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Evan Longoria is out 3 weeks with an oblique injury.  He’s not to pick up a bat, ball or AK-47.  Looks like the oblique is still the number one injury that no one has any clue about.  Intercostal injury twirls its Snidely Whiplash mustache and plots its revenge.  For those who lost Holliday and Longoria this weekend, I’m pouring some Mad Dog out for you.  BTW, I was just thinking something… CAN WE FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH THE OBLIQUE AND HOW TO PREVENT THESE INJURIES?  Seriously, modern medicine step up your game!  There’s gotta be something that we can do.  Have we tried to apply dolphin tears to the sore area?  If I were on Celebrity Apprentice, I’d be playing for a cure for oblique injuries.  This injury should guarantee everyday ABs for Sean Rodriguez.  Great, that eases my pain.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Matt Holliday – Out up to a month for an appendectomy?  Isn’t this an outpatient procedure?  My friend in high school had out his appendix then funneled a forty of Old E to ease the soreness.  Granted, he was mental and is now in prison, but c’mon… Buck up, players!  I own some of you in fantasy.  Having a similar procedure last year, Andres Torres returned after 11 days.  Corey Hart took 4 weeks, but he’s Amish.  I think Holliday will be out 3 weeks.  It’s too early in the season for them to rush him back.  The Federalist, Jon Jay should see most of the time in his stead.  Allen Craig will see the occasional ABs though, so in most leagues I wouldn’t add either.

Mike Minor – He’s back.  But it may not be for long.  Jar-Jar is set to make a rehab start on April 11th then potentially return after that.  So you’re looking at two maybe more starts from Minor.  I’d add him in all leagues, but I wouldn’t drop anyone worthwhile yet.  Because I’m psychic, I’ll answer your question right now.  Beachy over Minor for now.

Jaime Garcia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Murray Chass — 1.  “Newfangled stats” that said Garcia would regress — 0.

Dustin Moseley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  How about the gutsy performances the Hodgepadres gave this weekend away from home?  Sheer force-itude!    Wait a second, I’m now looking at the Cards lineup.  Hmm… They may as well bat the pitcher fourth.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 12 Ks.  It’s an extravaGarza!  That’s a real nice sign even vs. the Pirates since their hitting isn’t its usual crizzap self.

Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with a homer.  He was in the post about hitters who do well in April.  I’d give him the month to see if it holds.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 2nd homer.  Not much of a limb here, but he could hit 30 homers.

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with his 3rd homer.  Kinsler also hit his third homer in yesterday’s game.  Over IM, Rudy said something like, “If Cruz, Hamilton and Kinsler were to play 155+ games, they’d all be MVP candidates.”  And that’s me paraphrasing Rudy!

Fernando Rodney – He’s hot garbage.  No.  He’s cold garbage that you take out of the trash can, put in the microwave and serve in a dirty ashtray.  The bullpen is in tatters.  Shattered.  I grabbed Takahashi in a few leagues because the Sciosciapath may see that he has closing experience and get the giggles.  Though I would grab Walden first, then Jepsen; they were, unfortunately, gone in my leagues.

Bobby Abreu – 4-for-4, homer.  Another guy that was in the best April hitters post.  Cust kayin’.

Howie Kendrick – 2 homers yesterday, 3 in four games.  I liked Kendrick coming into this year, and now I’m check raising to the bettor that he has a solid season.

Alex Gordon – 4-for-6, 4 runs, 1 RBI and batted third.  Cool, do it for another five straight months and all will be forgiven for the three years of anguish you put me through.

Ryan Hanigan – 4-for-4, 2 homers.  You ever wanna wonder if everyone in the world has a doppelganger but because there’s so many people you’ll never meet them?  Like somewhere there’s a Brian Hanigan who looks and acts exactly like Ryan Hanigan, but, instead of catching in the Major Leagues, Brian Hanigan lives in Fiji and catches coconuts when they fall from palm trees.  Yeah, maybe it’s me.  Hanigan could push Ramon Hernandez into a backup role rather than the timeshare they’re in.  But, as of right now, Hanigan might be tough to own in one catcher mixed leagues.

Jose Bautista – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  2010 called, they want your insane year back.  I still believe Bautista won’t come close to last year.  If he has twenty homers by the All-Star Break, then I’ll send out my mea culpas and buy everyone a Frosty from Wendy’s.*  *Offer not good in the 48 contiguous states, Canada or anywhere else.

Joe Nathan – Got the save but gave up an earned run.  I’d continue to hold Capps.

Miguel Cabrera – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs, 2 homers, and one late Saturday night with Charlie Sheen.

Brennan Boesch – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 1 homer and was hitting third because the unreliable-to-stay-healthy Maggs was out.  It’s a situation worth monitoring.  Or not.  Your choice.

Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks but the Win.  There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it.  Please make suggestions in the comments.

Phil Hughes – 4 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K and the Yanks pitching coach is concerned about his loss in velocity.  I wanted nothing to do with Hughes this year.  I.e., if you Hughes, you lose.

Jorge Posada – 2 homers.  Hip Hop Jorge!

Justin Masterson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks.  Note to Self:  If Masterson has two more quality starts, start touting him as a pickup.  Note to Self, II:  You know as soon as you tout him he’s gonna kick you in the nads.  Note to Self, III:  There’s no Note to Self, III.

Carl Crawford – Dropped to 7th in the lineup.  Wow, Francona is like one of those crazy fantasy managers that drops their fifth round pick because they went 0-for-5.  Not naming any names.  Though there’s a few of you that might qualify.

Carlos Gomez – 1 for his last 8 with three Ks.  He was in Friday’s Buy/Sell, but he could also be on the bench by April 15th.

Brian Matusz – Going to the DL with a strained intercostal muscle.  Watch out oblique!  I’m gaining on you!  He’s a marginal 10/12-team mixed league starter at this point (mainly because of AL East and his crappy team) so you can drop him if you don’t have an open DL spot.

Zach Britton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  First Brandon Belt, now Britton.  It’s hard to believe in Oriole SP prospects for mixed league play after the mixed results of Matusz (and Tillman and Arrieta and the Razztastic, Brad Bergesen).  Britton doesn’t project as well as Matusz, but he induces a lot of ground balls which should limit his downside.  And while his K-rate isn’t stellar, it’s not Buehrle-bad (7.60 per 9 IP in AAA).  For now, Britton’s a viable match-up candidate (I’d like to say great for the pun) assuming he’s not going against the AL East, Texas, or at Chicago.

Kyle Drabek – KD left us with a constant craving for more – giving up only one hit and 3 walks with 7 K’s in 7 innings.  I haven’t seen Twins abused that bad since this one porn…. Drabek’s a must-own in deep leagues but still pretty marginal for 10-12 team leagues.

J.P. Arencibia – 2 HRs and a triple on Friday.  Thatsa one spicy hitting line!  From now on, he will be known as Napolito.

Travis Wood – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks.  May not have made this known as much as I should’ve, but I absolutely love Wood.  Okay, that sounded wrong.  I’d definitely grab Wood.  Okay, still wrong.

R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  I don’t like Dickey.  Hmm, this has devolved, hasn’t it?

Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, though when I saw the score was 11-2 I did have a bit of Ticker Shock.

Mike Morse – 1 for his first 9.  The retractable leash is stopped and soon I’m gonna start pulling him in.

Brian Wilson – Ready to return from his oblique injury.  Because of the mysterious Yin-Yang nature of the oblique, I blame Wilson’s good health for Longoria’s injury.

Ubaldo Jimenez – Might miss his next start because he switched manicurists and his cuticle was cut.  His plan is to try and heal his finger by soaking it in pickle juice, which sounds like a cure out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding or a Judy Blume book.

Bud Norris – 4 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Not great.  We’re in agreement on that point, but four came in the first (three were a homer by Howard), then he settled down.

Brett Wallace – 0-for-3, batting .091 so far.  His uncle George Wallace is not smiling in a blue suit at Brett’s performance so far.

Mike Stanton – Has a strain in one of his pony sticks, but he should be back in a few days.

Javier Vazquez – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners.  Hey, at least he didn’t run over my dog.  I have very little patience with this schmohawk.  I’m not dropping him in my leagues yet, but I’m making contingency plans.  If I’m using the word contingency correctly.

Donnie Murphy – Will miss a day or two after being hit on the wrist.  Must’ve been Murph’s past coming back.  “I did some bad things, Fredi.”  That’s from Ben Affleck’s new movie where a Boston ex-con becomes a major leaguer but can’t escape his past.  “Hey, Sully, what the fick is a Mahlin?”  Starring Ben Affleck as Donnie Murphy!  And Casey Affleck as Chris Coghlan!  Ben Affleck, “Hey, Matty, how about you and me in a movie for old time’s sake?”  “Ask Renner.”  “You can use your Boston accent.”  “Ask Robin.”  “What, cause I’m not Martin Friggin’ Scorcese?  Where was Mahtin when you got in a fight in high school with Big Fitzy?”

From Around The Web

  1. Lobster Cola says:
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    Glossary term: “Sackville Baggins” – your pitcher gets rocked, the sacks are constantly busy, and the WHIP and ERA all take a beating…yet, somehow, your pitcher still bags a win.

    ** Homage to J.R.R. Tolkien’s literary character Bilbo Baggins, who didn’t like his shrewish cousins, the Sackville Bagginses. After all, they only took some silverware–a mild annoyance that didn’t cost him anything seriously in the end.

  2. Ned Shakehaft says:
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    That’s pretty clever.
    I’ll offer ‘conshellation prize’

  3. Bosmosis says:
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    re: Glossary term. There’s already (sort of) a term for that: a victory that is a victory but costs you so much it almost isn’t worth it. I submit:

    Pyhrric Win

  4. JoeC says:
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    How about “Lotto Win”? Because it’s totally unexpected (given your pitcher’s line) and based almost purely on luck (instead of, say, your pitcher’s skill). Plus, it’s something we all wish for!

    Used in a sentence it’d be “Scherzer was cri-zapp against the Yankees, but at least I got a Lotto Win.” Hmmm, that example kind of sucks. I feel like I’m back in German I: Q) Please use the word “Jungen” in a sentence. A) Ich habe einen Jungen. I think I just said that “I have a boy”. Yeah, that’s not right. Or maybe “I have a youth”. Still not very good.

    Anyways, why do you hate Dickey? I love Dickey! (this is getting kind of ridiculous!) I know, I know, career ERA is bonkers and last-year-first-good-year-evah, but c’mon, he’s a knuckle-baller that “figured it out”! He’s progressing right before your eyes! Actually, he’s already progressed. He’s already there, waiting for you to catch up and you’re the baby tomato.

  5. Neidecker says:
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    Lloyd Christmas. Just when you thought he couldn’t get any worse…he goes and totally redeems himself!!!

  6. NewBVick says:
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    I must be in Heaven because it’s raining studs in my razzball leagues wavier wire. I knew when Maybin hit that opening day homerun it screamed “buy low”. Then I find him dropped *cha-ching*!!! (again razzball related)

  7. Mike says:
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    Struggling to decide between FA pitchers for a H2H league (moves restricted to 50 for season).

    Which 2 from the following:
    Ogando, Drabek, Holland, Wade Davis, McDonald, Richard, Niese, Britton, Harrison.

    I can also pick up Cueto to stash on DL.

  8. Mr Vegas says:
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    How about ” Win – Y – Poo ” ? It’s bilingual and is wholesome!

  9. Buge Hoobs says:
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    @Grey:

    Took your advice and got myself a 3B early with Longo, so I haven’t really been taking mental notes on low 3Bs. Who to pick up as a band aid until this oblique gets passed on to someone else (hopefully not on my team)? Standard 5×5

    Hannahan, Gordon, Izturis, Callaspo, Headley (I won’t go there)Bloomquist or Lopez?

  10. LMack says:
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    Howie Kendrick is carrying my RCL team right now.
    Going by “Howard” definitely increased his grit and power.

  11. ScoutAbout says:
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    @Buge Hoobs: @Grey:

    Chris Johnson and Danny Valencia are both available in my league too. Or I could hope Ian Stewart finally plays and move him from CI to 3B and slot in a 1B to CI. Available options: Smoak, Wallace, Freeman, LaRoche looks like he was just dropped to waivers too. Grey, what say you about this sad state of affairs?

  12. Steelers Can't Lose says:
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    @Ned Shakehaft:
    “conshellation prize” should be the winner.

    I was looking for something along the lines of “winferior” or “wineffective” or “winoffensive,” but I think Ned’s solved it.

  13. The Gig says:
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    Glossary Term: Broken Win-doh! I looked through the broken win-doh! and I saw Joe Saunders had shat my house and tied my team to the whipping post.

  14. nyydj2 says:
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    Gouged W Push

  15. famous anus says:
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    grey,

    morse or chipper in a straight toss-up (neither being more than a util option for my team)

  16. bpasinko says:
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    Longoria or Wright rest of season?

  17. Waldo says:
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    Lloyd Christmas gets my vote.

    A million points for the late-70s Stones reference, Mr. Albright.

  18. Jason S says:
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    “There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it. Please make suggestions in the comments.”

    I like to call them “Vegas Buffets.” In other words, “Max Scherzer really served up his owners a Flamingo #42 last night!”

    It’s VEGAS brah!!! I know you’re cool with the terrible quality of that t-bone you bought for $9.99 but thats only cause your all love-drunk with being in Vegas and have been hopped up on redbull and vodka for 42 hours straight.

    …But, eventually you will have to fly home and deal with the consequences of your decisions.

  19. Bristol says:
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    Grey

    Here is my suggestion for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it.

    Hot plate Fonzie

    Remember the Christmas Happy Days episode when Fonzie told the Cunninghams that he was going to be with his family out of town but when Richie went to his garage, he saw him eating his dinner over a hot plate? The Cunninghams knew he was lying but they were ok with it because they knew that Fonzie was too proud to tell them the truth. Eventually, they got Fonzie to their house and he came clean.

    Here is the Youtube link:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM9Va2iJIfg

  20. ThePoonTycoon says:
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    @Buge Hoobs: i’d go gordon. he might show out and be a worthy util/CI guy long term ro a nice trade piece given how shallow 3B is.

    @famous anus: chipper for now. just be ready to pounce on the wire when he gets dinged up.

  21. Mr2Bits says:
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    Just grabbed Howie Kendrick of the FA wire last night. Oh happy day. He’ll pair well with Bautista whom I also grabbed off the FA wire last year. Hopefully I have finally found the glory hole and we can start panning gold.

  22. p0rk burn says:
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    Brian Roberts was dropped (!!!) in a league. I have the #1 waiver spot along with Howie Kendrick and Danny Espinosa. I HAVE to use the #1 spot to grab BRob, right? Or do I continue to ride the the hot Howie hand. Sort of over thinking this because I’m reluctant to burn the #1 spot for a backup player in a roto league.

  23. Wieters Never Prosper says:
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    It’s like a fat girl threesome. Looking at each girl individually (the pitcher’s stats) makes you taste the fresh vomit in your mouth. However you did just have a threesome (pitcher got the ‘w’) so…..score!!

    In a sentence: Mad Max was a participant in a fat girl threesome today. An anonymous source saw him out drinking with Miggy before the game, but at least he got the W.

  24. Hi Grey, PoonTycoon, or anyone else open to offering any help to a manager still reeling from losing his first-round pick for a few weeks:

    My options for replacing Longoria (via trade) look like Neil Walker, Sandoval, Prado. Or via waivers, a lot of the same bunch as Buge Hoobs above: Izturis, Lopez, Bloomquist, Hannahanm Cantu. This is a 14-team 6×6 roto league.

    Please let me know the order of preference from the first three, and the top choice from the second group.

    All things being equal, I’d prefer a guy with multi-position eligibility so I can
    use him elsewhere when Longoria’s back.

    Thanks!

  25. J says:
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    Had a bunch of drafts of the weekend and I would love to gets some thoughts – I’ve never posted draft results before.
    10 NL-only auction ($260) with 8 keepers and an 8 round reserve. We roster 31 players so the pool is rather shallow. Thanks ahead of time for any comments.
    I’m worried about my WHIP and a little worried about steals.

    C- McCann – $22
    C- Lucroy -$6
    1B – LaRoche – $19
    2B – F. Sanchez – $3
    3B – Headley – $11
    SS – Tulo – $20
    MI – Emaus – $4
    CO – J. Lopez – $6
    UT – Fukudome – $1
    OF- Cargo – $8
    OF – Kemp – $16
    OF – Upton – $16
    OF – Young – $16
    OF – LoMo -$4
    P – Lince – $19
    p – Kershaw -$12
    p- Kuroda – $12
    p – Harang – $6
    p – Hammel – $5
    p – Happ -$3
    p – KRod – $24
    p- Nunez – $19
    r – Jansen
    r – S. Burnett
    r – Parker
    r – Capuano
    r- Blake
    r – Medlen
    r – Gorzelanny
    r – Darvish
    Note: There were only 6 closers available – and 6 teams need closers

  26. Justin says:
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    Doodie colada. Your team got roofied by your pitcher, but at least it was served in a nice colada called a “W”.

  27. Justin says:
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    Roofie colada. Your team got roofied by your pitcher, but at least it was served in a nice colada called a “W”.

  28. Wilsonian says:
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    Storen, Farnsworth, Capps or some random Angels reliever not named Rodney?

  29. John says:
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    I’d call Scherzer’s type of start the Charlie Sheen. Winning… even though you go down in flames while doing so.

  30. mauledbypandas says:
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    great stuff today Grey. I think you channeled your anger quite well!

  31. Stinky Cheese Man says:
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    Beachy or Wood?

  32. Alex says:
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    @John: +1 sir.

  33. @Buge Hoobs: i’d say

    (1) – gordon – best upside play
    close (2) – headley – best boring-but-steady play, still with a little upside
    (3) lopez or callaspo – both have good and bad points, might not play every day
    (4) maicer – nice eligibility but not really the bat you want at a corner
    (5) the field

    @Steelers Can’t Lose: yeah, “conshellation prize” is terrific. there’s the obvious consolation joke, but also “con” is spanish for “with”, so it sort of also means “prize you get along with your shellation”, which of course is the same meaning phrased slightly different. so it works really well.

  34. pogotheostrich says:
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    “There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it. Please make suggestions in the comments” I call that Haranging a win after Aaron Harang.

  35. Jason S says:
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    “There should be a glossary term for when your pitcher does awful but because you get the win, you’re sorta okay with it. Please make suggestions in the comments.”

    I like to call them “Vegas Buffets.” In other words, “Max Scherzer really served up his owners a Flamingo #42 last night!”

    It’s VEGAS brah!!! I know you’re cool with the terrible quality of that t-bone you bought for $9.99 but thats only cause your all love-drunk with being in Vegas and have been hopped up on redbull and vodka for 42 hours straight.

    …But, eventually you will have to fly home and deal with the consequences of your decisions.

  36. ThePoonTycoon says:
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    @pogotheostrich: might as well just go with “harangutan” if you wanna use aaron harang.

  37. Ryan says:
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    Someone dropped Tabata in my league. Would you go with him over Brantley? Also, should I be looking at dropping Morse for Boesch?

  38. Lob Ball says:
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    Since Longoria has obliged me with his oblique I have an open roster spot in Roto league. Who is my best choice with position not an issue: Francisco, Boesch, Headley, or Belt?

  39. Ray Callbright says:
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    Grey… what is your opinion of this team in a 10-teamer?

    C- Matt Wieters
    C- Miguel Montero
    1B- Billy Butler
    2B- Ben Zobrist
    SS- Elvis Andrus
    3B- Mark Reynolds
    CI- Ike Davis
    MI- Aaron Hill
    OF- Matt Kemp
    OF- Logan Morrison
    OF- Nick Markakis
    OF- Julio Borbon
    OF- Cameron Maybin
    U- Kila Ka….

    BN- Chase Utley
    BN- Domonic Brown
    BN- Jason Bay
    BN- Justin Smoak
    BN- Ian Stewart

    P- Dan Haren
    P- Clayton Kershaw
    P- Cliff Lee
    P- Felix Hernandez
    P- Chris Sale
    P- Drew Storen
    P- Craig Kimbrel
    P- Jake McGee
    P- Ricky Romero

  40. nick m. says:
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    I unintentionally punted SS in 10-team H2H (before I knew it somehow half the teams had taken backup SS’s for some reason…) In any event, I have some depth at pitcher and there is plenty on the WW to stream, which was my plan anyway, would you trade any of these for Starlin Castro: Jonathan Sanchez, Ryan Dempster, Gio Gonzalez (I took high-K poor Whip pitchers for the most part?

  41. ThePoonTycoon says:
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    @Lob Ball: belt will have the most trade value if he gets hot. and it’s not like any of those other guys are gonna blow any of the others away production wise.

  42. AnotherFalstaff says:
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    @Grey – Maybe Howard is the mashing 1B with 2B eligibility that Scioscia needs him to be. Drop that bum Pujols (just kidding!) or Beckham for him? Thanks!

  43. Bsw says:
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    Win-yang? As in Scherzer’s win-yang was a perfect example of how polar or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn. But confucious also say man who stand n toilet is high on pot so I’m confused.

  44. ThePoonTycoon says:
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    @nick m.: i’d send dempster. jonathan o and gio have upside and at worst should be relatively similar to what you’ll get out of dmepster. we know exactly what dempster brings to the table.

  45. I actually went to high school with a Brian Hannigan, and if memory serves, he was a pitcher. I have no recollection of what he looked or acted like since… y’know, puberty caused me to pay a bit more attention to females in high school.

    Also, I like how you just assume that you’re qualified to be on Celebrity Apprentice… for either the business accumen or celebrity portion.

    /checks the roster for the last season of Celebrity Apprentice

    My bad… you’re actually over-qualified.

  46. ujoh says:
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    I vote for Charlie Sheen.

    I regretted drafting Hughes immediately after I won him in the auction. I don’t even know why I did it. Maybe because I’m a Yankees fan, but I refuse to admit playing fantasy baseball that way.

    Here’s my staff:

    Lester, Hamels, Hughes, Volquez, E.Jackson, McDonald, Norris, Niese.

    I can’t drop him and no one will take him in a trade. Do we have names for guys like that? He’s already a pain in my ass.

    Here’s my question though: My staff seems to suck so far. I know it’s very early and I should be patient, but is there reason to have optimism with two aces and a bunch of schmohawks, or should I begin playing matchups with the waivers already? It’s a 12 team, non-keeper, weekly H2H league.

    Some names on the waviers….

    Guthrie, Lowe, Dickey, Burnett, Vargas, Minor, Cecil, Davis, Niemann, Braden, H.Bailey, Braden, Happ….

  47. Mr2Bits says:
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    Grey : Any thoughts on Matt Harrison and how he man-handled the Sox?

  48. quimmy says:
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    @Grey: Should be called a (charlie) “SHEEN” since you have a train wreck situation yet are still “winning”.

  49. ThePoonTycoon says:
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    @ujoh: yeah i ended up with hughes on 2 teams. didn’t really want him but just got to the point that i finally bit the bullet. both times the rest of the league acted like it was great value though, so i’m really really hoping he strings together a nice run of starts sometime soon and i can trade him.

    also ended up with latos in the RCL. everyone in there was listening to grey and he kept falling. took him as a SP3 thinking at that point in the draft he was worth the gamble.

  50. Carns says:
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    Conshellation Prize is perfect.

    @Grey:

    Wanted to fire a list of yes/no questions at you if you could be so kind.

    1. Deep down do you worry about Morneau?

    2. After seeing Kung Fu on the field/at the dish, think he hits this stat line: 80/20/80/5/.300?

    3. Will Burnett end up with more saves than any other Nats reliever?

    4. Is this Boesch thing gonna become a Raburn issue should Mags get back soon?

    5. Is Clayton Kershaw the biggest beast, biggest dog, and biggest motherf***in’ problem in the majors?

  51. MD says:
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    call it the “sweaty freddy”, in tribute (sp) of Freddy Garcia’s unbelievable un-amazing career.

  52. Carns says:
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    Conshellation Prize is perfect.

    @Grey:

    A few yes/no questions if you could be so kind:

    1. Deep down do you worry about Morneau?

    2. Does Burnett end up with more saves than any other Nats reliever?

    3. Is this Boesch thing gonna become a Raburn issue when Mags comes back?

    4. Having seen some Kung Fu this year do you think he hits this line:
    80/20/80/5/.300?

    5. Is Kershaw the biggest beast, dog, and motherf***in problem in the majors?

    (Apologize if this is a dupe comment)

  53. Steve Stevenson says:
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    OK, so I see your thoughts above on Dickey and Vazquez, but would you drop Javy for the knuckler in a league where Ks are devalued by extra cats?

  54. Matt Damon says:
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    Can we call it a “Hughes”? Dude wins 18 games last season with a 4.19 ERA and the highest run support in the league. You gotta get the run support aspect of it in there.

    Or you can just call it a “Yankee win”. Scherzer recorded a “Yankee win” last night.

  55. NoEmoJoe says:
    (link)

    Still no catcher on my roster…rank em…Martin, Ianetta, Buck, Yadier

    Also, are you hanging onto Trav Snider?

  56. Smell The Golve says:
    (link)

    I vote for the Charlie Sheen as well. Easy to use in a sentence.

    Ex. Scherzer tied me to the whipping post yesterday with his piss poor performance but ultimately pulled a Charlie Sheen so I couldn’t stay mad at him.

  57. Glossary Terms “Dreadfully Adequate” or “Unpleasantly Satisfactory”

  58. Eddy says:
    (link)

    Charlie Sheen is not bad, but it’s too much of a flash-in-the-pan type of meme to actually hold any ground.

    Conshellation prize is something that can stand on it’s own and doesn’t need a history lesson one year from now to explain the origins.

  59. but i like Conshellaton Prize

  60. ThePoonTycoon says:
    (link)

    conshellation prize is definitely the best imo

  61. Grey-loved the tiers again this year-thanks bro! Do you recommend any improvements? Concern is all-around pitching and three Diamondbacks position players (2OF ,SS) should I reallocate or does that not concern you?

    C G Soto
    1 M Teixeira
    2 I Kinsler
    3 P Alvarez
    SS S Drew
    OF C Young
    OF J Upton
    Of R Braun
    3/DH K Youkilis
    DH K Morales (R)
    B Beachy
    C Kimbrel
    D Storen
    E Bedard
    F Liriano
    H Kuroda
    J Chacin
    J Rauch
    T Hanson
    J De La Rosa (R)
    M Scherzer (R)
    S Marcum (R)
    J Cueto (I)

  62. Paulie Allnuts

    Paulie Allnuts says:
    (link)

    Sackville Baggins or Conshellation Prize seem to be the best efforts thus far.

    Grey – Thoughts on Tillman and Guthrie? I realize the reasoning in avoiding AL EAST pitchers as much as possible, but both looked awesome this weekend. And Guthrie had a great second half of the season.

    BTW, When Nolan Ryan was with the Mets, he used pickle brine as a remedy for his frequent issue with blisters. Believe it or not, he was looked upon as a rather fragile pitcher in those days.

    Dump Rodney?

    Great column, as usual

  63. papasmurf says:
    (link)

    My team has 1 HR, 10R and 7 RBI so far (Brian Roberts has 1 HR and 5 RBI by himself). LOL. Aren’t there single players out there with better numbers already? My 2nd best hitter now is Chris Iannetta…

    Could be a 2nd straight year that my team is done by June.

  64. BigSeph says:
    (link)

    Chocolate Charlie

    Because not only do you get the Charlie Sheen aspect of it, you also got your ERA and WHIP crapped on.

  65. Jason S says:
    (link)

    @Jason S:

    Sorry for the double post! I didn’t think my first would go through with the wrong email attached to it…

  66. p0rk burn says:
    (link)

    Travis Wood over Beachy?

  67. dirck says:
    (link)

    The term for the pitcher who totally screws up and is still given the win should be an Obama , the Nobel Peace prize winner who currently has the USA involved in 3 wars .

  68. Steve Stevenson says:
    (link)

    Piggybacking on Paulie’s question, in a weekly H2H where you can only start 2 RP and Rodney is your RP4 (i.e. probably only rarely in the lineup, if ever), would you hold onto him or drop him now for Walden’s upside?

  69. Michael Bourne says:
    (link)

    To all the Scherzer owners: When he isn’t in NYC and pitches like that he will have a 2.3 ERA, .8 WHIP, 7Ks and a win. Play him and love him at parks that don’t have a Little League wall down the right field line.

  70. cubbies299 says:
    (link)

    A Gordon or Zach Britton?

  71. Michael Bourne says:
    (link)

    @Grey Re: Beachy over Minor
    are you Psychic or are you just one of the dozen people who also reads the forums?

  72. DaBulls says:
    (link)

    Glossary Term: Get the Win Knocked Into You

  73. dsimon says:
    (link)

    Glossary term: A Decent Shart.

  74. Brian says:
    (link)

    Hey Grey – Kendrick or Aaron Hill for the year?? Is it worth trying to keep both?

  75. Rob says:
    (link)

    Grey: Walden or Fuentes

  76. Diamondoug says:
    (link)

    Last night my staqrter was cruisin’ for a Shi-win ( shit-win ).
    His numbers were crappy but he got the win..

  77. Diamondoug says:
    (link)

    Last night my starter was cruisin’ for a Shi-win ( shit-win ).
    His numbers were crappy but he got the win..

  78. Diamondoug says:
    (link)

    Last night my starter was cruisin’ for a Schi-win ( shit-win ).
    He had crappy numbers but at least he got the win.

  79. Dirty Jersey says:
    (link)

    GREY!!

    1) when a pitcher gets a win in a craptastic performance – rode a Shi-winn??? (sh*tty win)

    2) dynasty league – can keep a guy for 5 years – Weiters, Arencibia, or Ianetta can get em all cheap – wanna win this year, but keeping the future in mind
    whatcha think?

  80. Wilsonian says:
    (link)

    Jose Lopez, Morse, or Boesch for a Bench/Utility spot?

  81. Diamondoug says:
    (link)

    Sorry about the multiple posts but aol froze when trying to send the first on, then noticed the spelling error, I suck..

    Hey no comments on Broxton ?? 3 saves but did not look great.. 2 long balls and doesn’t look confidant at all..

  82. Buge Hoobs says:
    (link)

    @thePoonTycoon & @Wily Mo

    Thank you so much! Exactly what I was looking for “Razzballers”.

    I was lucky enough (IMO) to get Youk also, so this is just a temporary band-aid. Once he gets 3B eligibility I can throw Belt, Robot, Kila K and Smoak into the mix as well.

    I’m thinking about picking up Belt now and leaving 1B open for 2 days until Youk gets elig. (It’s a H2H league with limited transactions) Thoughts?

  83. ThePoonTycoon says:
    (link)

    @Buge Hoobs: do you mean leave 3B open a few days? personally i’d still just grab gordon i think and fill 3B, pretty impossible to predict the difference between a full season of belt and gordon, i would guestimate they’ll end up pretty similar.

  84. Lines says:
    (link)

    Quality shart, anyone?

  85. MattW says:
    (link)

    @Rudy Gamble: Can you pick three from these SPs (W, K, ERA, OBA, WHIP):

    Dempster
    I. Kennedy
    E. Jackson
    Beachy
    A.J.
    Zimmerman

  86. Steelers Can't Lose says:
    (link)

    I also kind of like “tolerhate”, as I think it describes the feeling, but it doesn’t look good and it’s tough to use in a sentence.

  87. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    I believe that Aair-on Sanchez was playing for the O-bleaks on Chopped All-stars. Unfortunately, that douche playing for his “son” ended up stealing the title from him. Yeah I know, your son has blah-blah-blah. I’m trying to win a championship here. You know, something serious! Maybe if Air-own could have won and donated to “his” charity. Maybe, just maybe, those dolphins would be crying tears of joy. And maybe Longo could have bottled some of those dolphin tears. And maybe between innings during his MLB-2K-PS4-game-a-thon, he could have put those tears to good use. And maybe, just maybe, there would have been a couple of extra joy-tears left over for your son. I guess now we’ll never know!

  88. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    Wright/Oswalt/Guerrero/Capps for Kemp/Rasmus/McCutchen? I got the right side and gave up the left. I’m feeling happy about this (I still have A-Rod, and it’s 14 teams, so there’s not super available depth) but I’m looking for validation. Thanks!

  89. Chinaski says:
    (link)

    Hi Grey,

    Would you drop Cecil for either Scherzer or Duensing? I have a soft spot for Cecil but i dont feel good about him this year. What do you think?

  90. Exactly says:
    (link)

    Maybe I’m a hater, but other than Conshellation Prize, most of the efforts have been pretty bad…shiwinn? Really? Shitty Win/Gay Bicycle? Pass.

    Sackville Baggins? I know fantasy sports are dorky, but why multiply the dorkiness by bringing in the lamest character from the Tolkien-verse? If I ever said, my pitcher had a sackville baggins, I’d have to accept not having my penis touched for the next 10 years…I brought it on myself!

    Got the win knocked into you: maybe that counts for clever in the windy city (@dabulls) – but when you’re looking for a glossary term, you don’t want to spend 10 minutes saying it (i’m exaggerating for effect).

    Charlie Sheen: about as funny as his performance in Hot Shots: Part Deux…in other words, not…funny.

    @chicago mike: “Dreadfully Adequate” or “Unpleasantly Satisfactory”: does anyone in Chicago have a sense of humor or are you all too busy eating hot dogs and stroking it to episodes of My Boys?

    @jason s: vegas buffets? you may or may not have a gambling problem…that may or may not be a bad thing…but there’s no doubt, ‘vegas buffets’ aint gonna cut it.

    @dsimon: decent shart? decent…but only because I just shit myself while reading all of these comments.

    Let’s just give it to Conshellation Prize and move on!

  91. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:
    (link)

    Re: Bautista, I always saw the logic behind the big regression, but there was also the fact that a lot of baseball folks thought the swing change was a legit explanation for the surge. Plus there’s just something going on in Toronto. They got some sort of reverse humidor thing going on there. Food dehydrator or something.

    Ubaldo should have Moises Alou whizz on his hands.

  92. uncdrew says:
    (link)

    Conshellation prize is perfect. Get that man a daquiri.

    So I drafted Longoria and Holliday because *cough* Ron Shandler *cough* said they were extra reliable and well… phooey.

  93. uncdrew says:
    (link)

    I know Ron Shandler reads these comments, and he’s made entire articles out of my forum comments before, so he’ll probably do another one now. Yes, I know an appendectomy is unpredictable and doesn’t really count as a baseball injury.

    But still. Phooey.

  94. Clodbuster says:
    (link)

    Call it a “Dry Hump”. The chafing makes you regret it altogether, but maybe it was worth it. Depends how hard up you are.

  95. AL KOHOLIC says:
    (link)

    @Long Bawls: yeah,good deal for you

  96. Sir Larry says:
    (link)

    Winnie Buttershtatz

    Used in a sentence: “Sure, she got you the win, but her counting stats sent me running for the loo. The outing, she was a Winnie Buttershtatz.”

  97. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    And could we call oblique injuries and other obscure muscle ailments “Brawn Freeze”?

  98. uncdrew says:
    (link)

    I always thought oblique injuries were just tummy aches.

  99. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    @AL KOHOLIC: Thanks! Much appreciated.

  100. joe from point pleasant says:
    (link)

    @Grey:

    I was going to think up something for the glossary term, but I think Neidecker nailed it with the “Lloyd Christmas”… LMFAO!

  101. JoeC says:
    (link)

    @OaktownSteve: What up, Steve. Hey, I’m last in RBIs. I’m next-to-last in BA and Runs. I have Glass Chipper as my starting third baseman. Seth Smith and Alfonso Soriano roam my outfield.

    And yet, and yet, I am 4 points ahead of you. Explain yourself!

  102. AL KOHOLIC says:
    (link)

    oblique injuries are manstrual cramps

  103. sawx10 says:
    (link)

    Glad I don’t have to hear the rangers’ epic home run music for a while! 11 times!!!!!

  104. Steve McQueen Latifah says:
    (link)

    should i start BBeachy vs Milwaukee today?

  105. Black Beard says:
    (link)

    @Exactly: No maybes about it.

  106. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:
    (link)

    @JoeC: You win the coveted 4th place after 4 days award. Prize is four days at the 4th best hotel in Branson, Mizzou!

  107. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:
    (link)

    @McQueen: for what it’s worth, I’d be careful with that one. Brewer home opener after 0-3 start. Rook on the road. Could see it getting ugly. That said, I could be totally wrong.

  108. JoeC says:
    (link)

    @OaktownSteve: That’s awesome! Because I don’t think with this team I’m winning anything else! :)

  109. Eddy says:
    (link)

    I have accomplished the impossible: I rid myself of Rodney and Lyon in the SAME trade and got something decent.

    I decided to take Chris Perez for both.

    I’m ecstatic that I’ll no longer have to writhe in pain on the floor whenever Rodney comes out.

  110. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Lobster Cola: That’s very funny, just not sure if I can use it, which is the ultimate goal of the glossary.

    @Ned Shakehaft: I like that a lot.

    @Bosmosis: Okay, not funny enough.

    @JoeC: Ha! Ah, German always cracks me up. Dickey – bleh.

    @Neidecker: Eh

    @NewBVick: Ha!

    @Mike: Cueto, Drabek…

    @Mr Vegas: Ha, but eh.

    @Buge Hoobs: What Poon said.

    @LMack: True

    @Steelers Can’t Lose: Yeah

    @The Gig: Funny, but feels forced.

    @nyydj2: Eh

    @famous anus: What Poon said.

    @bpasinko: Wright

    @Waldo: Thanks!

    @Jason S: That’s funny, but needs major explaining. Literally, figuratively.

    @Bristol: I sorta love you for giving the explanation. Don’t think I can push it past Rudy, but ha!

    @Ryan: Yeah on Tabata… No on Boesch.

    @Lob Ball: What Poon said.

    @Ray Callbright: Hitting is weak, pitching is way too strong.

    @nick m.: Any of them…

    @AnotherFalstaff: Eh

    @Bsw: Eh

    @Awesomus Maximus: Ha!

    @ujoh: I like Minor from that list.

    @p0rk burn: Yup

    @Wieters Never Prosper: Ha! No but again ha!

    @Enrique: Walker

    @J: Your pitching looks very solid, but your hitting is weak on power.

    @Justin: Eh

    @Wilsonian: Farnsworth

    @John: Eh

    @mauledbypandas: Thanks!

    @Stinky Cheese Man: Wood

    @pogotheostrich: Eh

    @Carns: No, no, yes, yes, yes.

    @MD: Eh

    @Steve Stevenson: I wouldn’t yet.

    @Matt Damon: Eh

    @NoEmoJoe: Martin… Yeah

    @Chicago Mike: Eh

    @Eddy: I agree

    @kR Express: How many teams?

    @Paulie Allnuts: I wouldn’t go near an Oriole pitcher. No on Rodney…

    @BigSeph: Eh

    @p0rk burn: Yeah

    @dirck: Eh

    @Steve Stevenson: Hold

    @cubbies299: Gordon

    @Michael Bourne: Psychic

    @DaBulls: Doesn’t quite work.

    @dsimon: Eh

    @Brian: Sure

    @Rob: Fuentes

    @Diamondoug: Eh

    @VinWins: Good man!

    @Dirty Jersey: Weiters

    @Wilsonian: Lopez

    @Lines: Eh

    @Steelers Can’t Lose: Eh

    @Wake Up: Ouch, I Tivo’d it. Hadn’t watched it yet.

    @Long Bawls: Kemp

    @Chinaski: Scherzer

    @OaktownSteve: Ha re: Moises. True.

    @uncdrew: Ha

    @Clodbuster: Ha, but eh.

    @Sir Larry: So random, but ha.

    @Long Bawls: Eh

    @AL KOHOLIC: True

    @Steve McQueen Latifah: Yup

    @Eddy: Wow, nice.

  111. Eddy says:
    (link)

    @Exactly:

    Ouch. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

  112. MattW says:
    (link)

    @Grey, @AL KOHOLIC,

    My pitching is a sh**show. Drop any of these guys to start Beachy today against the BrewCrew in the hopes of maybe finding a couple of guys to hang onto or to build trade fodder?

    E. Jackson
    I. Kennedy
    Dempster
    Zimmerman
    Buchholz

  113. ujoh says:
    (link)

    @OaktownSteve: I live in Toronto. I’m a Yankees fan. I hate Jose Bautista.

    It’s not because he’s good by any means. He’s a .240 hitter who had a crazy season with the long ball. 54 home runs is great, but it’s not happening again. I can’t seem to explain it to the many Jays fans I know that they shouldn’t keep their hopes up with him. He’s going to disappoint them in a big way.

    But the fans are love struck. The Skydome literally shakes every time his name is mentioned, even if he’s just catching a routine fly ball. Jays fans want him at 3B rather than the OF so they can see him more (plus Encarnacion isn’t exactly super at defense). Bautista was up with 2 on and 2 outs down by 1 in the 9th yesterday….and the fans around me EXPECTED him to hit a walk-off.

    They say I have no idea what I’m talking about and there’s nothing to say he won’t EXCEED his home run total from last year. Forget statistics and reason, the batting stance is everything apparently. I took a bet with a friend that he’ll hit under 30 HRs this year and people say I’m an idiot.

    I can’t handle it.

  114. AZ Bobblehead says:
    (link)

    Drop Matusz to pick up Beachy?

  115. SnoochPooch says:
    (link)

    Bit of a stretch, but i like to call things like this a “Daytime Emmy”.

    As in, your work wasn’t really that great, watching it can be painful, but you did better than the competition, so here’s a prize. “Scherzer wasn’t great yesterday, but at least he got you a Daytime Emmy”.

    Also drafted Longoria and Holliday in my league, who have basically been replaced by Freese and Raburn. Yay…….

  116. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    ***Conshellation is in the lead.

  117. Love the K.D. Lang reference Grey. Stellar as always.

  118. sean says:
    (link)

    @Enrique: Yeah, I was able to slot in super utility man Infante, who will pad my average for a few weeks. I have Kinsler and Teixeira hitting 2HR/night so far, so my power isn’t hurting yet.

  119. Whiskey Diet says:
    (link)

    Grey,

    14 Team, H2H

    Borjos or Nyjer?

    Also, add Encarnacion and lose Romo even though I have Youk and McGehee? Trade value later?

  120. Bas says:
    (link)

    @Grey: In the RCL would you start Wood the next time out? It figures to be @ARI. I fear the park not the line-up.

  121. Richie says:
    (link)

    Hey Grey,

    Since Longo went down, I had a choice between David Freese and Alex Gordon. Who ya got?

  122. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    @Long Bawls: Slam dunk with ARod at 3B.

  123. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    @Eddy: Love that deal for you. Big Perez fan and I don’t see those 2 closing all year.

  124. J says:
    (link)

    No love for Broken Win-doh!

  125. Martin says:
    (link)

    @grey- ben fran or fowler?

  126. ujoh says:
    (link)

    Here’s my offense:

    C Buck
    1B Howard
    2B Raburn
    3B Gordon
    SS Hanley
    OF Kemp
    OF Stanton
    OF Victorino
    Util Gardner
    BN Pena
    DL Longoria

    I went all out drafting offense, as you can probably see.

    Question 1 – is it better to play Gardner or Pena at the Util spot given this lineup?

    Question 2 – should I replace Buck with Ianetta, Doumit, Suzuki or Olivo, or just hope for .280 and 20 HRs like he had last year?

    Thanks, as always.

  127. SnoochPooch says:
    (link)

    Also, Walden, Capps, or Rauch next two weeks? Capps or Walden full season?

  128. Wake Up says:
    (link)

    Sorry. Spoiler Alert. I didn’t think you would have missed it. Plus, the dolphin tears thing made me laugh so I tried to take the baton and run.

    How do you like Posada now that he doesn’t have to be the catcher? I’m thinking about getting around to picking up a C in my H2H.

  129. Eddy says:
    (link)

    @Wake Up:

    Thanks! Let’s hope the Indians win a few more this season!

  130. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    Maybe the oblique injury should be called the Dennis Miller, because it’s obscure and usually goes on too long. Of course, obliques are increasingly relevant, and DM is going the other way. Or maybe I shouldn’t be posting before that second cup of coffee…

  131. Kid 'n Play says:
    (link)

    Kemp for Choo and Latos

    Which side do you choose?

    What about Sanchez instead of Latos?

  132. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    @Wake Up: I think you’ll get better production than from most catchers, and at a better price. I don’t think his ceiling is anything close to a career year because he’s 40 and still an injury risk, but you could see 20 HRs and good RBIs. This from a guy who traded him for R. Soriano on a whim and regrets it.

  133. J says:
    (link)

    No love for Broken Win-doh!?

  134. Melvin says:
    (link)

    @ujoh………c’mon dude……let us Jays fans have something!!! The games at the Skydome had great atmosphere on the weekend. Why the need to deflate? Jose on track to hit 108 this year.

    Great Chris Rock line on Letterman the other night…..”cheering for the Yankees is like cheering for Steve Job to win the lotto”….

    Chris Rock is a funny man

  135. Derrick says:
    (link)

    I get – Hanley
    I give – Marmol, Gallardo and Andrus

    My team
    1B – Miggy
    2B – Phillips
    SS – Andrus
    3B – Reynolds/Pedro Alvarez
    OF – Kemp/Justin Upton/Tabata and Swisher
    Util – Fielder

    SP – Brett Anderson/Gallardo/Volquez/Dempster/Zambrano/Liriano/Gio/Kennedy/Edwin Jackson/

    RP – Hanrahan/Broxton/Valverde/Marmol/Contreras/Lidge (DL)

    Do I accept this offer?

  136. Brad Fullmer's Quads says:
    (link)

    glossary term: Windication

    *could get confusing if you’re talking to a Russian though

  137. MattW says:
    (link)

    @J: Yup, no love.

  138. Kid 'n Play says:
    (link)

    Not sure if anyone has covered this yet but the soft tossing Sean Burnett seams like the front runner for closing opportunities for the Nats. Do you think that will hold up? Should Storen be dropped for him? And when will the Nats finally put Clippard in the closing role?

  139. neffy macwhatwhat says:
    (link)

    I think an unimpressive win whould be a called a “Win-nie Cooper.” (yes, I’m already putting it in quotes) based on one of the most unimpressive love interests in sitcom history. the kind of girl that you always wanna drop, but can’t ever seem to do it.

  140. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    @Kid ‘n Play: Oh, we’ve covered it. You put your quarter in the Magic Claw machine, you skillfully grab the prize, it comes out the slot…and it’s a blown save! Your date leaves you for the carnie. But hey, you’ve got a whole roll of quarters all to yourself now, and the machine beckons…

    This from a guy who grabbed Burnett, BTW.

  141. Jason S says:
    (link)

    @Exactly:

    I don’t know what is more pathetic: My attempt to name the baseball situation put forth before us, or the time and effort it took for you to “insult” those of us who tried… Keep flexin those internet muscles, my friend.

  142. ujoh says:
    (link)

    @Melvin: Ha! I know. Jays fans are actually awesome. I’ve just hated Bautista since last year’s surge, and every game I go to he hits another home run. I was there Friday and Sunday. Guess what he did?…

    Point being is that everything I think I know about baseball is being erased by this guy. He’s not “supposed” to be good. I’d honestly feel validated if he got caught with a corked bat.

    I’m Canadian so I do like the Jays a little bit. Just been a Yankee fan for as long as I can remember. Spent a lot of summers in NYC growing up, and I didn’t know anything about payrolls back then (nor do I care now, but that’s a different argument). Plus I only recently moved to Toronto anyway.

  143. @MattW: Dempster, Kennedy (if sat @COL), and AJ (if sat against Boston or Texas).

  144. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Dr. Stats: Thanks! Lang reference was Rudy.

    @Whiskey Diet: Bourjos… And no.

    @Bas: I would.

    @Richie: Gordon

    @J: I thought it was funny, didn’t beat conshellation.

    @ujoh: 1. Whoever’s hot, Pena… 2. Iannetta

    @SnoochPooch: Rauch… Capps…

    @Wake Up: I like him in the rankings and still do.

    @Long Bawls: Ha!

    @Derrick: Eh

    @Brad Fullmer’s Quads: Funny, but isn’t better than others.

    @Kid ‘n Play: Should hold up for a month or two.

    @neffy macwhatwhat: You don’t have love for Winnie Cooper?

  145. Buge Hoobs says:
    (link)

    Pick one to get kicked to the waiver wire: Gordon, Smoak, or Belt? (The other two will start, not ride the pine, until Longo gets back)

  146. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    @ujoh: You ever read any Mordechai Richler? That guy gets a lot wrong, but he gets the Canadian brand of for baseball- (and Yankee-) love down pat.

  147. Mr2Bits says:
    (link)

    For the love of God Arizona, can you please just place Drew on the DL

  148. ThE sHiT says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Drop Ian Kennedy for Jaime Garcia?

  149. SnoochPooch says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Thoughts on Daytime Emmy as a glossary term? I also like Conshellation as its straight forward yet punny.

  150. ujoh says:
    (link)

    @Long Bawls: Sounds interesting. Link?

  151. MattW says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Which side of this do you prefer:

    Kinsler/S. Drew/Dempster
    or
    Andrus/Kendrick/Oswalt

    Thanks as always for the awesome advise and hillarity.

  152. rak says:
    (link)

    Grey-

    Britton or Drabek?

  153. neffy macwhatwhat says:
    (link)

    Alright, you called my bluff. Winnie was kind of amazing… I guess I was just pulling that middle school move of saying I hate a girl when I actually have a crush. She’s obviously no Kelly Kapowski or Samantha Micelli, but damn that girl was wholesome, her attainability made her hotter. Along those same lines, maybe winnie-by-pooh? for ages 6 and under.

  154. O'really says:
    (link)

    term for scherzer winning against yankees:

    I remember Joe Saunders winning for Angels, despite his ERA..so

    what about term like:

    -sosaunders (son of the saunders)/
    -helpaunders (help is equal of sos, so helpaunders, and also help in fact mean HIGH ERA LOW PAIN)
    -for fun we can edit it like helpounders

  155. Exactly says:
    (link)

    @eddy: “You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your []’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” Plus, my cereal didn’t agree with me this morning.

  156. Long Bawls says:
    (link)

    @ujoh: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordecai_Richler. I’d recommend St. Gaubin’s Horseman most highly, but only the first half (it’s very funny, scathing, and plausible). All his novels (that I’ve read anyway) suffer from the problem of being unable to sustain their momentum; they kinda fall apart in the 2nd half. A trait they share with the Royals, the Red Sox, and every fantasy team I’ve managed.

  157. Jim says:
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    “GOD-FRIGGIN-DAMMIT-YOU-FRIGGIN-SUCK-SO-FRIGGIN-oh-wait-a-second-ok”

  158. brad says:
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    drop salty for hanigan? or leave the scab alone?

  159. Jay says:
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    @Grey: Hey Grey, great stuff today. Made me laugh out loud for reals a few times.

    I now have both Storen and Burnett. How do you see that shituation shaking out for the next few weeks?

  160. GrandSlamSingle says:
    (link)

    “if you Hughes, you lose”

    Unless you drafted him for your Razzball team, which I did, partly because of what you had written about him in the preseason, so thanks Grey!

    I vote for “Conshellation Prize” – nice wordplay that incorporates how awful your pitcher was and doesn’t require a detailed backstory.

  161. Gambler says:
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    I’ve got to vote for Conshellation Prize, though Sackville Baggins is good as well.. I wish we had choices like this in presidential elections..

  162. trick dad says:
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    would you buy low on longoria now? or worried about him?

    trade offered to me: Longoria, Uggla & Marmol for my Cano, Halladay & D. Lowe. Take it?

  163. Carlos Z has slurpees says:
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    5 in, 6 ER, I’d call that a Kwality Start.

    Drop any of Javier Vazquez, Volquez, or J.Mcdonald for Storen?

  164. Smell The Golve says:
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    Glossary Term: Lucky Pierre

    Real Definition – Man in the middle of an all-male 3 way

    Razzball Definition – Sometimes one man’s win requires you to also get f#cked in the a$$

  165. ThE sHiT says:
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    @Grey: Ok, what about dropping Byrd for Gordon?

  166. JoeyP says:
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    Ugh, Ian Desmond looks lost. Take an early flier on Yunel Escobar? Gotta love that Jays offense.

  167. ThE sHiT says:
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    @Grey: Thanks. i have a feeling this Gordon’s breakout year.

  168. Whiskey Diet says:
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    Which side do you like better?

    McGehee / Krispie

    for

    Longoria / Neftali

  169. mauledbypandas says:
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    @Smell The Golve: that’s hilarious. Love the Spinal Tap reference also!

  170. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:
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    though it doesn’t work because it’s not pithy, I always refer to the conshellation prize as “jawing victory from the snatch of defeat”

  171. GTS says:
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    I’m hoping tomorrow’s headline won’t be “Life’s a Beachy”…

  172. Brandon says:
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    @trick dad: If you can spare Hallady, and need a closer that is a no brainer, in my honest, humble, and possibly flawed opinion.

  173. Data says:
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    Which side of this trade do you like?

    Tulo/Hamels

    Rollins/Fielder

  174. Heavy Hitters says:
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    Ok, I’ll give it a shot….how bout crappeasement or crappeased

  175. Jay says:
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    @Grey: You say two, maybe more, starts for Minor. But, looking at the Braves’ schedule and assuming Jar-Jar is back on 4/16, I only see this Wednesday’s start for Minor, because they’re off on 4/11.

    I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jar-Jar is out for a lot longer, but if he’s back when they expect him to be, Minor might get sent right back to AAA after his start this week.

  176. mauledbypandas says:
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    anybody watching Beachy @ Milwaukee? Fielder just leaned out over the plate and stuck his armored elbow out to get “hit” by a pitch. Pathetic.

  177. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Data: Fielder…

    @Heavy Hitters: Eh

    @Jay: You might be right, I might be crazy. I went by what I read, didn’t look at their schedule.

    @mauledbypandas: Yeah, was pretty obvious how far he leaned over.

  178. mauledbypandas says:
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    @Grey: yeah, he pushed his elbow out to make sure it caught him. Take that armor off his elbow and see if he does that again. Not sure why they let guys wear those. Beachy pretty shaky so far, seems to have his head on straight though.

  179. Wake Up says:
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    Drop Javy for Beachy?

  180. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    Another home run for Soriano

  181. mauledbypandas says:
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    @Wake Up: since Grey answered this for me yesterday, Yes.

  182. trick dad says:
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    @Brandon: it’s a H2H points league…i have lester, chacin, wood, bumgarner, and anticipate picking up spot starters to make up for losing halladay. I’m not sold though, halladay is projected so many points.

  183. Randy BoBandy says:
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    Longoria, Holliday, Lester…could there have been a worse weekend for my top 3 players???

  184. mauledbypandas says:
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    I can see tomorrow’s headline now. Beachy just Peachy! (hmm got the whole Georgia peach thing working there too.)

  185. Tom Emanski says:
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    So many noms de poo pitching right now. Someone wade through it all and tell me if a snazzy name like Vazquez is worth dropping for Chris Narveson, whose names sounds like it should have “and Co.” after it.

  186. Brandon says:
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    @trick dad: You have a solid 1 in Lester, but not really a solid number 2 or 3 guy. I don’t know if I would fee completely comfortable signing off on that. I’m 50/50, and nervous about both sides.

  187. LMack says:
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    Howie Kendrick is carrying my RCL team right now. That is all.

  188. Wake Up says:
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    Beachy looking good. Narveson looking real good.

  189. Harry's Kid says:
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    Grey: In regards to Mike Minor, would you swap out C.Pavano or J.Guthrie for him? (12-Team, H2H Mixed League, Roster Size of 23)

    I’m thinking yes, but hesitant knowing I’d have to sift through the schmohawk pitching pile on waivers once Jar-Jar returns. Guthrie is probably my drop target, but he’s got the LongoLess TB Rays later this week.

    Thanks for any feedback you can provide.

  190. Eddy says:
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    @Wake Up:

    Ditto.

    Brewers can’t seem to lay off of the high fastball when they have two strikes on them.

  191. Harry's Kid says:
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    RE: Post #201

    Correction: Guthrie has the 1927 Yankees on tap, a/k/a the 2011 Texas Rangers. I think I just answered the voice inside my head’s question…

  192. Big Nate says:
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    “99 Problems but a Beach(y) Ain’t One”!!!

  193. ThE sHiT says:
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    @Grey: Drop Kennedy for Beachy?

  194. trick dad says:
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    @Brandon: agreed, and the more I read about longoria, the more nervous I get! Thanks for the input guys.

  195. Nick says:
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    @Grey: Dump Vazquez for Tommy Hanson, just dropped to waivers..

  196. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @Nick: asap

  197. Wilsonian says:
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    According to Ken Rosenthal, the Angels may be making some *gasp* bullpen changes.

    Anyway, who wouldja rather have: Narveson, Handy Randy Wells (who pitched, er, well today – against the big bats from ‘Zona), or Dice-K? Cats: W, L, SV, K, ERA, WHIP, Ks/9

  198. Joel Rollins says:
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    Glossary Term: BOBO (B)ad (O)uting (B)lessed (O)utcome. Named after Bobo Newsome, who in 1938 managed to have and ERA of over 5 but still managed to win 20 games. Similar to Shandler’s LIMA… If you’ve ever used the system, you know that LIMA pitchers tend to pull spectacular Bobos.

  199. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    prado saved beachy a loss anyway

  200. Martin says:
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    @grey- do you prefer fowler or ben francisco?

  201. Wake Up says:
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    Axford just got some more rope.

  202. GTS says:
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    Start Chacin vs LAD (Kershaw) tomorrow in 10 team H2H?

  203. Wilsonian says:
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    This is a strategery question for Grey and anyone out there in Razzball land…

    In a small (8 Team) H2H league, would you rather carry no bench bats and stock up on arms, or would you make sure to always have at least one spot start bat, or would you keep it an open spot for a roving arm/bat/hot dog vendor because there is usually something out there worthwhile to pick up off waivers?

    I’m asking because I put Longo on the DL and picked up Beachy and now have no bench bats and just wanted to see what people out there did or do. Thanks!

  204. Feeding the Abscess

    Jeff says:
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    I punted saves in the draft, I’ve picked up League for now. Walden is available on the wire, and I have Vazquez on my bench. I have strong starters. Sack Vazquez for Walden?

  205. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    come on marmol

  206. phorts says:
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    Another vote for Conshellation Prize. Perfection.

  207. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    not real encouraging,reed johnson pinch hitting for pena

  208. Wake Up says:
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    KKKimbrel is dealing! (I should have picked him for the NL ROY.)

  209. Wake Up says:
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    @Wake Up: (that meant striking out the side not the white hood thing)

  210. mauledbypandas says:
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    @Wake Up: wow, Marmol would be jealous of that Kimbrel save. Nas-tee

  211. mauledbypandas says:
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    speaking of Marmol… here’s hoping he can turn this around. 3rd day in a row, coming off a blown save yesterday. Leadoff walk… yikes.

  212. Heavy Hitters says:
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    Ok last try…how bout “Blowing ‘n the win”? Better? Haha

  213. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @Grey: havnt seen kimbrel throw this year,but i will say that the days of broxton being unhittable appear to be over,he isnt a slouch but he isnt overpowering guys anymore

  214. Tom Emanski says:
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    Does Braddock have any shot at closing? I think he should incept a GTFO message in Saito’s mind.

  215. paulzone says:
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    who would you take for a flier as your 6th starter:

    nova, chris young, arroyo, niese, drabek, carmona

    please rank your top two or three in order of preference. thanks.

  216. Feeding the Abscess

    Travis says:
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    My favorites:

    Conshellation prize
    Hot Plate Fonzie
    Lima Time!

  217. paulzone says:
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    oh and talk about bad luck – i have longoria, holliday and stanton…now my team is reduced to tabata, chipper and boesch…

    ouuuuuuch!

  218. Eddy says:
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    Anyone know where I can find video of Kimbrel’s two saves? I always miss his outings and he’s nowhere to be found in the Braves official website.

    I need to see how K-licious it is!

  219. @paulzone: i’m gonna go drabek, nova, niese out of that gang. drabek has that delicious upside, nova looked good in the spring and has the yankee offense backing him, niese has a good home park & pretty good K rate.

    there might actually not be any real difference between niese and tall white chris young, except tall white chris young’s so rickety.

    i like arroyo and carmona more than some people do but they don’t strike anybody out. exactly how much of a drag that is depends on the scoring system. i’m actually using a sinkerballer strategy in one league this year, but it’s a league where basically every active player is owned & used, there’s a salary cap system that limits your moves, and two-start weeks / weekly lineups make it an advantage to own as many SP as possible. so, circumstances kind of forced me to do it.

  220. Wilsonian says:
    (link)

    @Grey: regarding the spot start bat, who would you pick up:

    Tabata, Kendrick, Gordon, JP, Soriano, Abreu?

    And I’m assuming drop Beachy put of this bunch:

    Lincecum, Verlander, Hamels, D. Hudson, Bills, Kennedy, Kuroda, Gio, Beachy, Soria, Lyon, K-Rod, Contreras?

  221. herschel says:
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    @Grey: Kimbrel worth starting over K-rod in weekly roto leagues?

  222. paulzone says:
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    @wily mo: I was leaning Nova then niese…drabek scares me in the al east. chris young has me thinking but he will be hurt in no time…

    actually, we have the follwoing cats for pitching:
    w, l, s, hld, k, era, whip, gidp

    carmona was on my radar for gidp but i dont want to risk the beating..

    my other sps are: sabathia, oswalt, hamels, d. hudson, lilly just fyi

    thanks for the input

  223. Trevor

    Tggq21 says:
    (link)

    Grey,
    Is itsafe to say that Kimbrel will be getting 100% of the closing duties? 2Ks and then 3 Ks… this kid looks sick! Also, should i get a back up catcher like r.martin or Arenciba to back up napoli on the days is is riding the pine? 12 team H2H Standard Yahoo

  224. mauledbypandas says:
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    @Eddy: Couldn’t find anything on mlb.com, but one of the pitches he made was knee high about 98… and i swear it moved up, then down on the way to the plate.

  225. paulzone says:
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    Ogando expectations? Own him over drabek, nova or niese? I forgot to include him in my first post (#232)

  226. Wake Up says:
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    @Eddy: Not sure. But I saw it live and it was just about as good as you could imagine.

  227. Wake Up says:
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    @paulzone: Niese, Nova…

  228. Clyde Prompto says:
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    Howdy, Razzies. I’m way late to the glossary term party, but I humbly submit “Win-dow Dressing.”

  229. Dingo says:
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    Where are you getting your news on Holliday? Yahoo’s player updates are still talking about 1-2 weeks.

  230. @Grey: Do you like Minor for the short term rather than waiting out Cueto or Peavy (got ‘em both and Greinke in my DL slot)? QS and K/9 count, if that matters.

  231. Wieters Never Prosper says:
    (link)

    Really? only Grey commented on “fat girl threesome”? Obviously none of you have had a threesome with two fat girls before. It’s a monumental blend of awesomeness and an all encompassing feeling of despair.

    can i at least get a confirmation prize?

    and yes, conshellation prize is good.

    well played sir.

  232. Tony says:
    (link)

    salty manning my catching slot in a 10×10 H2H league, i know ron popeil, but is one of these guys worth ditching salty nuts and snagging? I dont know if salty’s ever going to catch on and I need someone with better avg at that slot right now….

    Pierzynski, hundley, hanigan, thole, suzuki…. yes very BLEH!

  233. The |3lue Crew says:
    (link)

    Grey,

    I am in a 10 team league and have Raburn. Today is his second day sitting in 4 games. Is this in indication of what to expect? Boesch has been starting over him… Is it worth it to drop him and pick up some reliable everyday starters? Raburn is my bench player so I do not typically start him. Thanks

  234. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    holliday told team not to dl him he thinks he can play this weekend,espn

  235. chata says:
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    @Tony:

    salty is razz league worthy .
    not one site on the inter-web will tell you that he’s better than suzuki

  236. Burnin' Biff says:
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    I’m a bit late to the party here, but I think the appropriate name for Scherzer’s painful outing is a “Wince”.

  237. Tony says:
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    im pretty pissed, yahoo had Ogando as a frikking starter tonight vs. SEA on sunday, now he’s not starting til tomorrow? I could spot started Nova… damn you yahoo!

  238. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    here goes bedard,hold your breath

  239. mrobs says:
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    vazquez worth dropping for minor or neise? in a limited transaction league?

  240. Grey-loved the tiers again this year-thanks bro! Do you recommend any improvements? Concern is all-around pitching (sit tight?) and three Diamondbacks position players (2OF ,SS) should I reallocate or does that not concern you? 10 TEAMER….great f’in call on Beachy!

    C G Soto
    1 M Teixeira
    2 I Kinsler
    3 P Alvarez
    SS S Drew
    OF C Young
    OF J Upton
    Of R Braun
    3/DH K Youkilis
    DH K Morales (R)
    B Beachy
    C Kimbrel
    D Storen
    E Bedard
    F Liriano
    H Kuroda
    J Chacin
    J Rauch
    T Hanson
    J De La Rosa (R)
    M Scherzer (R)
    S Marcum (R)
    J Cueto (I)

  241. Eddy says:
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    I had a feeling that when they showed the line that said Andrus has gone 706 ABs without a HR, he’d hit one that AB.

    Baseball is funny like that!

  242. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Burnin’ Biff: Yeah, bit late. That’s not bad but doesn’t beat the top seed.

    @AL KOHOLIC: He hurt yet?

    @mrobs: Nah

    @kR Express: Sit tight on pitching for now, I wouldn’t be worried about the Diamondback hitters. I would be concerned about your average.

  243. AL KOHOLIC says:
    (link)

    antone thats watching the holland/bedard matchup,how they look ,whats thier radar readings if you catch it,thanks

  244. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    @AL KOHOLIC: According to mLB.com Gameday Holland hit 93 and 94 mph facing Langerhans in the 4th

  245. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @VinWins: thanks

  246. Viagra Falls says:
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    As I pretty much expected, my trade proposal to acquire A-Gon in exchange for Morneau and Jaime Garcia was rejected. He has him, Votto, Jeter and Phillips on the trading block, he’s stacked and I have no idea what he is looking for. So, since he is not offering any counter-proposals, any ideas on who to either throw in or replace Garcia in the trade with?

    I have: Mauer/Morneau/Uggla/Beltre/Furcal/Heyward/Swisher/Huff/Torres/McGehee/Gardner/Freeman

    Carpenter/Hamels/Oswalt/B.Wilson/A.Bailey/Capps(DL Replacement)/Sean Burnett (DL Replacement)/Jaime Garcia/CJ Wilson/Tim Hudson

  247. Black Beard says:
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    Cruz again. 4 solo shots on the year. Keep batting him sixth, Ron.

  248. Steve says:
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    Anyone else going against Weeks and Cruz in H2H this week?

    Sheesh.

  249. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Well, I am and it sucks.

    You’re OK with Old McDonald @ St Lou tomorrow, right? It’s H2H.

  250. Steve says:
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    @Grey: How about a Suck Job Win?

    Because even the bad ones are good.

  251. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @Steve: ha,look who,s right behind you overnight in our keeper

  252. Steve says:
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    @AL KOHOLIC: It’s the closest you’ll ever get.

  253. AnotherFalstaff says:
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    @Steve – My opponent has Cruz, Weeks & Teix. I’m rollin’ with Pujols, Holliday & Reyes. Still in it though.

  254. AnotherFalstaff says:
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    @Grey – I’ve got to go with Livan’s War Wounds. Nobody gets more crappy wins.

  255. zshow888 says:
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    How about “Scherzernanigans”
    or “Sheenanigans” My pitcher “Winning” today, but his stats didn’t win.

    Tiger Blood.

  256. Wilsonian says:
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    Beachy and Contreras for Kimbrel…who wins?

  257. AL KOHOLIC says:
    (link)

    needs,but id rather have kimbrel unless im really hurting for sp,

  258. Wilsonian says:
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    @AL KOHOLIC: is that in response to my post?

  259. Ned Shakeshaft says:
    (link)

    Hey Grey, Rudy and cohorts —

    Thanks for liking my submission. I am humbled to be a tiny part of the most hilarious glossary in the known universe.

    I’ve been playing fantasy baseball since 1993. I only discovered this site last fall, but it’s helped my game immensely in that short time. You’ve definitely taught an old dog some new tricks. I actually adopted your rankings and tiers system to prepare for my auction league and just completed what I believe is my strongest auction ever. Thanks for that.

    In fact, the advice on this site is so good that I actually hope none of my leaguemates ever find it. I know it’s wrong of me not to share, so I’ll send a couple of daiquiris your way to ease my conscience.

    Keep up the great work — Ned.

  260. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    @Wilsonian: yeah

  261. Wilsonian says:
    (link)

    @AL KOHOLIC: that’s what I thought, just checking. I was debating on making that offer to try to get Kimbrel.

  262. Joey_Belle says:
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    Re: Glossary term, I can’t no one made the obvious reference: Pulling a Chass.

  263. Mr. Fluffilumpkins says:
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    My pitcher was just “Wins-g it” out there. Had no idea what he was throwing, but it sure worked…

  264. Black Beard says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Ha, both Beltre and M. Young are getting on base at a .188 clip this year (small sample size, but Cruz is hitting directly behind the both of them).

    What are the odds they were trying to sandwich Young between the two to protect him, raise his value, and flip him?

  265. steve b says:
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    I like conshellation too

  266. herschel says:
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    @Grey: re: glossary term, dont think enough people (if anyone) will get the reference, but for any Risky Business fans, after Cruise thinks he blows his Princeton admissions interview, however is content in the fact her just threw a great whore party and realizes that he is at least banging Rebecca De Mornay, turns to Bronson Pinchot (I think), flashes the Cruise smile and says, “Looks like University of Illinois”. In context, Scherzer got lit up for 7 runs in 5 innings, but at least hes going to University of Illinois. again, dont think it has the legs, but just wanted to give props to an extremely underrated Cruise flick…

  267. Fanning says:
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    lol how exactly did jon jay get the nickname the federalist?

  268. yo la tengo says:
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    @Fanning – historical reference: John Jay was the first Supreme Court chief justice, among other things like New York governor, ambassador to France and Spain, etc etc

  269. Bosmosis says:
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    Re: Glossary term: how about a “reacharound win” – That little something he gifts you as he screws your ratios in the keister.

  270. Schlurricane

    Schlurricane says:
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    Glossary term… “polished turd” you can’t polish a turd, but if you could it would done by winning!

  271. Schlurricane

    Schlurricane says:
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    Or perhaps “turd polished”

    Scherzer crapped all over his ratios but turd polished it with a win.

Comments are closed.