LOGIN

There’s no point in me pointing out that I wrote a Justin Steele sleeper this preseason. It’s so long ago now! So much has been written since then! Has anything, perchance, been written that was that illuminating that the Pulitzer committee, all 12 people in Switzerland, all drafted Justin Steele in their fantasy leagues? Does it matter that people, who have been stopped on the highway doing 120 MPH, have been allowed to leave after showing the police officer my Justin Steele sleeper? Does it matter that my Justin Steele sleeper has made advancements in medicine to cure the hiccups? No! None of this matters! What matters is I wrote that gee-dee post, snitches! Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.55. But that doesn’t even matter! The hiccups are now gone! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday’s game in Cincy saw the Cubs and Reds combine for 22 runs. So, what’s going on with my son? Elly De La Cruz went 0-for-5 with four Ks? Forget Ticker Tease, that’s Ticker I’m-A-Born-Again-Virgin-From-That-Teasing. Not cool, man! Losing my virginity once was awkward enough! That 22 runs is why I get so scared of Reds starters in Great American Smallpark. It’s dangerous! It’s like if you’re allergic to peanuts and they throw you this:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rockies’ manager Bud Black was one of the best pitching coaches. It is such the Rockies’ move that they hired him to coach in Colorado. It’s like everything the Rockies do needs to be sent through the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator. Here, I’ll show you: “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator make sense of hiring Bud Black. “That’s easy, Grey, the Rockies figured he could coach up their pitchers from a 4.75 ERA collectively to a 4.65 ERA, and win one more game.” Brilliant stuff! Hey, “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, what about the Kris Bryant signing? “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, you shouldn’t smoke it’s bad for your health–Oh crap! It’s overheating. Someone call for help! So, without the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, we’re going to have to figure out Hunter Goodman‘s call-up on our own. Will he play? He absolutely should. I’m interested in all leagues because: 34 HRs in the minors this year at 23 years of age, and he hit .371 in Triple-A (only 15 games), but he makes solid contact for a power hitter. A power hitter in Coors! Sign me up! The only question left is it a coincidence that when Goodrum went to AA, we got back a Goodman? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“All Waiver Claims Are Mines,” the newly minted state motto of Ohio. Previously, the state motto was “Put Slop On My Pasketti.” So, I’ll be honest, I kinda like the new waiver wire claim madness. Or WWCM as it’s known colloquially. The WWCM gives us one more shot in the arm of excitement as fans, and it allows teams who got ungatz at the deadline to make one final push, like the Guards did by grabbing Lucas Giolito, Reynaldo Lopez, and Matt Moore. It’s a move, in retrospect, that makes so much sense yet I never thought the Guards had it in them. Kinda thought if you poked the Guards with a stick, they’d remain motionless. Giolito is the only one that has any fantasy value in all leagues — the other guys might have value in Holds leagues, but that’s about it. Giolito goes to a better park — Flo from Progressive Field is dead-last for offense. That is slightly misleading because if you have good pitching, you’re going to suppress offense — dur. Still it’s up there with the best pitchers’ parks. I’d put it in the top five for best pitchers’ parks. Giolito’s biggest issue is allowing homers and walks. Walks won’t change in his new park, but the homers should. He’s likely still a 3.75 to 4.10 ERA pitcher, but that’s better than he’s been, especially if it’s on the low side of that projection. Change your license plate frame, it’s not just a slop on pasketti state anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sadly, Spencer Howard was released by the Yanks. Shame, their big trade deadline acquisition just never caught on for them. The release of their big-name acquisition signals a changing of the guards by the Yikes. First, Donaldson, now Spencer Howard. Who’s next Jake Bauers? Now, let’s not talk crazy! They also put Harrison Bader on waivers, and the writing’s on the wall, and the rumors are swirling like orange and vanilla for the creamsicle of the future: Jasson Dominguez. He’ss cominguez. You need to grab him now and see how it plays out. If he’s not any good in his first go around, then *raspberries lips* and drop him. So, why such hype? He’s the truth. Looking at a guy who could put together a 20/40 season over 162, and he might be the last of the red-hot call-ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Lucas Giolito, Randal Grichuk, Hunter Renfroe, Reynaldo Lopez and Matt Moore were all placed on waivers by the Angels. Everyone makes fun of the Rockies, and they deserve it, but the Angels are the Rockies with better on-field talent. The Angels are a joke organization. They were going for it literally three weeks ago! They get nothing for any of these players, by the by. It’s not like they get draft picks or something. They just traded away prospects three weeks ago for these guys and they are just being released. All they get back is money. So, Arte Moreno can build a smaller hot tub inside his larger hot tub. On a real baseball note, the playoffs just became fascinating, since the waiver order is the reverse winning percentage, so maybe that late push by the Mariners to pass the Rangers wasn’t the best move. What does this mean for fantasy? Honestly, I doubt much. It’ll depend which teams pick up each guy, but you have to assume Grichuk and Renfroe are platoon players on better teams, and Giolito is a mess wherever he pitches. Unless he goes to the Rays, then he becomes a late-stage Cy Young candidate. As Matt Truss said, if the Angels pulled that nonsense in a fantasy league, Tommy Pham would smack the crap of out of them. Angels’ City Connect unis should just be white flags. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1385528″ player=”13959″ title=”2023 Fantasy Football Rookies” duration=”173″ description=”0:24 Jahmyr Gibbs 1:05 Kendre Miller 1:54 Jaxon Smith-Njigba ” uploaddate=”2023-08-19″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1385528_th_64e0200ad8139_1692409866.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1385528_sd_64e0200ad8139_1692409866.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1385528.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″] On Saturday, Jordan Wicks went 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, in his 1st major league start for the Cubs. Wicks Miss Sticks! Send it to the printer! […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Ghost of George Steinbrenner stands with the Ghost of Billy Martin, discussing how when you’re dead, they realize, you can see the future. They decide the best way to communicate this future they see, where the earth is ablaze, is through a medium. The medium’s name is Aaron Boone. After an elaborate seance with lots of candles, they realize they are not witnessing the future, but they are actually in hell. The Ghost of Billy Martin says, “The heat does help with the hangover.” Then they ask the medium how the Yanks are doing. Aaron tells them, and Billy punches him, while George fires him. With that guy gone, they take over control of the team and the Ghost of Billy and George bring up, Everson Pereira. The other day I said Pereira could be better than Volpe. (That was meant as a compliment.) Itch’s said, “Pereira strikes out a lot for a premium prospect, but he makes enough impact that he could still catch on as a regular without making significant gains in the contact department. If he does figure out how to strike out less than the 30-ish percent rates he’s carried throughout his career, the 6’0” 191 lb Pereira will lay waste to the pitchers in his path. He’s not a burner but stole 21 bases in 28 attempts across two levels and should be able to chip in 10-plus big-league steals without much trouble. Or ‘good trouble’ like beating up Grey.” Okay, not cool. Speaking of not cool, during this time of year it’s better to go with a vet, who is hot, then a guy brought up by two guys who are hot as hell, but Everson could be rostered in all leagues looking for a power/speed upside play the final month-plus. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t want to be Mr. Downer when we get awful news like this, but I don’t understand how anyone’s body could hold together playing every day as a hitter, then through 97 MPH fresh-to-deffers every sixth day. For three years, he made us believe, and I know we all want to be little Peter Pans, but it’s just not possible. Shohei Ohtani did the impossible for longer than I would’ve expected from anyone. He did the impossible longer than Tom Cruise. Ohtani won’t be pitching again for the foreseeable future and I’d guess he’ll need Tommy John surgery (again, he had it in 2018). The one thing that places some leafs on the ground as I fall backwards into a heap to sob, he’s a top two hitter on the Player Rater, and that’s not going anywhere. I can do a prayer hexagon to make sure of it. What? Why are you screaming? It’ll be fine! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Someone who liked Friday Night Lights but can’t properly recall their favorite character says, “I’m a  Cole Ragans fan.” Well, me too! Ragans learned an all-important lesson: If you don’t let runners on, they can’t trickle down into runs. There’s no crack of the bat epidemic following this Ragans around! Cole R. sinks the A’s! Wait, that’s a pun about home appliances not the late-President. Ragans supplies “retire the side” economics! Better! So, Cole Ragans (6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.66) threw another great start yesterday. Easy matchup, but he’s been a revelation. He’s why you don’t pay for starters ever, in redraft or dynasty. They come out of nowhere or the good ones just aren’t that good. He’s added four miles per hour (FOUR!) on his fastball, and added a slider that has a .155 xBAA or .208 actual. He already had a change that no one could hit. He now has four pitches, and three great ones (the cutter is iffy). This Ragans should get you aroused without sitting on your lap calling you Mr. T. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Wander Franco was placed on administrative leave until further notice as MLB continues its ongoing investigation. So, what does this mean? It means he should step into a rocket, aim it at the sun, and we should press “launch.” He could come back in September or not at all. My guess is he’s at least done for this season. Hoping his name is cleared and he returns, because, in that scenario, no children were harmed. Reading the tea leaves, it does not feel like that scenario is the most likely one. It feels like Wander’s not coming back any time soon, if ever again, as the Rays took down all signs of him from around their park. That’s right, the Rays ‘Poochie died on the way back to his home planet’d him. Because the Rays have a never-ending supply of top prospects, the turnstile, uh, turned and entered Osleivis Basabe going 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer. I can spell just about every name without blinking. Put me in an MLB spelling bee and watch me walk away victorious. With that said, I might have to make an auto-fill for the name Osleivis Basabe. If you can get through Osleivis, then you have to fight the urge to write Baseball. He now should have everyday playing time and I’m interested in seeing what he can do. When he came up, there was talk Osleivis could be a Luis Arraez with speed. Call him Luis ThesceneinBoogieNightswithfirecrackers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?