It’s been pretty well written about that a top tier starter is the way to go in Draftkings.  There’s some really, really, really, really nice, sexy, and really pretty expensive options out there in Mad Bum, Waino and Klubes.  I like them almost as much as I like looking at myself in the mirror.  There’s a potential bounce back, former ace candidate in Verlander who can remove his underwear without removing his pants.  He should turn it around soon… But I’ve been working on my humanitarianisms and I am going to say that I like the stacks of hitters out there today even more than my reflection.  It’s nice to a have pitcher who pitchers really good.  I’m a fan of pitchers who look and pitch really good.  But today, I’m deepening myself and taking a tour of “A Center for Hitters Who Can’t Read a Lefty Pitch So Good.”  It’s my newest attempt at beautifying the future children of America.

Many of you may say that I’m punting pitching here.  That’s a lie!  I see beauty in these matchups.  Vidal Nuno isn’t good, but he pitches solely with his left hand which is customary practice in some parts of the world.  Did I just confuse his pitching with ass wiping?  That’s actually normal if you’ve seen him pitch, but if you’ve seen the Mariners face a LHP then you know he’ll only need one square to get the job done.  Pitching in the Mariners home park he’s a Safeco bet to give you a quality start and rack up some Ks.  He’s a thrifty, nifty choice today at $6,200.

There’s some beautiful matchups out there today to exploit and we’re stacking across the board.  If you haven’t given Draftkings a try, today’s a good day to play.  First shot at winning real cash is on the house if you use this link.  I got some more nice plays for you to check out, but don’t ever, EVER forget to pay homage to the DFSBot and his parents Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron.

Francisco Liriano, P: $7,700 – At first glance I wasn’t so high on K-Li.  What?  If Francisco Rodriguez can be K-Rod then why can’t he be K-Li?  It’s cute and androgynous.  The Cubs are baby bears, that’s not tough sounding!  But on a statistical note, look at how he’s embarrassed the entire lineup of the Cubs.  Stack that with his affinity for the punchout and the baby bears’ fondness for whiffing and that’s some stank pretty right therrr.  Breathe it in.  Even Rudy’s SON wants some.  Ranks him numero dos and that’s ahead of faux prah-jected starter Masahiro Tanaka.

Now it’s time to go shopping at all of the finest retailers for swingers, sticks and accessories.  Nothin but 10’s at the bat today!  Three stacks of dimes and not a drop of cold water to blame it on…

Giancarlo Stanton, OF: $5,400 – He’s a stack all on his own.  Gi and Carlo Stanton, the Miami slash bros really would be preferred by the Marlins brass.  They would be able to get away with giving them vet minimums when arbitration runs out.  Seriously, if you split his stats he’s two hitters with 25 R, 25 RBI and 9 HR with a .260 avg.  But he’s one guy who’s smashing 17 HR and 53 RBI and slashing .301/.393/.589.  Smashing and slashing against Colby Blew-this in Arlington.  Gi-yeah!

Christian Yelich, OF: 3,900 – He’s averaging 8.3 ppg in Draftkings so far this year.  The next guy above him with that PPG costs $500 more.  He’s a lefty vs. RHP in Arlington and said pitcher has an affinity for helping out the opposition.  My Hitter, My Hitter-Tron says he’s a top value play as well.

Jose Bautista, OF: $5,400 – I’ll keep it short.  Joe Bats would.  He’s got a .985 OPS this year with a 2.111 career OPS against Correia.

Brett Lawrie, 2B/3B: $3,900 – Overall line ain’t stellar, but Draftkings pays for power.  He’s got 11 dongs (it’s a Canadian thing) and he’s undefeated against Correia in their brief history.  He’s also on the Blue Jays roster and plays every day with a bat in his hand.

Aramis Ramirez, 3B: $4,100 – Just a hunch, but I got a feeling Dice-K is gonna get chopped up today.  He walks a ton of hitters (25 in 33 IP) and A-Ram will have Braun, Lucroy and Gomez in front of him.

Jonathan Lucroy, C: $4,400 – Hitting .335 with multi-hit games in 3 of his last 4.  Crappy starter + great lineup + hot real potato = no flakes here… he’s head and shoulders above the rest of catchers today.

Paul Goldschmidt, 1B: $5,400 – He’s a top 5 hitter.  He’s facing a Peacock.  If both show their true colors this could be a brilliant display of offense.

Josh Rutledge, 2B: $3,600 – Who’s got a wOBA of .579 and SLG of .800 vs LHP and is in Coors?  Can anyone claim those stats besides J-Rut?  That’s a rhetorical question.  The second one.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Aerial leakage on the horizon in Baltimore, Philly, Pit, Cincy and Chi-Town.  Bring your Depends-on-the-weather when selecting lineups today.  I’ve had really reliable last minute reports from these mediocre-ologists this year.  They’re above the Mendoza line.

Doing Lines in Vegas

Vegas really likes an Atlanta Braves and Rockies stack today at a total of 10.  Same sitch for MIA @ TEX.  If I’m betting, I’m trying to find the over at the few places who haven’t adjusted the line yet on Nuno moving back to replace Tanaka after the rain delay.  Total is at 6 to 6.5!  I like Nuno, but he’s vulnerable and the Yanks haven’t been so nice to Iwakuma.  I’d also take the over on OAK @ LAA 8.5.  Angels have been mashing LHP and the A’s find ways to score even when faced with weapon grade chastity belts.

  1. Hawk says:

    He’s also on the Blue Jays roster and plays every day with a bat in his hand.

    Best summation of the Blue Jays season I’ve seen to date. Well done!

    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:

      @Hawk: they can’t do much wrong right now!

  2. CarGo-ahead? says:

    Off topic (apologies!) – I have 2 trades to acquire CarGo being tossed around, would love to hear your thoughts…

    (1) his CarGo for my Teheran (my DL spot has no one special and I have a surplus of pitching).
    (2) his CarGo + Hamels for my Teheran + Ryu

    Assuming we hear that CarGo is out for something like 4-6 weeks (and not all season), pull the trigger on either of these?


    • Schlurricane

      Schlurricane says:

      @CarGo-ahead?: I think Teheran comes back down to earth soon. I’d do him straight up over the Hamels Ryu swap. You gotta be cool with him being hurt all the time though. It’s easy to forget how much that sucks when you don’t see him on your bench everyday. Definitely wait until more info comes out.

      • CarGo-ahead? says:

        @Schlurricane: Thanks! Sounds good. I’m happy with my current OF so I don’t mind waiting around for CarGo to get healthy.

        I never loved Hamels, but I thought getting him would be an upgrade over Ryu (despite having to nix my team name Hyun-Jin Ryuken!), but it’s definitely a close call.

        • Schlurricane

          Schlurricane says:

          @CarGo-ahead?: Nope. Hamels and Ryu are a wash and your team name is very important. I traded for Puig just for the endless possibilities.

  3. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:

    Good battle last night, you have any interest in going H2H?

  4. Schlurricane

    Schlurricane says:

    Let’s rumble!

  5. Schlurricane

    Schlurricane says:

    Avoid CWS, DET, LAD and CIN. Rain looks very probable.

Comments are closed.