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David Ortiz must not have fed the meter yesterday because he was fitted with a boot.  Southie police officer, “You ahr naht above the lah!  Now sign my badge for my boy, Tommy.”  Turns out Big Papi has right heel bursitis, which is a fancy word that eHow has seven useless articles about that is essentially inflammation.   Now if he has a doctor that stutters, no one will know if he’s saying “heel heel” or “heal heel.”  Or maybe he’s not a stutterer at all, but everyone who finds out his occupation just thinks he stutters because he says he’s a heel healer.  These are the things I worry about.  Your fantasy team should only have bunny ears without Papi for about a week.  He’s a quick healer (heel healer, heel? Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Adrian Gonzalez – Francona said he thinks his sore neck is to account for A-Gon’s lack of power.  I’m not so sure, McGwire and Canseco had no necks and they hit plenty of homers.

David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Last year, his xFIP was high and his walk rate was a bit high.  This year, it’s the polar opposite.  Right now, he’s pitching much better than even his 3.59 ERA is showing with a great K and walk rate.  In 2012, we’re gonna have to go all in again with Price.

Evan Longoria – 1-for-3 with his 19th homer.  In 343 ABs, he has 67 RBIs and only 79 hits.  I’m sure Jayson Stark could write a whole article about that, but that’s all I have to say on that subject.

Brian Wilson – Out for a few days with an inflamed elbow.  Pablo Sandoval, “Can I make smores on his elbow?”  I have no confirmation of this, but it sounds like Wilson’s headed for a DL stint.  If you can, I’d grab Ram-Ram and Affeldt, in that order assuming you don’t convert these posts to Hebrew.

Miguel Olivo – Sat out yesterday, and left Tuesday’s game after being hit in the jaw with a foul tip.  That was like watching a sequel to Carlos Zambrano vs. Michael Barrett, except the ball wasn’t as tightly wound as Zambrano.

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks.  His WHIP is now 1.24, he has 154 Ks in 132 2/3 IP and 154 Ks to 50 walks.  How is his ERA 4.41?  Actually, don’t answer that, just give it as a reason to your leaguemates next year why they shouldn’t draft him, then you do.

Michael Cuddyer – Will probably end up on the DL Thursday morning, which is right now.  Hey!

Rene Tosoni – 2-for-3 with his 3rd homer.  Pretty marginal player but he makes a wonderful salmon en papillote.

Ervin Santana – 7 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 14 baserunners, 4 Ks and 129 pitches as the Sciosciapath was too distracted by Mike Napoli in the opposing dugout to lift Ervin.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He finally gets his ERA under 4.  I’m sure in March you were expecting me to say that in the middle of August.

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-3 with his 17th homer and 64 RBI.  He’s also batting .311.  I would’ve gave my Ken Phelps rookie card for Stephen Drew to put up those numbers this year.  (BTW, you wanna laugh?  Read Ken Phelps’ Wikipedia summary.  Tell me he didn’t write that himself.  It’s like saying, “His coke bottle glasses hides his warm inviting eyes.”)

Kyle Lohse – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  ERA is now at 3.33.  He’s been completely serviceable this year, but there’s some pitchers I just won’t own, no matter the matchup.  Lohse is one of tohse.

Allen Craig – 4-for-5 with two homers.  I need to see him guaranteed everyday ABs before I’d add him.

Yadier Molina – 3-for-5 and a steal.  Yesterday, I was looking at grabbing a hitter off waivers following my rules and I kept coming back to Yadier, so I picked up Ramon Ramirez.

Jose Tabata – Hit his 4th homer in his 2nd game back.  I wouldn’t grab him for the power, but if you’re hurting for speed you can swing for Tuh-bata-bata-bata.

Derek Jeter – 4-for-5 as the Yankees wore their 2009 throwback uniforms.

Stephen Strasburg – Davey Johnson said that Strasburg could return on September 2nd.  Sounds like the Nats will be planking on a lot less unsold tickets.

Kyle Blanks – Sat out yesterday with back soreness, which left fans in the left field bleachers confused why their tickets said obstructed view.

Brandon Allen – 1-for-2 and he got the Paul O’Neill home run — a triple and a error.

Kurt Suzuki – 2 homers.  He must be drinking the same Hawaiian Punch as Shane Victorino.

Nick Markakis – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th home run.  He must’ve sprayed his bat with Windex.

Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K vs. the Aints.  I would’ve started Jar-Jar in this start too, so I get it, but it’s always a risky proposition when a pitcher is returning from the DL, especially one whose peripherals are saying he’s not pitching as well as his ERA is saying.

Johnny Cueto – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  ERA is now at 1.89.  For the love of Murray Chass, please don’t let the correction come until next year.

Nate Eovaldi – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He didn’t quite *pinkie to mouth* domiNate.  Just about any NL West starter is worth a looksie, but Eovaldi is likely to get shutdown or moved to the bullpen after his next start or two.

Dillon Gee – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Has a decent WHIP (1.23), but I’d chalk up this solid start to vs. the Padres in Petco more than Gee.

Jose Reyes – Scheduled to run Friday.  I don’t think he has the requisite credentials but he can’t be worse than Michelle Bachman and Rick Perry.

  1. Hi Grey — With Wilson likely to be headed to the DL, Romo already there, and Affeldt left handedness, do you think that Casilla or Ramon Ramirez is worth a flier?

    Also, if you were going to hold Izzy or Parnell for the rest of the season, who’d you take? Are both better than Casilla or Ramirez in SF?

  2. toolagio says:
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    Jose Reyes… you have my vote!

  3. Espinosa and Gaby Sanchez– yecch. Hold or drop ROS? Altuve or Giavotella instead of Espinosa? How about Thome instead of Sanchez?

    Great My Big Fat Greek Wedding reference on Markakis. But the real challenge– have you ever done a moussaka/Markakis pun? Here’s another one: “Maria, it’s a Mar-cake-is.” Free content for you.

  4. Hi again Grey — Looking to pick up a hot bat. Who you do you think is worth more of a flier between Brandon Allen, Schierholtz, Endy Chavez, and Tony Gwinn, Jr. I need power and speed more or less equally.

  5. papafrog says:
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    Good morning, Grey. Good stuff, as usual. Who do you like today as a streamer: Minor v. SF (Lincecum) or Arroyo at Wash (Zimmerman)?
    Could Arroyo finally be turning it around as he usually does second half? I noticed his WHIP and BAA have been pretty solid since the All Star Break despite his bloated ERA. Thanks in advance!

  6. lopes says:
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    Freese or guzman. and still beltre any time soon?

  7. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Grey:12 team 5×5 h2h….Freese,Kipnis or Boesch for UTL spot?

    also,10 team 8×8 h2h,Boech or Carp?

    thanks.

  8. papafrog says:
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    Grey, I take that back on Arroyo regarding his WHIP since the All Star Break, I meant to say since August 1 (3 starts).

  9. Salty Balty says:
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    14 team roto. Start Mike Minor v. Giants and Stauffer v. Marlins?

  10. Kilgore Trout says:
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    Grey, great Seinfeld reference on the Paul O’Neill homerun.

  11. side says:
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    put I Kennedy on the bench tonight v PhillY?

  12. Mr2Bits says:
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    Do you hold on to McCarthy or start to look elsewhere? Looking kind of thin with Moscoso, Humber and Garcia being the only real serviceable options unless I can grab a sneaky call up.

  13. Mr2Bits says:
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    I can also bring up Lyles or Minor from my farm but I’m not sure if I trust them yet.

    Help is appreciated

  14. ichirosan says:
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    Then you probably need to reevaluate your rules for streaming hitters and add a new one: “If you’re contemplating adding a schmohawk catcher or a sparky anklebiter, then you’re at the kiddie pool of hitters and more than likely you should consider adding a pitcher instead”

  15. tzh5 says:
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    Grey,

    Kotchman or Hosmer for the remainder of the year?

    Thanks

  16. Eng says:
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    @Enrique: Genuinely curious, did you read his post?

  17. jon says:
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    Going into the playoffs (7×5) how many closers should one carry? I have Hanrahan and Walden and was debating adding one of Nathan, Melancon, Parnell or Francisco from the wire. My playoff bench would look like this: Morneau, Choo, Bonifacio, Kipnis (covering for Weeks). Should I make a move or hold? Thanks.

  18. Roman says:
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    Grey, I’m really surprised not to see a blurb about the Nolasco shellacking. I actually only came here to read the jokes about it and everything else would just be a bonus. :(

  19. Mike says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Who would you start out of these 4 batters got 2 DH spots

    J.Guzman
    M.Brantley
    A.Soriano
    N.Walker

    Also i got 4 relievers and two spots so who would you start

    J.Axford
    J.Putz
    J.Hanrahan
    J.Valverde

  20. ernie says:
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    Grey. Should I start Worley vs ARI? Thx

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Roman: He gave up eleven runs — yo! He’s craps. How’s that?

    @Mike: Guzman, Walker…Axford, Putz

    @ernie: Sure

  22. @Grey: Thanks for the closer answer … if I’ve got Parnel and Izzy both, am I better off dropping Izzy for Casilla or Ramirez in SF? Or is Izzy still a better investment than a flier on either of those guys?

  23. @Grey: Thanks for the closer answer … if I’ve got Parnel and Izzy both, am I better off dropping Izzy for Casilla or Ramirez in SF? Or is Izzy still a better investment than a flier on either of those guys?

  24. Mookie wilson says:
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    Would you start any of these guys tomorrow?:
    Kuroda@Col
    Hudson@Atl
    Oswald@Was

  25. CG says:
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    How is Morrow’s ERA 4.41? Have you ever watch Brandon Morrow pitch?

    He allows all of his hits and walks to happen in the same inning. He’s perfect in all the other innings.

  26. Boyband says:
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    Name the movie reference:

    “Cueto….start the reactor!”

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @CG: Non-believer!

    @Boyband: Three breasts?

  28. lou says:
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    Hey grey would you trade Votto for Greinke and a closer?

  29. Giant JJ says:
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    Is my Minor for his Rauch fair? My only closer is Francisco. Rauch would be insurance. 20 teams.

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @lou: Nope

    @Giant JJ: It’s fair.

    *****THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS.*********

  31. Herb Urban says:
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    I need to pick up a RF in a deep league that requires us to use a RF, CF and LF. My current RF is J.D. Martinez. Casper Wells, J.J. Reddick and Allen Craig are all available. Would you feel comfortably rolling w/ JD in H2H playoffs, or would you pick up one of the three guys I mentioned as insurance? If so, which one?

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