Adrian Beltre hits the DL with Jockular Sphincteritis as a grounder clipped one of his testicles. It’s the best contact he’s made all season. When reached for comment, Beltre said, “Aw, nuts!” After being badgered, he yelled, “Stop busting my balls!” Turns out, Beltre doesn’t wear a protective cup. He claims it’s uncomfortable. You know what else is uncomfortable? A bleeding testicle. Beltre could be out for the season, but he hasn’t really been much use this year so his owners shouldn’t worry. On a related note, I wonder if he’ll let his teammates sign his cast. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jonny Gomes – 3 HRs. Half of me (the Lily Tomlin half) wishes Dusty would start benching Gomes again for no good reason, because I don’t own him anywhere. – Quote from Grey after he picked up Wladimir Balentien for Thursday’s short schedule day.
Bronson Arroyo – 9 IP, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks. Arroyo was on my list of pitchers to watch in the 2nd half, and he now has 4 straight solid starts and only one poor start since the All-Star Game. MLB’s Non-approved supplements + marginal pitchers = fantasy gold.
Jorge Cantu – HR yesterday. He is so long overdue for a hot streak it’s not even funny. Man, the hot April guys are the hardest to cut, aren’t they?
Hideki Matsui – 2 HRs yesterday to bring his total to 19. He just needs about 6 more homers to really confuse people next year when it comes time to draft. “Hmm… need one more outfielder… Screw it, I’ll grab Matsui. He’s good for 25 homers. That’s Jason Kubel-ish!” Slot Matsui in for two weeks, snooze alarm goes off and drop him.
Kevin Kouzmanoff – 5-for-5, as he bats .283 away from Petco. Do you think any Padres hitters have a no trade clause?
Mike Rivera – 2 HRs yesterday. I saw the homers listed next to M. Rivera and I really thought Mariano hit two homers for the Brewers. I’d prefer to own Mariano.
Victor Martinez/Ryan Howard – Both stole bases yesterday. According to Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two slow guys stole a base on the same day since Bob Horner and Steve Balboni stole a base in 1985. Actually, they didn’t say that, but here’s something that was overheard this week at the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “For a record five times this week, Ken, in the mailroom, advised the company to save money by putting the intended address in the return address field and leaving off the postage, so the Post Office ‘returns’ the mail where it’s supposed to go.”
Matt Capps – 2/3 IP, 3 ER. Kazaam!
Dexter Fowler – 4-for-5 yesterday. Nice, but it’s not HAGNOF, it’s SAGNOF!
Jason Marquis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks. If you started him here, nay, if you own Marquis, you have cojones. Speaking of Joneses.
Garrett Jones – 0-for-4, 4 Ks. Me and Mr. Jones, our thing is no longer going on.
Gil Meche – 5 IP, 4 ER, in his return. He’ll be covered more in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. If you’re a time traveler from the future, don’t spoil it for anyone.
Justin Verlander – 8 IP, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. My head is spinning from how many Ks Verlander is racking up? My head isn’t meant to spin!
Clay Buchholz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks. He has enough major league innings under his belt that I would give him a chance if he were on waivers, but beware the unbalanced schedule.
Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 6 ER. I wouldn’t own Dempster. I said it in the beginning of the year and I haven’t wavered on him once. (Clever pun point for Grey.)
Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 as he filed charges against the guy who threw beer on him. I could see if he threw the beer on Josh Hamilton, but c’mon, it’s Wrigley.
Neftali Feliz – Has 13 Ks in 6 innings and only one baserunner (a solo homer to Adam Kennedy). MR. B’s unite.
Josh Hamilton – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and 1 Run. Let’s hope this good day doesn’t send him on a misbehavior spiral. Hopefully he just gets another tattoo and calls it a day.