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I’m a tad worried about the comments this headline may generate, so maybe I should explain: this isn’t a Classified ad, but an ode to Chris Sale. Because today The Condor, a.k.a. the Jersey Slasher, takes the mound with his stupid-low 1.92 ERA and 73 Ks in 52 IP. If this were any other pitcher, I might offer a caveat that this start versus the Rays takes place at Fenway, but Sale’s been better at home (1.50 ERA in 4 starts at home versus 2.49 in 3 starts away). And Tampa has not: their road BA is .210, versus .265 at home (apparently they’re the only team that knows how to play at the bloody Trop). This is also tasty because Tampa does not do well against lefties. I expect them to go quietly against Sale. That said, on FanDuel today, we’re pretty much going to have sell ourselves on a street corner to be able to afford Sale (especially if you’re earning Canadian dollars!).

So if you’re not into what Chris is selling, it’s also a Rockies-at-home weekend, Fact Fans! If I were a lazier girl, I’d say “if you don’t want to pay up for Sale, just stack every Colorado bat you can” and cut this post short, but that would just not be cricket (if it were cricket, I’d be watching a five-day-long game involving men wearing white trousers with red smears on their crotches, which… You know, I kind of miss cricket). And there are several tasty Miami-Atlanta match-ups today, too, so I’m gonna try squeezing some Dodgers, Mariners and Marlins into my lineup. Let’s see how I got on…

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Here’s the FanDuel lineup I’ve entered for Saturday, 13 May (GPP, 1:05 All-Day):

P Chris Sale, $11,800

C Stephen Vogt, $2,500

1B Cody Bellinger, $4,100

2B DJ LeMahieu, $3,300

3B David Freese, $2,500

SS Darwin Barney, $2,200

OF Tommy Pham, $2,700

OF Magneuris Sierra, $2,400

OF J.D. Martinez, $3,300

Here’s a quick breakdown on why I’ve done what I’ve done, and some other options:

Chris Sale, SP: $11,800 – I think I pimped myself out enough for this guy in the lede. Even at $11,800, I’m still rolling with him because pitching is kind of tough today. There’s Chris Sale… and then there’s everyone else. After Sale, Stream-o-Nator likes Matt Moore at home versus Cincinnati (a pretty big drop from Chris Sale’s SON$36 [that’s Stream-o-Nator dollars!] down to SON$19, though), and then it looks to Ricky Nolasco (an even bigger plunge to SON$8), who’s pitching at home versus Detroit, which is … nice stadium, possibly tough team? However, note that as I’m doing my ritual tweaking-of-the-post early on Saturday, last night’s postponements have thrown things up in the air a little (there’s some debate over who will pitch for the Nats today: will it be Scherzer [oooh!] or Roark [nah!]?), so you may have other options. But from where I sit right now, if you steer clear of Sale, I’d go Matt Moore ($7,600).

Yadier Molina, C: $3,200 – True story: Back in 2011, I gave Yadier’s brother José, then-catcher for the Blue Jays, his Twitter name. He was in the hunt for a handle, and I tossed out “@joeycatch8,” a stupid play on @joeybats19, but he liked it. I’ve always had a soft spot for anything Molina, and that’s bolstered today, with Yadi’s 10 for 24 numbers against Jon Lester.

Victor Martinez, C: $3,100 – Say it with me, kids: “Hey FanDuel, VMart is not a catcher.” But he’s amassed a decent 8 hits in 20 ABs versus Ricky Nolasco in his career, so he could be worth a look. And this price ain’t half bad.

Stephen Vogt, C: $2,500 – This is my “I’m punting catcher!” choice. He’s not going to make the earth move for me, I’m aware. But you know, given his price and the fact that Hittertron likes him 5th-best for catcher today, and that his matchup is in Texas where the ball may actually go somewhere (as opposed to at home), this may not be horrible? And that was another Ringing Endorsement™ from VictoriaB.

Cody Bellinger, 1B: $4,100 – Today Cody Bellinger and his come-hither stare head to Coors and I’m all-adrool. He’s been hitting ever since he was called up, and it’s a nice lefty-righty match-up versus poor Jordan Lyles, who sports a 7.98 ERA. (Sidebar: Do you ever imagine pitchers standing in front of the Coors clubhouse mirror pregame, staring sadly at themselves and repeating the mantra, “It’s just 6, 7 innings, maybe 8 if we’re lucky. It’s like 3 hours of our life, then we can go get ice cream.”? Because I do.)

Yonder Alonso, 1B: $3,600 – Pitchers are so over Yonder, I bet, him and his ridic 11 HRs thus far this year. This is a decent lefty-righty match-up versus Nick Martinez in Arlington.

Starlin Castro, 2B: $3,700 – I feel like I mention my Darlin’ Castro every other week, perhaps because he just won’t stop hitting. I’m especially hoping he keeps it going in Yankee Stadium today against Mike Fiers, whom he’s seen well in the past. Annnnnd as of Saturday morning, the Astros-Yankees game has been postponed, so I give you my Starlin-Fiers blurb as a freebie for your Sunday DFS instead. But for today, try DJ LeMahieu who, at $3,300, is weirdly cheap for Colorado.

Dee Gordon, 2B: $3,400 – Here’s the next installment in the fabled East Coast throwdown (hint: not really a thing)—the Atlanta-to-Miami match-up I was rambling on about earlier. If you’re not tempted by LeMahieu, Dee Gordon has a 7 for 23 history versus Julio Teheran, and if he can get on base, he’s always a threat to steal.

Devon Travis, 2B: $2,300 – So I know Devon’s numbers so far this year are a… Travisty. He’s been a deep barrel-scrape you might look to just because he’s cheap. But that said! You know I watch the Jays pretty much every day (woohoo! I’m officially outed as having no life!), and I can say that slowly but surely, Grey’s former novio is starting to get it together. Also, at time of writing, we don’t even know who’s pitching for the Mariners versus the Jays today, but those poor bastards—four-fifths of their starting rotation are on the DL—are not going to be calling up an ace, are they. If whoever they do put on the mound happens to be a lefty, do not stop, do not pass go, put Devon in yer lineup. (Or any Jay, for that matter.)

Nolan Arenado, 3B: $4,900; Justin Turner, 3B: $4,000 – 3B is a tough one today, I find. These two are your obvious Coors bats, so if you can afford them, have at ’er. But I’m being cheap AF and going with…

David Freese, 3B: $2,500 – Activated in the nick of time for my DFS write-up, Freese boasts tiny-sample-size-but-suits-my-purposes-because-this-price-is-dirt-cheap-for-a-3B-help-now-I’m-stuck-in-a-hyphen-train numbers of 4 for 7 versus Taijuan Walker, and this is in Arizona, to boot. So come on in, David, the water’s fine.

Jean Segura, SS: $3,800 – I’ve been watching Johnny Safe (or Johnny Safeco, perhaps?) for a couple of days now in the Jays-Mariners series and he’s been terrific (in fact, he’s 14 for 30 over the last 7 days). He’s been performing well even at home (.448), so wind him up, set him down in hitter-friendly Rogers Centre and watch him go. Also, he might have faced Marcus Stroman only once, but he is 3 for 4 (and I want to add that I adore Stro and am rooting for him, but he hasn’t passed the eye test in his last couple of starts—he might have looked good on paper, but he was saved by great defense last time out. If he can force ground balls, OK, but also note you’re not going to get a ton of Ks out of him). So there’s that.

Freddy Galvis, SS: $3,200 – I’d kind of forgotten this guy existed until Grey mentioned him in his buy/sell column on Friday (and he told a splendid joke! The boss giveth, and then he giveth some more). This is a pretty solid match-up against Gio Gonzalez: Galvis is 10 for 38 against him lifetime, with 2 HRs, at a decent price.

Darwin Barney, SS: $2,200 – There’s no guarantee he’s going to play today against the Mariners’ PTBNL, but if he does, definitely give him a look. He’s not going to give you power, but at this price, we’re OK with a hit or two and an empty average (he’s currently sitting at .303), right, kids?

Marcell Ozuna, OF: $4,000 – OZUNA mash Teheran 15 for 36, 3 HR. OZUNA like being home—OZUNA hit .396 dere so far dis year. OZUNA no know why we always make him talk like dis.

Matt Kemp, OF: $3,900 – Is it just me, or are there some players you never seem to hear about, so you’re surprised to see they’re just quietly getting on with it? Matt Kemp is one such: I seem to have missed the memo about him slashing .339/.369/.613. Couple this with a 7 for 16 match-up history versus Edinson Volquez, going down at Turner field, and I’d definitely let Matt get me all unKempt. Ooh er, missus! (I seriously do not know what’s happening to me today. I think it must be spring.)

Christian Yelich, OF: $3,400 – Hmm, I’m feeling a little Yel-ich for Christian’s 11 for 34 history versus Julio Teheran. He may be sitting on a really average .258 average for May thus far, but he’s done something every day.

J.D. Martinez, OF $3,300: Just Dong is baaaa-accck. And he’s 9 for 24 lifetime versus Ricky Nolasco. He’s in a bad hitter park today and he may still be finding his groove, but these are nice match-up numbers at a good price.

Tommy Pham, OF: $2,700 – More like Tommy Bam, amirite? At least I hope he’ll continue to bam today, as I’m playing him in part because I’m running out of money right now. Ha. Ha. But seriously, this should be a good lefty-righty situation, versus Jon Lester—actually, Tommy’s hitting anyone in a pretty equal-opportunity fashion.

Magneuris Sierra, OF: $2,400 – I cannot believe that more mothers have not named their children “Magneuris”. I also cannot believe that this Magneuris beast is priced a mere $2,400. In 4 games in his big-league career (also known as “this week”), he’s shown he can get on base, and when he does, he has plenty of ability to steal. Check that he’s in the lineup, but if he is, play him.

Lastly, before we go to the weather report, I’m giving a quick Queen-Victoria-on-a-baseball cap H/T to my boy, Dr. Easy, for today’s post title.

Really lastly, a reminder to buy yer mama/baby mama some flowers tomorrow! (Razzball, where “DFS” stands for “Damn, that’s Full Service”.)

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

So I’m staring at the weather report, which says “no likely delays or postponements”, but as previously mentioned, the Astros-Yankees game has been postponed. Welp. You’ll want to keep an eye on the east coast weather today, methinks.

Doing Lines In Vegas

The Red Sox are the favorites to beat the Rays at -195, and the Giants are -149 over Cincinnati (those are your aforementioned Sale and Moore starts, respectively). The slimmest odds—and thus possibly most interesting to watch—are for Oakland over Texas at -101.

  1. MW says:

    Girl I see you giving Darwin Barney a look. Berrios was looking good today and I’m not just talking about the pitching.

    • VictoriaB

      VictoriaB says:

      @MW: Hahaha! You know it ;-)

      Yep, yep, Berrios!: I think we need to add him to the DL — the Dimple List. (Also, the why-did-I-not-trust-the-boy-and-benched-him list. Grrrr.)

      • MW says:

        @VictoriaB: Yeah I benched him as well, at least I’ve got him on my squad though!

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