There was a time when Mike Myers was funny.  I know, weird thought, right?  Not sure what happened to him.  The Love Guru was an unmitigated disaster and everyone hangs the end of him on that but really, think about it.  How many times can you do a Scottish accent as a big part of your career and get away with it?  Myers proved there was a threshold for his antics because as we all know, we didn’t watch him for his acting chops (though I give props for his role in 54; definitely wasn’t playing a Myers character you’ve seen before there).  In the end, there’s absolutely zero tie in here and I’m tired of talking about Mike so I’m segueing: Derek Holland!  He’s a good pitcher.  Isn’t that weird?  Ok, not really.  He’s shown flashes in the past but after his complete game shut out against Baltimore with 11 Ks, I picked him up in all season long leagues where he was available for this upcoming start.  The Angels on the year haven’t struck out a lot against LHP but they have shown to be inept, posting a weak 88 wRC+ for the year and when you combine that with their trailing 30, 14, and 7 day wRC+, you could catch a dead team walking.  At his $7,200 price tag, I’m hoping for 6+ innings, minimal on base damage and 7 K with room for upside.  So come visit Holland with me won’t you?  I’ll even buy you a bong and a blintz.  But enough about my odd breakfast habits, let’s move on.  Here’s my unfortunate smelting accident hot takes for this Saturday DK slate…

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Danny Salazar, SP: $11,400 – Most expensive pitcher and probably gets overlooked in tourneys.  I made this call on Monday and I’m making it again: Salazar has the upside to overpower any lineup on any given day.  It’ll feel natural to try and go lower for your cash games but for GPP, I’m checking in on Danny Boy cuz the Ks the Ks are calling.

Tyson Ross, SP: $10,300 – It’s a dangerous cash day, my friends.  Ross is my SP1 for those purposes but for purposes of being a donkey, I’m not playing cash today so keep that in mind.

Lance McCullers, SP: $9,200 – I’ll probably find myself pairing Holland with McCullers for tourneys today unless I pay up for Salazar and I’m probably sitting McCullers/Ross for 50/50s.  McCullers is a home schooler and gets a team that’s near the bottom against RHP, sporting an 89 wRC+ and a 21.5% K rate.  This should be an easy Twins killing.

Brad Hand, SP: $4,600 – Well that escalated quickly.  I’m sure some will tout Alex Wood and I get it…but I really don’t.  Padres have been bad but they’ve even turned the corner a little vs lefties.  So now if you wanna get crazy stupid with me…and who doesn’t, right?  Anyways, the Mets vs lefties still aren’t fearsome.  If you’re multi-LU’ing in a GPP, that 23.5% K rate against southpaws looks mighty fine.  It’s a punt with panache, my friends.

Yan Gomes, C: $3,400 – Catcher is poopy today.  They either cost too much or there’s no clear cut, good cheap option.  With that, I’ll start the conversation about an Indians lefty bat stack against Alfredo Simon by…not talking about a lefty?  Yeah, you’re just hoping Gomes hopes on the gravy train for this one.  He seems to have turned the corner of late and has shown the pop he did in 2014 so I’m intrigued.  Speaking of that Indians stack, consider this a Chief Wahoo yahoo for Jason Kipnis and Michael Brantley and feel free to pad your lineup with other cheap lefty Cleveland bats as needed.  But back to catcher: check in if a cheap back up in a good matchup is in for the day and roll with them.  You’ll feel better going that route, I promise.

Prince Fielder, 1B: $3,800 – The home/away regression fairies hit Drew Hutchison hard yesterday so here’s me banking on the DFS Gods handing out justice to Jered Weaver today.  Weaver gives up 2.21 HR/9 to lefties on the road but a mere 0.42 HR/9 at home to them.  Something’s gotta give, Diane Keaton, and I’m all about the Fresh Prince of Anaheim here.  Speaking of lefties, yeah, Shin Soo Choo, Josh Hamilton, and even Rougned Odor are all in play for me here.  Dream on, Dream Weaver, if you think your luck will last.

Robinson Cano, 2B: $3,900 – I can’t pretend to Caknow what will wake Cano up, but I what I do Caknow is Jesse Chavez has struggled to keep the ball in the park vs lefties this year and has a 1.48 HR/9 against them.  I’m not doing a full on Mariners stack but I will admit intrigue with Kyle Seager is alive and well here, too.

Jedd Gyorko, 2B/3B: $2,700 – Don’t wanna pay up for 2B, eh?  I hear ya, so here’s the punt with panache for the night.  Jedd’s career ISO vs lefties is a healthy .174 with a reasonable 119 wRC+.  He’s been batting 2nd of late and I don’t see a reason for that to change with Alex Wood on the mound.  The Gyork store just called and they’re asking for a dong…there’s one in stock!

Nolan Arenado, 3B: $5,000 – You’re either paying up today or you’re hoping a guy like Danny Valencia keeps things rolling against King Felix.  It’s just one of those kind of days.  I’m not gonna fight the trend, I’m rolling with the man that I drafted in 2013 in my keeper league.  Not even bragging, I’m just saying…ok, maybe I’m bragging.

Wilmer Flores, 2B/SS: $3,900 – Normally I’m all for punting SS but if I’m not starting him at 2B, I’m putting his .250 ISO and 161 wRC+ against lefties into my lineup somehow.  For those who don’t want to talk to the Brad Hand, a Flores/Michael Cuddyer/David Wright Mets mini-stack could make a lot of dollars and sense.

Jimmy Rollins, SS: $2,800 – Ross has been boss of late but he still can’t hold runners on.  Rollins can walk, steal a base and score a run and cash out just fine for you.  Or he could steal 3 bags and just be the steal (pun not intended…I’m much more punny than that) of the day.  Consider Carl Crawford here as well if he finds himself high up in the lineup.

Alejandro De Aza, OF: $3,900 – I have zero clue if De Aza will play today but Byrd is struggling and Coors is a left Valhalla.  As with many of my writeups, I don’t talk much about bats in Colorado cuz if you don’t know it’s a good place to hit, I can’t help you.  With all that said, De Aza has pop and gap power which all play great in that Colorado park and he has speed to boot.  A slam and legs possible?  Indeed.

Jonny Gomes, OF: $2,500 – I’m suggesting all the Gomes today.  Not thinking that’s a good sign…KC is resting their regulars as much as possible down the stretch and Jonny will be seeing plenty of ABs against lefties down said stretch.  The Danks start last night was an anomaly and Quintana is solid but not spectacular.  A bounce back from KC is in order today.  Consider Ben Zobrist and Lorenzo Cain if you wanna push a KC stack out there.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

For the late crowd, there isn’t much weather to discuss but if you’re thinking Jake Arrieta is in your pitching mix for the early slate, realize there’s some weather concern there.  Hope for a delay to start the game and not a delay in the 3rd to end your day.  Meanwhile in Oakland, there’s a chance for wind guts out to right at 10+ MPH with a hope for 15+.  ‘Member those lefty Mariners bats I talked about?  Yup.

Doing Lines In Vegas

The Colorado game sits as the high o/u at 11 and no I didn’t copy that over from my last right up.  These are freshly typed words!  That said, a word of caution.  When a team is playing poorly, even Coors can’t help them.  The Giants have been struggling of late and they’ve taken those struggles to the mile high air and that goes for even the Rockies who had their bout with the doldrums not too long ago.  All this to say, you’ll notice I picked one Giant and it’s because I’m hoping he’s fresh and can spark a seemingly dead club.  Alright, enough conjecture, behind that we have a lot of crazy 8s for O/U’s with HOUvsMIN, KCvsCHW, and DETvsCLE.  For those looking to who might be the victor, Gio Gonzalez and the Nats actually sit atop the late slate throne at -200.  He’s just too sloppy of a pitcher to start for me, sorry.  I can’t fathom him not walking as many as he Ks on a given night but you’re free to deploy as you see fit.  But joining him at -200 is our good friend Lance so yeah, I’ll just be over here.  Given the o/u and the win line, an Astros stack wouldn’t be out of line.  Meanwhile, the opening line to LAAvsTEX had a -120 for Weaver which is now a -108 for Holland.  Keep your eye on this line over the course of the day.  Any major spikes Holland’s way and my lede looks prettay, prettay good.  If you wanna chance it with Felix Hernandez, note the opening line for him was 7 o/u and -142 and is now 7.5 and -122.  Something is rotten in Denmark…I think it’s his hammy-let.  That’s a poor way of me saying I think he’s playing hurt and has been for a while.  He’s not in my DFS circle of trust right now.  Your low o/u total of the night comes as no surprise as it’s SDvsLAD at 6.5 with Wood being a hair of a favorite at -115.  Again, cash game plays make sense here but I’m only interested in one side of that equation.