The Buy/Sell column is back after a long winter break and ready to do this thing better than ever!  Let’s hear directly from it.  Buy/Sell, “Why are you putting such pressure on me?  Better than ever?  How about ‘ready to do this hungover’ because it was in Panama City for the last week with James Franco, yelling, ‘Spring…Break…Spring…Break…’ is friggin exhausting!  And haunting.  I need a nap.”  Kolten Wong was named the starting 2nd baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals of the National League Baseball Association, and nary a ‘cracker was lit.  Upon his call-up last year, Wong was more wrong than right, but less riiiiiiiight than wrong if you’re sarcastic.  He didn’t get enough playing time.  David Freese kept playing more often than not and Matt Carpenter didn’t move over to third nearly enough.  Even after Allen Craig was hurt, Fatt Adams filled in and Wong sat on the bench.  Thankfully, the Cardinals finally moved on from Freese.  The Freese has been thawed!  What?  No good?  The Cards froze out that Freese!  Still nothing?  Now that Kolten Wong gets a full time job, he’ll immediately be mixed league relevant and around a top fifteen option with a chance for more.  He’s a clone of Pedroia and not because they both need their tippy-toes to get the sugar from on top of the fridge.  Wong can hit 15 homers and steal 20 bases with a solid average.  Will he or Wongn’t he?  No idea, but definitely worth owning in every mixed league.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Dee Gordon – After he was benched in the first game of the season, a tidal wave of repercussions went through the fantasy baseball industry that ended with a fat guy in his mom’s basement opening a bag of Doritos and shaking his head, disappointed.  But that’s how all repercussions end in the fantasy baseball industry.  Brucely, I think it’s better that Gordon’s not playing every day.  You don’t want him in your lineup every day.  Sure, it’ll mean you have to platoon him, but it also means you can put someone who might hit for a higher average than .230 with zero homers on his off days.  Grey out!  Oh, no, I’m not, just started.

Brad Miller – You people — yes, you people — should be embarrassed of yourselves for making me repeatedly say you should own Brad Miller.  Have you been in a deep slumber for the last six months?  Baseball is coming back and Brad Miller is about to kick its ass in the groin.  In my top 20 shortstops, Brad Miller is practically a top ten shortstop.  Are you people — YES, YOU PEOPLE — in nine team leagues?  Oh.  You are?  Okay, then.

Emilio Bonifacio – Same shituation as Gordon.  He’ll platoon and you’ll be better off in the long run.  Don’t worry, you don’t actually have to run in this example.

Jonathan Schoop – Will make the Opening Day roster, but the Orioles didn’t name him the starter.  I could see if the O’s didn’t have O’Day and Ryan Flaherty was O’Flaherty and Buck Showalter had on repeat De La Soul’s song, Oodles of O’s, but none of this seems relevant.  Speaking of which, Schoop isn’t relevant in mixed leagues as long as the O’s plan on platooning him once Machado returns.  Schoop will make a nice pick up at some point in-season for most mixed leagues, but is simply a flyer for very deep leagues right now.

Abraham Almonte – He battled booze for a few years, then someone at a Starbucks abbreviated his name on a latte cup as AA and he had a moment of clarity and began hitting the dickens out of the baseball if ‘hitting the dickens’ meant around 12 homer power.  He does run the dickens out of the bases and could steal 30 bags.  Hard to see him hitting over .260, but he’s absolutely worth a flyer to see how playing time shakes out in Seattle’s outfield.  I’ve added him into my top 400 with projections.

Robbie Ross – I just went over him this morning.  Click the ‘Home’ thingie then scroll to my other article today and click that.  This was brought to you by the credo, “Page views equal 1/100th of a penny.”

Tanner Scheppers – Latest Rangers middle relief arm that will be hurt in 12 to 18 months from overuse in the rotation.  In deeppers leagues, I’d take a flyer, but I wouldn’t expect much on a K-rate.  In shallow leagues, he’ll be in with the streammers.

Dillon Gee – Was a little confused when I saw in ESPN that Gee wasn’t owned in 50% of leagues (the cut-off for the Buys), then I remembered 97% of ESPN leagues are owned by Matthew Berry’s intern filling up random leagues to push up their numbers.  “Mr. Berry, Gmail says I can only create 15,000 email accounts, should I try AOL?”

J.J. Hoover – I was talking to Rudy on the phone the other day — we talk, y’all! — and I was saying to him it makes no sense that people aren’t drafting Hoover when, if this were three days into the season, Hoover would be picked up quicker than something you can do really fast.  Will Hoover become a donkeycorn any time soon?  Unlikely, but worth owning.

Jose Valverde – Writing his name, I just vomited into my mouth, spit it up onto the floor and it spelled out, “Gross.”

Michael Pineda – I just went over my Michael Pineda fantasy.  It started with a kiss and ended with a bang.

Justin Smoak – When I was in Vegas in January, I put money on the Mariners winning the World Series.  The odds were terrible and I was drunk, but this isn’t — or thisn’t if you’re in a rush — your slightly older brother’s Mariners.  I think Cano is going to hit .315, and the biggest benefactor will be Smoak.  This Justin!  He feels primed for a breakout.  He just needs to get a tad lucky and hit .250.  Want a preseason bold prediction that makes no sense at all and is just a gut feeling?  Justin Smoak is a top 12 1st baseman for fantasy this year.

Todd Frazier – Did he burn you last year?  Aw, are you butthurt?  You can’t go back again to give him another shot, huh?  You’re too good?  Your feces smells like Reese’s Pieces?  Better be careful when E.T. comes a sniffin’.

Cody Asche – I’ve drafted him in one league so far, and I want him in every league, but I’ll admit to waiting until I see a little bit of a hot streak in 12 team mixed leagues and shallower.

Mike Olt – Just went over my Mike Olt fantasy.  I wrote it on my lower back like a tramp stamp.

Dexter Fowler – I’m not a huge believer in Fowler or Fowlieber if you’re 12 years old.  Either way, April is the time to own him.  Last year, he hit 8 homers in April and 4 homers the April before.

Junior Lake – Like in the Temple of Doom, I’m going to reach into my own chest, but instead of removing my heart, I shall remove my soul.  I will place my soul in the chair next to me for the time being and let my soulless self look at everyone else’s projections for Junior Lake.  See, I am taking myself out of the equation.  People seem to think Lake can hit more than 10 homers and steal 20 bags.  Okay, re-inserting soul.  *shudders*  That was weird!  10 homers and 20 steals looks optimistic to me, but for where you can draft him, I would take the flyer.

Kole Calhoun – Probably because everyone and their mother sister can get 10 homers and 20 steals nowadays, Calhoun seems like yet another one, but he actually has 20 homer power and 10 steal speed.

Avisail Garcia – I’m confused why he’s owned in under 50% of ESPN leagues so let’s just say to pick him up and move on.

Grady Sizemore – Burp.  He was named the Opening Day center fielder.  Burp.  I’m not going to try to act excited for Sizemore.  Is he worth a flyer in some leagues?  Did Little Red Riding Hood crap in the woods?

SELL

Clayton Kershaw – Sure, I’m admittedly hurt that you didn’t follow my advice and drafted an ace in the first round.  Yes, I’m willing Kershaw to be seriously injured with all the fiber in my bran cereal, but I really think your team is weak on hitting.  How do I even know what your team looks like without seeing it?  Okay, we’ll assume there’s a fantasy team drafted in the last month that I haven’t seen.  Unlikely, but we’ll assume it.  If that team has Kershaw, you’re weak on hitting and pitching is crazy deep so you don’t need Kershaw.  Pitching is so deep it looks up to Jacques Cousteau.

 
  1. Zar says:
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    Hoya grey,

    I thought schoop was out but now he’s in again. Do you like schoop or LeMahieu more for my starting 2b? I’m guessing schoop from your rankings.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Eh, neither are good in most leagues… Go Schoop for now…

      • Zar says:
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        @Grey: Yeah…my RCL had Profar as my 2B, but then you cursed him with your awesome love poem. I’m on fumes for 2B and 2B/SS (Dee Gordon)

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          @Zar: Ha… My apologies

  2. Tehol Beddict says:
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    Grey, the godfather of all godfathers. Im doing some charity for maimed donkeys in the Los Angeles area. Rudy said I could sleep on your couch. Cool?

    Love Buy/Sell

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yup and yup

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: is that the broken burro’s program?

      • Baggiejohn says:
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        @J-FOH: It’s actually called ‘The Pain in the Ass Relief Fund’

  3. brad says:
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    Deep league thoughts on Tommy medica if he makes the Padres as an OF?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      He won’t be starting until Quentin gets injured

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: QUENTIN!!! *waves fist*

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I like how the news said his ‘good’ knee was hurting him

  4. ChinMusic says:
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    Nice list, thoughts on Reddick ??

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      He’s in my rankings

  5. doghat666 says:
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    11 team, 10×10 roto, keeper, daily auction league
    Hit categories Std 5 + OPS, D+T, K’s, Hits, Stolen Bases Allowed
    Pitch categories Std 5 + Innings, W-L, Holds, K/9, BAA

    C W Ramos
    C M Montero
    1B Votto
    2B Gyorko
    3B Seager
    SS E Cabrera
    MI A Cabrera
    CI Arenado
    OF Stanton
    OF Ellsbury
    OF Yoenis
    OF Aoki
    OF Beltran
    DH Rizzo
    BN Gordon
    BN Bourjos

    SP Kershaw
    SP Cobb
    SP Bailey
    SP Shields
    SP Cole
    SP Cingrani
    RP Street
    RP Frieri
    RP Farquhar
    BN Porcello
    BN J Benoit
    BN E Ramirez

    Trade Kershaw for Bruce and Nathan (or Robertson)? Bruce and Moore or Kuroda or Kluber?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Not great trades for you

      • doghat666 says:
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        @Grey: What should I be looking for?

        • mauledbypandas says:
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          @doghat666: Goldschmidt, Cano, Braun… those types of names

  6. Alex says:
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    Who do I start week one?

    Lowrie or Starlin at SS

    Pagan or Reddick at UT

    Thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Lowrie, Reddick

  7. The Flayed Man says:
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    Two great articles today. Awesome entertainment.

    10 team Yahoo 6×6 (OPS and Holds) Roto 13 Keepers.

    Too good to pass up?

    My Kimbrel for his Myers. Would be short a RP but could load up on holds guys if have to.

    Thanks.

    Iron Tusk
    C Salvador Pérez
    1B Albert Pujols
    2B José Altuve
    3B Josh Donaldson
    SS Ian Desmond
    IF Anthony Rizzo
    OF Allen Craig
    OF Yoenis Céspedes
    OF Starling Marte
    OF Avisail García
    Util Jedd Gyorko
    Util Matt Adams
    BN Christian Yelich
    BN Nolan Arenado

    SP Chris Sale
    SP Stephen Strasburg
    RP Nate Jones
    RP Craig Kimbrel
    P Doug Fister
    P Tanner Scheppers
    P Shelby Miller
    P Justin Verlander
    BN Zack Wheeler
    BN Archie Bradley
    BN Yordano Ventura

      • The Flayed Man says:
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        Thank you, sir. Have a great weekend.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          You too!

  8. costaricanchata says:
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    @ Grey :

    got a call from the dodgers .
    (yep , i’ve got connections) .
    kershaw’s gonna throw some live bp ,
    and they want you to be the 1st one in the batters box .

  9. Wake Up says:
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    I drafted a month ago and took Smoak as my 1B…

    I’m glad your gut agrees with my gut…cuz this Pescatore is not…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Wake Up: Stay away from the pozole then

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: I thought Pescatore got signed by the Astros?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          He was cut for Hoes

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: I thought Pescatore got signed by the Astros?

  10. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Upon his callup, Baez is a top __ SS in 6×6 (OPS) leagues.

  11. costaricanchata says:
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    kolten wong ?
    getting picked off 1st base ,
    he’s got something to prove .
    but a .230 BA ain’t gonna cut it .

  12. Ricosuave says:
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    Is it worth keeping Josh Johnson or drop him and add someone like Milone, Jesse Chavez, B. McCarthy, Tanner Roark? Or add G. Springer and wait for him to get called up?

  13. costaricanchata says:
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    @ Grey :

    what kind of april numbers
    does melky have to put up
    in order to make your “buy” list ?

      • PREz says:
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        @Grey: he will!!

        • PREz says:
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          Then he will make a fake website about how that wasnt him who hit them… And youll be confused on whether to buy him or not..

  14. Lane Meyer says:
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    Whoops, put this in your previous post just as you were closing it out, so re-posting here…

    5×5 11-team roto style auction keeper league – $270 for 24-man roster (14 hitter/10 pitchers)
    About 30% inflation in the draft.

    Pre-aution trade I’ve been offered:

    I get $10 Shelby Miller for giving $30 Ian Desmond and $17 Will Venable. All players in first year of contracts.

    Which side do you like better?

    Thanks.

  15. Mike says:
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    I have long wet dreamed of having of Trout and Harper on my 12 team keeper league. I nearly made that sonofabitch a reality with my Kershaw/Gomez for his Wacha/Harper proposal. He seriously considered it and even said it would probly improve his team, but eventually declined. :(

    Time to go change the sheets again..

    • Mike says:
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      I have a great staff behind Kershaw and want to flip him for a bat or two. Any thoughts on players I should target? Here’s my offense.

      C Gattis
      1b Votto
      2b Hill
      3b Seager
      SS Tulo
      OF Trout, Gomez, Jackson
      UT Hosmer
      Bench – Wong, Pagan

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @Mike: Top 15 bat

  16. Tom says:
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    Drop Dee for Wong? – H2H 5×5 league

    • Tom says:
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      @Tom: and yes, serious question.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tom: I would

  17. Ryan says:
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    Thoughts on will venable?

  18. mauledbypandas says:
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    That Frazier blurb, hah!

  19. Ryan says:
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    @grey

    Thoughts on will venable?

  20. Big League Wood says:
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    Sweet. Love the Friday buy Sell. Better than Price is Right. Janice and Holly prolly like Wong?

    Have a deep 14 team league daily ROTO where I effed up SS and second. Starting Gordan, Rendon, and Y Escobar. Overall team is light on speed and only have 25 moves. Bonifacio also has 3b and Of eligibility.

    You think he stays on a roster all season or is he a short term play? I can lose a back end pitcher for him.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Big League Wood: Ha…. He’s a when-playing play… You need to platoon him

      • Big League Wood says:
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        @Grey:

        I have R Davis to platoon with Moss and Dyson also the bench. Would you prefer Dyson or Boneface?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Boneface

          • Big League Wood says:
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            @Grey:

            Thanks Grey
            Enjoy your weekend

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              You too!

  21. agarthered says:
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    Garcia or Rajai?

  22. stuff says:
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    “Pitching is so deep it looks up to Jacques Cousteau.”

    This is why I come here. Sure, you guys are fbb geniuses, but it’s lines like that that make my day. Yes, I’m a stutterer!