Jake McCarthy Rises Like A Phoenix

May 26, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 325 Comments

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“Worse thing that God ever spit up.”
“Hitler?”
“What? No, I’m looking at what Jake McCarthy did so far this year in the majors.”
“So, you think Hitler was better than Jake McCarthy–”
“Shut up about Hitler!”

Jake McCarthy recalled in that above exchange and to the majors. I’d say he was hideous to start the year, but I’m afraid of a defamation suit being filed by the word “hideous.” “Ya know, I’ve had about enough of your disparaging.” That’s the word hideous. There was a reason why Jake McCarthy was on a bunch of my teams to start the year. It is illuminated by his four homers and four steals in only 22 games since he was sent down. He has great speed and power. I know you drank away most of what he did from your memory. This post: A splash of knowledge refreshing your Mind Eraser. Jake McCarthy can absolutely be worth rostering in every league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mikey Chisox Pitched Kopech Of Pretty Pitch Logs

by: Grey

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At one point in the 6th inning, Michael Kopech (7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.24) couldn’t see. He was blinded by a bug. The pitch clock was winding down, so he let it rip, and he said later, “I still don’t know where that pitch was that I threw. It was a strike, so it’s good. Seby [Zavala] came out and actually blew in my eye and got the bug out.” That bug, Flik, was voiced by Canadian heartthrob, Dave Foley. I don’t know how long Dave Foley’s been sitting in Kopech’s eye, but, with the success he’s been having recently, made we shouldn’t be so fast to blow our hot breath into his face, unless it was meant as an ode to Prom season by Seby. That is always worth commemorating. So, I try avoid doing a lede about the same guy but, way back in the first week of the season, I wrote about Michael Kopech because he looked so bad. Well, not exactly. I wrote, “There’s no direct evidence that the more handsome a pitcher, the more he’s going to screw you over — that we know of. We just haven’t studied it yet! Someone take a ruler and measure the distance between the eyes on Michael Kopech. Now measure the inches on his curve break. Do they match? The golden ratio that is his cheekbones, is that equal to his current 13.50 ERA? This is not eugenics, because we’re doing it for fantasy baseball purposes and not fantasy exterminations.” And that’s me quoting me! Well, we’re back here again, because we have to keep an open mind — someone grab me the head opener! — and Michael Kopech now has two great starts in a row. Since that first game of the season, Kopech only really has one other disaster. His velocity is up; his strikeouts are up; his command is better (in his last two starts) and, while not exactly performing at the level of his last two starts without luck — he needs to disallow homers on the reg — he’s looking more inline with the starter who we thought was going to be back when he was a top prospect. Was thought to be a slider-first pitcher, he’s relied on it less, while throwing it harder. It could be the recipe for success he needs. Either that, or someone put a bug back in his eye. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Owen Money In Milwaukee And Sparking Interest

May 24, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 352 Comments

by: Grey

“Owen, you stupid poop!” is a line from Throw Momma From The Train, but is not a line you’re going to hear at Brewers games. Unless it’s in this context, “Owen, you stupid poop, but ‘stupid’ as in ‘fresh’ or ‘dope’ and ‘dope’ as in great not as in dumb, and ‘poop’ as in you’re the shizz.” Somehow, I haven’t mentioned Owen Miller (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (5), hitting .347) much. Well, I’ve got Miller fatigue, okay? And ‘fatigue’ is Italian, pronounced fah-tee-gay. I’ve mentioned many Millers — Shelby, Bryce, Mason, Bobby — but not Owen. He’s been playing 3rd every day for the Brewers, and should continue until Urias returns. He’s also got 15/15 potential with an insanely low strikeout rate. Prolly more of an NL-Only guy, but could see him paying dividends in 15-teamers or HTMLers. Get it? Div id ends? No? Okay. I don’t really get it either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Houston Firebombs Milwaukee And Leaves Them Nursing Their Burnes

May 23, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 374 Comments

by: Grey

Astros’ lineup has some 80’s WWF vibes to it. Julks-Dubon being led by Captain Woo Cubano. Can’t forget, Jose Abreu (2-for-5, 2 run) at the plate as threatening as Cyndi Lauper when she’s beating on Captain Lou’s chest in the Girls Just Wanna Fun video. Or The Fabulous Martin Maldonado went 2-for-3, 2 runs with his 3rd homer. All they needed was Manaea to come through with Afa and Sika. By the way, what’s less pro wrestling than losing your acronym, WWF, to the World Wildlife Federation. First up, Mauricio Dubon went 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Altuve owners are Stan Gable yelling, “Hey, that’s my pie!” Then Corey Julks went 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting his 3rd homer. But, leading the way, was Yordan Alvarez. Captain Woo Cubano went 3-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .305. Woo has no speed and doesn’t seem like he’s been hot at any moment this year, and is still around a top 15 hitter on the year on the Player Rater. Truly one of the best and gets nowhere near enough acclaim. Or as Rowdy Tellez would say acc’laim. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

PST To Be Renamed Miller Time After Dodgers’ Bobby Miller Joins The Party

May 22, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 426 Comments

by: Grey

With Dustin May injured and Julio Urias hitting the Ineffective List — Urias should be healthy when he stops giving up four homers per game — the Dodgers needed another arm besides Gavin Stone. I opened with that because when I saw the Dodgers were calling up Bobby Miller they be Gavin me a heart attack that they weren’t calling up Stone. I need Stone. Yes, this is about me. Stone has been confirmed for Monday, but Miller’s up for Tuesday. Here’s what Itch’s said, “Where I prefer Gavin Stone, most who care enough to rank ‘em seem to prefer Miller, a 6’5” 220 lb prototype power pitcher. While the 6’1” 175 lb Stone doesn’t win any off-the-bus intimidation contests, he repeats his delivery with ease, which is necessary to maintaining plus command. Miller has mostly looked like a reliever to the eye test, but he looks different now than he did on draft night. He bounced back and forth a bit between relieving and starting at Louisville and retained remnants of a max-effort, off-balance delivery throughout much of his minor league career. It’s pretty smooth and steady now, so I can’t really quibble with anyone who’d prefer the fastball-slider dynamite Miller brings to the mound, and I’d like to stick a piece of dynamite up Grey’s butt.” What on earth? As Itch says, Stone and Miller is likely a toss-up, but this isn’t like mortar and pestle, and why not both? Choose one and go with him. Will Bobby Miller be better than Bryce or Mason Miller? He could. Oh, and so many West Coast Millers. Angels and San Diego, you’re on the clock. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

McLain In Buy Hard

May 19, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 348 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

Standing in front of the Reds’ GM office, whistling as I push a mop past the open door. Cleaning up a pile of spaghetti and chili that someone dropped earlier that day in their rush to get to the cafeteria to get a new plate of spaghetti and chili. I say to myself in a low whisper, “Hmm, I’m just a janitor for the Reds. Living my best life. Been a lifelong Cincy guy. What a shame someone dropped this beautiful spaghetti and chili. Just a real shame. I’m not pretending to be a janitor so I can overhear when the Reds’ GM calls up a new prospect. That’s silly to even consider. It wasn’t me, early this morning, breaking into the building to spill spaghetti and chili in the most opportune spot so I could carry out this ruse. Not me. That’s just very silly.” I carefully sidestep the pile of spaghetti-chili, and lean my ear towards the GM. Drats! He’s calling up…Skyline?! For more spaghetti and chili?! Oh, these people are incorrigible! So, I don’t know who the next Reds’ prospect will be called up. My guess is it’s Christian Encanracion-Strand, but we don’t need to worry about that, we have one already called up, Matt McLain, who sounds like a pro athlete, only not for baseball. For like bowling. Does he wanna bowl with Mookie Betts? Speaking of Betts, no, I won’t compare him to Betts, but McLain does have power and speed. Cincy plays so well for power too, that you almost have to be a negative to not take advantage of Great American Smallpark. While McLain’s power can produce 15-ish homers, the speed is even better. He could go 12/20 in only four months of the season, and has solid contact. I’d grab him in all leagues. Oh, wait a second, someone just called the GM about a pickup, let’s listen in…Oh, forget it, it was David Bell asking if someone could pick up the spaghetti and chili in the hallway, and put it on a plate for him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Willson Volleys Two Balls To Help Cast Away The Dodgers

May 19, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 290 Comments

by: Grey

After the game, the Cards’ front office called Willson Contreras in. He just went 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and notched his 4th and 5th homers — two three-run homers. They wanted to have a word with him. Congratulations, Contreras thought. They could just send a bottle of champagne back to his room, he figured. Maybe they wanted to give it to him in-person. A gesture, that would be welcome. Contreras sat down in front of Oli Marmol and John Mozeliak. “Willson,” they started, “You had a big game today. Do you have any idea how that made Adam Wainwright feel? He’s got a 5.74 ERA, and you’re out scoring that many runs? That’s gotta take a toll on him. Jack Flaherty was in that dugout, and every time you crossed the plate, you could hear him mutter, ‘I give up runs like that.’ Steven Matz looked on the verge of tears! Poor Matzy! This is why Yadi knew best! He knew not to hit home runs. It’s too much showboating. That’s not the Cardinals’ way.” With that, they dismissed Contreras to go back and apologize to his teammates for performing so well. Hopefully he learns his lesson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Vientos Lucky To Be Dropped Into 2023 Mets vs. 1986 Mets

May 18, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 417 Comments

by: Grey

Think Buck Showalter is old. That’s not bad, in general. Some of my favorite people are old. I’m a Cougar Hunter. I have radar for hard candies. The problem with Showalter is he’s got old thinking. He’s platooning Brett Baty. He thinks Thomas Phamily is still a thing. He’s not following the latest in baseball which is: Play your kids! The Braves have been winning with the formula: Play your kids! for a few years now. So, with that said, the Mets called up their next great hitting prospect, Mark Vientos (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) as he hit his 1st homer. Can Vientos play outfield? Absolutely not. Can Vientos steal at-bats from Baty? Ugh, maybe. Can Vientos run? His speed has been described as “an 80-year-old baby crawling with tennis balls on its knees.” Can Vientos hit bombs? To the freakin’ moon! He kinda reminds me of a young Evan Longoria. Now take everything you’ve thought about Longoria over the last seven years, scrub it from your brain, and think about Longoria as if this is 2016. Your brain in 2016, “Rays should lock this Longoria guy up for another ten years! He’s amazing! Wait! They let Longoria walk? Wow, what a mistake! They just let a perennial 30+ homer, .270 hitter go! Rays will be in last place for the next decade. What a bunch of losers!” So, your 2016 brain is kinda remembering correctly. Your 2016 was also a big dumb brain, but that’s only in hindsight. Longo was good at that point. Mark Vientos can be good too. For what it’s Wuertz, Prospect Itch has been down on Vientos for as long as Vientos has been down on the farm. For this year, do I want Mark Vientos in a redraft league? Absolutely, but back to the Buck shituation. He’s going to play where? DH? Okay, and Vogelbach is being benched indefinitely? By the guy who is still playing the Phamily? No. That leaves Vientos, the Metsmaker, in a platoon. By the way, regarding the title: It’s because it causes Coke to explode. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

German Shepherded Out Of The Game For Fetching A Sticky Substance

May 17, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 329 Comments

by: Grey

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Domingo German was coasting once again, had the line 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.75, when he was ejected for sticky substance. Oh, Domingoo, you giant freakin’ moron. What’s the German word for hearing the Jays talk about the Yankees cheating and thinking, “Hey, that’s a good idea?” Fadenfraud. Also, this whole “touching a guy’s hand” to see if there’s anything on it is so hilariously stupid. Like touching a guy’s hand is scientific. The Handump’s Tale, a dystopian story of how one umpire touched things and was able to discern what on earth was on someone’s hand. “That’s chewing gum and the adhesive from a baby’s diaper.” Umps touching pitchers’ hands is like Name That Tune, but with touching. Domingo German, though, this guy’s a real bumbling idiot:

Domingo German the most inept cheater pic.twitter.com/dqJNqsdR5P

— Razzball (@Razzball) May 17, 2023

He’s like the kid who has ice cream all over his shirt then says, “I didn’t eat ice cream.” You’re covered in it, you absolute ding dong! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cards Dealt Four Jacks And Then Show A Fifth On The Mound

May 16, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 356 Comments

by: Grey

“Count’s 2-1, and Jack Flaherty is leaning in…and, would you look at that, that is interesting…Willson Contreras is calling for an 88 MPH fastball down the middle.” I kid! Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.24) looked great! After the first inning. Was a bit wonky at the start. At one point, he went from a 75 MPH curve to a 95 MPH elevated fastball to a 84.5 MPH slider to a 79.5 MPH knuckle curve on four straight batters, all resulting in strikeouts. All he needed for motivation was to prove his own catcher sucked. “But how,” Jack Flaherty wondered in his most sincere of voices, “Could a pitcher look good while making his catcher look bad?” Flaherty still desperately needs command from pitch 1 to 100 while going 95 on the fastball, but last night was a step in the right direction. Speaking of directions, the Cards all sucked together, and now they’re all fantastic together. The Cards’ way, I suppose. Nolan Arenado (2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 4th homer in four games) is going off, and I had a reason to Sell Low written down that was so eloquent. It’s right over by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado! Also, in this game, Andrew Knizner (1-for-1, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games. This homer was vs. a position player, but there ain’t no asterisks in my fantasy league. Next, Tommy Edman (4-for-5, 4 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 6th homer, as he heard the footsteps of people going to waivers to drop him. Finally, Nolan Gorman (3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, as the house of Cards begins to rise again. Hopefully, Oli Marmol isn’t inspired to give one of his motivational speeches again like, “Tyler O’Neill and Willson Contreras, you guys suck and can’t field your positions or run and I hate all of you.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Keller Me Impressed

May 15, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 434 Comments

by: Grey

First off, we have to wish our five female readers a very Happy Mother’s Day. I started a petition for next year’s Mother’s Day, where MLB puts a nipple on each base, and, when runner steps on it, it lactates. I think after I petitioned MLB last year to have hairy bean bags on the end of bats for Father’s Day, they’ve muted me somehow, so if you could boost this, I’d appreciate it. One guy who’s obviously a momma’s boy is Mitch Keller (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.38, 70 strikes out of 93 pitches). This comes after a 4-hit shoutout, which comes after four years of near-5 ERA pitching, which comes after being a highly touted prospect, which comes after emerging from his mother’s womb, because yesterday was all about moms! His peripherals are all saying everything Mitch Keller is doing is really happening vs. some kinda mirage that will evaporate when his luck runs out. The most incredible part of Mitch Keller’s star mitzvah is that he’s doing this prior to his trade to the Yankees for Albert Abreu and cash considerations. Oh, you know it’s coming, Keller high water. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Encarnacion-Stranded On A Desert Buy Land

May 12, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 307 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

Welcome to CES, the biggest electronics trade show in the world! In year’s past, I’ve debuted many different mind-altering products, and that was just the year I showed up with peyote! You might remember our booth from last year where we debuted the first Ay-I. It was AI, but it added a thick Italian accent to all its answers.“What is Death Valley?” “Ay-I suppose it’s-a desert! But it could be anywhere me and my buddies did an impromptu burial-ay-oh!” Then there was the year I debuted my chopsticks that attached to the end of fingers so you could get to the bottom of any snack bag! Pringles, you no longer defeat me! Then there was the year I debuted giant leafs. Now, instead of picking up after your dog, you just camouflage it! All ingenious products, to be sure, but this year we have something that’s only available in minors. Naïveté to believe in Santa? No! Christian Encarnacion-Strand! Maybe I’ll be shocked, like after sticking my finger in this plug, but I think there’s only one big minor league promotion left, bat-wise, and it’s CES. Maybe it will be Elly De La Cruz, but, because of his age, I think Cincy drags their heels with him. Maybe I’m wrong on that. Would love to be! If Cincy wasn’t so good as a park, CES’s insanely low walk rate might bother me. It doesn’t because he’s going to hit for so much power. He could be a top 20 overall power bat when he’s called up. There’s a chance here for a guy who hits 25+ homers in only three-quarters of the season. It might come with a .240 or lower average, but the power is going to be special. I’ve already stashed him in a few leagues, because it feels like it’s only a matter of time, and I know he’s a winner! Like that year I debuted pill compartments, but for clothes! (This seriously is a good idea. Hit me up on my mobile and let’s chat about emerging markets.) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4921 posts

Jake McCarthy Rises Like A Phoenix

Mikey Chisox Pitched Kopech Of Pretty Pitch Logs

Owen Money In Milwaukee And Sparking Interest

Houston Firebombs Milwaukee And Leaves Them Nursing Their Burnes

PST To Be Renamed Miller Time After Dodgers’ Bobby Miller Joins The Party

McLain In Buy Hard

Willson Volleys Two Balls To Help Cast Away The Dodgers

Vientos Lucky To Be Dropped Into 2023 Mets vs. 1986 Mets

German Shepherded Out Of The Game For Fetching A Sticky Substance

Cards Dealt Four Jacks And Then Show A Fifth On The Mound

Keller Me Impressed

Encarnacion-Stranded On A Desert Buy Land