I remember distinctly the day Will Clark retired. I just got home from a Winter Solstice Pageant. I was only 12 years old at the time, but my mustache was already coming in. Earlier that night, when I was singing in the pageant, a mother yelled out from the audience, “Who’s the midget with the mustache?” Then another parent yelled out, “Or is it a dwarf? I always get confused.” Another yelled, “Is that kid 40 years old? I don’t know if I want my kid around that adult.” I didn’t think my day could get worse, then, back at home, I heard that Clark retired. I was still in my autumn leaf costume, sobbing into my Pop Rocks, essentially ruining them. A devastating day all around, but things got better eventually. Soon my friends’ parents wouldn’t call the cops when I was hanging out with their kid, thinking I was a 40-something pervert. One mother even complimented me on my mustache. Maybe this was where my love of Cougars first started. What does this have to do with Wil Myers? Nothing at all. Just like his first two weeks mean nothing. It’s two weeks! Frequent Commenter, Oaktown Steve, asked the other day who would have more value this year, Wil Myers or Carlos Beltran? It’s a totally fair question. In my preseason projections, there’s essentially only 5 steals separating the two. Of course, there is something like 15 years separating them too, and I would say one is moving up and one is moving down due to age. Get a sense a lot of people are looking to bail on Myers already. That would be a mistake. He didn’t just happen to get named one of the top prospects in baseball. He’s crazy talented. He could go off still and be a first round draft pick for next year. Now is the time you buy him on the cheap, not sell him. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into this week’s Buy/Sell, just wanted to announce that Rest of the Season Projections are on-site and everyone’s favorite fantasy baseball dinosaur, Buysellatops. The Buyasellatops is easy to use. When you first get to the page, Sells are listed first. To see Buys, click ROS$ minus STD$. To see Rest of Season projections, click on any player’s name — in this post or anywhere on-site. Finally, with the Rest of Season Projections, it means the Fantasy Baseball Player Rater is now functional and the Rest of the Season Player Rater. Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
Jarrod Dyson – Ever see a Tyson chicken run around right after its head is cut off? Me neither, but I like to think there’s some similarities to Dyson. The Hitter-Tron likes Dyson today, but the Hitter-Tron didn’t know Dyson had a funeral this weekend, but he should be back stealing bases by the end of the weekend assuming he wasn’t seen talking to Alfredo Simon and Alfredo Simon wasn’t then seen anywhere near the person who passed away.
Eric Young Jr. – My horse, a fantasy league where Eric Young Jr. still isn’t owned for my horse! Just for s’s and g’s, let’s look at Dustin Ackley, who is owned in 60% of ESPN leagues, vs. Young, who is owned in 35%. Young has 9 steals. Okay, enough of that comparison, it’s not even close.
David Murphy – One schmotato, two. Three schmotato, hot! I think that was a mash-up of One Potato, Two Potato and Duck, Duck, Goose, but I’d have to ask Pharrell.
Krispie Young – Supposed to return today. Missed out on George Springer? Well, Krispie prolly won’t make you feel as great about yourself, but he could give around the same stats (in the best case scenario for Krispie and worst case for Springer). Yes, that was an important parenthesis.
Marcell Ozuna – A Grey crush comes around once every few years and it grips my soul and doesn’t let go. Goldschmidt last year, Mark Reynolds the year he went crazy. Ozuna is not in that class. Yet. I do like him very much and I just said that in a voice like I was Apu.
Junior Lake – Fun fact! He once ran into Lake Superior screaming, “Papa!”
Devin Mesoraco – You know you wanna ask me a catcher question. You know you do! So, go ahead. I won’t bite. Just keep in mind Jason Castro is not listed here because he’s owned in more than 50% of leagues. I do like Castro better.
Justin Morneau – Did you know BevMo once opened a general discount store named, JustMo? They couldn’t figure out what not to put on the shelves, so they closed it.
Chris Colabello – I’ve recommended him so many times you’d think I actually liked him. I mean, he’s okay, but the current corner infidel waiver guys are so pee poor. What am I supposed to do with Zimmerman and Beltre down? Pick up Conor Gillaspie? Hmm, actually Gillaspie hasn’t been that bad. Aw geez, this is bad.
Nick Franklin – Here’s what I just said about Franklin, “(Franklin) was recalled to play some outfield and DH while Logan Morrison figures out why he can’t stay healthy. “Is it because I cut in front of that Native American shaman at a Subway? I thought he ordered already.” That’s Morrison soul-searching. Franklin has pounded the ball in the minors in the first two weeks — hitting close to .400 with 4 homers. He’s hit well in the minors before and still hit .225 for Seattle last year, though with power and some speed. The Mariners are a better team with Franklin playing over Morrison even if the latter is healthy and latter means Morrison. I was gonna write a sleeper post about Franklin in the preseason if he had a starting job. Had my iCal reminder set in my mind. See that? I upgraded from a brain to a Mac product just that easily. Steve Jobs, you were a pioneer in consumerism! Speaking of revolutionary products, I just bought a white desk, and now I can see every smudge I make, so how about a can of dust spray? Never again do you have to obsess about one little smudge; you can now cover your brand new desk in dust rather than wait for it to naturally accumulate. Good idea, right? Thank me. I could see Franklin giving 50/15/60/.290/10 in 400 ABs. Does he get 400 ABs? Highly unlikely, but worth picking up if you have room and can platoon him because he’s not assured playing time.” And that’s me quoting me!
Danny Espinosa – He’s cut down his strikeouts by a huge amount so far this year. He doesn’t necessarily look like a .290 hitter, nor does he look like he’ll have everyday playing time once Bummerman returns, but Espinosa is worth a flyer if you’re hurting due to his speed and power.
Zach Walters – If we were to look at Walters with 20/20 vision, Hugh Downs would tell us to back off, she’s his lady. We’d also see Walters doesn’t really have a situation where he’s going to get playing time if Espinosa keeps hitting. So I’d only look at Walters with Hugh Downs’s adoring eyes in very deep leagues — think NL-Only.
Derek Dietrich – Rafael Furcal is due to return, but he’s also due to get hurt again. Probably two days after he returns. Dietrich had 9 homers last year in 57 games and three in nine this year. So, he’s basically a 120-homer hitter with everyday at-bats. Plus or minus 105.
Kolten Wong – Isn’t exactly taking the job and Wong’ing wild, but still worth holding at an MI spot in case he catches fire.
Lonnie Chisenhall – The hottest schmotato in all the land and he barely has a starting job. Hey, they all ain’t purdy.
Jesse Chavez – Any time a guy has a 9+ K-rate and an under 1 walk rate in three starts in a row, he should be owned. No questions asked.
Tyler Skaggs -Definitely burp on his last start on Wednesday, but his velocity is up and his walks are way down. Hasn’t really translated to major Ks so far, but I’d give him at least one more start.
Matt Lindstrom – We started our Buys with SAGNOF of the fast-leg variety, and we will end with SAGNOF of the fast-getting-on-our-nerves variety.
Jonathan Broxton – I’m pretty confident Aroldis will return, find out the comebacker that hit his melon made him like John Travolta in Phenomenon and be able to hold a truck up with one hand while throwing a baseball with the other, but, until that day comes, Broxton is ownable.
Adrian Gonzalez – A-Gon’s got his groove back and he didn’t need to be diddled by Taye Diggs! Sorry, I can’t take credit for that line. That’s from the 10 o’clock Fox News. Fox partnered with super-cheap sex toy, Body Wand Personal Massager. By the by, when did CVS start carrying vibrators? I mean, granted, I am getting old, and maybe I’m starting to think like an old person, but I was somewhat surprised to see vibrators in the Family Planning aisle of CVS. Is this so when Ms. Lonely Hearts go to CVS to pretend they’re shopping for condoms they’ll see vibrators? I don’t even want to think about who would buy one of these from a CVS. You don’t have the internet and you need to go to a CVS to buy a sex toy? Get this shizz shipped to you! Any the hoo! A-Gon has started the year as hot as a thing that is hot — weak metaphor points! — with five homers in 16 games. Well, he also had 5 homers in the month of May last year and still wouldn’t have hit 20 homers if he didn’t have any road trips to Coors. He hit four homers in four straight games last week. That doesn’t mean he will hit 30+ homers this year. That means he had a hot four games. I wouldn’t trade him for, say, a Body Wand Personal Massager from CVS, but I would explore offers.