Mike Moustakas was called up! No, he wasn’t! Yeah, he was, random italicized voice, why are you giving me a hard time? Keeping you honest. Since nothing’s changed since last time I went over him but the date, here’s what I said in the offseason, “Last year, he spent time at Double and Triple-A. Not at the same time, that would be some Multiplicity shizz. In 484 ABs, he hit 36 homers and batted .322. As they say in Moustakas’ home country, “Wow.” (He’s from L.A.) Then they would throw a glass into the fireplace and spray some Windex. This past year saw Moustakas named the Texas League Player of the Year, which is more prestigious than the Koo Koo Roo Employee of the Year, but only barely. As his skipper said, “(Moustakas) missed the first 16 games of the season and by midseason he was leading the league in all the categories. And where’s Gilligan?!” And that’s me quoting me! This year, more of the same. In 55 games, 10 home runs. I’ll conservatively give him 40/15/50/.280 in 275 at-bats. He’s a pick up in every league for his eligibility alone. To get all Iliad on you, it’s Moustakas of Troy that launched a thousand homers. It’s also no accident that my iPhone wanted to autocorrect “Moustakas of Troy” into moistened trousers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dustin Pedroia – Has just a knee bruise, won’t need surgery and could return on Friday. That’s awesome news! A guy who has been downright terrible because of his ailing knee only needs one day of rest. Riiiiiiiiiiight. Extra I’s for sarcastic emphasis.
Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has an ERA of 3.18 on the year. The biggest compliment I can give any player is I wish I owned them. I wish I owned Romero. (Now I will receive trade offers of Romero for Stanton. Rudy and I were noticing that our Stanton receives by far the most offers to take over his services. And that might be only interesting to Rudy and me.)
Mike Stanton – Hit his 14th homer this year. Speaking of which, he’s going to hit 35 homers this year. You can count on one hand the guys I’d give a better than 50% shot at 35 homers — Pujols, Fielder, Bautista, Teixeira and Stanton. There’s others with a 25% chance, but not that many.
Chris Snyder – Out for the season with back surgery. Sounds like a good excuse for a year pass to Burke Williams. What? I gotta speak to our three lady readers too sometimes. Hey, ladies!
Jerry Sands – The guy who sounds like a 1960’s casino owner was sent back down to the hole in the Albuquerque desert where the Dodgers’ Triple-A affiliate plays.
Trevor Cahill – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER. For some reason this guy has a bunch of supporters that come out of the woodwork when I say he’s not as good as he was showing. Not entirely sure why and I’m pretty sure no one’s going to say anything after he pitches poorly. Wait until after his next good start, then we’ll hear from them. For what it’s Wuertz, since I told you in early May he was due for a correction, he has a 4.68 ERA.
Jair Jurrjens – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. He now has a 1.82 ERA on the year. If you think he’s a sub-2 ERA pitcher, I have a box of Jose Canseco Sportflix cards to sell you. And, when he regresses to a 3.00 ERA, he still won’t have any Ks.
Adam Dunn – 1-for-3 with his 6th home run. Luckily, the big man asked for a five count King Kong Bundy-style, cause he needed a four and a half before he showed signs.
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-2 with a triple. It’s Rizzo, jerky!
Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. His ERA is better than Gallardo’s. Stab me in the eye.
Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer. Member in my preseason rankings when I put Hamilton much lower than any other ‘perts because of his injury history and how he had a 10 homer season in 2009? He’s on pace for around 10 homers right now. We’ll see if he gets there after his inevitable next DL stint.
Jonny Venters – Notched his 2nd save of the season. Fredi Gonzalez said that they just needed to give Kimbrel rest. Then he winked twice and nudged the reporter. When asked about the double wink nudge, Fredi pulled his ear. The reporter then asked if he was playing charades and Fredi touched his nose.
Joba Chamberlain – Might need Tommy John surgery. I don’t remember that being a part of the 5-step Joba Rules plan laid out by Cashman, but I didn’t read the whole document.
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. His season ERA is 1.93. I will not say anything else for fear my typees will put the jinx on.
Jonathon Niese – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. He’s coming in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. You can hardly wait. No, you!
Juan Nicasio – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Still not as pretty as I think he can look but he gets the Padres next. That’s usually the soup for what ails you.
Eric Young Jr. – He’s a tiny guy. Are we sure the manager knows he’s there?
David Hernandez – He got the save because Putz was stiff. Hehe… Can grab Hernandez for potential vulture saves, but Putz is said to be up and moving in the right direction. Hehe…
Bob Geren – The A’s manager was replaced by Bob Melvin. They should’ve got Bob the Builder.
Ryan Madson – Blew his first save of the year. Hopefully this doesn’t open the flood gates and he goes back to a Cuddle Boy who can’t handle the pressure. Charlie Manuel met with the press after the game in overalls and no shirt underneath, which caused all the reporters to flee so no word at this time, but I’m sure Madson’s fine.
Geovany Soto – 2-for-5 and his 4th home run. This ever happen to you — some players do nothing for so long you forget that they’re still playing? That’s been Geovany for me.
Delmon Young – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer. Speaking of players I thought suddenly retired months ago and I had just forgot about. Member when Delmon was a can’t miss prospect? Ah, yes, those were the days. Boy, the way Damian Miller played…Dongs to make the hit parade…Guys like Gus Bell, they had it made…