Now that Lance Berkman is on the DL, I’m going to read from your rankings.¬† Random Italicized Voice, I’m not here to talk about the past.¬† Is it true or is it not true that after Mr. Bungling Berkman in 2011, you said to avoid him this year?¬† I’m not here to talk about the– Oh, yeah, that is true.¬† See, I wasn’t setting you up to fail *cough* Vernon Wells is a sleeper *cough*¬† Thanks.¬† Now, instead of the past, let’s look into the future, specifically Matt Carpenter.¬† Right now, he’s filling in for Berkman and he’s hitting .321 with a donk and 11 ribbies — hey, give one to Eve! (The rapper.¬† She likes barbeque.)¬† In Triple-A, Carpenter hit 12 homers and .302, while his eye makes his OBP’ing gaudy by nature.¬† I’m not gonna say he’s the wickedest man alive because, well, interjection, he’s not.¬† In 500 ABs, he’d be lucky to hit 10 homers and contribute a handful of steals.¬† He can hit for a solid average and get on base.¬† In deep leagues, if you’re in a bind, man, pick up Carpenter and saw.¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Adam Wainwright – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks; his ERA is now at 9.88.¬† Where’s everyone that was crazy excited for drafting him in the preseason?¬† Probably too soon to tell me in the comments what an idiot I am for ignoring him in my rankings, huh?¬† Also, too soon to say he’s going to win the Cy Young?¬† C’mon, it wasn’t too soon last month when you were saying it.¬† What’s the matter?¬† I hear the Wainwright for Cy Young in 2012 bandwagon is now giving two for one rides because of the empty seats.
Jon Jay – The Federalist sprained his shoulder when he tried to run through fence like he was a stunt double from Naked Gun.¬† His run-in with the fence has landed his arm in a sling.¬† It’s swing for the fences, Jon Jay.¬† Swing!¬† Sounds like he’s headed to the DL.
Jason Hammel – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks.¬† Last year, he had a 3.23 ERA in April and a 1.80 ERA in September.¬† In like a lion and out like a lion.¬† Way to turn an idiom on its head, which I guess would be !p!ow.¬† The interesting thing right now is his 18 Ks in 19 IP.¬† I wouldn’t go to him outside of certain matchups, but he’s moving onto radars.
Adam Jones – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs, 1 run and his 5th homer.¬† Make it rain!
Bronson Arroyo – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.¬† Usually a 2nd half starter that I can’t find the energy to pick up, but has a 2.91 ERA so far making him someone I still can’t build enthusiasm to own.
Brandon Phillips – 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer.¬† Old school great sign:¬† He looks like he’s playing hurt so it’s good he was able to still swing the bat with authority.¬† New school great sign:¬† Yesterday, was the last day of Aries, which is a ram, and Phillips homered in St. Louis where the Rams play.¬† Booya!
Drew Stubbs – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and his first homer.¬† Maybe Stubbs was tending to his BBQ empire for the last two weeks, but it‚Äôs nice to have him back.
Todd Frazier – 0-for-4, as he got the start over Rolen (was just a day off, but Rolen’s a sneeze away from getting confused with Glass Chipper).¬† Frazier should be watched for now in NL-Only leagues, but if he can get playing time he could be a 15/15-type guy with a terrible average.
Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his first homer.¬† Hey, look what the cat, who is prone to drag in players who I’m beginning to think are overrated, dragged in.
Jeff Samardzija – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners (5 BBs), 3 Ks.¬† Last week I said of Samardzija, “With upside comes downside, i.e., sex is nice, but now she‚Äôs emotionally attached and she just called you ‚ÄúPoopsie‚ÄĚ around your friends.”¬† And this start was the poopsie.
Emilio Bonifacio – 1-for-4 with his 8th and 9th steals.¬† I will now call him Emilio Estealthes.
Curtis Granderson – 5-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 homers in the first four innings as he made me look like a schmohawk.¬† He was 5 for his last 23 before tonight and he hit the three homers against two weak righties, and wasn’t looking good against a tough lefty in the ninth (Perkins) when hit a dribbler for an infield single.¬† Huge night, for sure.¬† Can’t take anything away from that (even as I try to), but I’ll stand by my prediction that he disappoints this year.
Ryan Doumit – Hey, Hughes blurb readers, what’s up?¬† Chillin?¬† Doumit went 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs with his first homer.¬† He was pretty fooled by the pitch that he hit for a homer off Hughes.¬† I like Doumit to Ron Popeil, but he’s not that incredible.¬† I think this calls into question starting Hughes.¬† His home park is a launching pad and his stuff lets Doumit homer even when he’s out in front of it.
Brandon Allen – The Rays claimed Allen off of waivers to backup Carlos Pena, which makes no sense since they’re lefties.¬† Guess he could spell the other lefty Luke Scott occasionally at DH, or in Luke’s case gospel.
Evan Longoria – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.¬† I’m was gonna say it’s nice he’s coming alive, but his OBP is .431 and is hitting .327.¬† So, uh, just hit some more homers.¬† Thank you.
Desmond Jennings – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and feasted on a slam & legs while us commoners hoped Denard Span would steal a base on a short schedule day.¬† Jennings, “Take your diseased Span away from my fantasy outfield, and next time I steal I want to take the buggy!”
Tommy Milone – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.¬† I saw nothing yesterday to make me think he can’t be a solid ratio helper.¬† Also, something about his name makes me wish he was from Bayonne and hung out with Joey Fatone.
Freddie Freeman¬†– Hit two homers yesterday.¬† Eh, even a broken clock is right twice a day, which is still more times than Matthew Berry.
Mike Minor – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.¬† I was saying this in the comments yesterday, but I feel no love for Minor this year.¬† I think if more people watched him, they’d understand how filthy he is.
Ryan Howard – Earlier this week, he went to see a specialist who told him there wasn’t enough progress in his healing to be cleared for baseball activities.¬† Now, today, he’s going to see the same specialist to see if he’s ready to go.¬† Only today he’s going in a Big Momma’s House Halloween costume.
Yu Darvish – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks.¬† I didn’t watch this game (because the color of Yu’s hair makes me think something wrong with my TV tube and that gets annoying), but two hits in six innings is solid.¬† Obviously 5 walks is a bit of a concern, and 13 BBs in 17 2/3 innings is terrible.¬† Will someone wake me when this insanely hyped pitcher shows up?
Henderson Alvarez – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.¬† Just think, after this start he’ll have a solid FIP.
Matt Kemp – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, his 7th homer and Matt becomes the number one baby boy name in LA surpassing Edhardy.