Buy Your Teams A Round of Marcelo Shots

Bubba Chandler is ready. When the Pirates will call him up is your guess = my guess. Jac Cannoli is ready and the Royals could use hitting, but where is he going to play? I don’t know. Roman Anthony is ready, but he’s more “Where is he going to play” than Cannoli. At least Jac Mambo-Italiano can DH. By the by, Jac Caglianone is the second coming of J.D. Davis. Not in any way other than his name uses his last name for his first name, which always cracks me up. The D in J.D. Davis is for Davis. So, it’s Jonathan Davis Davis. Jac Caglianone is the same; Jac is actually an abbreviation of Jeffrey Alan Caglianone. So, it’s Jeffrey Alan Caglianone Caglianone. The more you know (about things you didn’t want to know). And this post isn’t even about Jac Caglianone! (Though, if he were called up tomorrow, I’d say grab him in all leagues.) This is about the Red Sox losing Casas, asking Devers to play 1st base, Devers saying, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Devers should’ve said, “If I play 1st, I’m going to throw every grounder to third base, because I’m dyslexic,” that would’ve actually been a reason. Any hoo! Not re-litigating that! After Devers said he wasn’t playing 1st, they started Kristian Campbell taking grounders at 1st, he said, “Whatever it takes for the team to win,” ooh, burn, Devers, and now Marcelo Mayer is next up, leapfrogging Roman Anthony. I think! This is all very convoluted. Oh, and Trevor Story has sucked for, well, how long has he been in Boston? So, why isn’t Story playing 1st and Mayer playing his natural position? I told you, confusing! Mayer is a power-first middle infielder, who has some speed, and shouldn’t kill you in average. Think what we thought we were getting from Ozzie Albies, who seemingly retired after the 2023 season. Roman Anthony’s tools are louder than Mayer, Jeffrey Alan Caglianone Caglianone will get the papers papers and the power power more, but Marcelo Mayer appears next up, and is no slouch. Literally, he missed half of last year with a lumbar strain. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Drake Baldwin – We’re witnessing history in Atlanta. Snitker, who is the most set it and forget manager in baseball, sometimes penciling in a player who no longer plays for them, because he doesn’t want to change the lineup, is actually toying with Baldwin becoming the starter over Sean Murphy.

Carlos Narvaez – When I was perusing catchers to put in here, I saw Alfredo Duno, and I was more like, “Alfredo Dunno,” and I laughed at myself for 45 minutes until the authorities had to have Cougs sign a paper to take me away.

Gabriel Moreno – Got hot this week and that tracks since Gabby is a hot girl name.

Wilmer Flores – Wanna hear something crazy? Listen to the P. Diddy trial. Wanna hear something crazy about fantasy baseball? I’ve had Flores for almost the entire year in my RCL, and he’s been a top five 1st baseman overall. Almost as good as Pete Alonso. In case you’re not picking up what I’m putting down, Flores has been good, and the 1st basemen are very bad. And not like “a bunch of baddies,” like your niece would say.

Nolan Schanuel – Hitter-Tron loves to stick its dipstick into electrical outlets and Schanuel.

Kody Clemens – We were so close to losing Baldelli forever, but the Twins had to rattle off 13 straight wins and now The Baldelli Platoons are here to stay for at least another year. Right now, Clemens is platooning out of DH. Wonder if Fernando Tatis Sr. reached out to Roger Clemens and was like, “You should train your boy like I trained mine, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo. Needle in the butt!”

Chase Meidroth – I before E, except for a contact-first middle infielder on the White Sux. He looks like a neutral .280 hitter, as a 23-year-old rookie, which is good, and he could steal 20 bags, while hitting five-ish homers. (And getting 45 runs in 500 ABs out of leadoff.)

Hyeseong Kim – In any other lineup, Kim would be a leadoff hitter and starting every day. In the Dodgers’ lineup, he might only start three times a week in the nine-hole.

David Hamilton – This is more of a short-term buy for steals, because Hamilton should be a bench guy on the Red Sox at best, if Mayer and Campbell are doing what they’re supposed to do. Unless Story has the decency to strain a hamstring.

Matt Shaw – Already gave you my Matt Shaw fantasy. It was written while out gallivanting with the boys.

Jake Burger – Gave you my Jake Burger fantasy. It was written while drinking a Celsius and buzzing around a room.

Miguel Vargas – Wanted to depress myself so I looked at when I dropped Vargas — in a league where I need hitting — and it was about a month ago, then I went to look at where Vargas was on the 30-day Player Rater. Around top 50! Perfection!

Will Benson – It’s not too late in the year for a random Reds outfielder to come out of nowhere and have his one huge season, as told by the prophecy of Scott Schebler.

Ramon Laureano – His Chase% has plummeted (a good thing) and he was a worthwhile outfielder at one point in his career. It was pre-PEDs suspension — pre-susPEDsion? — but still.

Robert Hassell III – Here’s what I said the other day, “Will be called up to replace Crews. The Third Hassell was a prized piece of the Soto trade, then everything went kablooey and he started hitting .189 in Single-A. Bobby Barrels does have speed, but his nickname seems sarcastic at this point, as he hit .241 last year in the minors, and makes a ton of weak, ground ball contact. Maybe he can figure it out, and remind people why they were once excited for this trilogy.” And that’s me quoting me!

Matthew Lugo – Been meaning to go over Lugo for some time now (a few days at best). He has 25/25 abilities, and hit .212 this year in Triple-A, which is so hilarious. How inept are the Angels at developing players when they have a guy who can barely hit over .200 in the minors, and they call him up. By the way, he hit .242 with a 27.6 K% in Double-A in 2023, and promoted him to Triple-A after that!

Jordan Beck – Saw Taylor Ward at only 56% rostered, which is above where he needs to be to be included in this post, but, guess what, Jordan Beck is also at 56% rostered, so sue me! (“Sue me” is a colloquial phrase and is not binding contract for you to sue me.)

Michael Soroka – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to a hardware shop.

Jose Soriano – This is also a Streamonator call. “I saw you had a sign in your window, so you have Nuts N. Bolts? No, I’m sorry. I was talking about a guy I went to high school with.”

Jordan Romano – If it makes you feel any better about rostering Romano, A) He was acquired to be the closer. No idea what was going on in April. B) Outside of his ERA, his stats don’t look much different than his last great year when he saved 36 games. C) There’s no C.

Will Vest – Should’ve been the closer for the whole season, but, in fairness, Tommy Kahnle has been as excellent. They’re both worth rostering.

Shelby Miller – Unlike the Tigers’ pen situation, the DBacks’ closer should’ve been Miller for the last few weeks, and he might not even get the next save. Though, that’s because Justin Martinez might be healthy again.

Daniel Palencia – There’s no easy fix for the Cubs pen’s troubles, and his name isn’t Daniel Panacea. Also, in the Cubs’ pen is Brad Keller and Drew Pomeranz, two guys who attended Mariano Rivera’s winter seminar at the Parsippany, New Jersey Ramada titled, “Hey, Failed Starters? Kickstart Your Bullpen Careers!”

Griffin Jax – His 5+ ERA is clouding the good stuff under the hood. Jax loox spextactular. His Contact% is 66.7. Tarik Skubal is 65.8% and is the only starter with a better Contact%. Jax not allowing any contax! Zoinx!

SELL

Kodai Senga – Some of these Sells are harder than others because I have the player. This one is super easy since I don’t have Senga anywhere. Haha, suckers! Though, if being honest, that causes me to be extra careful because I don’t want to tell you to sell a player simply because I want them to be worse, since I don’t have them. I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. His underlying numbers are very meh — 8.4 K/9, 3.9 BB/9, velocity down a mile on his fastball, chase rate is incredible meh, about the same as Luis Severino. If Senga had a 4+ ERA, I’d say he’s pitching about that well. That he has a 1-something ERA is goofy. I wouldn’t sell Kodai Senga for a ride in a horse-drawn pedicab after the horse ate Taco Bell, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.