DraftKings – Clayton the Smack Down

September 24, 2014 | DraftKings |

Like the end of anything that was good, there is only one thing left to do as the MLB regular season comes to a close: lay it down really hard. Finish strong, as they say. Earn your season-long awards. Kershaw is possibly making his last case for a seemingly deserved MVP as a starting pitcher tonight and he has the added motivation to embarrass his team’s greatest rival and clinch the NL West. After spending the majority of the year avoiding writing about my beloved Dodgers, I can no longer avoid the allure. Tonight offers a matchup as sexy as anything to come out of San Fernando Valley in the last 20 years. Let’s start with the NL Cy Young and MVP probable, Clayton Kershaw, P: $14,800. Considering that the best starting hitter on the Giants BvP line is held by Pablo Sandoval who has a growing trend of being incapable of hitting from the right side, Kershaw is a no-brainer today. The NL MVP should have no problem punishing the shrinking Giants’ bats into submission. Sandoval’s leading BvP by the way is 14-54 with 3 2Bs equaling a .596 OPS… the best they have to offer.

I got ideas and the DFSBot has finely honed predictions. You have ideas and the DFSBot has finely honed predictions. The DFSBot is critically acclaimed on the internets. I sleep at night and the DFSBot never stops working. You and I have a lot in common. I hope you sleep too. Listen to the DFSBot.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Moneyball in the Fall

September 17, 2014 | DraftKings, Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 5 Comments

by: Schlurricane

The commenters can already get going with the harassment. It’s 4 days until Summer ends, but as a sports fan, we all know that once the NFL season begins the Summer is over. Pshh! Details… We’ve already obsessed over wOBA and splits all year so we may as well just admit our Moneyballin ways ya’ll. What we haven’t fully admitted is our addiction to the aces. Well, Beanetown went all in with pitchers and traded away the big bat. I’m following suit today and spending about half my salary cap on the mound. The key is that Billy assesses the landscape and takes the best value available. Today, the values aren’t standing on the hump. I’m spending on the mound and putting together a strong lineup without paying. I’m confident that my late season discount hitters will have a much better value than the A’s of late. That’s right, I make big time predictions! I got the O’s in the East. They haven’t won the division since Cal Ripken was playing… I wonder what his latest streak is by the way. Post your guesses in the comment section? Yes, do that.

If you like winning, other things you should do include checking in with the Stream-O-Nator, HitterTron and the DFSBot. If you like winning and your favorite prize is money you should head over to DraftKings for some late season cleanup on the guys who are trying to fix their big losses from the last 5+ months. Those guys don’t read Razzball or have problems that should be addressed by a non-profit whose last name is Anonymous. That’s not your problem. Don’t feel bad. Money ain’t got no face! Am I heartless? The doctors say I have one AND it works…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check theDFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Draftkings – Come With Me, I’m Sampling Kazmir

June 24, 2014 | DraftKings | 15 Comments

by: Schlurricane

Rock and Roll. Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley and and Little Richard got it going. Elvis made it sexy. The Beatles made it ok to admit you liked it. Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd made it hallucinogenic. The Stones and Aerosmith kept it alive. Motley Crue and Skid Row made it pretty and disgusting. Then Sean Combs, alias TBD, got the idea to sample all of it–to middling results. And other dudes annihilated it. Thanks Nickelback and Creed and Puddle of Mudd and Dookie and the Bunghole Fish. No really, thank you! Cuz now it’s far more exciting to concern ourselves with sports, fantasy sports, boob jobs and bacon creations. Drinking is now an acceptable way to pass the day as long as you’re tweeting about it.

We all want instant gratification now and that’s at the sacrifice of actually taking two full years to make a great album or more than a day to create a great riff. The tradeoff is that we have 61 food options that take less than 10 minutes to get from synapse to taste buds. We have television that is on demand which is now dwindling in the light of streaming media. Kissing on the first date used to be taboo. Now dating on the first sex is the standard. Man this is good. Essentially, Razzball has to thank all of the crappy bands of the 2000s for much of our success! That and Grey and Rudy… Fantasy sports have become as popular as the real thing. Not to be outdone by (as your mother would call it) the daily fantasy. You can have a new one every day. DRAFTKINGS!!! You can hump tomorrow (it’s Wednesday) but today you’re gonna DraftKings!!! And if you’re gonna partake, don’t forget the DFS porn. We won’t make you work or pay for your info or your winnings. We got Steam-O-Nator, HitterTron and DFSBot to wet your whistle. Tools of the trade, ya’ll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points Leagues: Looking Middle-In

June 20, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated, Points Leagues | 1 Comment

by: Schlurricane

Hitters cheat all the time. Some take PEDs, some cover themselves in pine tar like a pre-industrial shaming party. Sometimes they’ll guess fastball or slider or change. Sometimes they’ll guess outer half or middle-in. Some just cheat on their wives. The one guy who has kept all his cheating on the field is the most respected player since the late Tony Gwynn. Derek Jeter married himself to the New York Yankees and they don’t care how many women he has as long as it’s only one at a time in the press. It’s a good thing for the Yankees PR department he isn’t a switch hitter. It does, however, make A-Rod sad and jealous.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Roenis To Win This

June 17, 2014 | DraftKings | 7 Comments

by: Schlurricane

Daily fantasy brings a whole new dimension to the we look at fantasy players. We’re getting used to streaming pitchers which has become a great strategy being implemented over the last few years, but daily fantasy takes it to a whole new level. You don’t have to drop anyone to pick up the man of the hour, knowing that his long-term value will be equivalent to Lenny Dykstra’s business ventures.

If you get off watching a pitcher dominate like I do, then you’ll appreciate the pornutopia of starters going today. Masa-Hero, Darvish, Greinke, Cueto, Scherzer, and Wacha are all on cam today. If I gotta pick two, I’m taking Cueto and Tanaka. Darvish has been lit up by the A’s, almost to the extent I want to stack against him today. Greinke and Wacha have been a bit shaky lately and, besides his last start, so has Scherzer and the Royals bats are about as hot as it gets in baseball right now. I’m rolling the dice on Roenis Elias today. He’s had some rough ones lately as well, but he’s also had some dominant outings including a complete game shutout with 8 Ks against the Tigers just ten days ago. And the K’s seem real as he boasts nearly 8 K/9 this year. He also has the most tasty matchup on the slate today facing the Padres who get nothing right against lefties as they mutter a .598 OPS against them this year which is marginally crappier than anyone other squad. A price tag of $8,000 climaxes the excitement with dough to blow on some other nice pieces.

Hopefully, you’ve been playing along with us at Draftkings so far this year. If not, c’mon and join us cuz we’ve been having daily leagues for the last two weeks thanks to the zealous @RalphLifshitzbb who’s been heading it up. We aren’t wagering huge, but just making sure to have some fun with $1 on the line each day. Come on and hang out and test your mettle with us. Here’s a link to our fun little cash game today. The Razzball community only gains strength as we reach out to more avenues. If you haven’t signed up yet use this link cuz you’ll get a free contest to start building your stack. Here’s a few more highlights of today’s DFS best offerings:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points Leagues: Hit June Gloom With Some Prospect Boom-Boom

June 13, 2014 | Points Leagues | 8 Comments

by: Schlurricane

Frenemies and cohorts, it is that magical time of year where the player pool begins to grow. Summer harvest begins to reap the treasures of the seeds sown by unheralded draft pundits of years passed. The scout’s moment is now. Having spent their lives adorned with holey New Balances, wholly unrefined frozen dinners of Salisbury steak and discount diner breakfasts, they get to pound an Old Milwaukee and puff a few Doral’s as they revel in the glory of their hatred of sabremetrics. A life not fancied by us fantasy internet blogger moguls. No sirs and madams, we require a much fancier life—a life infused with excitement brought on by WHIPs and FIPs and wOBAs and WARs! The rest is mas o menos lo mismo— the same old shizz. Other than our baseball lens, the only other difference is that we stuttering B-Ball Bloggers need to score!!! Points…

Points is why we’re here, and June presents a unique opportunity where the player pool expands with talent that is usable and keepable. September offers a smorgasbord of young talent, but mostly it’s too late and the infusion of players nourish your team like an energy drink shooter with cinnamon whiskey. The hangover is awful and often begins before the luster of the buzz has worn off. The June callups are the cognacs, ladies men. Let’s take a look at these beauties.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Earth to Verlander, A Lefty is Vidal

June 10, 2014 | DraftKings, Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 9 Comments

by: Schlurricane

It’s been pretty well written about that a top tier starter is the way to go in Draftkings. There’s some really, really, really, really nice, sexy, and really pretty expensive options out there in Mad Bum, Waino and Klubes. I like them almost as much as I like looking at myself in the mirror. There’s a potential bounce back, former ace candidate in Verlander who can remove his underwear without removing his pants. He should turn it around soon… But I’ve been working on my humanitarianisms and I am going to say that I like the stacks of hitters out there today even more than my reflection. It’s nice to a have pitcher who pitchers really good. I’m a fan of pitchers who look and pitch really good. But today, I’m deepening myself and taking a tour of “A Center for Hitters Who Can’t Read a Lefty Pitch So Good.” It’s my newest attempt at beautifying the future children of America.

Many of you may say that I’m punting pitching here. That’s a lie! I see beauty in these matchups. Vidal Nuno isn’t good, but he pitches solely with his left hand which is customary practice in some parts of the world. Did I just confuse his pitching with ass wiping? That’s actually normal if you’ve seen him pitch, but if you’ve seen the Mariners face a LHP then you know he’ll only need one square to get the job done. Pitching in the Mariners home park he’s a Safeco bet to give you a quality start and rack up some Ks. He’s a thrifty, nifty choice today at $6,200.

There’s some beautiful matchups out there today to exploit and we’re stacking across the board. If you haven’t given Draftkings a try, today’s a good day to play. First shot at winning real cash is on the house if you use this link. I got some more nice plays for you to check out, but don’t ever, EVER forget to pay homage to the DFSBot and his parents Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points Leagues: The Dream Stream

June 6, 2014 | DraftKings, Points Leagues | 4 Comments

by: Schlurricane

Points leagues are crazy chicks. You could choose a regular girl who will provide what you expect. You can settle in, get married, and have a nice relationship with the regular girl. If things don’t work out, you can pretty much do exactly the same things with the next one and have good shot at making it work out. Not with crazy chicks. [Jay’s Note: They all crazy, yo.] They play by their own rules and no two are alike. But if you can figure out the crazy girl, you get rewarded in a way only the twisted can appreciate. Magical things. Infinite glory. If you play in a points league, take a look at your relationship, or, more likely, lack thereof. Funny little thing those points leagues. I’m recently married, expecting my first child and my love of points leagues is growing. Dat green grass tho…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – A Young Stud Archer With Precision Longshots

June 3, 2014 | DraftKings | 15 Comments

by: Schlurricane

A shameful start to the season will not be the result of a promising career and 2014 for Chris Archer. Yes, we all thought he would start to break through this year and, to be Frank or his best bud Ernest, there’s a good chance that still happens. His FIP is 3.14 and his BABIP is more than .040 over his norm. Sounds like it’ll improve for rest of season. But who cares right now, cuz we’re playing DFS on this Tuesday. So why Archer today? The Marlins youngsters have never seen him. He’s getting in the zone and rebounding lately with his last 3 starts: 17.2 IP, 2 R, 22 Ks vs. TOR, BOS, and LAA. That’s a rough translation to 6 IP, 1 R, 7 Ks per start against top offenses (2 of 3 on the road). Draftkings is offering him at $7,400 today. Don’t miss out!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Points Leagues: The Homogenous Fantasy

May 14, 2014 | Points Leagues | 30 Comments

by: Schlurricane

I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking that you do not have these types of fantasies. Not me, you say. I have no desires such as Socrates, Plato and the scholars of the church. Well, my fellow points-leaguers, you partake every day from April until October. In points leagues, you need not follow roto rules to fill out all your categories. Every category becomes as important as the next. All you need is points… points. Points is all you need.

There seems to be a lot of variance in scoring systems for points leagues, so the most important thing you can do in a points league is to find the categories that carry a higher or lower point total potential and use that to your advantage. Because you’re scoring system is customized, there is very little material out there on it. As such, a great majority of points league players still look to 5×5 analysis for help. Take advantage of your foolish compadres using the name recognition of guys who are touted in category leagues to trade or drop, for a player more useful to your scoring format.

Here are some guys that I see gaining value for the rest of the season compared to their perceived value now in points leagues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Cabrera MMA: Submission and KO of the Night

May 13, 2014 | DraftKings | 24 Comments

by: Schlurricane

This past weekend was full of knockout entertainment. There was some great baseball, NBA and Stanley Cup playoff action, a crying competition between NFL draftees and Mother’s everywhere and a UFC main event that actually exceeded expectations. I don’t condone fighting. In fact, I encourage it when it’s done legally and televised. If you feel the same make sure you see the Matt Brown v. Erick Silva battle that rightfully went viral this weekend. It’s on Fox Sports 1 or 2 or 47 on replay, whichever you have. It’s probably available on a website or two as well.

If you managed to watch 74 hours of sports television this weekend you had an impossible (man’s game) winning streak. And you should keep the streak going. So, on this very mundane Tuesday, you should spice it up with some money-grabbing Draftkings action. And when you do the Draftkings (what Mom calls it) kick some ass. Today’s formula is brought to you by cheap pitchers (aka Natural Light) and Cabrera MMA (Melky, Migs, Asdrubal). There’s nothing better than a spicy sausage with cheap beer so make sure you click this hot link so you can get your first Draftkings contest for free.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – The King Fancies a Friday Guarantee

May 2, 2014 | DraftKings | 20 Comments

by: Schlurricane

“Schlurricane is the hottest sharp in daily fantasy sports! Nobody, and I mean nobody, can rival his recent success! He’s got today’s locks and I MEAN THEY ARE LOCKS!!! Schlurricane guarantees today’s picks or the rest of the season is free! That’s right, absolutely free!!! You heard it right, his information is so good that if you don’t win 5,000,000 dollars today every other piece of advice for the rest of this season, is 100% free! Call now to receive them on a recorded message. That number is 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!! THAT’S 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!!”

Ok, don’t call that number… But if you don’t win with this lineup today, the rest of my picks for the year are actually gonna be free. You don’t even have to hoard coupons for this deal.

When the higher ups (Sky in the plural tense) asked me if I could fill in a big Friday piece, I knew I had to bring it hard. Who brings it harder than those coked out Jersey hustlers who pretend to be kings of Vegas? Maybe the one guy who’s side job is in Tehol’s primary field of employment? Otherwise no one. The problem with those guys is they’re all BS. There’s no such thing as a lock and they know it. But, if they win, a bunch of suckas will sign up. If they lose, their crappy predictions become free to those sheepish enough to continue to follow. We don’t do that at Razzball. First of all, we got legit prediction tools thanks to the Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron. Second, we know our readers are sucka free! Tertiarily, (a Wiktionary special) we win, and want to share the chedda. But, you gotta supply your own milk. We’ll add the culture.

Remember, DFS, like all smart gambling, is only done well when you find advantages and trust it over time. It allows the anomalies to distance themselves from the norm. If it doesn’t win for you today, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Today could be the anomaly. With that being said, I’m feeling really good about today’s lineup recommendation. Get yourself in a couple of 50/50 leagues and a couple of Triple Ups at DraftKings with the following.

Please, blog, may I have some more?