As Alex Rodriguez rehabs down in Miami, the heat (oofa!) is on his gambling habits.  “According to the baseball executive, MLB has yet to positively determine that Rodriguez took part in the (poker) games, which reportedly included actors Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, John Malkovich and that guy in that movie starring that other guy.”  Poker is a game played by men or women who will beat your ass, so you know A-Rod is only getting invited to these games because he’s probably the world’s worst poker player.  A-Rod’s favorite hand?  Jacks over Queens.  If A-Rod wants to avoid a suspension, he better take a long hard look in the mirror.  A-Rod, “I’m talking to the man in the mirror.  I’m asking him to make love to me.”  Man, A-Rod is so lame I almost feel bad making fun of him.  Then I think about his two trillion dollar contract and I wanna punch myself in the face.  Maybe this is how A-Rod hurt himself.  Favorite part, “This is no bluff.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Rolen – Out for 4-6 weeks.  Or as they call it in the Rolen household, “Just another day not at the park.”

Yonder Alonso – Taking grounders at 3rd.  “Hey, this is Dusty Baker’s voicemail.  Sorry I couldn’t get your call but I was making out the lineup card without Yonder Alonso in it.”

Dontrelle Willis – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Some of you might remember this, but I had this hypothesis that Dontrelle was a herbathrowdite — you know a hitter trapped in a pitcher’s body — and when he was in the AL he never felt comfortable because he couldn’t hit.  Yesterday, he hit a homer and has a 3.41 ERA so far.  It’s a theory worth noting, not a reason to pick him up.

Casey McGehee – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 3 homers.  Did they throw out green top hats after he hit the 3rd?

Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks.  After the game, Wolf announced he was Team Jacob.  So predictable.

Corey Hart – 2-for-5 with the slam and legs.  With a little ingenuity and three point font, I squeezed Hart into my top 100 for the 2nd half.  Well, whoop dee doo, Grey!  Okay, Random Italicized Voice, but he is hitting over .400 in the last week with two homers and a steal.  Well, la di da!

Edwin Jackson – 7 IP, 8 ER, 15 baserunners, 6 Ks as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post then cat o’ nine tailed them to death with earned runs.  When one player hits a homer off you, pitch around him next time.  When one player hits two homers off you, hit him in the square of the back next time.  If he jumps a jack, then you make him wail.  Listen to Brian Seltzer, or whatever his name is, he has all the answers!

Charlie Furbush – 5 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Impressive first start against Billy Beane’s A’s.  If the A’s were any more impotent against Furbush, you’d think Billy Bean was the GM.

Gio Gonzalez – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER.  Now has given up 16 runs in the last 16 1/3 innings.  Um, not so good.  He gets the Jays next time out.  That’s not so good either.  Two negatives aren’t making a positive here either.

Josh Wilingham – 1-for-4 with his 16th homer as he hits over .320 in the last week with 3 homers.  It’s against my better judgment to recommend an A’s hitter, but The Other White Meat has been hitting.

Ryan Vogelsong – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  After a couple of just mediocre starts, guess he got his swagger back.  Truth.

Delmon Young – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  Wednesday is Delmon’s thump day.  I’d say he hasn’t done much this year, but he really hasn’t done much in his career.  He had an okay 2nd half last year, so if you’re juggling 5th outfielders like a drunk clown, give him a shot.

J.D. Martinez – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer.  He’s playing every day now that the Astros are Pence-less.  In Double-A, he had 13 homers and a .338 average in 88 games.  He looks like a lock to hit for a good average (~.290) in the majors, but the homers may top out at 20.  He has little to no speed.  Stephen also gave him some love recently.  He wrote it while popping a bubble.

Billy Butler – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 13th homer.  You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him, which is the motto for his line of manssieres.

Gavin Floyd – 2 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  Say uncle, Floyd.

Jason Marquis – **Writing this before the game**  5 IP, 4 ER.  **Back after the game** Okay, turned out I was a little too optimistic with the Marquis de Shat as he went 4 IP, 7 ER.

Eric Young Jr. – 1-for-4 with his 2nd steal in as many games.  I feel like a beat dog when I look at EY Jr. because of how many times I’ve been excited by him only to watch him disappoint.  He’s now started every day for a week and has 4 steals.  He’s capable of 15 steals in a month.  For what it’s Wuertz, I grabbed him in every league where he was available.  May you stay, Eric Young.

Dexter Fowler – 1-for-3, 3 runs and a steal.  You know the drill.  It’s SAGNOF, all day and night.

Chien-Ming Wang – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks.  If you feel the need to grab Wang after this start, you might have some Freudian thing going on.

Jayson Werth – 1-for-4 with a homer.  Has now hit in every game in the last week with two homers and two steals.  When the guaranteed contract is in the bag and nothing is on the line, Werth is your man!

Jason Heyward – Sat again for Jose Constanza.  Who put Jason Heyward in the doghouse?  Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Jason Kipnis – Sticking with the Jason theme, Kipnis now has 4 straight games with a homer.  If you want, leave your password in the comments.  I’ll take it from there.

Matt Stairs – In honor of his retirement, we go to a Razzball greatest hit from two years ago, “Bud Black said Stairs isn’t ready to return from the DL because “he hasn’t been able to run with intensity.”  Stairs can drink a beer with intensity.  He can grow a mustache with intensity.  He can probably take a crap with intensity.  If you’re waiting for Stairs to run with intensity, my guess is it will be a long wait.”  Fairly well, Stairs.

Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, but got the no decision when the Pirates couldn’t score a run.  But what about Ryan Ludwick?!

Mike Napoli – 1-for-4 with his 17th homer and is now batting .293.  Seriously, take a moment and think about how you couldn’t keep Napoli on your team and then look again at a .293 average with 17 homers.  Who’s the schmohawk in this scenario?  It’s not me.  It’s definitely not Mike Napoli.  Go put your face up to the mirror like A-Rod.

Alex Avila – 2-for-3 with a homer.  He was mentioned somewhere… Oh, yeah!  Here.  Yesterday.  (Yeah, I busted out the one word douchey sentences.)  Now use your finger and scroll down.

Doug Fister – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks.  I had a total brain fart when I saw his record was 4-12 with a 3.29 ERA and I saw he was pitching for the Tigers.  I was like, “How on earth is his record so bad– Oh, that’s right, he was on the M’s.”  Fister, you make me punchy.

James Shields – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  In his postgame interview, he said he couldn’t do it without Desmond Jennings.  Or he should’ve said that.  Tomato, tomahto.

J.P. Arencibia – Hit his 18th homer yesterday to go along with his .220 average.  Napoli’s hitting .293.

Brad Lidge – Got the save because Madson’s wife is having a baby.  I bet it’s Paul Giamatti’s baby.

  1. Terrence Mann says:

    @all commenters: Yesterday was pathetic. Grey answers your dumbass Napoli questions for free and you clowns got 2 Ha! answers in the past 24 hours out of him.

    Trust me, if you say something with funny and substance behind it, Grey will give you a deserved Ha!

    If you have a question today, either send Grey $ or earn a Ha!

  2. Pedro says:

    goldschmidt with a #1 waiver priority in nl-only now that the trade deadline has passed?

  3. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    fairly well written .

  4. Durb says:

    “Hey Grey!!! Look at me!!! Look at me!! I’ve hit 4 bombs in 4 days!!

    Sincerely yours,

    Jason Kipnis

  5. muchacho says:

    that poker video clip was hilarious. that guy has to live with looking like a dick on TV for the rest of his life. so funny

  6. pubscout says:

    grey: bautista for jupton and longoria in a keeper league. which side do you like (neither team out of contention this year)?

  7. Marty Funkhouser says:

    @Grey: Which side are you taking in a Greinke/Daniel Hudson for Haren/Bedard trade?

  8. Carns says:

    Desmond Jennings was about a step and a half from 2nd last night when that ball hit off the wall, and with any luck on the bounce, would’ve had an IPHR. Every time I flick over to a Rays game he is either hitting a home run, stealing a base, or cruising into third like he just got done with a jog around the block.

    I have to change my sheets on a nightly basis. Can’t wait to overpay for him next year…

  9. Aaron says:

    Wow what a video.

  10. papasmurf says:

    I dunno about your Willis herbathrowdite theory. He was D-railed long before he moved to the AL. Then again, he was usually getting lifted by the third inning anyway so he didn’t get to hit all that much in the NL either!

  11. Gobbles the Overlord says:

    I’m in a keeper league that keeps 1 position player, 1 pitcher, and 1 player of your choice. Of possible keeper status I have Ryan Howard, A-Rod, Hanley Ramirez, Pence, Grienke, Billingsly, Matt Cain, and I have Stephen Strasburg stashed on my bench.

    Who should I keep? And is Strasburg worth keeping based on potential?

  12. TheNewGuy says:

    Decided not to trade Jennings for Berkman despite my need for pop. What fun would your regular (daily) Jennings brillance blurbs be after all if I don’t own him!

  13. CL says:

    Napoli made me a schmohawk. Do you think he knows I’ve been shopping guys on my keeper team for Mauer or Posey?!?! Sorry Napoli!!

    No question today. Keep up the good work! I look forward to the post every morning!

  14. Timequake says:

    I’d like to pick up Tim Hudson, but two worst pitchers on my team are probably Pineda and JairJair–are either of them worth dropping for Hudson? Thanks.

  15. Randy BoBandy says:

    Is there any reason whatsoever for me to hope that Longoria can salvage the last 2 months of the season? If he wasn’t a 1st round pick he’d long be on the waiver wire!

  16. Mr. Rickey says:

    Espinosa or Howie Kendrick?

  17. Jake says:

    Looking to trade for my final keeper, since I’m out of the running. Could you rank these players for me for next season?

    Freddie Freeman $6
    Adam Jones $15
    Drew Stubbs $17
    Starlin Castro $6
    Buster Posey $7
    Bryce Harper $1

  18. Just Another Steve says:

    That Billy Bean joke? Very well played, sir.

  19. Wake Up says:

    re: poker clip…Mike “The mouth” is such a douche!

  20. Wake Up says:

    Any advice on what the hell is going on with Longoria?

  21. 5toolgeezy says:

    I just got offered Pineda for Daniel Hudson straight up. Am I missing something? I jump on it, right?

  22. Wilsonian says:

    Stubbs or Morse for the ROS?

  23. Tommy the D says:

    Anyone know why my ipad doesn’t like

  24. Wilsonian says:

    And I can’t believe I’m asking this, but should I bench Longoria for Cuddyer for the time being?

  25. L-Boogie says:

    HUGE potential trade in my 5×5, 12 team league. I need Avg, RBI, Steals, K, and Wins (yeah, basically everything). This would 2 seperate trades with different teams but would basically amount to:

    A-Gon, Longoria, and Vernon Wells or Votto, Cliff Lee, Sandoval, and Ethier?

    Thanks dude.

  26. Art Vandelay says:

    Start Bumgarner at home versus the Phils today? How about Ogando @ Detroit?

    Also, in re-draft leagues, how long do I continue to hold on to Heyward? He has been basically useless all year, but I’ve stashed him on my bench in the hopes that he’s turn it around. I’m getting close to cutting the cord.


  27. Rufus says:


    Can you rank these rooks in terms of keeper value?



  28. Long Bawls says:

    What do you think the odds are that Stauffer sees an innings limit? He’s already had a biggish jump from last year.

  29. drew says:

    Aybar or jeter?

  30. airweino says:

    12 team keeper deal…could use some offense and overloaded at 1B…looking to move keepers for non-keepers:

    Goldschmidt, Lorenzo, Cain, Conger
    Brett Gardner, Cuddyer, Lucroy


  31. airweino says:

    or could offer Rasmus in previous deal…

  32. Cheese

    Cheese says:

    Should I drop any of the following for JD Martinez? Thome, Torres, D Murphy

  33. airweino says:

    Sorry, to clarify, I am looking to acquire offense in my 12 team keeper league…in a close battle for 1st…

    I am offering Goldschmidt, Conger, L. Cain for Cuddyer, Gardner, Lucroy.

    Am I offering enough or should I add Rasmus instead of Cain?

  34. Prettaay, prettay, pretty good says:

    Who do you like better as a keeper for next year in a 5×5 league? Adam Jones or Drew Stubbs

    Also, who do you rather be stranded on an island with Desmond Hume or Desmond Jennings? “I’ll see you on another base, Brotha”

  35. Bob says:

    In a league where my pitching is dominant but I’m very thin at LF. Am I better off trading Romero for Berkman, CC for Hamilton or sticking with free agent scrubs like Willingham/EY?

  36. Lubey says:

    @Grey or Anyone

    Streaming again and Im looking at Brad Mills of TOR or Tommy Hunter of BAL. BTW they are playing each other in BAL. Thanks!

  37. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    I know what you mean about A’s hitters, but I nearly ended up with three of them on my team while streaming hot bats… CoJack, Willingham, and Pennington (until he got bitter beer face). As they say, “Even a broken clock shines on a dog’s ass during the days of summer.” Okay, maybe they don’t say it, but Harry Caray did once.

    Also, why does Wieters hate me? I’ve stuck by him for three seasons, but he’s not putting any effort into this fantasy relationship. It would be great if someone put him in a Jigsaw style Saw test contraption thingy to find out if he really wants to play baseball. If he dies in it, at least then I’ll have to pick up another catcher… one who loves me for me.

  38. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    Oh, and my attorney cleared that Wieters death wish, as the O’s will be on a road trip during the week I’ll be in the “Balmer” area.

  39. Howard says:

    @Grey Would you trade Krispie for Heyward straight up? 10 team H2H Keeper league w/OBP.

  40. Howard says:

    @Awsomus Maximus Just send ‘Snoop’ after him!

  41. Pooch says:

    Start Luebke @ Pit this week or sit him a week and wait and see?

  42. herschel says:

    @Grey: which two of these 3 do you like next week in roto league?

    gallardo @ stl
    scherzer @ bal
    cecil vs oak

    nice ‘stache!

  43. Howard says:

    @Grey Moose or Cheese for a keeper?

  44. Howard says:

    @Awesomus Maximus dropped his sorry a** long ago!

  45. sfgiants25 says:

    Who should I start in LF?
    H Matsui, O Infante, S Smith, or T Snider (who sucks now).

  46. Howard says:

    @Grey SAGNOF!!! Revere, Schafer or Nunez?

  47. Grey — Would you rather have EY Jr. or Carlos Guillen at 2B?

    And Nicasio or Maholm for SP?

    These are both in a 20-team one-year roto league.

  48. DHill Dragons says:

    Eric Thames is getting the old “heave ho” tonight.

    His tank has run out of gas.

    And Carlos Santana is watching tonight’s game from my bench
    after his 4K performance last night.

    See the ball, hit the ball gentlemen.

  49. chata says:

    i’m quitting travis snider .

    reason enough for the rest of you to immediately pick him up .

  50. TheNewGuy says:

    C’mon Jennings walk off hit…

  51. alldayLT says:

    Grey – $360 budget for next yr. how much of it do you spend on pitchers?

  52. Trick dad says:

    Should i trade mark reynolds and nelson cruz for longoria? Keeper league.

  53. Trick dad says:

    Or would i be giving up too much for this year? Im in 1st

  54. Trick dad says:

    Thanks grey! U da man.

  55. Will says:

    Wieters is killing me. Any thoughts on Pierzynski, Salty, and Olivo vs. wieters for ROS?

  56. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    Lawrie called up; Snider demoted

  57. Tom the Niner says:

    Grey, Lawrie or Kelly Johnson ROS?

  58. Tom the Niner says:

    Kelly Johnson or Cuddyer ROS?

  59. TheNewGuy says:

    Quick Grey, can only choose 2 outta these. With the news that Lawrie’s now up, which 2 would you go with (need HRs and RBIs mainly):
    Lawrie, Goldschmidt, Kipnis. Tough question!

  60. larry says:

    Kipnis or Lawrie?

  61. Ralph says:


    Dexter Fowler or Brett Lawrie for a utility spot? I don’t desperately need steals but I can use some.


  62. Regardless of position, would you scrap heap the Big Donkey, Ibanez or Bourgeois for the allure of Lawrie? Lots of us scramblin’ Grey!Thanks!

  63. TheNewGuy says:

    *We’ve gotta wait guys while Grey picks up Lawrie on all his fantasy teams first lol :) *

  64. peter says:

    Goldschmidt or Lawrie? Lawrie or Altuve?

  65. Corvallegian says:

    Which side would you rather have? J. Zimmerman/J. Peavy or D. Fister/T. Lilly……

  66. John says:

    Rank these guys ROS: Daniel Murphy, J. Weeks, Zobrist, Kelly Johnson, Espinosa…thanks

  67. Giant JJ says:

    Should I drop Mike Minor in a 20 team league or hold and hope for some Sept innings?

  68. Grammar Dammer says:

    Ahem! Drop him for whom?

    Poor grammar, but nice ‘stache.

  69. nick m. says:

    Ackley or Lawrie ROS?

  70. Giant JJ says:

    Id drop Minor for a catcher like Varitek since I don’t have a catcher until Hundley gets off rehab or the Yanks call up The Jesus.

  71. Rob says:

    D Jennings and Werth are both swinging hot bats right now, but I can only start one of them every day. Who do I go with?

  72. DANgerous says:

    Heres a questions……Im currently in 1st place… 19 pts….Im short in saves,sb, avg, runs

    I traded Adam Jones & Emiloooooo for Sergio Santos, Joel Hanrahan, & Ryan Madson…so i think I can make good ground and increase my lead ….would love to put the nail in the coffin in this league….

    Am I giving up to much by trading My D.Price, Vogelsong, Peltra, Quentin for his T-Tulow and Beltre? Or not enough….

    He needs pitching bad, his best pitcher is Daniel Hudson….I still Have Tim Hudson, CC and Weaver to keep my lead in most pitching categories


  73. dynas7y says:

    Please rank:

    Daniel Hudson

  74. Chris says:

    With Jordan Zimmerman making just a few more starts, is it worth it to drop him for Jeff Niemann? Not losing much there right? (12 team, Keeper League, keep 8) Thanks

  75. pipa says:

    I was just sent Howard, C Lee, and As Cab for Reyes, Gaby, and D Hudson. What do you think?

  76. Wilsonian says:

    Have Tulo at short. Drop Castro for Lawrie?

  77. rascal says:

    In a h2h yahoo league, should I drop LoMo for Goldschmidt or Lawrie? Would be my UTL/Bench spot.

  78. pipa says:

    I want to pull the trigger…..

  79. Brew Crew says:

    I need pitching, been offered two deals but wondering which offers best deal for me (Trade is coming from a guy way ahead on innings)

    Give Ackley Get Kennedy or Give Lind Get F-Her

  80. zeke says:


    Do I stay away from Bumgarner tonight against Philly? Thanks.

  81. Eng says:

    Grey, would you rather have -Tulo- or -Ryan Zimmerman+Roy Oswalt-? ROS

  82. pipa says:

    Grey, put that roach down, and help a sista’ out!!!

  83. Tom the Niner says:

    Pipa, gotta pull the trigger on that

  84. Steve says:

    D-Lee has a B-ruised Hand-ee and is thus out of the L-ineup

  85. AL KOHOLIC says:

    grey trayvon robinson being recalled by seattle,you like him?power and speed option

  86. Wilsonian says:

    Do you think Lawrie’s response to his AAA manager when he was told he got the call was “hashtag yabuddy!”??

  87. Steve says:

    Jesus – my H2H opponent is starting Jeff F****** Francis.

    And getting away with it.

  88. GD Grammar Dammer says:

    @Grey: Sorry.

    Too much vodka + a lame attempt to be funny.

    Won’t happen again.

    The compliment on the ‘stache was sincere, though.

  89. Exactly says:

    would you drop any of these guys for cecil: luebke, niese, vazquez, fister?

  90. tHe sHiT says:

    @Grey: I have Ackley and Boesch i can drop for Lawrie. Who goes?

  91. pipa says:

    who would pick for the ROS….crisp, flowler, maybin…looking to add speed and deal some power..

  92. chata says:

    if they brought hanrahan in to pitch the final 2 innings ,
    the pirates might have won this game .

    assigned jobs , indeed .

    political statement ====> damn unions .

  93. Exactly says:

    upton madson or greinke masterson?

  94. BEASTDOG says:

    The Fist ‘er Furbush trade might not ultimately get either side off, but it sure feels good for starters.

  95. Killer Joe says:

    Grey, would you trade any of these OFs for Beckett or Gio?

    Adam Jones, Alex Gordon, Werth, Gardner, Jennings, Stanton, Crawford, Hamilton.

  96. Killer Joe says:

    Also, who do you like better of those two pitchers for the rest of the year?

  97. Exactly says:

    sorry, justin upton.

  98. herschel says:

    @Grey: will eyj get regular abs once cargo is back or is the run over?

  99. Killer Joe says:

    Well I didn’t really mean any of them, I just listed them all to give an idea of depth. Basically I guess, which OFs will be less valuable the rest of the way. I offered that trade, we’ll see. Thanks Grey

  100. Steve says:

    I have had 7 guys go 0-fer in the RCL today. And the day ain’t over.

    Hitting .254 for a 1 in the category – the next team is at .257.

    I was hitting .262 at the ASB. My team has stopped playing!

  101. DHill Dragons says:

    Honest to god this is the first game all season that I benched Carlos Santana when he was in the Indians lineup.

    Figures that he would go 3-4 with a HR, 3 RBI’s, 2 runs and a walk.
    Oh and no strikeouts, I guess he got those out of his system last night when he K’d 4 times. I love fantasy, I hate fantasy, I love fantasy, I hate fantasy…

  102. nyydj2 says:

    Hey Grey- been working 60-70 hours every week lately, summer is my gravy train. Unfortunately it takes away from my ability to maintain an Al K like amount of time as a fantasy baseballer. Still maintaining my wire to wire in my RCL and 4th Overall but I’m feeling the walls closing in on me. And Al K. lol. No, I did not really laugh out loud.

    Anyhoo, Molina spit a bit of shit and now I’m short on O, the cats I can still make ground in, need to drop someone for an Ianetta or Martin (seems like he’s hitting better again). Have Glass Skippy and Pedro holding down 3rd for A-Rod, one has to go. Skippy may be back tomorrow for his second game in a month. Pedro might hit a homer again sometime in the next month. Who should go for who?

  103. nyydj2 says:

    BTW, has Heyward, you know, mentioned that maybe Glass Skippy might want to man up a little and get back in the lineup and help the team?

  104. Ana-Jaime says:

    I trotted McGeeheehee out there every day for a half a season waiting for him to bust loose, and finally dumped him for Edwin. I see where he is still on waivers in my league, is he any kind of second half player at all?

Comments are closed.