 17th round or jennings for 3 years in the 26th? thanks.

  32. prince of dahkness says:

    Kipnis or Lawrie?

  33. Wilsonian says:

    Why am I having such a hard time dumping Espinosa? Dude hasn’t done a damn thing since the ASB! I gotta drop him for Thames, right? Do you think Thames out produces Danny boy for the rest of the year?

  34. yankees2011 says:

    Hello Grey,
    I have a trade question for you – the 1st place team traded Starlin Castro and Erik Bedard to the 6th place team for Jon Lester. There were others involved (it was a 3 for 3), but they were inconsequential. What do you think of that deal?

    By the way, I enjoyed the lead in about Hamels, but I too will be suffering from his loss.

    Thanks much.

  35. yankees2011 says:

    One more thing Grey et al,
    We are in a Keeper League where we keep two players and they take up the rounds they were drafted in but max out at the 11th and 12th rounds. Is this standard stuff for a Keeper League or do you think we are too restrictive. It does tend to take the lustre from a FA that doesn’t necessarily crack the 11th or 12th rounds.

    Thanks much again.

  36. BobbyI says:

    @grey….2 questions for you.

    1) please rank ROS (overall 5×5)….carp, thames, j guzman

    2) who would you rather have as a $1 keeper (ROS not taken into consideration)….lind vs morse

  37. prince of dahkness says:

    Thames or carp?

  38. Michael says:

    Glossary Suggestion:

    One Year Blunder. When you pick someone because of their massively
    overachieving first year.

    The players themselves would be called a Ryan Murphy because they give you at least part of a great first season leaving you salivating at the thought of what the future can hold, then their subsequent seasons remind you of the many things you hate about watching your television.

    Examples: “Boy, I don’t really want to be mowing the lawn right now, but there’s a season 3 Nip/Tuck marathon airing and I can’t risk being inside because of the remote possibility that my television spontaneously turns on and is on the same channel.” or “Christ, I can’t believe I took [Player not named Desmond Jennings] in the 4th and now he’s Ryan Murphying the shit out of me.”

  39. prince of dahkness says:

    Nevermind, you just answered a similar question. Thanks.

  40. Eddie says:

    Is Cameron Maybin at $5 the keeper over a $35 Carl Crawford? How much of a bounceback do you expect next season?

  41. Howard says:

    Funny how that video reminded me of what some pitchers do to my ERA (see Jhoulys Chacin)! Maybe that should become a glossary term: pitch n’ dump!

  42. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    For first year players who are drafted high and crash the next season:

    Jump n Dump

    I think it’s self-explanatory.

  43. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    I swear, Norris’ ERA in my lineup has to be over 5, and his ERA on my bench is under 2.

  44. Adam says:

    RCL 180 GS cap –

    Start Kennedy @ PHI?

  45. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    Colvin with the single to right, now up to 20 hits on the year.

    Half way to Berry’s prediction!

  46. Wilsonian says:

    What do you think of Allen in OAK’s lineup? Good pickup? He’s reportedly going to see regular ABs even when CoJack comes back.

  47. Steve says:

    The Mini Donkey is 2/3. Obviously my benching him was all the encouragement he needed.

  48. Mr2Bits says:

    Who the f&^% is running the A’s organization these days. That’s 2 freaking QS’s lost this week because cheese dick has left his pitcher’s in too long. First Gio and the load the basses only to have them all cross crap and now McCarthy. WHAT THE FU*&!

  49. chata says:

    i would like to propose a social experiment , of sorts .

    for 2012 , we choose some innocuous player (say , chris davis … but i’m
    open to other suggestions) .
    each of us would then agree to neither draft nor add said player to ANY
    of our rosters for the entire year .

    then , should said agreed-upon player win the mvp award , ….
    well , i wouldn’t know what to think , exactly , but ,
    it should prove something .

  50. Steve says:

    Anyone else starting Pavano against the Tigers? I am in H2H but feeling pretty nervous. My opponent has Colon going against KC.

  51. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team 8×8 h2h or 12 team 5×5 h2h….would you drop Norris for Wolf?

  52. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    bad start for Jar Jar….If he somehow pitches great against that weak ass SF lineup,I wont be particularly impressed.But if he gets lit up,does that make his correction official?

  53. rascal says:

    Nathan or Parnell for ROS?

    Also, who should I drop to activate Jurrjens: McCarthy, Harden, Billingsley (how I loathe him), or Barden?

  54. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    damn it Latos….

  55. rascal says:

    lol…Bedard. Should I mention Ubaldo?

  56. Steve says:

    Childish I know, but I always like it when Neil Walker walks.

  57. chata says:

    just looking at the toronto line-up , from an offensive stand-point ,
    how are they losing games ?

    next year , i may draft their whole team .

  58. Nick says:

    @Grey: Big strategic move Im about to make Grey, could use your input. Currently Im in 1st in the leauge. I have 129 saves putting me in solid 2nd for that category. Person above has 134 saves and below has 71 saves.

    With -47IP I could either lose a closer and try to build up K’s however I really need to improve my WHIP & ERA. What is the best way to go about this?

    My pitching staff is as follows:

    SP-Masterson, Scherzer, Vogelsong, Niemann, Gio, & Hanson
    RP- Storen, Feliz, Farnsworth, Nunez, Street.

    Would you lose Street/Nunez or maybe even one of my starters for the following:

    Buehrle, Collmenter, Bumgarner, Latos, Peavy, Wandy. Parnell is the only closer available and getting all opportunities…what to do, what to do? THANKS GREY! Will glady donate a drink again in the near future!

  59. Nick says:

    **forgot Luebke is also on my pitching staff

  60. Steve says:

    Kubel struck out twice by Penny. Should be ashamed of himself.

  61. Steve says:

    Come on Twinkies!

  62. Steve says:

    That’s a pretty piss-poor time for Espinosa to come up with a hit.

  63. Trevor

    tggq21 says:

    Hoping Cordero doesn’t blow this for Cueto! Worried (emoticon)

  64. Steve says:

    That wasn’t helpful, Perkins.

  65. Wilsonian says:

    Rank these OFs for me, if ya could, sir:

    Crisp, Stubbs, Maybin, Markakis, Lind, Rasmus?

  66. Wilsonian says:

    And what about these SPs:

    D. Hudson, Beachy, Latos, Danks, Dempster, Bedard, Luebke, Annabelle?

    Cats: W, L, SV, Ks, ERA, WHIP, Ks/9

  67. Steve says:

    C’mon Morrow – don’t let it all fly to pieces now…

  68. Hennessey says:

    Maybe they did it for Izzy. Where’s your heart, Grey!

  69. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:

    Scosciapath strikes again, attempting to make Santana’s shoulder and elbow blow up. As well as my WHIP and ERA.

  70. chata says:

    pete rose called .
    wants me to put a few bucks on the nationals , tomorrow, vs arroyo
    and his old team .

    i usually get two or three of these calls from petey every year .
    it’s not so much that he’s running bad or doesn’t know his shizz ,
    it’s just that every time he shows up at the house to collect his winnings ,
    he’s usually drunk … which doesn’t sit well with my wife .
    and then , to top it off , he invariably goes to the casino causes a ruckus
    and never tips .

    think i should accommodate him or just tell him to pizz off ?

Comments are closed.